EPTI guess I'll start with the conversation I'm in right now, basically, with a little more of a lead-in for personal record (because I don't care if you, the reader, are clear on what I'm saying, I'd like to be able to look back at this one day possibly). Almost a year ago my ex gf broke it off with me. We dated for about seven months I think, which isn't an incredibly long time but it was my first real relationship. She was the first girl I had ever done anything with (first girl I kissed, back in high school), eventually becoming the first girl I'd date, and have sex with, and all that other stuff. She had just had a daughter too, which made the break up harder (not mine, I started dating her very shortly after the birth of her daughter). As much as I hated kids before dating her, I couldn't help but fall in love with her daughter as well as her (kids do messed up things to you mind, seriously. If you haven't had a kid, or taken care of a kid like that before, you won't understand, but parents get it). At any rate, we broke up, and that sent me into a year-long depression, just about.
I sat around that whole year feeling sorry for myself, missing her, wishing we could be together still, and occassionally texting her and begging her to take me back (that lasted for like three months, until her sister called me a stalker, despite never having done a stalker-ish thing... seriously, the furthest I went was texting her, and she responded. How is that stalking?), which was completely destructive behavior. I don't wish that I could go back and stop myself from doing that, though, because I think that the last year of my life, despite being miserable, is the most important year of my life to date. I went from having everything I had ever dreamed of: a girl that really loved me (so I thought I have since decided that none of it was actually real, because if it had been she would have at least TRIED to work things out with me) and a kid that I loved too, which, again, despite hating kids I always imagined myself having a son and a daughter and them growing up. I think that's pretty normal of most people to project their futures.
This was everything that I wanted because of how I was in high school. I was lonely, very lonely... ridiculously lonely. I had like five friends, and had never even touched a girl in more than an accidental way before this girl. (To note: there was six years or so between when I first met her, and when I dated her.) So all I ever dreamt about was being with a girl.. I never did anything about it, of course, I just sat around like a jackass and whined about how awful my life was. But still, like your typical depressed teenager, there I was. Godsmack's "Sick of Life" lyrics described my feelings perfectly (which is why it was my tag for so long every where). I always looked at myself and asked the question that's asked in the line "I wanna love... why am I untouchable?" Not realizing it was all within my control to change that whenever I decided to get off my ass and do something about it.
I saw this pattern repeating itself over the last year. I broke away from it briefly when I re-met her. She wasn't the only girl I had an interest in, or that had an interest in me, but the interest was certainly the strongest between us, so we decided to be together. And after her, I couldn't bring myself to be social or do anything again. It was typical post-relationship stuff, I'm sure. But it lasted a lot longer than it should have, and I've come out with a much clearer mind than I've ever had before I think.
I love the movie Fight Club, and I think there are a lot of good ideas presented in that movie. The quote "You had to give it to him: he had a plan. And it started to make sense, in a Tyler sort of way. No fear. No distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide," immediately comes to mind. The goal in the movie isn't the same as mine, but I think that same approach can, and should be taken to everything in life... It's about really achieving things that you want to accomplish in your life, and not letting stupid crap stop you. Keeping yourself motivated in one way or another. And I know (and as the responsed below indicate) most people aren't for that type of thought. Most people are for taking the easy way out of things. Not trying too hard to achieve goals that they set for themselves. I think the biggest reason is that people try and think way too far ahead in their goals. I look back on my life and things that I've given up on before. It wasn't because I gave it my all and I failed, it was because I didn't have the determination, first of all. Secondly, and probably just as importantly, I did not have the right mindset to accomplish those goals I had set before. I always looked at other people, and where they were, and I wanted it right then, and if I couldn't have it well then to hell with it, I'm just not going to do it. And I see that attitude with too many people, but where does that get us? That puts us in shitty jobs we don't want, because it pays somewhat well... well enough to live. That keeps us in unsatisfying relationships. In truth, it keeps us from happiness and realizing the full potential of our lives. Everyone is not destined for greatness, I don't believe that they are for a second; however, just because you may never find the cure for cancer, or be a movie star, or whatever your idea of greatness is, doesn't mean you should not do anything with your life... moreover, it doesn't mean you shouldn't TRY to do anything with your life. Isn't it better to have tried and then failed, than to have never tried at all?
Recently a friend of mine posted on facebook, "Should I seize the day, or cease it?" The responses were overwhelmingly to cease it, because it had been a long week. So what? Do successful people (no matter what your definition of success is, unless it involves scraping through life, doing nothing until you die) ever stop? No, of course not. Yes, you have to take breaks--no one can go forever--but you shouldn't give up on something because it's a bit too hard. And you shouldn't be content with mediocrity. In the workout program I'm doing right now, P90X (which is fantastic, by the way if anyone is looking to get into shape but has no clue where to start.. I'd recommend starting there), the trainer (Tony Horton) talks about how too often people trying to achieve fitness goals give up because the work gets a little too difficult, or the burn in their muscles is too much for them to handle rather than fighting through it. The same can be said about people's lives in general. Things get a little rough and we stop. And that's why we're unhappy, and that's why we never realize our dreams.
"And when things got hard, you started looking for something to blame, like a big shadow. Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you! "
Again, I know a lot of people think it's silly to quote movies or to actually take inspiration from movies, but how much different is it than taking inspiration from a book? That quote, from Rocky Balboa, describes perfectly what I was saying in the last paragraph. Everyone looks for the easy way out, often people blame others for their personal shortcomings, but it can be anything.
"We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."
But why won't most of us be millionaires and so forth? (Maybe movie gods and rock stars are a bit different to accomplish, I couldn't possibly say, but it seems like that's a bit different than most situations.) I can personally say that I haven't been willing to put that kind of effort into anything in my life. But those people have been so glamorized in our society that we think it's been handed to them (granted, it has to some of them). We look at people like Bill Gates and don't think about all the work he did to get where he was (honest or dishonest work, he put in a ton of work to make Microsoft what it is today). We look at Michael Jordan, and we don't consider the thousands of hours he spent in a gym by himself practicing shots from all angles.
I don't know if this has been said before or not, but it came to me the other day "Failure is to be expected, but never accepted," and that's why MJ was MJ; that's why Tiger is Tiger; and that's why Bill Gates is Bill Gates, they aren't afraid to fail, but they won't accept it either. Furthermore, due to the glamorization of people like those mentioned above, we never consider their failures either. There is a commercial where MJ talks about how many times he missed game winning shots, and how many games he lost over his career, and you never think about that. He missed something like thirty-six game winning shots, but how many did he make? Yes he fell short sometimes, just like everyone does, that's part of being human. but when the situation presented itself, he ran to it. He didn't wait for the the coverage to slide away from him, or hope that he got open enough to take a shot. He went at it. But here we are, waiting for life to come to us. We will never be MJ, or Tiger, or Bill, but we can be ourselves. We can own our futures, we can own our lives. It may not be the most glamourous, but we get to make the decision on what we're going to try and make of ourselves.
"How you a man waitin' for the next man to get rich?
Yo' plan is to stick out yo' hand real quick...
Since you wishin' cash fall from the sky all ya life
Dwellin' on the past when you was alright
When you was gettin' cash but wasn't too bright
Now ya luck down you feel like, bustin' them shells
Nobody owe you, can't do nothin' for self
Want niggaz to show you, how to come up wit' green
I scheme since I'm fourteens, what the fuck was your dream?
Rental cars, little broads, sayin' you was seen
Wit' little niggaz wit' a chain you was doin' ya thing
How high was I? You the thousandth guy
That came around thinkin' we can see, eye to eye
We on a different echelon, coulda got bread together
Now you gets deaded on"
Nas describes how most people live their lives almost perfectly there. We aren't going to be movie gods, or rock stars, or millionaires because we let our dreams fade away. I don't think there's anything worse than that. And there are going to be naysayers to this idea, but they're generally the people that verse is talking about.
And to me, there is almost no reason that we can't achieve our dreams now. The information is everywhere, and it's there for your taking. If your goal is to get rich, come up with a plan to do it. I'm not here claiming to have the answers to everything at all, so don't take it as though I'm intending to come across in that manner. I hardly know what I want to do with my life. But right now, I have three goals 1) get in shape, 2) apply for schools and get accepted into one of them, and 3) be a lot more social. I'm in the process of goal one already, goal two is on its way very soon, and I'm taking steps toward goal three as well. Don't be content
So, despite this initially seeming like it was me crying about my breakup, that's not at all what this was for; rather, it was for the awakening that I recently had. I think I'm about done here. I'll probably add to this as more comes to mind, but I feel fairly content with this right now.
