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buddy, dont beat yourself up so much! i dont care how bad you "fucked up," she fucked up 10 times worse. first of all, if she had a problem with you, she should be mature enough to talk to YOU about the problem she has, not other people, especially her ex. that's just kind of childish no matter how good her friendship with him is. second of all, her kissing a guy is unforgivable anyway. sorry but you should have ended the relationship right then and there.
and one more thing. you did trust her, you just didnt trust her douche bag "friend." and thats completely normal, i wouldnt trust him either. he had intentions for her, and she was naive enough not to see it, or to see it as just friendship. so middle finger to her if she says u didnt trust her--she doesnt deserve your trust in the first place. if she cant talk to you instead of crying on another man's shoulder, shes not for you, period.
you should keep your head up high after this relationship. you seriously tried way more than 99% of the men in the world are willing to put up with. my hat goes off to you buddy 
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On December 10 2009 15:42 qrs wrote:
Well, I read the whole thing. Sort of like having someone listen to you, right?
Interesting how you and Other Guy switched places back and forth between boyfriend and "just friend".
not really. he was man enough to respect her relationship and kept his distance during the period he was single and she was taken, and only started talking to her again AFTER she had ended her relationship with the other guy. this mother fucker, however, did not respect OP's relationship, and went as far as to kiss his gf when he was just a friend to her--wholeheartedly taking advantage of her naivite and OP's insane amount of trust for her. there's only one victim in this story for me really. one respectful guy who happened to fall for the wrong girl and set himself up for disaster by being so leneant with her.
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She has way too much baggage. In my opinion even kisses on the cheek (especially to an ex) is not acceptable in a relationship. It seems to me the problem is not you its her. Nobody is perfect and at least your willing to admit where you went wrong, but she has no regards to your feelings. Inviting you over while her ex is there when she knows how uncomfortable you are with him, continuing to hang out alone with him while hes putting moves on her. You are better off with someone better 
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you are better off without her, just forget about it
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Sounds like you need to go beat up a certain friend.
Also, you might want to consider using your backhand on your girlfriend for disobeying you.
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Sounds like you fought alot, so maybe the relationship wasn't all that good to begin with?
If I was in a relationship where I had many fights in just the first 4 months, I would walk away...
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On December 10 2009 17:04 syndromepdp wrote:
tldr
Bye.
To this blog: Everything has been said, I just wanna point out how much I love being a man and this blog shows quite well why so. Here is so much manlove around. Always remember, girls might fuck you over in relationships (what she did, sorry bro) but other than girls you can always come to your buddies, even over the internet, and talk to them.
I recently had a "fuck girls"-theme night with one of my buddies where we would get drunk and rant for hours about bitches. Every girl who even attempted to get close in the various bars we were at would get rejected with death stare and bad mouthed. Felt fucking good.
Now that you got a huge amount of shit off your chest i recommend you to do the same, just grab a random buddy you know you can hang out with. Tell him a girl fucked you over, no need for details. He will understand and get wasted with you.
A salute to manhood.
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Love triangle 
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Obviously a relationship needs trust, and in this case it seemed you didn't trust her and she didn't trust you. Nobody's fault I think, just not meant to be, but I totally sympathize on your apprehension towards her spending so much time with her ex. Its totally normal, and she ought to have understood why you'd feel uncomfortable with it.
Edit: but also, I know how it is to have someone close to you that its just impossible to argue with when they're mad. Its INCREDIBLY frustrating and as such I can see why she chose to talk to someone else.
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On December 10 2009 18:19 Osmoses wrote:
Edit: but also, I know how it is to have someone close to you that its just impossible to argue with when they're mad. Its INCREDIBLY frustrating and as such I can see why she chose to talk to someone else.
You're missing an important point: She always ran to her ex and talked to him when things got ugly. Instead of... talking to her boyfriend? And you really expect him not to flip when she even dares telling this to him? And all that kissing shit. What's that all about?
She obviously used him to get over her ex and when she discovered she couldn't she just dumped this guy who did nothing than treat her with maximum respect and love. Which perfectly explains his behaviour of flipping when he saw his relationship in danger/his trust abused.
Really, there's no reason to defend unreasonable behaviour just because it seems to be fairly common for women lol.
As this seems to be some on-off relationship I wouldn't be surprised if you will have talk/sex with her in near future. Please try to avoid this. See spoiler why you should.
Here's what happened to me (caution: long rant)
+ Show Spoiler + After I broke up with my ex after 3,5 yrs (reason was I wasn't myself anymore back then and had huge issues, due to that being unable to handle extra stress) she first was very pissed and refused to talk to me for a month or so. Well, I had much respect for her so I didn't try to call and possibly fuck her up even more as I already did. (You see the same pattern of self accusations here? :D) I didn't wanna see anything which she could've possibly done wrong.
So, after a month she suddenly called me and asked for some help with carrying stuff around for her new appartment. I had a long, calm talk with her about whether this would be good or not so good if we already start seeing each other again. Furnishing an appartment takes days so I knew what I was up to. But eventually I gave in and helped her. It was really nice to see her again and we had long and good talks. It seems I just ignored her the first month after our break up because when I saw her again I started to feel sth again. Not love, or at least not that kinda relationship love. I'd say I ran into the post-relationship friend trap without seeing or caring.
So here I was, former representative of proud manhood, now turned into that guy who gets most ridicule for a reason: The caring, carrying ex-boyfriend. Still, I enjoyed it. I had sex on a regular basis again. I had the girl back who I was closest to. And as said earlier, I had some issues I couldn't talk about to anyone except her, because she knew from start. Later it came to my mind why so: My issues started soon after dating her. I still don't know why and how so, but this girl definetly could hit my weakest point, even without knowing about it.
Anyway, time went on and I soon learned that what we were doing maybe wasn't so good. First, I saw myself having trouble with deciding what I really wanted (what a fag I became lol) and second, seeing her still not having dealt with the break up. To be more to the point: She was just about to fall back in love, if she wasn't already.
So the situation became more and more fucked up. I would randomly flip and yell at her just to comfort her after she cried. Then we would've sex. Same thing again a few days later. Now I really was stuck in a vicious circle.
The thing which really helped me out, was of course solving my issues. I tried and tried and tried but I coudn't. When I kinda broke the taboo I set up myself and tried to find a reason for my issues with the relationship to my ex, everything became clear. Now this sounds like a ridiculous enlightenment experience, but it kinda was. Although it took some days or weeks, I can't remember. And well, as I still was meeting her on a daily basis (hols), the more I opened up my mind to see her mistakes, the angrier I became naturally.
And this was what really helped me in the end: I projected all my anger on her, divorcing myself from her more and more, while she still tried to keep me. She'd cry and beg but for the first time this wouldn't work and I stood strong.
Now this sounds rather tragic and not like she didn't do anything wrong in particular, right? It's just a guy with issues he couldn't handle at that time and dumps his gf because of that. He should be the one to blame, right? Right?
Well, thats what I thought myself but luckily I turned out to be wrong. On the last night I saw her, on the night I wanted to tell her in a very matter-of-fact way this couldn't go on anymore and we'd have to break up again (lol). On this night, when I told her that, she would pull the joker: "I still love you!". Boom. Well, I should've seen it coming, but yea...
Alright, luckily I already got back at least a part of my balls again so I didn't react at all, I just left.
Tough guy this, tough guy that, the whole week after this incident was shit. Not very surprising. I got over it in the end.
Now I got to study somewhere else, good timing so I couldn't see her anymore, just avoiding the problem which makes it easier. I moved out, moved in, studied, made new friends, everything fine. Then after like 5 weeks she told me she loved me I get a call by one of her friends. She was like "Dude, get on StudiVZ [German equivalent to FB], you gotta see Julias new pics", then she hung up. Lol. Well, I was curious and took a look. I wasn't really surprised to see her in the arms of some ugly guy, kissing him and shit.
My last act of these really worst 1,5 yrs of my whole life (last yr of relationship was really bad due to issues, the 6 months after the relationship are what I just wrote about) was to call her. I held a nice, 20min long monologue about how she sucks, what a fucking dumb whore she is, how she shouldn't try to step into my sight ever again or I'd forget about my principles not beating the shit outta women.
After this I felt really good. Now you may argue that I'm still not over her if I flip when I see her with another guy and she just wanted me to do so. But this is 2 months ago now, I'm happy now, most of my issues solved.
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iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
her hanging out with her ex bf and talking to him about YOU when things are bad is terrible. Don't ever tolerate that shit again dude. Being friends with an ex is one thing but going to them when things are hard in your current relationship? Isn't a real surprise there were some kisses and shit.. also her saying ANYTHING like "he makes me feel safe which you don't" is bs.. insta break right there.
Have some self respect man. I know she probably had a bunch of redeeming qualities but you shouldn't be in a relationship like that. Chin up dude.. you are free of an unhealthy relationship and now it is time to go improve!
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I know how it feels
just...
keep walking
take a cold shower and keep living
for the first days, doped
then, cold hearted
then, normal again
you'll see the stars again someday
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konadora
Singapore66358 Posts
Seems like a part of those 'insecurity and lack of trust leads to breakup' relationships.
Must have felt really terrible to have no one to be there for you to talk to.
And what paper and others said, it was most likely the case of her using you as an excuse to get back to her ex. However, since it's all in the past now and you really can't put the blame on one specific person, it's best to let it go and not to belittle yourself in any way whatsoever, because it's not worth it.
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Belgium9949 Posts
On December 10 2009 20:00 {88}iNcontroL wrote:
her hanging out with her ex bf and talking to him about YOU when things are bad is terrible. Don't ever tolerate that shit again dude. Being friends with an ex is one thing but going to them when things are hard in your current relationship? Isn't a real surprise there were some kisses and shit.. also her saying ANYTHING like "he makes me feel safe which you don't" is bs.. insta break right there.
Have some self respect man. I know she probably had a bunch of redeeming qualities but you shouldn't be in a relationship like that. Chin up dude.. you are free of an unhealthy relationship and now it is time to go improve!
inc is right
you may not have treated her optimally being a 'paranoid passive-aggressive bitch', but she immediately went way out of line.
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Don't worry man, there's plenty of girls out there. Remember "Love is patience," so have patience. And IF she is meant to be your soulmate, she'll eventually come back into your arms. But I do hope that through this ordeal that you learn something, especially yourself, so in the future you will know what to expect, avoid, or work things out should you get into another relationship.
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EPT
