EPTCharacters:
Conway: My good buddy conway is a marine. He is also fucking crazy. Back in high school, he was the running back on our football team. He was about 5'11 210 back then, had some decent size, but was also very thick, but not too muscular.
He then joined the marines, got fucking enormous, served two tours in iraq and is now even crazier than he was back then, probably because he kills people for a living. He is now 240 pounds and benches 450.
young: Brian is a good guy. He isnt the fighting type, but if he has to, he sure as hell can. Kid is 6'3 220, pretty damn muscular, so you dont want to mess with him in the rare occurance that he does get mad. Usually very level headed though.
Tyler: Tyler was an all state wrestler and all county linebacker in football, yeah, he's a pretty athletic and tough kid. He's not all that big, only about 5'11 170, but he can fight. He is also one of the dumbest human beings ive ever encountered, but still a pretty good friend.
Shea: Shea is a fucking hippie. he goes to school in vermont, smokes pot 10 times a day, has a beard. We dont really like him all that much, enough said.
One night, these 4 buddies decide to go bowling. Young, tyler and conway are all fucking wasted. They decide to play for drinks. The teams are young/tyler v shea/conway.
After a decent battle, conway/shea came out on top. Young went to the bar to go buy some drinks while conway and tyler were slapping each other on the alley. yes, they were literally slapping each other, not going to fight or anything, just fucking around.
Young goes to hand conway his drink, tyler sees it, screams 'NO' and slaps the shit out of the drink. half of it goes into conway's eye and the other half goes into the lane adjacent to them.
conway: "OH MY GOD, MY FUCKING EYE, I CANT SEE SHIT, IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU TYLER" Did i forget to mention that conway has a slight case of tourette's?
Tyler kinda giggled and laughed it off, but there were people who werent laughing -- the bowlers adjacent to my 4 drunken friends. After a night full of obnoxious shit going on, im sure half a glass of beer on your lane while youre trying to bowl is the last thing in the world you want. It was definitely the straw that broke the camel's back.
guy1: "hey, thats it, you guys clean that mess up on our lane"
conway: "GO FUCK YOURSELF, im not cleaning shit up, you go to the bathroom, get your own fucking paper towels, and clean up your own fucking lane"
guy1: "fuck you, youve been obnoxious all night long and we're sick and tired of it, clean up the lane"
conway: "MAKE ME YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT"
after a few more moments of tension with a group of people in the other lane staring at the behemoth that is conway, young decides to try and play peacemaker. he walks over to the other lane and whispers to the people "hey guys, take it easy, my buddy just got back from his second tour in iraq, he's a marine and he's a little bit tense".
his attempts at peace failed miserably, with guy1's girlfriend, girl1 speaking up and saying: "you're a marine? YOURE A DISGRACE TO THE MARINES!!"
i cant think of a single thing i would rather say less to conway. Of all people to say something like this to, conway is the last you would choose. I would rather call mike tyson a retard than insult conway's marine status.
Conway fucking exploded: "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID BITCH, I WILL FUCKING SLIT YOUR THROAT, ALONG WITH YOUR FAGGITY ASS BOYFRIEND'S"
guy1: "im a staff sergeant in the army, we never do shit like this, you marines are somethin else"
conway: "staff sergeant? STAFF SERGEANT THIS!!! (conway grabs his balls and makes thrusting motions at the guy) THE MARINES SHIT ALL OVER THE ARMY YOU PIECE OF SHIT"
then some of the guy1's friends start piping in. it is basically conway screaming at like 5 people and threatening to kill every single one of them. guy1 is slowly quieting down and not saying anything, so conway is almost positive the guy is not enlisted but was just making shit up.
Right before conway was going to drag someone outside and beat the living hell out of him, the bowling alley owner comes running out, "what the hell is going on here????"
then conway comes up with the greatest move of all time....
"you want to know whats goign on here? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHATS GOING ON HERE? THIS IS THE PROBLEM. (conway whips out his marine identification) LANCE CORPORAL KEVIN CONWAY, JUST GOT BACK FROM SERVING MY 2ND TOUR IN IRAQ, AND THIS PIECE OF SHIT OVER HERE IS IMPERSONATING AN ARMY OFFICER WHILE WE'RE TRYING TO BOWL"
the owner suddenly gets all nervous and goes, "oh my god, im sorry, im so sorry! i really appreciate what you guys do over there, im so very sorry", then proceeds to turn around and tell the people in the other lane "im sorry, but you guys have to go".
he fucking kicked them out of the bowling alley for DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. However, i suppose it was a lot better than being massacred by the wrecking ball that is my friend.
I cant believe the owner did that ^.^
