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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
+ Show Spoiler +On December 02 2015 11:33 Zambrah wrote:Show nested quote +On December 02 2015 10:25 [Phantom] wrote:
So, I'm sorry for just coming here when I need advice and not give advice, but as you’ll find I’m not a very good person to ask advices of.
So, this past weekend, a friend and his girlfriend were coming to my house and we were supposed to go out and drink and stuff (they said we would invite more people once there). When they arrived they had brought this girl who is the best friend of the girlfriend of my friend. Fast forward 15 minutes the girls go to put some more makeup and my friend tells me their master plan: This girl has a boyfriend, but he "treats her bad" she isn't happy but can't let go, so I must try to flirt with her or at least kiss her so they break up.
At that point I'm just saying "This is stupid. WTF, Are we 15?"
I mean, I'm (we're) 21 so I'm by no means the sage of wisdom and maturity, but holy fuck what is that plan.
Anyway, fast forward a couple of hours and we are a little drunk (not much), so me and this girl start talking alone and we start talking about his boyfriend. She says she is "sacrificing her happiness to make him happy," she makes it clear that there are bad things but not everything is bad and he was his first and brings stability and blablabla, but she had thought about leaving but she hasn't been able.
Eventually she falls asleep because apparently (something I didn't know) she had only went to like one party before in her entire life and had never drank "this much" (we were all “fine” except for her). Through our conversation we held hands, hugged, she put her head on my shoulders that kind of stuff. When she resurrected 3 hours later probably less drunk she still did it but it was late and I took everyone home and got back to my house, so nothing else happened. The next day my friend says that she told her girlfriend good things about me, she used a word though that could mean Good-hearted person/kind or pretty/handsome depending on the context. He tells me that I should try to make something happen, not only for her and the dumb plan but for me because of a thing that happened with a girl like a month ago that I also shared here.
Which is where I'm today. I still think the plan is shit. I know the most that could happen is something not very serious (which...maybe i'd be fine with) because there's basically 0 chance of her dating me even if she likes me or/and leaves his boyfriend because one does not simply leave a 2 year relationship and starts dating at the next day. But at the same time, maybe it was because I was a little drunk, but I did like her, she is pretty and fun and she did say she wasn't all that happy...
Apparently, I'll be seeing her a lot in the following weeks starting this Friday, and I did chat a little with her through whatsapp but I'm not sure how to handle this. Should I try something? Should I treat her as a friend? It looks like whatever the case she'll be joining our group of friends (at least until my friend and his girlfriend break up lol) So I'm not sure. I did like her...but it makes no sense...
So I'm basically here asking you to tell me how stupid my friends are and how stupid I am for even considering this.
Your friends are quite stupid and you're less stupid for not immediately being involved but you can be stupid-free by following DPB's infinite wisdom.
Good advice in general; rise above it.
Stupid scheming is NEVER a good idea to be a part of. Plus, someone whos in a relationship out of some weird self-sacrifice isn't the best person to be in a relationship with. Breeds dishonesty, breeds resentment, breeds the bad stuff.
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On December 02 2015 10:25 [Phantom] wrote:
So, I'm sorry for just coming here when I need advice and not give advice, but as you’ll find I’m not a very good person to ask advices of.
So, this past weekend, a friend and his girlfriend were coming to my house and we were supposed to go out and drink and stuff (they said we would invite more people once there). When they arrived they had brought this girl who is the best friend of the girlfriend of my friend. Fast forward 15 minutes the girls go to put some more makeup and my friend tells me their master plan: This girl has a boyfriend, but he "treats her bad" she isn't happy but can't let go, so I must try to flirt with her or at least kiss her so they break up.
At that point I'm just saying "This is stupid. WTF, Are we 15?"
I mean, I'm (we're) 21 so I'm by no means the sage of wisdom and maturity, but holy fuck what is that plan.
Anyway, fast forward a couple of hours and we are a little drunk (not much), so me and this girl start talking alone and we start talking about his boyfriend. She says she is "sacrificing her happiness to make him happy," she makes it clear that there are bad things but not everything is bad and he was his first and brings stability and blablabla, but she had thought about leaving but she hasn't been able.
Eventually she falls asleep because apparently (something I didn't know) she had only went to like one party before in her entire life and had never drank "this much" (we were all “fine” except for her). Through our conversation we held hands, hugged, she put her head on my shoulders that kind of stuff. When she resurrected 3 hours later probably less drunk she still did it but it was late and I took everyone home and got back to my house, so nothing else happened. The next day my friend says that she told her girlfriend good things about me, she used a word though that could mean Good-hearted person/kind or pretty/handsome depending on the context. He tells me that I should try to make something happen, not only for her and the dumb plan but for me because of a thing that happened with a girl like a month ago that I also shared here.
Which is where I'm today. I still think the plan is shit. I know the most that could happen is something not very serious (which...maybe i'd be fine with) because there's basically 0 chance of her dating me even if she likes me or/and leaves his boyfriend because one does not simply leave a 2 year relationship and starts dating at the next day. But at the same time, maybe it was because I was a little drunk, but I did like her, she is pretty and fun and she did say she wasn't all that happy...
Apparently, I'll be seeing her a lot in the following weeks starting this Friday, and I did chat a little with her through whatsapp but I'm not sure how to handle this. Should I try something? Should I treat her as a friend? It looks like whatever the case she'll be joining our group of friends (at least until my friend and his girlfriend break up lol) So I'm not sure. I did like her...but it makes no sense...
So I'm basically here asking you to tell me how stupid my friends are and how stupid I am for even considering this.
No. Your friends are terrible for even putting you in such an awkward situation. No matter how shitty a 2 years relationship is it always means something deep to people, especially in their early twenties, She's obviously no clue what she's doing and there's no way any of this would amount to something serious.
Even if you just wanna fool around she's probably not a good target, considering she doesn't party and seems like quite a sad panda.
I don't know how many chicks you get but regardless of how desperate one is, shit like this is never a good idea (unless you feel VERY attracted to her, which doesn't seem to be the case). Anyway, forget it.
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On December 02 2015 11:33 Zambrah wrote:Show nested quote +On December 02 2015 10:25 [Phantom] wrote:
So, I'm sorry for just coming here when I need advice and not give advice, but as you’ll find I’m not a very good person to ask advices of.
So, this past weekend, a friend and his girlfriend were coming to my house and we were supposed to go out and drink and stuff (they said we would invite more people once there). When they arrived they had brought this girl who is the best friend of the girlfriend of my friend. Fast forward 15 minutes the girls go to put some more makeup and my friend tells me their master plan: This girl has a boyfriend, but he "treats her bad" she isn't happy but can't let go, so I must try to flirt with her or at least kiss her so they break up.
At that point I'm just saying "This is stupid. WTF, Are we 15?"
I mean, I'm (we're) 21 so I'm by no means the sage of wisdom and maturity, but holy fuck what is that plan.
Anyway, fast forward a couple of hours and we are a little drunk (not much), so me and this girl start talking alone and we start talking about his boyfriend. She says she is "sacrificing her happiness to make him happy," she makes it clear that there are bad things but not everything is bad and he was his first and brings stability and blablabla, but she had thought about leaving but she hasn't been able.
Eventually she falls asleep because apparently (something I didn't know) she had only went to like one party before in her entire life and had never drank "this much" (we were all “fine” except for her). Through our conversation we held hands, hugged, she put her head on my shoulders that kind of stuff. When she resurrected 3 hours later probably less drunk she still did it but it was late and I took everyone home and got back to my house, so nothing else happened. The next day my friend says that she told her girlfriend good things about me, she used a word though that could mean Good-hearted person/kind or pretty/handsome depending on the context. He tells me that I should try to make something happen, not only for her and the dumb plan but for me because of a thing that happened with a girl like a month ago that I also shared here.
Which is where I'm today. I still think the plan is shit. I know the most that could happen is something not very serious (which...maybe i'd be fine with) because there's basically 0 chance of her dating me even if she likes me or/and leaves his boyfriend because one does not simply leave a 2 year relationship and starts dating at the next day. But at the same time, maybe it was because I was a little drunk, but I did like her, she is pretty and fun and she did say she wasn't all that happy...
Apparently, I'll be seeing her a lot in the following weeks starting this Friday, and I did chat a little with her through whatsapp but I'm not sure how to handle this. Should I try something? Should I treat her as a friend? It looks like whatever the case she'll be joining our group of friends (at least until my friend and his girlfriend break up lol) So I'm not sure. I did like her...but it makes no sense...
So I'm basically here asking you to tell me how stupid my friends are and how stupid I am for even considering this. Your friends are quite stupid and you're less stupid for not immediately being involved but you can be stupid-free by following DPB's infinite wisdom.
<3
I wish I could spend more time reading through this thread 
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On the other hand, when I was in college, my first girlfriend of 2ish years met a dude through her housemates who she broke up with me for and now she's married to him. So don't give up hope phantom.
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I say if ya feel the feels even when not trying it might be worth trying if that makes sense.
But there's no reason to put any effort in just because ya'll are being "set up" and you think there's a solid chance of something happening, because there isn't based on that alone. She's a nice girl, but there are a bajillion of those out there who aren't looking for an out from a toxic relationship. Well, there's a lot that are too but you get the meaning.
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On December 02 2015 10:25 [Phantom] wrote:+ Show Spoiler +So, I'm sorry for just coming here when I need advice and not give advice, but as you’ll find I’m not a very good person to ask advices of.
So, this past weekend, a friend and his girlfriend were coming to my house and we were supposed to go out and drink and stuff (they said we would invite more people once there). When they arrived they had brought this girl who is the best friend of the girlfriend of my friend. Fast forward 15 minutes the girls go to put some more makeup and my friend tells me their master plan: This girl has a boyfriend, but he "treats her bad" she isn't happy but can't let go, so I must try to flirt with her or at least kiss her so they break up.
At that point I'm just saying "This is stupid. WTF, Are we 15?"
I mean, I'm (we're) 21 so I'm by no means the sage of wisdom and maturity, but holy fuck what is that plan.
Anyway, fast forward a couple of hours and we are a little drunk (not much), so me and this girl start talking alone and we start talking about his boyfriend. She says she is "sacrificing her happiness to make him happy," she makes it clear that there are bad things but not everything is bad and he was his first and brings stability and blablabla, but she had thought about leaving but she hasn't been able.
Eventually she falls asleep because apparently (something I didn't know) she had only went to like one party before in her entire life and had never drank "this much" (we were all “fine” except for her). Through our conversation we held hands, hugged, she put her head on my shoulders that kind of stuff. When she resurrected 3 hours later probably less drunk she still did it but it was late and I took everyone home and got back to my house, so nothing else happened. The next day my friend says that she told her girlfriend good things about me, she used a word though that could mean Good-hearted person/kind or pretty/handsome depending on the context. He tells me that I should try to make something happen, not only for her and the dumb plan but for me because of a thing that happened with a girl like a month ago that I also shared here.
Which is where I'm today. I still think the plan is shit. I know the most that could happen is something not very serious (which...maybe i'd be fine with) because there's basically 0 chance of her dating me even if she likes me or/and leaves his boyfriend because one does not simply leave a 2 year relationship and starts dating at the next day. But at the same time, maybe it was because I was a little drunk, but I did like her, she is pretty and fun and she did say she wasn't all that happy...
Apparently, I'll be seeing her a lot in the following weeks starting this Friday, and I did chat a little with her through whatsapp but I'm not sure how to handle this. Should I try something? Should I treat her as a friend? It looks like whatever the case she'll be joining our group of friends (at least until my friend and his girlfriend break up lol) So I'm not sure. I did like her...but it makes no sense...
So I'm basically here asking you to tell me how stupid my friends are and how stupid I am for even considering this.
Pretty sure the other guy is the girl's crush. She is upset she is in disadvantage and wants to reclaim her position by semi-cheating.. "look I can do just fine without you". But in reality she has fallen for the guy. You're all are just tools in her dream where she is having a "real" relationship with her crush, whereas in reality the guy has been using her and about to dump her and she knows it.
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On December 02 2015 12:28 saddaromma wrote:Show nested quote +On December 02 2015 10:25 [Phantom] wrote:+ Show Spoiler +So, I'm sorry for just coming here when I need advice and not give advice, but as you’ll find I’m not a very good person to ask advices of.
So, this past weekend, a friend and his girlfriend were coming to my house and we were supposed to go out and drink and stuff (they said we would invite more people once there). When they arrived they had brought this girl who is the best friend of the girlfriend of my friend. Fast forward 15 minutes the girls go to put some more makeup and my friend tells me their master plan: This girl has a boyfriend, but he "treats her bad" she isn't happy but can't let go, so I must try to flirt with her or at least kiss her so they break up.
At that point I'm just saying "This is stupid. WTF, Are we 15?"
I mean, I'm (we're) 21 so I'm by no means the sage of wisdom and maturity, but holy fuck what is that plan.
Anyway, fast forward a couple of hours and we are a little drunk (not much), so me and this girl start talking alone and we start talking about his boyfriend. She says she is "sacrificing her happiness to make him happy," she makes it clear that there are bad things but not everything is bad and he was his first and brings stability and blablabla, but she had thought about leaving but she hasn't been able.
Eventually she falls asleep because apparently (something I didn't know) she had only went to like one party before in her entire life and had never drank "this much" (we were all “fine” except for her). Through our conversation we held hands, hugged, she put her head on my shoulders that kind of stuff. When she resurrected 3 hours later probably less drunk she still did it but it was late and I took everyone home and got back to my house, so nothing else happened. The next day my friend says that she told her girlfriend good things about me, she used a word though that could mean Good-hearted person/kind or pretty/handsome depending on the context. He tells me that I should try to make something happen, not only for her and the dumb plan but for me because of a thing that happened with a girl like a month ago that I also shared here.
Which is where I'm today. I still think the plan is shit. I know the most that could happen is something not very serious (which...maybe i'd be fine with) because there's basically 0 chance of her dating me even if she likes me or/and leaves his boyfriend because one does not simply leave a 2 year relationship and starts dating at the next day. But at the same time, maybe it was because I was a little drunk, but I did like her, she is pretty and fun and she did say she wasn't all that happy...
Apparently, I'll be seeing her a lot in the following weeks starting this Friday, and I did chat a little with her through whatsapp but I'm not sure how to handle this. Should I try something? Should I treat her as a friend? It looks like whatever the case she'll be joining our group of friends (at least until my friend and his girlfriend break up lol) So I'm not sure. I did like her...but it makes no sense...
So I'm basically here asking you to tell me how stupid my friends are and how stupid I am for even considering this. Pretty sure the other guy is the girl's crush. She is upset she is in disadvantage and wants to reclaim her position by semi-cheating.. "look I can do just fine without you". But in reality she has fallen for the guy. You're all are just tools in her dream where she is having a "real" relationship with her crush, whereas in reality the guy has been using her and about to dump her and she knows it.
I read your post a number of times to try and make sense out of it. Can you rephrase it?
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Mexico2170 Posts
I think he means that this girl likes the guy but feels like she will lose him so she is trying to kind of make her think that she would be fine without him so he reconsiders?
Anyway, Thanks for the advice so far guys, I had a good laugh with the run like the wind one lol. I agree it stupid of my friends to have tried this and that there are better targets, though like I said it seems we'll be seeing each other frequently and I did like her so it's kind of a 'I'm already here' situation. I will think about your advices tonight.
Going back to DPB advice though...I think you missunderstood.
I don't think the girl I’m asking here about, call her girl A, is aware of the plan my friend and his girfriend (girl B), made, at least as far as I’m concerned. I think this is just something my friend and girl B tried to set up because girl A has told B some stuff and she never goes out and girl A feels like she is wasting her youth or something. So I don’t think Girl A is using me as an excuse to break up with his boyfriend, unless you mean by the nice comments she made about me and the stuff she did that day. So while a lot of your advice still holds (cheating is never good, you don’t want that kind of person), with that thing clarified what exactly your advice would be? People around here seem to respect you a lot so that’s why I want to be sure I get your advice correctly lol.
Thanks everyone
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I just want to add that the girl you are talking about kinda seems to be full of shit. Sacrificing her happiness for his? Is she Mother Teresa or something? She sounds like one of those girls who gets her self-worth confirmed by always having a guy wrapped around their finger and are too insecure and superficial to spend time alone and actually building on their own interests and personality.
But to be fair that goes for a lot of people of that age. If you wanna go for it that's obviously fine but just realize she will be with you for all the wrong reasons.
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On December 02 2015 13:13 [Phantom] wrote:I think he means that this girl likes the guy but feels like she will lose him so she is trying to kind of make her think that she would be fine without him so he reconsiders? Anyway, Thanks for the advice so far guys, I had a good laugh with the run like the wind one lol. I agree it stupid of my friends to have tried this and that there are better targets, though like I said it seems we'll be seeing each other frequently and I did like her so it's kind of a 'I'm already here' situation. I will think about your advices tonight. Going back to DPB advice though...I think you missunderstood. I don't think the girl I’m asking here about, call her girl A, is aware of the plan my friend and his girfriend (girl B), made, at least as far as I’m concerned. I think this is just something my friend and girl B tried to set up because girl A has told B some stuff and she never goes out and girl A feels like she is wasting her youth or something. So I don’t think Girl A is using me as an excuse to break up with his boyfriend, unless you mean by the nice comments she made about me and the stuff she did that day. So while a lot of your advice still holds (cheating is never good, you don’t want that kind of person), with that thing clarified what exactly your advice would be? People around here seem to respect you a lot so that’s why I want to be sure I get your advice correctly lol. Thanks everyone
Ah I didn't realize the girlfriend wasn't in on the "plan" My mistake for misunderstanding!
Personally, I find cheating to be just about the worst thing you can do in a relationship, so if she does start to show romantic/ intimate interest in you, I'd make it clear that you're looking to reciprocate and that you're into her too once she's single. That'll put an appropriate amount of "pressure" on her to evaluate her current relationship (where she's apparently unhappy), and one of three things will most likely happen:
1. She'll realize that she really wants to make things work with her boyfriend, so she'll stay with him (could be good for her or bad, but at least she's making a proactive decision).
2. She'll try to pressure you into fooling around without breaking up with her boyfriend (that way she has a fallback and the security of her boyfriend, while she considers you a fun temporary distraction)... I strongly disagree with going along with this, especially if you're considering a real relationship with her as a possibility (because if she'll cheat with you, she could very well cheat on you). If you're just trying to get laid and fool around, then that's your call, but I personally don't like to be the guy who helps girls cheat on their boyfriends. Depends on how opportunistic you are I guess, and whether or not you want to risk drama.
3. She'll break things off with her boyfriend and possibly start something with you. Just keep in mind that she might treat you as a rebound or be into you primarily because you're different than her boyfriend (or at least, she perceives you as different but doesn't really know you super super well yet), so proceed, but with caution.
She's the one in the rocky relationship, not you... so put the ball in her court and see where she goes with it
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I'm gonna go with the "Run like the wind" response. I haven't read anything good about her other than "she is pretty and fun". She does not sound like gf material to me, and the plan is really fucked up at best. Why on earth would you want to be with a girl who must fuck another guy to realize her current boyfriend is bad for her? She sounds kinda batshit.
Even if she were to drop her boyfriend, I wouldn't touch her for at least a few months if you were interested in her for a relationship. Not to mention, what if she finds out about your plan? Then you're really fucked.
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kinda same thing happened to me once but this time there was no plan it just happened naturally
she kept saying that she is not sure if she loves him anymore but she is also used to him, it was like a 4 years relationship, but he was not in the country at that moment
so i was kinda like her temp boyfriend who does the things her actual bf cant or wont do anymore
basically i was treating her like a princess
im usually a bit shy i don't really approach girls even if i know they have genuine interest in me, i don't know how to say it but i was drawn to her, i just couldnt stop myself
and i really thought that she forgot about him and we might have something serious
then her bf came back like 4weeks later and the first thing she did was to go on a vacation with him and she didnt even tell me anything, she just said that it was a "family visit" and stupid me i believed her, until i found out that she was actually with her bf the whole time. and the most disgusting part is that, she was still messaging me at the time, talking like everything is normal, while she is actually by his side.
obviously after that i stopped talking to her, i didnt even look at her face once for months. she tried many times but i shut her down. she would literally talk to my face and i would act like she is not there, i would just keep minding my own business, i know it sounds stupid but i really didnt wanna look at her and say anything to her. i was just so done with her. i heard that they broke up pretty soon after that but still it didnt change anything.
so yeah i think u should stay away from her, sounds like a fucked up situation you wouldn't wanna get in.
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On December 02 2015 10:25 [Phantom] wrote:
So, I'm sorry for just coming here when I need advice and not give advice, but as you’ll find I’m not a very good person to ask advices of.
So, this past weekend, a friend and his girlfriend were coming to my house and we were supposed to go out and drink and stuff (they said we would invite more people once there). When they arrived they had brought this girl who is the best friend of the girlfriend of my friend. Fast forward 15 minutes the girls go to put some more makeup and my friend tells me their master plan: This girl has a boyfriend, but he "treats her bad" she isn't happy but can't let go, so I must try to flirt with her or at least kiss her so they break up.
At that point I'm just saying "This is stupid. WTF, Are we 15?"
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Hahahahaha A+ :D
Seriously though, stay away, especially if she's within your social group - it most likely will mess things up with both her and your friends when things go awry. And she sounds like a mess. And there's plenty of great available pussy going around that you don't need these complications. If she wasn't close to your friends then you can offer her that you'd like to fuck her and then see what happens without any consequences or ties (very important you'd do this when you're both sober for your integrity's sake). But when she's part of your group just let it go.
Really funny story though, takes me way back to middle school.
On December 02 2015 13:13 [Phantom] wrote:
Anyway, Thanks for the advice so far guys, I had a good laugh with the run like the wind one lol. I agree it stupid of my friends to have tried this and that there are better targets
It means your friends think you're a superstud who can breakup people with his massive charm (and other things) up at will!
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I actually fully agree with how you handled that Invoker
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Just bought this audiobook
![[image loading]](http://media1.s-nbcnews.com/j/newscms/2015_25/639536/aziz-ansari-today-001-150619_42c8015dc037b5e943c92d81179218cc.today-inline-large.jpg)
So hilarious :D
Very first thing in after he makes fun of me for being lazy and not buying a book: A girl waits long to respond to a text :D
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Haha, definitely downloading that! Illegally.
Done and done.
WOW! This shit is extremely accurate. Fucking SPOT ON. The first part (in the audiobook) where he talks about how she didn't answer and what could have happened. I'm going through exactly this right now with a girl from tinder.
We were talking and I mentioned that I'm do graphics and stuff.
She said "Graphic designer, sounds fun! How did you become one? "
My response was this: "Well, it's a somewhat nerdy and complex story, it's best told over a long walk!"
I assumed she would understand it was an invitation for a date and I also assumed she would accept because of how we talked before. It is pretty obvious, no?
Just I haven't gotten a response, it was two days ago. Going through his exact emotions in that first part. God it's so frustrating. I just want to send another text saying "Did Tinder glitch and you didn't get my message, are you still thinking or are you one of those people who rejects people by silence?". Not that I don't think she got my text, more because I want to call her out on her bullshit, however I know I won't gain anything from it still.
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I guess seeking advice.
I met exgf 3 yeas ago, she was over on a foreign exchange program at my uni.
We knew each other for a year and dated for bit over 6 months before she left. Kinda left things open ended at the end and contact each other less frequently as time goes. One visit a year ago, didn't talk much about future plans.
She graduated around 6 months ago, interning right now. A week ago she said that her uncle's company was looking for someone to help with new risk reporting regulations, implying I could get the job if I wanted. It is for slightly more pay, but moving to another country is a pretty big deal.
She is seeing another guy right now but she says it isn't serious. I'm not being a monk either. I'm 25 yo and she is 22. What's the move here?
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On December 03 2015 21:57 MaCRo.gg wrote:
I guess seeking advice.
I met exgf 3 yeas ago, she was over on a foreign exchange program at my uni.
We knew each other for a year and dated for bit over 6 months before she left. Kinda left things open ended at the end and contact each other less frequently as time goes. One visit a year ago, didn't talk much about future plans.
She graduated around 6 months ago, interning right now. A week ago she said that her uncle's company was looking for someone to help with new risk reporting regulations, implying I could get the job if I wanted. It is for slightly more pay, but moving to another country is a pretty big deal.
She is seeing another guy right now but she says it isn't serious. I'm not being a monk either. I'm 25 yo and she is 22. What's the move here?
Ignore the girl in the equation and decide on a personal level if that job's a good opportunity for you or not. Living and working in a foreign country is awesome for your life, even if it doesn't work out say after a year, just great life experience that'll help you gain perspective when you come back!
The girl shouldn't really play any role in your decision making, ending up with her might be a good bonus but you should not base your decision on her being there whatsoever
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On December 03 2015 21:17 bloodwhore~ wrote:Haha, definitely downloading that! Illegally. Done and done. WOW! This shit is extremely accurate. Fucking SPOT ON. The first part (in the audiobook) where he talks about how she didn't answer and what could have happened. I'm going through exactly this right now with a girl from tinder. We were talking and I mentioned that I'm do graphics and stuff. She said "Graphic designer, sounds fun! How did you become one? " My response was this: "Well, it's a somewhat nerdy and complex story, it's best told over a long walk!" I assumed she would understand it was an invitation for a date and I also assumed she would accept because of how we talked before. It is pretty obvious, no? Just I haven't gotten a response, it was two days ago. Going through his exact emotions in that first part. God it's so frustrating. I just want to send another text saying "Did Tinder glitch and you didn't get my message, are you still thinking or are you one of those people who rejects people by silence?". Not that I don't think she got my text, more because I want to call her out on her bullshit, however I know I won't gain anything from it still.
Dude you don't learn :D
First of all - Tinder again?
Second of all what's the bullshit message, "I'd love to tell you all about it person! When are you free to get together?" boom, done.
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On December 03 2015 22:13 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On December 03 2015 21:57 MaCRo.gg wrote:
I guess seeking advice.
I met exgf 3 yeas ago, she was over on a foreign exchange program at my uni.
We knew each other for a year and dated for bit over 6 months before she left. Kinda left things open ended at the end and contact each other less frequently as time goes. One visit a year ago, didn't talk much about future plans.
She graduated around 6 months ago, interning right now. A week ago she said that her uncle's company was looking for someone to help with new risk reporting regulations, implying I could get the job if I wanted. It is for slightly more pay, but moving to another country is a pretty big deal.
She is seeing another guy right now but she says it isn't serious. I'm not being a monk either. I'm 25 yo and she is 22. What's the move here? Ignore the girl in the equation and decide on a personal level if that job's a good opportunity for you or not. Living and working in a foreign country is awesome for your life, even if it doesn't work out say after a year, just great life experience that'll help you gain perspective when you come back! The girl shouldn't really play any role in your decision making, ending up with her might be a good bonus but you should not base your decision on her being there whatsoever
Agreed. It's primarily solely a business decision. Would you want to work at her uncle's company if she didn't exist? If so, then it sounds like a cool opportunity to try out a new place, get new experiences, and possibly make a bit more money. You're young enough that now would be the time to explore.
But. Do. Not. Do. It. Just. For. The. Girl.
Something might eventually happen again between you and her, and that'd be cool (although it's getting dangerously close to shitting where you eat- dating in the workplace- since her uncle will be your boss, and if you and her end on bad terms...........). But you shouldn't move to another country just for a girl who you casually dated years ago, she's casually dating other people now, and you aren't in a serious relationship with.
Your friendly relationship with her has allowed for networking and an opportunity for a job. That's why you don't burn bridges, and that's awesome! And for now, you should leave it at that.
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EPT
