Brothers, blogger, and boyfriends - Page 2

On June 15 2011 12:37 Lysenko wrote:
Like one of the previous posters said, there is a scale, and probably a pretty broad one. You don't necessarily need to rush to slap a label on yourself unless it feels like the right choice to make. Many people do just because they're pretty certain how they feel about it, but that's not the only way to approach it.

On June 15 2011 12:44 Servius_Fulvius wrote:


Where did you get THAT statistic?! When you move away from home you tend to let a lot of things slip - hiding your sexuality tends to be one of them. I worked in a freshman (in college) hall for years and without fail no less than 5 people were out of the closet very soon into college life. Sure, there are plenty who wait a while, and some come out to a few people and keep the rest quiet. It all depends on the atmosphere, really. I was in Michigan for undergrad and the general consensus was very accepting. Now I'm in grad school in Louisiana and it is a lot less so. Still, I'm hard-pressed to think of any of my gay or lesbian friends that didn't date someone in college, but I guess it depends on the area, availability of singles, etc.

I was going to originally comment on how your "relationship" sounds like a bunch of hormone-crazed middle schoolers going at each other when their parents aren't home. And then I saw your age and realized that this is probably closer to the truth. Maturity is perhaps too much to ask of a 14-year-old (and yes, both parties need this trait), so you're probably doomed to have the thing fizzle out or explode. When it all comes down to it - have fun, be safe, and don't do anything stupid!

On June 15 2011 12:37 Lysenko wrote:


Many of my gay friends describe having that experience. Of course, there are also people who are straight-leaning bisexuals who have a strong attraction to someone of the same sex once in a while but not as a rule.

Like one of the previous posters said, there is a scale, and probably a pretty broad one. You don't necessarily need to rush to slap a label on yourself unless it feels like the right choice to make. Many people do just because they're pretty certain how they feel about it, but that's not the only way to approach it.

Edit: For the OP, the most important thing is that you recognize that your friend may have no clue where he is on that spectrum. I'd say it's valuable to give him space to decide without pushing him to declare where he stands to his family, or, for that matter, to you.

I have a good female friend who fell in love with a lesbian woman in college -- their relationship went from experimentation to a committed thing, and they wound up married (no, not legally, but they did have a ceremony attended by their friends and their families, and they made a commitment.) They were very close and for a long time it went quite well.

Several years later, they broke up, and my friend wound up dating and then marrying a man with whom we went to college. They just had their first child.

My point being, to this day (and she's in her late 30s) she's never felt like committing, within herself, to be gay or straight for life was a meaningful choice to make. She's made her choices based on her emotional connections and what worked for her.

Hope that helps a little bit to put things in perspective. Bottom line is: best thing you can do for your friend is to accept him however he wants to be. That might change over the short or long term. For yourself, I'd prepare yourself for a recognition that he may make choices that don't line up with your desires or interests, and decide how much you can accept that.

Edit 2: Your comment that you don't quite believe him when he says he's bisexual is a common reaction, but what you need to understand is that people, particularly men, who are bisexual hear that all the time, from gay and straight people. There's a presumption that bisexual men are just not yet ready to admit that they're gay, and it's an unsupportive and ultimately probably harmful attitude that they get from pretty much everyone.