EPTBut are you, or the girl, or any of you, Asian?
This is a rather unfounded question, and it doesn't bring up any stereotypes. I'm just curious.
Girlfriend's Friend - Page 2
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DivinO
United States4796 Posts
But are you, or the girl, or any of you, Asian? This is a rather unfounded question, and it doesn't bring up any stereotypes. I'm just curious. | ||
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JudgeMathis
Cuba1286 Posts
On August 23 2009 23:40 Rekrul wrote: tell him if he ever tries to put things into your girlfriends head ever again you will fucking kill him, then punch him in the mouth to let him know you're serious im not joking. shit like that is totally unacceptable either he's a complete retard homo or he's trying to fuck her if you don't want to take that approach, realize that if you think your girlfriend is out of your league you must be emitting some serious insecurity in some form or another that your GF can certainly detect which is probably why shes confiding in this other faggot Couldn't say it any better. Lol | ||
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Jayme
United States5866 Posts
On August 23 2009 23:59 ItsPaul wrote: Her friend wants a piece and never got one, therefore regardless of who this girl sees, he is going to suggest its a bad move, its not even anything against you as much as this guy trying to manipulate her into seeing every other guy as a bad choice aside from him. Your gf will deny she knows this, but will know it 100%, and will love the fact that someone wants her even if shes not interested in him. Therefore she will do things like what she did at the movies, because it keeps him thinking he just MIGHT have a chance one day. This is shit that insecure girls, and guys do, and its these stupid fucking games that make me hate relationships. You need to let the girl know how it makes you feel, and get her to stop leading this guy on without straight out telling her to stop leading the guy on (which she is but will deny). Remind her also that this guy is only going to make judgements about you based on what SHE tells him about you, and if he is saying to her that he thinks you are using her, its because she has somewhat implied that, so that he will let her know she can do better, thus making her feel better about herself. I doubt they will ever hook up or anything, because she already has him under her thumb, its just a matter of whether or not you can get her to cut the shit out. The more threatened you are buy this guy, the more threatening he becomes, and I disagree with Rekrul, confronting the guy will just give him the old 'I told you he was bad for you' spiel, and if you guys are fighting at the same time, she just might agree with him. GL dude, if you can manage to get her to cut out the mind games you guys will prolly have something great  This guy knows what he's talking about. I'm still leaning toward direct confrontation though.. it always makes me feel better. | ||
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Ftrunkz
Australia2474 Posts
And oh god I just have to say this, don't any of you guys have female friends? Like seriously? Every guy who is friends with a girl is not some wanker who got friend-zoned, god. But something tells me the op knows this. Do you tell your female friends their new bfs you've never met are jerks who use her and she deserves a better and more sensitive guy, then physically comfort her? :s | ||
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Licmyobelisk
Philippines3682 Posts
or I don't understand what the hell is the matter with this girl, is she really borderline "player" to just boost her ego. I dunno but I'll go with rekrul's advice on hitting this maniac with lunchbox hammer fist. On another note: Why not try counter-strategize by telling your girl in case she is with him that "Can I met you guys right now and lets have a drink or party?", then try to be all friendly and plastic with this douch, if this guy really goes asshole on you, make your girlfriend see that he is a fucktard then hit him with all you got or just show that her friend is a complete bastard" | ||
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SirNeb
United States243 Posts
Dude, it's obvious you really value the girl. Actually she knows this already, the only reason she's telling you that is to test your response. Why does your gf even tell you she held the guy's arm? Stop blaming the other guy, he's not being a jerk, he's just being himself and you don't know the whole story. What you need to do is BE A MAN, don't be so insecured. You are PERFECT, the attitude of "she can find better than me" is completely bs. That leads to emotions like jealousy because you are insecured of yourself. You think she's too good for you, bull crap. What makes her better than you? Being needy and insecured never leads to a good ending, your "blow up" reaction is the perfect example. This is just the beginning, you are going to continue to be overprotective because you can't trust her and you aren't confident about yourself. Just remember this, you can't change anything or anybody but yourself. Any misery you face is ALWAYS from within if you look deep enough. Blaming things outside your direct control means you aren't looking at the right place. | ||
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tonight
United States11130 Posts
Unlike you I didn't have an opportunity to confront her, but your situation is different and you must go to her and lay it all out or else you're going to fuck yourself over. Be strong and tell her that if you two are going to be in a relationship that you want to be the one she goes to not some dickjock. p.s- there is actually a lot more to my story, but not necessary to put here | ||
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Licmyobelisk
Philippines3682 Posts
On August 24 2009 01:26 tonight wrote: My ex and I had a pretty solid relationship until she started hanging out with some doucheface from her church. He told her how much he liked her and all this shit. She was flattered, but didn't act on it, yet. Some weeks or a month later they started hanging out in a group with other people, but then it turned into them going out alone aka a date. We were still going out at this point and I had no knowledge of what was going on. She came to me a week or so later to tell me she wanted to go on a break because she was feeling "neglected" or some super bullshit. She did end up cheating on me and I had to hear it through the grapevine to eventually find out. The point of this little story is what has already been said. Guys hanging out with your chick don't want to be her friend they want to fuck her. You can say it with about 90% of guys. They don't want to be friends with chicks, for the most part, they just want to fuck them. Unlike you I didn't have an opportunity to confront her, but your situation is different and you must go to her and lay it all out or else you're going to fuck yourself over. Be strong and tell her that if you two are going to be in a relationship that you want to be the one she goes to not some dickjock. p.s- there is actually a lot more to my story, but not necessary to put here Man!  Edit: since he goes to church, you should have told him "DO NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE, BIATCH" and kicked him in the balls. | ||
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Arnic
81 Posts
No wonder relationships fall apart so fucking easily. THIS GUY TOUCHED MY GIRLFRIEND??? THAT MEANS SHE'S FUCKING HIM! I BETTER PUNCH HIM IN THE MOUTH. That'll sort it out, you go do that. Don't be so amazingly insecure and stop putting yourself down. She's obviously with you for a reason and if you're in love, if you're both in love then you should talk to each other about this kind of stuff and you should be able to do it in a mature way. 1) She told you that she talked to this guy, she told you what he said and she said that she didn't believe it. HEY YOU, SHE DOESN'T THINK YOU'RE USING HER! Whose opinion matters more to you, the girl you're supposed to be in love with or her friend's? 2) She went to the movie with him and another friend. And she called you. And she told you. SO THEY'RE OBVIOUSLY NOT FUCKING AT THE MOVIES. Also, grabbing someone's hand in reaction to watching a scary movie is a typically girly thing to do. Where the fuck does "comforting" come into this. Is she supposed to go and watch the movie then come back and tell you about the scary parts, relive the experience, pretend to jump and let you grab her so your male pride doesn't retreat to wherever your testicles went? 3) You said that she does this kind of stuff with her other friends so she's not behaving in an unusual manner with one particular guy. Personally, I wouldn't particularly want my significant other sleeping in the same bed as a member of opposite gender, whether they were gay or not but if that's the kind of thing she does normally or if there's only one bed wherever she lives then just accept that's what she does. It's who she was when you met her, it's the person you fell in love with and it's the person who tells you that they love you too. Are you currently dating and mutually monogamous? If the answer is yes, then for crying out loud have some trust in her. If you can't trust her, if you're going to jump down her throat every time she interacts with someone you don't like then you might as well leave her now and date a small plastic robot instead. If the answer is no, what's going on? Are you friends with benefits? On the way to dating? In love but you're just sexing it up at the moment and you don't really have plans? Was your line about "fucking a friend who's a girl" an honest comparison to make with her grabbing someone whilst watching a scary film or is she actually fucking this other guy? Honestly, read back what you've written and listen to yourself. You're taking all your worries about yourself out on her. "This guy can comfort her better, she obviously likes him more than me..." If that were true, uhh.... wouldn't she be with him and not you? I'm really sorry but this is just dumb, I'm not going to be all sympathetic and poor you, that nasty guy is a real douche for saying a bad thing. MAN UP. And I don't mean man up in the sense that beating the fuck out of some guy who doesn't like you because he doesn't know you is a good idea. People have friends, they're allowed to care and look out for each other regardless of gender. If you want to prove her friend wrong, do it by behaving like an adult. Not like a child in a playground and certainly not by having a go at him or by violence. If you love this girl and you want things to work out then you need to learn to communicate properly with her and now would probably be a damn good time to start. I reckon with an apology for the "fucking a girl who's a friend" line. Then you should talk about trust and the difference between actually comforting someone and sitting next to someone at the theatre who you grab jokingly when a gory movie is playing. If you can't deal with little things (and this really does sound like a little thing) then what on earth are you going to do if a genuine crisis occurs? Do you genuinely think that this girl is smart? If so then you should be able to trust her to make her own judgement about you, your character, your feelings and whether you're using her or not. Trust her to know that her friend is making an unfair assumption because he doesn't know you. And listen to her when she talks to you and tells you that she loves you. Maybe she's telling you this type of thing because she doesn't want you to worry, she wants to reassure you that there's nothing to worry about. If you blow up and react like this, what is she likely to do? Carry on telling you everything, stop telling you because of how you reacted or think to herself, Wow... Is it really going to work with a new guy who gets jealous about friends I've had for a long time. Fair enough, there can be too much honesty. Sometimes you don't need to know and you shouldn't know every single detail of your girlfriend's life as some privacy is required in a relationship and there's that whole trust thing again. I'd say that maybe you could ask her not to tell you everything she does but I get the feeling, if that happened, you'd drive yourself nuts with paranoia and you'd be actively looking for problems. So yes, I've been pretty harsh but I think you need it if you want to make things work with her. Do the following and you'll be fine: Be a man. Accept that she loves you and that she wants to be with you. Get rid of the attitude that she can do better. RIGHT THIS MINUTE. Care about her and not what her friends think or say. You're not in love with them and you're not having sex with them. They do not matter. If you have a genuine problem that involves her, talk to her about it and be honest instead of saying something that's potentially hurtful and that you may regret later. All you have to do is tell her that you're worried about something and explain why. Then you sort it out together, you grow stronger together, love blossoms like a happy little flower and everyone ends up with rainbows for shoes. The End. Oh wait, EDIT EDIT EDIT. I'm dying to know. All you guys who say "any guy who hangs out with a girl who has a boyfriend obviously wants to bang that girl." Do I take that to mean that you'd all bang your mate's girlfriends given the opportunity? Because if you tell someone that's what "all" guys will do, you're including yourselves in that. Unless TL is the last bastion of chivalry and honor in the world. | ||
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foeffa
Belgium2115 Posts
What you should do about it is a different question, but I'd be inclined to advise you to be pretty straightforward about it. Ultimately the guy will keep trying to achieve his goal so he is and will stay your opponent. You either discredit him totally, discourage him to be a giant douche, give her an ultimatum, whatever. The bottom line is, to quote Highlander, 'There can be only one' when talking about you and this guy. You 'll have to evaluate for yourself how strong you estimate your own position whether the guy can become a real threat or not, then act accordingly. In any case, making a strong statement and breaking up because of it is still better than having a hands off approach and then finding out that when the two of you were in a rough patch she had a momentary weakness and boned the guy or something along those lines. Edit: One might perceive it as insecure to see him as a rival, but ultimately everyone has doubts about his or her partner in a relationship and every little insecurity can be exploited if you just keep hammering on it in a subtle way. While he might not score the girl, he can still harm her relationship with you. Not everyone is susceptible to this kind of mental warfare, but from my experience you should never be too sure about your position being immune to this kind of tarnishing. My 2 cents. | ||
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Licmyobelisk
Philippines3682 Posts
But really sometimes situations really need to be escalated, just check out tonight's post. He didn't do anything about it until he spyed on her. | ||
Rekrul
Korea (South)17174 Posts
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Arnic
81 Posts
I know, I'm Mr. TL:DR personified. I always hope that if I'm thorough and cover everything the first time round then it saves me having to recheck a thread and say something else later. What's up with the spying thing? I'll go check that out and maybe try out one of those new fangled short replies. | ||
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tonight
United States11130 Posts
didn't really say it like that, but god knows I wanted to EDIT: Guys wouldn't go through the trouble of trying to get with there friends girl. It's other random dudes girls. | ||
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Arnic
81 Posts
Can understand your situation and you being justifiably pissed about that. There's never any excuse for cheating. Ever. I fucking hate people who cheat. OP's situation is different though. Well, from the way he describes it, it is. If his girl was going through some serious trouble or a family crisis and had turned to her friend over him then maybe he'd be right to ask "why a friend and not me?" Or if he'd gone to the movies with her and her friends and she still grabbed someone else's arm. That would also be a situation in which he'd be correct in asking "why a friend and not me?" But going to the movies with two other friends and grabbing someone's arm isn't really something so dreadful and massive as to make his reaction acceptable. Licmyobelisk - I believe I owe you thanks for a golfclap. If you ever need a favor and it's something I can do, it is yours  | ||
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tonight
United States11130 Posts
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Jibba
United States22883 Posts
On August 23 2009 23:57 r3dox wrote: this attitude is your main problem imo. why do you care when she has male friends to talk about problems or relationships, or go to movies together, if you are the one fucking her? by telling you about it she was just testing your (in)security. Uh... having sex isn't the end goal of relationships. If she's more comfortable around the other guy, then that's not just about insecurity. | ||
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Arnic
81 Posts
On August 24 2009 02:18 tonight wrote: No, it's not a big deal I agree. The fact of the matter is that it's started by her saying that she thinks he's using her and from there things could snowball. Then finding comfort in a male friend and not your boyfriend who you claim to love? I know I just should bitter, but these are the facts that I'm looking at that all seem fishy. Don't get me wrong though I have intention in saying that I think she's cheating that's not it at all. I just think somewhere the line of communication was broken and it needs to be reestablished. Ah no. OP's issue wasn't with the girl. A male friend of hers was the one who said to the girl that he thought the OP was using her. Then the girl told the OP what the male friend had said. As far as I could tell, there wasn't actually any comforting at all. He had a problem because the girl had gone to the movies with the guy he didn't like and another friend (gender unspecified). Whilst at the movie, which was gory, the girl grabbed the arm of the guy the OP didn't like. The girl told the OP that she had grabbed the other guy's arm. OP says that she's like that with all her friends. (Typing that out made me feel ridiculous.) Anyway, she's communicating but I don't think she realized how the OP would take it. Which is why I mentioned too much honesty. And also, based on OP's reaction, why the girl not telling him everything she does would probably be as bad as her telling him everything she does currently. He can't ask her to stop being touchy-feely with her friends if that's how she's always been so he either needs to learn to deal with it in a mature fashion or break up with her until he can deal with things like this in a mature fashion. I hope he manages the former, everyone has to learn about relationships in some way. They're not all easy sailing and perfect love right from the start. Everyone can make mistakes and that's fine, it's when the mistakes get made or things go wrong and no one talks until it's too late that bad shit starts to happen. | ||
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Sprite
United States1015 Posts
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Failsafe
United States1298 Posts
otherwise i agree with rek about you being totally fucked. you seem insecure about your relationship. girls are programmed to know if you're insecure. she thought you were insecure and tested her theory and your response was magnitude 10 / 10 so you're fucked. chances are there's some guy aside from either you or this idiot you're getting mind fucked over, and she'll end up with that other guy | ||
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