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Active: 30252 users

It's that time of year again!

Forum Index > General Forum
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1 2 3 4 5 Next All
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 04:03 GMT
#1
Christmas time! The time for storytelling and all that Santa story stuff and being bad boys gets you rocks in your socks and all that fun crap.
Okay let's cut to the chase you can be as naughty as you want Santa doesn't give a fuck, in fact he can't give a fuck, cause he doesn't EXIST.

OHMYGOD PROOF:
+ Show Spoiler [CAUTION: MAY NOT BE SUITABLE TO FAGS] +
No known species of reindeer can fly; BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.


There are 2 billion children -- persons under 18 -- in the world; BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.


Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.


Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75 1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.


This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run tops 15 miles per hour.


The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds.


Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,000 tons. Traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this air will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft's re-entering the earth's atmosphere.


The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per Second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.


In conclusion, if Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve -- he 's dead now.




+ Show Spoiler [OMG CREDITS NOT TO ME] +
Yeah, I got this off the internet a few years ago.
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
Frits
Profile Joined March 2003
11782 Posts
December 10 2008 04:05 GMT
#2
You should totally do standup dude! Hilarious stuff!
Folca
Profile Blog Joined October 2006
2235 Posts
December 10 2008 04:06 GMT
#3
I want a new mouse
Dea : one time when he was playing vs the comps he asked me "how do I make that flying unit that makes the other stuff invisible" and I reply "ur playing terran zomg"
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 04:07 GMT
#4
On December 10 2008 13:05 Frits wrote:
You should totally do standup dude! Hilarious stuff!

er okay?

thanks?
+ Show Spoiler +
i can't tell if this is sarcasm or not :S
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
StormSnarlX
Profile Blog Joined October 2005
United States278 Posts
December 10 2008 04:13 GMT
#5
it was
Catz Forever <3
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 04:17 GMT
#6
darnit.
is it cuz every1's seen this already? ._. i thought it was funny
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
GGQ
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
Canada2653 Posts
December 10 2008 04:21 GMT
#7
You could say he does it by magic...

but then all you'd have is a Santa-Claus-of-the-gaps, and not a real Santa Claus at all.
GhostKorean
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
United States2330 Posts
December 10 2008 04:23 GMT
#8
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo but... but... Santa's MAGIC
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 04:25 GMT
#9
uhh i don't think reindeers are magic =D
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
DanceCommander
Profile Blog Joined May 2008
United States1808 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-12-10 04:27:08
December 10 2008 04:26 GMT
#10
ITS CALLED CHRISTMAS MAGIC ASS

edit:
On December 10 2008 13:05 Frits wrote:
You should totally do standup dude! Hilarious stuff!


seconded
Enrique
Profile Blog Joined September 2005
United States377 Posts
December 10 2008 04:29 GMT
#11
I was in Alaska last year, and while I won't claim that Santa is magic, I will say that reindeer are magically delicious--they make incredible hot dogs!
~Inter Arma Enim Silent Leges~
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 04:29 GMT
#12
Lol ooookayyyyyyyy ?

this turned out to be better than i thought
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
inReacH
Profile Blog Joined August 2008
Sweden1612 Posts
December 10 2008 04:30 GMT
#13
How has no comedian ever done this bit?
bboyldy
Profile Blog Joined December 2006
Korea (North)664 Posts
December 10 2008 04:31 GMT
#14
I remember reading the translated version of this in a korean forum
expressing myself through the form of dancing
inReacH
Profile Blog Joined August 2008
Sweden1612 Posts
December 10 2008 04:32 GMT
#15
Also since when are there an average 3.5 children per home.. this seems like bullshit
..

this entire report is falsified!
SANTA IS REAL
fusionsdf
Profile Blog Joined June 2006
Canada15390 Posts
December 10 2008 04:32 GMT
#16
I thought it was cool :D
SKT_Best: "I actually chose Protoss because it was so hard for me to defeat Protoss as a Terran. When I first started Brood War, my main race was Terran."
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 04:34 GMT
#17
On December 10 2008 13:32 inReacH wrote:
Also since when are there an average 3.5 children per home.. this seems like bullshit
..

this entire report is falsified!
SANTA IS REAL


Well even if it averaged at 2.5, then that would make it more houses to visit, resulting in faster speed, resulting in stronger forces resulting in an even harder and bigger PWN
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
3clipse
Profile Blog Joined September 2008
Canada2555 Posts
December 10 2008 04:35 GMT
#18
I thought it was pretty decent.
OmgIRok
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Taiwan2699 Posts
December 10 2008 04:37 GMT
#19
I showed my science teacher this indirect proof, and he was like "don't you know santa has a magic coat so that he doesn't get hit?"

and then i told him that santa doesn't have a mask so his face will get destroyed anyways
"Wanna join my [combo] clan?" "We play turret d competitively"
Faronel
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States658 Posts
December 10 2008 04:38 GMT
#20
well you're assuming a shitload:

-There's one good child per household... my ass, if anything i'd expect all the good children to be in one household, and all the shitty ones in another due to factors like parenting, school environment, etc.
-The houses are evenly distributed aroudn the Earth.... also my ass, like you said Santa doesn't handle stuff other than Christianity. and last time i checked christian populations are clustered up a bit. not to mention there'd be entire patches of africa, europe, asia, antartica, and the freaking oceans (over 70% of the surface of earth) that santa could completely ignore due to lack of christians.
-you're not factoring in time zones....
C'est la vie...
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