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Active: 1260 users

It's that time of year again!

Forum Index > General Forum
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OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 04:03 GMT
#1
Christmas time! The time for storytelling and all that Santa story stuff and being bad boys gets you rocks in your socks and all that fun crap.
Okay let's cut to the chase you can be as naughty as you want Santa doesn't give a fuck, in fact he can't give a fuck, cause he doesn't EXIST.

OHMYGOD PROOF:
+ Show Spoiler [CAUTION: MAY NOT BE SUITABLE TO FAGS] +
No known species of reindeer can fly; BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.


There are 2 billion children -- persons under 18 -- in the world; BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.


Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.


Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75 1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.


This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run tops 15 miles per hour.


The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds.


Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,000 tons. Traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this air will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft's re-entering the earth's atmosphere.


The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per Second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.


In conclusion, if Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve -- he 's dead now.




+ Show Spoiler [OMG CREDITS NOT TO ME] +
Yeah, I got this off the internet a few years ago.
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
Frits
Profile Joined March 2003
11782 Posts
December 10 2008 04:05 GMT
#2
You should totally do standup dude! Hilarious stuff!
Folca
Profile Blog Joined October 2006
2235 Posts
December 10 2008 04:06 GMT
#3
I want a new mouse
Dea : one time when he was playing vs the comps he asked me "how do I make that flying unit that makes the other stuff invisible" and I reply "ur playing terran zomg"
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 04:07 GMT
#4
On December 10 2008 13:05 Frits wrote:
You should totally do standup dude! Hilarious stuff!

er okay?

thanks?
+ Show Spoiler +
i can't tell if this is sarcasm or not :S
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
StormSnarlX
Profile Blog Joined October 2005
United States278 Posts
December 10 2008 04:13 GMT
#5
it was
Catz Forever <3
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 04:17 GMT
#6
darnit.
is it cuz every1's seen this already? ._. i thought it was funny
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
GGQ
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
Canada2653 Posts
December 10 2008 04:21 GMT
#7
You could say he does it by magic...

but then all you'd have is a Santa-Claus-of-the-gaps, and not a real Santa Claus at all.
GhostKorean
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
United States2330 Posts
December 10 2008 04:23 GMT
#8
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo but... but... Santa's MAGIC
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 04:25 GMT
#9
uhh i don't think reindeers are magic =D
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
DanceCommander
Profile Blog Joined May 2008
United States1808 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-12-10 04:27:08
December 10 2008 04:26 GMT
#10
ITS CALLED CHRISTMAS MAGIC ASS

edit:
On December 10 2008 13:05 Frits wrote:
You should totally do standup dude! Hilarious stuff!


seconded
Enrique
Profile Blog Joined September 2005
United States377 Posts
December 10 2008 04:29 GMT
#11
I was in Alaska last year, and while I won't claim that Santa is magic, I will say that reindeer are magically delicious--they make incredible hot dogs!
~Inter Arma Enim Silent Leges~
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 04:29 GMT
#12
Lol ooookayyyyyyyy ?

this turned out to be better than i thought
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
inReacH
Profile Blog Joined August 2008
Sweden1612 Posts
December 10 2008 04:30 GMT
#13
How has no comedian ever done this bit?
bboyldy
Profile Blog Joined December 2006
Korea (North)664 Posts
December 10 2008 04:31 GMT
#14
I remember reading the translated version of this in a korean forum
expressing myself through the form of dancing
inReacH
Profile Blog Joined August 2008
Sweden1612 Posts
December 10 2008 04:32 GMT
#15
Also since when are there an average 3.5 children per home.. this seems like bullshit
..

this entire report is falsified!
SANTA IS REAL
fusionsdf
Profile Blog Joined June 2006
Canada15390 Posts
December 10 2008 04:32 GMT
#16
I thought it was cool :D
SKT_Best: "I actually chose Protoss because it was so hard for me to defeat Protoss as a Terran. When I first started Brood War, my main race was Terran."
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 04:34 GMT
#17
On December 10 2008 13:32 inReacH wrote:
Also since when are there an average 3.5 children per home.. this seems like bullshit
..

this entire report is falsified!
SANTA IS REAL


Well even if it averaged at 2.5, then that would make it more houses to visit, resulting in faster speed, resulting in stronger forces resulting in an even harder and bigger PWN
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
3clipse
Profile Blog Joined September 2008
Canada2555 Posts
December 10 2008 04:35 GMT
#18
I thought it was pretty decent.
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 04:37 GMT
#19
I showed my science teacher this indirect proof, and he was like "don't you know santa has a magic coat so that he doesn't get hit?"

and then i told him that santa doesn't have a mask so his face will get destroyed anyways
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
Faronel
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States658 Posts
December 10 2008 04:38 GMT
#20
well you're assuming a shitload:

-There's one good child per household... my ass, if anything i'd expect all the good children to be in one household, and all the shitty ones in another due to factors like parenting, school environment, etc.
-The houses are evenly distributed aroudn the Earth.... also my ass, like you said Santa doesn't handle stuff other than Christianity. and last time i checked christian populations are clustered up a bit. not to mention there'd be entire patches of africa, europe, asia, antartica, and the freaking oceans (over 70% of the surface of earth) that santa could completely ignore due to lack of christians.
-you're not factoring in time zones....
C'est la vie...
Frits
Profile Joined March 2003
11782 Posts
December 10 2008 04:40 GMT
#21
On December 10 2008 13:30 inReacH wrote:
How has no comedian ever done this bit?


Because more people laughed the last time Ben Stiller did something wacky.
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 04:41 GMT
#22
On December 10 2008 13:38 Faronel wrote:
well you're assuming a shitload:

-There's one good child per household... my ass, if anything i'd expect all the good children to be in one household, and all the shitty ones in another due to factors like parenting, school environment, etc.
-The houses are evenly distributed aroudn the Earth.... also my ass, like you said Santa doesn't handle stuff other than Christianity. and last time i checked christian populations are clustered up a bit. not to mention there'd be entire patches of africa, europe, asia, antartica, and the freaking oceans (over 70% of the surface of earth) that santa could completely ignore due to lack of christians.
-you're not factoring in time zones....



well i know for a fact time zones are counted...

There's a good point made about the houses and distance though. :O
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
inReacH
Profile Blog Joined August 2008
Sweden1612 Posts
December 10 2008 04:41 GMT
#23
On December 10 2008 13:38 Faronel wrote:

-you're not factoring in time zones....



On December 10 2008 13:03 OmgIRok wrote:

Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical).

inReacH
Profile Blog Joined August 2008
Sweden1612 Posts
December 10 2008 04:42 GMT
#24
On December 10 2008 13:40 Frits wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 10 2008 13:30 inReacH wrote:
How has no comedian ever done this bit?


Because more people laughed the last time Ben Stiller did something wacky.


what the fuck did you just say
Luddite
Profile Blog Joined April 2007
United States2315 Posts
December 10 2008 04:43 GMT
#25
Obviously Santa has arbiters so he can recall+cloak.
Can't believe I'm still here playing this same game
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 04:44 GMT
#26
Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), ----->> Well there's your answer for your 2nd point Faronel.

So the only thing that it is assuming is that there is atleast 1 good child per household.

I guess you didn't read well enough.. or didn't read it at all. D=
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 04:45 GMT
#27
On December 10 2008 13:43 Luddite wrote:
Obviously Santa has arbiters so he can recall+cloak.


:O What does cloaking have to do with anything?

and every arbiter can only recall once (even with +50max), so there would have to be 1 arbiter for each house. O_o
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
Luddite
Profile Blog Joined April 2007
United States2315 Posts
December 10 2008 04:48 GMT
#28
On December 10 2008 13:45 OmgIRok wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 10 2008 13:43 Luddite wrote:
Obviously Santa has arbiters so he can recall+cloak.


:O What does cloaking have to do with anything?

and every arbiter can only recall once (even with +50max), so there would have to be 1 arbiter for each house. O_o

the cloak is because no one can see santa, of course!
Can't believe I'm still here playing this same game
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 04:49 GMT
#29
On December 10 2008 13:48 Luddite wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 10 2008 13:45 OmgIRok wrote:
On December 10 2008 13:43 Luddite wrote:
Obviously Santa has arbiters so he can recall+cloak.


:O What does cloaking have to do with anything?

and every arbiter can only recall once (even with +50max), so there would have to be 1 arbiter for each house. O_o

the cloak is because no one can see santa, of course!


I thought people could see santa though, it's just that they're asleep.
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
blue_arrow
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
1971 Posts
December 10 2008 04:53 GMT
#30
You know, believing in Santa is probably a sin

So fuck this overead piece of shit with it's fucking shittily calculated shit, fuck santa, fuck you, fuck your ugly grandma and get ready to suck some Santacock
ho ho ho asshole


jkjk

btw :O

jkjk
| MLIA | the weather sucks dick here
SnowFantasy
Profile Blog Joined September 2006
4173 Posts
December 10 2008 04:53 GMT
#31
On December 10 2008 13:45 OmgIRok wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 10 2008 13:43 Luddite wrote:
Obviously Santa has arbiters so he can recall+cloak.


:O What does cloaking have to do with anything?

and every arbiter can only recall once (even with +50max), so there would have to be 1 arbiter for each house. O_o


Modified in campaign editor so recall requires 0 mana.
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 04:55 GMT
#32
On December 10 2008 13:53 blue_arrow wrote:
You know, believing in Santa is probably a sin

So fuck this overead piece of shit with it's fucking shittily calculated shit, fuck santa, fuck you, fuck your ugly grandma and get ready to suck some Santacock
ho ho ho asshole


jkjk

btw :O

jkjk


omg you fucking douchebag you meant all of shit! >:O
fuck you too!!


Jkjk
i'm just kidding, i meant it! BITCH OHHHHHHH

btw :O
the last 10 words were funny

jkjk
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
skyglow1
Profile Blog Joined April 2005
New Zealand3962 Posts
December 10 2008 04:57 GMT
#33
Haha I really liked this one, the end was particularly good.
StarN
Profile Blog Joined November 2004
United States2587 Posts
December 10 2008 04:58 GMT
#34
There was good content, and I thought it was a decent read, but the delivery could have been much improved upon.
Retired BW Noob
Zapdos_Smithh
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
Canada2620 Posts
December 10 2008 04:58 GMT
#35
On December 10 2008 13:05 Frits wrote:
You should totally do standup dude! Hilarious stuff!


Lol dude he didn't write it, he even said he didn't.
Faronel
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States658 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-12-10 05:02:29
December 10 2008 05:00 GMT
#36
On December 10 2008 13:44 OmgIRok wrote:
Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), ----->> Well there's your answer for your 2nd point Faronel.

So the only thing that it is assuming is that there is atleast 1 good child per household.

I guess you didn't read well enough.. or didn't read it at all. D=

I didn't read the proof, so called, at all. I'm just making shit up as I go along and hope it somehow relates back to the post that i never read.
More importantly, what you're essentially saying is this "This rubix cube can destroy the Earth, which we know to be false, but let's accept that for now. I am now capable of destroyin the Earth"

You got me on the time zones point though.
C'est la vie...
KOFgokuon
Profile Blog Joined August 2004
United States14899 Posts
December 10 2008 05:02 GMT
#37
i saw this when I was in 6th grade ><
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 05:03 GMT
#38
On December 10 2008 14:00 Faronel wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 10 2008 13:44 OmgIRok wrote:
Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), ----->> Well there's your answer for your 2nd point Faronel.

So the only thing that it is assuming is that there is atleast 1 good child per household.

I guess you didn't read well enough.. or didn't read it at all. D=

I didn't read the proof, so called, at all. I'm just making shit up as I go along and hope it somehow relates back to the post that i never read.
More importantly, what you're essentially saying is this "This rubix cube can destroy the Earth, which we know to be false, but let's accept that for now. I am now capable of destroyin the Earth"

You got me on the time zones point though.


Haha, I see what you are saying.... BUT STILL!!!...idk lol you have a good argument. (someone on TL back me up i can't beat this guy)
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
Frits
Profile Joined March 2003
11782 Posts
December 10 2008 05:09 GMT
#39
On December 10 2008 13:58 Resonance wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 10 2008 13:05 Frits wrote:
You should totally do standup dude! Hilarious stuff!


Lol dude he didn't write it, he even said he didn't.


yes I read his post

I said that because it was really lame and we're not 8 anymore we've all realized that santa can't bring all kids presents. ha-ha-ha

And yes before you reply I get that the fact that it's supposed to be funny because it's so descriptive and calculated. It's about as funny as a xkcd comic which people on the internet seem to think is hilarious for some reason, ughhh.
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 05:15 GMT
#40
On December 10 2008 14:09 Frits wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 10 2008 13:58 Resonance wrote:
On December 10 2008 13:05 Frits wrote:
You should totally do standup dude! Hilarious stuff!


Lol dude he didn't write it, he even said he didn't.


yes I read his post

I said that because it was really lame and we're not 8 anymore we've all realized that santa can't bring all kids presents. ha-ha-ha

And yes before you reply I get that the fact that it's supposed to be funny because it's so descriptive and calculated. It's about as funny as a xkcd comic which people on the internet seem to think is hilarious for some reason, ughhh.


And that's why you decided to start hating/flaming/trolling/posting unnecessary things in this thread? (Rhetorical question by the way.)

It was seriously not needed though
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
Folca
Profile Blog Joined October 2006
2235 Posts
December 10 2008 05:16 GMT
#41
Dude All I want is another laptop which is freaking amazing
Dea : one time when he was playing vs the comps he asked me "how do I make that flying unit that makes the other stuff invisible" and I reply "ur playing terran zomg"
Frits
Profile Joined March 2003
11782 Posts
December 10 2008 05:17 GMT
#42
On December 10 2008 14:15 OmgIRok wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 10 2008 14:09 Frits wrote:
On December 10 2008 13:58 Resonance wrote:
On December 10 2008 13:05 Frits wrote:
You should totally do standup dude! Hilarious stuff!


Lol dude he didn't write it, he even said he didn't.


yes I read his post

I said that because it was really lame and we're not 8 anymore we've all realized that santa can't bring all kids presents. ha-ha-ha

And yes before you reply I get that the fact that it's supposed to be funny because it's so descriptive and calculated. It's about as funny as a xkcd comic which people on the internet seem to think is hilarious for some reason, ughhh.


And that's why you decided to start hating/flaming/trolling/posting unnecessary things in this thread? (Rhetorical question by the way.)

It was seriously not needed though


sorry bro didnt meant to disrupt any serious discussion in this thread
Frits
Profile Joined March 2003
11782 Posts
December 10 2008 05:19 GMT
#43
hey have you heard of this show called friends by the way? it's like, totally funny !!! you should give it a try sometime, those guys get into the funniest situations LOL. :-)
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 05:38 GMT
#44
Not that there were any serious discussions, but talk about being a party pooper -.-
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
Boblion
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
France8043 Posts
December 10 2008 05:40 GMT
#45
funny but sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo old.

I know this story for 10 years ;D
fuck all those elitists brb watching streams of elite players.
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 06:29 GMT
#46
danggggggg 10 years........

i wonder who came up with this o_O
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
powa
Profile Joined July 2008
United States58 Posts
December 10 2008 06:34 GMT
#47
he stops time..
Fontong
Profile Blog Joined December 2007
United States6454 Posts
December 10 2008 07:04 GMT
#48
On December 10 2008 15:29 OmgIRok wrote:
danggggggg 10 years........

i wonder who came up with this o_O

Wait, so does the title mean this story is posted once a year for every year since 10 years ago?
[SECRET FONT] "Dragoon bunker"
PanoRaMa
Profile Blog Joined June 2003
United States5069 Posts
December 10 2008 07:14 GMT
#49
frits fucking owns
Motiva
Profile Joined November 2007
United States1774 Posts
December 10 2008 07:18 GMT
#50
It's obvious his sleigh is a vulture bike... and he just patrol-attacks all the chimneys... The Reindeer are just a feign to confuse Kerrigan
IzzyCraft
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
United States4487 Posts
December 10 2008 07:20 GMT
#51
Poor poor child that see this after going to 4chan and looking at horrible pictures comes over to tl.net for some nice cheerful people and finds out Santa doesn't excist.
I have ass for brains so,
even when I shit I'm droping knowledge.
blue_arrow
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
1971 Posts
December 10 2008 07:29 GMT
#52
lol frits
| MLIA | the weather sucks dick here
Qwertify
Profile Joined September 2008
United States2531 Posts
December 10 2008 16:56 GMT
#53
i hope santa gets me a razor for christmas
CJ Entusman #24
Wurzelbrumpft
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
Germany471 Posts
December 10 2008 17:21 GMT
#54
On December 10 2008 13:38 Faronel wrote:
well you're assuming a shitload:

-There's one good child per household... my ass, if anything i'd expect all the good children to be in one household, and all the shitty ones in another due to factors like parenting, school environment, etc.
-The houses are evenly distributed aroudn the Earth.... also my ass, like you said Santa doesn't handle stuff other than Christianity. and last time i checked christian populations are clustered up a bit. not to mention there'd be entire patches of africa, europe, asia, antartica, and the freaking oceans (over 70% of the surface of earth) that santa could completely ignore due to lack of christians.
-you're not factoring in time zones....


lol
beam me up scotty, this planet suxX
Empyrean
Profile Blog Joined September 2004
17020 Posts
December 10 2008 17:31 GMT
#55
If you’re skeptical of Santa’s abilities to deliver presents to millions of homes and children in just one night, NC State University engineering professor Dr. Larry Silverberg can explain the scientific principles that allow the Jolly Old Elf to pull off the magical feat year after year.

Newswise — Don’t believe in Santa Claus? Cutting-edge science explains how Santa is able to deliver toys to good girls and boys around the world in one night.

If you’re skeptical of Santa’s abilities to deliver presents to millions of homes and children in just one night, North Carolina State University’s Dr. Larry Silverberg, professor of mechanical and aerospace engineering, can explain the science and engineering principles that allow the Jolly Old Elf to pull off the magical feat year after year.

With his cherubic smile and twinkling eyes, Santa may appear to be merely a jolly old soul, but he and his North Pole elves have a lot going on under the funny-looking hats, Silverberg says. Their advanced knowledge of electromagnetic waves, the space/time continuum, nanotechnology, genetic engineering and computer science easily trumps the know-how of contemporary scientists.

Silverberg says that Santa has a personal pipeline to children’s thoughts – via a listening antenna that combines technologies currently used in cell phones and EKGs – which informs him that Mary in Miami hopes for a surfboard, while Michael from Minneapolis wants a snowboard. A sophisticated signal processing system filters the data, giving Santa clues on who wants what, where children live, and even who’s been bad or good. Later, all this information will be processed in an onboard sleigh guidance system, which will provide Santa with the most efficient delivery route.

Silverberg adds that letters to Santa via snail mail still get the job done, however.

Silverberg is not so naïve as to think that Santa and his reindeer can travel approximately 200 million square miles – making stops in some 80 million homes – in one night. Instead, he posits that Santa uses his knowledge of the space/time continuum to form what Silverberg calls “relativity clouds.”

“Based on his advanced knowledge of the theory of relativity, Santa recognizes that time can be stretched like a rubber band, space can be squeezed like an orange and light can be bent,” Silverberg says. “Relativity clouds are controllable domains – rips in time – that allow him months to deliver presents while only a few minutes pass on Earth. The presents are truly delivered in a wink of an eye.”

With a detailed route prepared and his list checked twice through the onboard computer on the technologically advanced sleigh, Santa is ready to deliver presents. His reindeer – genetically bred to fly, balance on rooftops and see well in the dark – don’t actually pull a sleigh loaded down with toys. Instead, each house becomes Santa’s workshop as he utilizes a nano-toymaker to fabricate toys inside the children’s homes. The presents are grown on the spot, as the nano-toymaker creates – atom by atom – toys out of snow and soot, much like DNA can command the growth of organic material like tissues and body parts.

And there’s really no need for Santa to enter the house via chimney, although Silverberg says he enjoys doing that every so often. Rather, the same relativity cloud that allows Santa to deliver presents in what seems like a wink of an eye is also used to “morph” Santa into people’s homes.

Finally, many people wonder how Santa and the reindeer can eat all the food left out for them. Silverberg says they take just a nibble at each house. The remainder is either left in the house or placed in the sleigh’s built-in food dehydrator, where it is preserved for future consumption. It takes a long time to deliver all those presents, after all.

“This is our vision of Santa’s delivery method, given the human, physical and engineering constraints we face today,” Silverberg says. “Children shouldn’t put too much credence in the opinions of those who say it’s not possible to deliver presents all over the world in one night. It is possible, and it’s based on plausible science.”
Moderator
iPF[Div]
Profile Joined February 2008
Spain572 Posts
December 10 2008 17:32 GMT
#56
On December 10 2008 13:45 OmgIRok wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 10 2008 13:43 Luddite wrote:
Obviously Santa has arbiters so he can recall+cloak.


:O What does cloaking have to do with anything?

and every arbiter can only recall once (even with +50max), so there would have to be 1 arbiter for each house. O_o


protoss <3 christmas.
Since ma jae yoon and jin young soo stabbed me in the fucking back, i've got no one to rep here.
cgrinker
Profile Blog Joined December 2007
United States3824 Posts
December 10 2008 18:00 GMT
#57
I want a new keyboard.
cgrinker
Profile Blog Joined December 2007
United States3824 Posts
December 10 2008 18:00 GMT
#58
And a post count of 1000
TimeShifter
Profile Joined October 2008
Singapore235 Posts
December 10 2008 18:10 GMT
#59
santa uses quantum tunnelling to deliver the presents so fast
strawberries~
Jin
Profile Blog Joined March 2003
Canada439 Posts
December 10 2008 18:20 GMT
#60
On December 11 2008 02:31 Empyrean wrote:
Show nested quote +
If you’re skeptical of Santa’s abilities to deliver presents to millions of homes and children in just one night, NC State University engineering professor Dr. Larry Silverberg can explain the scientific principles that allow the Jolly Old Elf to pull off the magical feat year after year.

Newswise — Don’t believe in Santa Claus? Cutting-edge science explains how Santa is able to deliver toys to good girls and boys around the world in one night.

If you’re skeptical of Santa’s abilities to deliver presents to millions of homes and children in just one night, North Carolina State University’s Dr. Larry Silverberg, professor of mechanical and aerospace engineering, can explain the science and engineering principles that allow the Jolly Old Elf to pull off the magical feat year after year.

With his cherubic smile and twinkling eyes, Santa may appear to be merely a jolly old soul, but he and his North Pole elves have a lot going on under the funny-looking hats, Silverberg says. Their advanced knowledge of electromagnetic waves, the space/time continuum, nanotechnology, genetic engineering and computer science easily trumps the know-how of contemporary scientists.

Silverberg says that Santa has a personal pipeline to children’s thoughts – via a listening antenna that combines technologies currently used in cell phones and EKGs – which informs him that Mary in Miami hopes for a surfboard, while Michael from Minneapolis wants a snowboard. A sophisticated signal processing system filters the data, giving Santa clues on who wants what, where children live, and even who’s been bad or good. Later, all this information will be processed in an onboard sleigh guidance system, which will provide Santa with the most efficient delivery route.

Silverberg adds that letters to Santa via snail mail still get the job done, however.

Silverberg is not so naïve as to think that Santa and his reindeer can travel approximately 200 million square miles – making stops in some 80 million homes – in one night. Instead, he posits that Santa uses his knowledge of the space/time continuum to form what Silverberg calls “relativity clouds.”

“Based on his advanced knowledge of the theory of relativity, Santa recognizes that time can be stretched like a rubber band, space can be squeezed like an orange and light can be bent,” Silverberg says. “Relativity clouds are controllable domains – rips in time – that allow him months to deliver presents while only a few minutes pass on Earth. The presents are truly delivered in a wink of an eye.”

With a detailed route prepared and his list checked twice through the onboard computer on the technologically advanced sleigh, Santa is ready to deliver presents. His reindeer – genetically bred to fly, balance on rooftops and see well in the dark – don’t actually pull a sleigh loaded down with toys. Instead, each house becomes Santa’s workshop as he utilizes a nano-toymaker to fabricate toys inside the children’s homes. The presents are grown on the spot, as the nano-toymaker creates – atom by atom – toys out of snow and soot, much like DNA can command the growth of organic material like tissues and body parts.

And there’s really no need for Santa to enter the house via chimney, although Silverberg says he enjoys doing that every so often. Rather, the same relativity cloud that allows Santa to deliver presents in what seems like a wink of an eye is also used to “morph” Santa into people’s homes.

Finally, many people wonder how Santa and the reindeer can eat all the food left out for them. Silverberg says they take just a nibble at each house. The remainder is either left in the house or placed in the sleigh’s built-in food dehydrator, where it is preserved for future consumption. It takes a long time to deliver all those presents, after all.

“This is our vision of Santa’s delivery method, given the human, physical and engineering constraints we face today,” Silverberg says. “Children shouldn’t put too much credence in the opinions of those who say it’s not possible to deliver presents all over the world in one night. It is possible, and it’s based on plausible science.”


I can't find anything in literature about relativity clouds....
^-^v
Yuljan
Profile Blog Joined March 2004
2196 Posts
December 10 2008 19:02 GMT
#61
The christ child delivers my presents!
Liquid`Zephyr
Profile Blog Joined October 2006
United States996 Posts
December 10 2008 19:41 GMT
#62
op doesnt account for magic
Team LiquidPoorUser
Exousia
Profile Joined November 2008
United States38 Posts
December 10 2008 19:46 GMT
#63
magic > physics
Typho0n
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
Canada276 Posts
December 10 2008 22:11 GMT
#64
lol i can just imagine a burst of speedy flames in the sky and some kid yelling "noooooo santaaaaa!!"
CharlieMurphy
Profile Blog Joined March 2006
United States22895 Posts
December 10 2008 22:32 GMT
#65
Santa always had the same handwriting as my mom.
..and then I would, ya know, check em'. (Aka SpoR)
JeeJee
Profile Blog Joined July 2003
Canada5652 Posts
December 10 2008 22:49 GMT
#66
Assuming that Santa can actually read kids' minds and deliver all their presents in one night (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we have now completed the proof.
(\o/)  If you want it, you find a way. Otherwise you find excuses. No exceptions.
 /_\   aka Shinbi (requesting a name change since 27/05/09 ☺)
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 23:33 GMT
#67
I'm going to post this every year
and have Frits post in this thread every year too
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
eth0x
Profile Blog Joined August 2008
Canada208 Posts
December 11 2008 00:08 GMT
#68
Should do one of these posts about the hilarity in believing God.

And sorry in advance to anyone I may have insulted.
Because he is Mantoss, the incarnation of masculinity and awesomeness.
Faronel
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States658 Posts
December 12 2008 03:31 GMT
#69
On December 11 2008 08:33 OmgIRok wrote:
I'm going to post this every year
and have Frits post in this thread every year too

i'll be happy to post some rather argumentative posts next year as well.
C'est la vie...
SpiralArchitect
Profile Blog Joined December 2006
United States2116 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-12-12 03:39:05
December 12 2008 03:38 GMT
#70
On December 10 2008 13:38 Faronel wrote:
well you're assuming a shitload:

-There's one good child per household... my ass, if anything i'd expect all the good children to be in one household, and all the shitty ones in another due to factors like parenting, school environment, etc.
-The houses are evenly distributed aroudn the Earth.... also my ass, like you said Santa doesn't handle stuff other than Christianity. and last time i checked christian populations are clustered up a bit. not to mention there'd be entire patches of africa, europe, asia, antartica, and the freaking oceans (over 70% of the surface of earth) that santa could completely ignore due to lack of christians.
-you're not factoring in time zones....

None of that matters when you deaf while being covered in Rudolphs melting skin.
TeamLiquids #1 illiterate writer, writin dem wordz is de hardz.
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 16 2008 06:45 GMT
#71
On December 11 2008 07:32 CharlieMurphy wrote:
Santa always had the same handwriting as my mom.


LOL! good one

My parents never really told me santa stories.

I just got presents.. haha
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
Nitrogen
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
United States5345 Posts
December 16 2008 06:49 GMT
#72
On December 11 2008 04:46 Exousia wrote:
magic > physics


physics = magic
UNFUCK YOURSELF
my_4th_account
Profile Joined December 2008
Somalia20 Posts
December 16 2008 06:51 GMT
#73
SANTA EXIST IVE SEEN HIM IN A SHOPPING DEPARTMENT.
noobs like you
shavingcream66
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
United States1219 Posts
December 16 2008 06:55 GMT
#74
ignorant fool!
Meta
Profile Blog Joined June 2003
United States6225 Posts
December 16 2008 18:42 GMT
#75
You'll never guess who thinks America is turning fascist this time around!
http://www.slate.com/id/2206713
good vibes only
MamiyaOtaru
Profile Blog Joined September 2008
United States1687 Posts
December 17 2008 09:01 GMT
#76
Here's my theory.

Santa doesn't visit just anybody. Haven't you noticed your parents leaving presents, pretending to be Santa? That's because you aren't really good. There are probably only about 462 good children in the world to whom Santa actually brings presents. I mean, most children are pretty rotten.

Our no child left behind culture doesn't like to see exceptional children put on a pedestal, so we have this lie that Santa visits everyone, and the parents all go along with it so their children can feel special too.
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 18 2008 06:47 GMT
#77
On December 17 2008 18:01 MamiyaOtaru wrote:
Here's my theory.

Santa doesn't visit just anybody. Haven't you noticed your parents leaving presents, pretending to be Santa? That's because you aren't really good. There are probably only about 462 good children in the world to whom Santa actually brings presents. I mean, most children are pretty rotten.

Our no child left behind culture doesn't like to see exceptional children put on a pedestal, so we have this lie that Santa visits everyone, and the parents all go along with it so their children can feel special too.



:O Well thought out. I will have to disagree with your theory though, because the no child left behind culture is like, US only.
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 20 2008 19:23 GMT
#78
-Bump because it's almost that time of year again! ^^ yay holidays and winter break gogogogo winter breakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

w00t w00t
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
gg_hertzz
Profile Blog Joined January 2004
2152 Posts
December 20 2008 20:00 GMT
#79
why's everyone bitching? Everyone knows that santa doesn't exist but i bet no one knew any of the other stuff.
VO_ov
Profile Joined March 2007
United States46 Posts
December 20 2008 20:18 GMT
#80
o.o i really don't get the point of this but OK
I am the one and only NrG.ShyToSs
GrayArea
Profile Blog Joined December 2007
United States872 Posts
December 20 2008 20:35 GMT
#81
christmas is a magical time of the year because santa is magical which means his magic > physics.
also, the person who said magic = physics is wrong because this magic defies the laws of physics in such ways that even the most complicated explanations of physics still fall short.
Kang Min Fighting!
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