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Diary of a loser part1

Blogs > Clamev
Post a Reply
Clamev
Profile Blog Joined January 2010
Germany498 Posts
May 27 2010 00:27 GMT
#1
I don´t realy know why i´m writing this but i guess i just can´t sleep and need something to do.If you are easily bored you may consider skipping this one.
Maybe some of you have read my last post
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=124624
So you know that i have written my final exams the last four weeks.I think i have done okay and will pass.
so to put you in the mood i am right now you may listen to this:

I know it´s a bit weird but the combination of the lyrics and the almost screaming voice together with the melody of my childhood(Mega man2 Theme) just made me cry little sisie tears and reflect on my life thous faar.
It always been hard for me to describe myself because i am not realy shy but at the sametime not really that social guy. It does not matter with what kind of people i am i just never seem to fit in.Not with the people who go out a lot (although i have done it several times and sometimes it´s fun but mos of the time i just hate the stupid drunk people and besides i never really liked alcohol that much as a drug) the people i could mostly relate with were nerds because i can share their passion for videogames.So i ended up beeing labeled the weird guy.
But right know i just don´t know what to do.I should decide what i am going to study on university but nothing seems to be something i am interestet in.Also i am scared as fuck because i have the feeling that i am now an adult (wich is funny to say as a 19year old).To come back to the video i think i never will be able to be innocent and i will never wake up again ,and not worring about a dam thing.
I am also scared because i´m worried i might lose "her" but that´s a different story.
Does anyone else had these feelings?
I mean looking at how long TL existed i think most people are about the age i am about to "enter".
Any thougts?


*
6Pool or die trying
ramen247
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
United States1256 Posts
May 27 2010 00:36 GMT
#2
i kind of understand and of course those feelings of your previous innocence lost forever will come very shocking to you. But you must learn to accept them. Accept the changes and leave the past for memories.
i hate this ugly firebat. i want a marine.
Orome
Profile Blog Joined June 2004
Switzerland11984 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-05-27 00:44:30
May 27 2010 00:44 GMT
#3
Take a year off, go travelling. Get rid of all the labels other people have given you but especially all the labels you've given yourself (ie 'the guy who doesn't fit in' ) because life just doesn't have to be like that. Very few people are truly adults at 19, don't expect too much of yourself. You're in one of the coolest times of your life, live it to the fullest!
On a purely personal note, I'd like to show Yellow the beauty of infinitely repeating Starcraft 2 bunkers. -Boxer
Orome
Profile Blog Joined June 2004
Switzerland11984 Posts
May 27 2010 00:46 GMT
#4
And don't worry too much about not knowing what to study, loads of people don't know what they want to do when they start, and you see lots of people from uni who started with something, studied it for 2 years, then decided it wasn't for them and switched. Take same time off to try to figure out what kind of direction you want to go and then just try it. If you don't like it, you can always switch.
On a purely personal note, I'd like to show Yellow the beauty of infinitely repeating Starcraft 2 bunkers. -Boxer
Clamev
Profile Blog Joined January 2010
Germany498 Posts
May 27 2010 00:48 GMT
#5
Take a year off, go travelling

I already thought of this but i can´t i have to start studying this year,because a few years ago our goverment should only go to school for 8 years.So if i take a year of i am competing with the people of 2 age groups for places on the universities
You're in one of the coolest times of your life, live it to the fullest!

I have the feeling that i already lived that part so thank you =)
i kind of understand and of course those feelings of your previous innocence lost forever will come very shocking to you. But you must learn to accept them. Accept the changes and leave the past for memories.

Thank you but i thin it will take away to "accept" this fact and i am afraid that i can´t
6Pool or die trying
Orome
Profile Blog Joined June 2004
Switzerland11984 Posts
May 27 2010 00:58 GMT
#6
Alright, then start studying and do an Erasmus year next year. :p

My point is to stop thinking about the new responsibility and difficulties that come with choosing major but realize how many amazing opportunities you have now. High school time is so boring compared to uni because you're so much more limited in so many ways.

And I really think you need to get rid of the idea that you have these limitations, things you can't do, things you can't let go of, and so on. I get that it's hard but these things are only going to hold you back.
On a purely personal note, I'd like to show Yellow the beauty of infinitely repeating Starcraft 2 bunkers. -Boxer
DCLXVI
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
United States729 Posts
May 27 2010 01:01 GMT
#7
Okkusenman!
I feel similar to you, it's just that whenever I start to think about that I either waste time online/gaming or hang out with friends; my drugs of choice since I cannot stand alcohol. Not the best way to go about things, I can tell you from experience. It works for a while, but I get this nagging feeling that it is screwing me up.
I can already see the ending
beg
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
991 Posts
May 27 2010 01:03 GMT
#8
On May 27 2010 09:44 Orome wrote:
Take a year off, go travelling. Get rid of all the labels other people have given you but especially all the labels you've given yourself (ie 'the guy who doesn't fit in' ) because life just doesn't have to be like that. Very few people are truly adults at 19, don't expect too much of yourself. You're in one of the coolest times of your life, live it to the fullest!

i think life should get cooler and cooler as you age... don't put any labels on your self, bro , like 19 is the best time. this is some deep stuff though.. definitely worth being aware of.
Orome
Profile Blog Joined June 2004
Switzerland11984 Posts
May 27 2010 01:10 GMT
#9
On May 27 2010 10:03 beg wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 27 2010 09:44 Orome wrote:
Take a year off, go travelling. Get rid of all the labels other people have given you but especially all the labels you've given yourself (ie 'the guy who doesn't fit in' ) because life just doesn't have to be like that. Very few people are truly adults at 19, don't expect too much of yourself. You're in one of the coolest times of your life, live it to the fullest!

i think life should get cooler and cooler as you age... don't put any labels on your self, bro , like 19 is the best time. this is some deep stuff though.. definitely worth being aware of.


heh, yeah it's a bit of a cliché but it holds true for a lot of people and I don't really mind clichés when they're positive. :p
On a purely personal note, I'd like to show Yellow the beauty of infinitely repeating Starcraft 2 bunkers. -Boxer
Servius_Fulvius
Profile Joined August 2009
United States947 Posts
May 27 2010 01:12 GMT
#10
Ahh the wondrous age of 19. My friend, you have just described the atypical symptoms that define "the Sophomore Slump". Labeling it the 'sophomore' slump is relative, but a lot of people undergo a bit of social, intellectual change about this time, and really, find out that they don't have a whole lot figured out. And you know what? It's perfectly fine!

It sounds like you're putting words to who you really are. You don't like getting drunk at parties? Great! Stand by it! You really like videogames and hanging out with gamers? Well, guess who you should start spending more time with? Considering a gaming club could boost your chances of that happening, or just exposing yourself to others (which I'm sure the social side of you can do). People label you as weird, but is that how you really see yourself? Take the image you see of yourself and project it. Who cares what others think; it's about having pride in yourself, and that's a very respectable quality.

Academic majors are tough to finally decide. You want to choose something you love, but you also want something that can earn you a good living. First and foremost, you have to go with something you enjoy. Think about classes you like or a job you think you would enjoy and pursue it. If you're still in question, then expose yourself to as many different fields as possible. Contrary to what a lot of people will tell you, very few people figure out at age 19 what they really want to be. Changing majors is common for a reason. Two things you want to avoid: avoid going for a major just because the job it could help land you is high-paying (you'll most likely be miserable) and use caution when using your escapes as a career path (ie, just because you enjoy videogames doesn't mean you'll enjoy making them - in fact, it might take all the fun out of it!). Remember also to work on yourself as an individual since employers not only hire people with degrees, but they hire your personality as well.

Women issues are a whole different topic. Whatever happens, make sure you learn something from the experience.

I hope all of that didn't just sound like a load of crap. As you noted, I'm speaking from personal experience. I went through this transition period when I was about 20, also corresponding with my seciond year of college. I wasn't entirely comfortable with my personality until I was 21, and I didn't let it shine until I was 22. I'm a strange person, and most first impressions are either good, or just plain awkward. However, I stopped caring whether or not I was liked for it, and all of a sudden, as my peers grew older and went through the same changes, they respected me more.

One year into my academic major I found that I didn't enjoy what a degree in that field could offer. I stuck with it since I found a facet of study that highly interested me and also utilizes my desire to affect people and leave the Earth a better place (Environmental Chemical Engineering). My passion for the area exploded my senior year (when I was 22). I even took a full fifth year to get a minor in environmental studies. Through it all, I found that my interests weren't at all eclectic when compared to my classmates, they were just of a different sort. They align perfectly with those who pursue PhD's for research positions (my classmates thought I was strange that I wanted to be a lab rat, not a plant manager, which is what most with a B.S. do). Now, at the age of 23, I'm headed to grad school!

Do I have any clue what's going to happen next? No freakin clue, but I'm enjoying this ride of life and look forward to see the coming opportunities. I guess a lot of 'growing up' is realizing that you're always growing up. Never stop learning, and never stop experiencing. You'll find the answers you're looking for eventually, but that takes time. Don't weep for the days gone by, but look forward to what you're building up, day by day.

Clamev
Profile Blog Joined January 2010
Germany498 Posts
May 27 2010 01:25 GMT
#11
Women issues are a whole different topic. Whatever happens, make sure you learn something from the experience.

Well yeah that is a different topic and especially in my case it needs further explanation (will probably post in another blog about it)
But no it didn´t sound like a load of crap.It sounded really honest Thank you
and Thank you @beg and Orome really appreciat it =D
6Pool or die trying
fabiano
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
Brazil4644 Posts
May 27 2010 01:56 GMT
#12
Clamev, you are german and afaik its damn freaking important that you graduate in university in Germany.

If I'm not mistaken, about the 4th semester you must choose between a traineeship in a german company or an exchange. The latter is something we really appreciate back here but we cant afford for it, but you might be able to. Thats a rich experience that you will carry for your lifetime, you might know lots of different people that you might fit in :D
"When the geyser died, a probe came out" - SirJolt
disciple
Profile Blog Joined January 2008
9070 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-05-27 02:09:16
May 27 2010 02:08 GMT
#13
On May 27 2010 10:56 fabiano wrote:
Clamev, you are german and afaik its damn freaking important that you graduate in university in Germany.


No, its not. The german system offers plenty of possibilities to find a decent work, no matter your level of education.

And Clamev, it comes from a foreigner in Germany, but what I really like about this place is the multi cultural environment, if you dont feel satisfied with your social activities, just go out and meet people from different countries, there must be plenty of us in your school I keep telling myself that I'm weird and strange to some ppl in the way that another certain group of individuals is different and strange to me ... you should just spend more time out there
Administrator"I'm a big deal." - ixmike88
Z3kk
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
4099 Posts
May 27 2010 03:48 GMT
#14
Not to be mean, condescending, cold, heartless, etc., but where you are right now is exactly where I don't want to end up in a few years. =(
Failure is not falling down over and over again. Failure is refusing to get back up.
jjun212
Profile Joined December 2004
Canada2208 Posts
May 27 2010 03:52 GMT
#15
Dude, I'm turning 22 this year and have no clue what I'm gonna do with my life. I'm in university but I'm studying Drama.. lol..

I've met guys who are older and they're just .. living. I think a lot of people feel the same way you do, no matter the age. It just hits you at different times. To a certain extent, that's what a persons' mid life crisis could relate to.

You're not weird. It's a common feeling I believe..



Just do what you gotta do. Too vague but it's true.
krndandaman
Profile Joined August 2009
Mozambique16569 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-05-27 04:12:51
May 27 2010 04:11 GMT
#16
--- Nuked ---
Bosu
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
United States3247 Posts
May 27 2010 04:13 GMT
#17
If you are not sure what to major in I would say go into some kind of medical major. Always can find a job and pay is good. Just don't waste time doing a major that you can't do anything with if you don't care about it anyways. I didn't know what I wanted to do and went into nursing knowing that if I wanted to go back to school for something else I would have a good job in the mean time. I have since found that I enjoy it though It is a fuck ton of hard work though.
#1 Kwanro Fan
condoriano
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States826 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-05-27 04:27:57
May 27 2010 04:27 GMT
#18
On May 27 2010 13:13 Bosu wrote:
If you are not sure what to major in I would say go into some kind of medical major. Always can find a job and pay is good. Just don't waste time doing a major that you can't do anything with if you don't care about it anyways. I didn't know what I wanted to do and went into nursing knowing that if I wanted to go back to school for something else I would have a good job in the mean time. I have since found that I enjoy it though It is a fuck ton of hard work though.


Are male nurses common? Something always stopped me from even thinking of applying. It's relatively easy to get into, can you post some insight? What's hard about it and what do you like about it? (I'm probably jacking the thread).
Ridentem dicere verum quid vetat?
fredd
Profile Blog Joined May 2008
Estonia256 Posts
May 27 2010 04:31 GMT
#19
http://fredd.pri.ee/okkusenman.wmv
sup
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