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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.

Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.

Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
Erik.TheRed
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States1655 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-10-07 23:17:40
May 27 2014 11:59 GMT
#9461
Edit:

Figured it out
"See you space cowboy"
Calanthe
Profile Joined October 2012
United States147 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-05-27 12:23:04
May 27 2014 12:18 GMT
#9462
Hey, you're really cute. What're you doing on Tindr?

e: Seriously tho. Go outside and charm the pants off some girls. Also the last pic in the imgur album where you're sitting in a booth is the best one out of all of those imo.
my heart's the bitter buffalo
marvellosity
Profile Joined January 2011
United Kingdom36161 Posts
May 27 2014 12:20 GMT
#9463
I'd tap that.
[15:15] <Palmar> and yes marv, you're a total hottie
Najda
Profile Joined June 2010
United States3765 Posts
May 27 2014 12:55 GMT
#9464
Are you using your actual facebook? They have anti spam protection in place where you need to have a certain.number of friends etc. for you to find a match, though mayne the constant dwleting reactivating does it too.
Erik.TheRed
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States1655 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-05-27 13:06:26
May 27 2014 13:05 GMT
#9465
On May 27 2014 21:55 Najda wrote:
Are you using your actual facebook? They have anti spam protection in place where you need to have a certain.number of friends etc. for you to find a match, though mayne the constant dwleting reactivating does it too.


Yeah, I can see mutual interests and friends showing up so it seems to be connected to my facebook account. Either way, I probably should be going out more anyway! Just thought this might be another cool way to meet more people (I'm still kind of new to the city).
"See you space cowboy"
LeLfe
Profile Joined February 2011
France3160 Posts
May 27 2014 14:21 GMT
#9466
On May 27 2014 04:42 Otolia wrote:
I am probably splitting up with my current girlfriend after 3 and a half years together. She wants to go back home (I'm French, she is Finnish) to be with her family and friends. She finished her studies in France this year and didn't want to settle here. She also have an incurable form of cancer. I still have until October 2015 before I'm done with studies though I also have a full-time job here in Paris. I feel so sad and powerless (don't worry, I'm not going to kill anyone over my sorrow) while also feeling like I'm abandoning her because I didn't took enough of her during the diagnostic and surgery phase. Also I don't know how to handle break-ups and I fear I'll go back to being depressed if I'm not with her.

Yup Yup ...

that's one sad story not sure there is any good piece of advice on how to handle a break up since every one has his own way to deal with it, but I think you should not feel guilty, you're a student with everything yet to live, can't blame you for having to stay, can't blame her for wanting to be with her family. Good luck
Writer for Red bull (Fr) and Iron Squid (En/Fr) @ClemLeLfe on twitter
WombaT
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Northern Ireland26422 Posts
May 27 2014 14:25 GMT
#9467
Damn son you're even more handsome than me...

On Tinder it strikes me that the experience is very much dependent on the uptake in a particular area and the type of people that gravitate to it. The same with PoF, it seems to have a different dynamic over in NI, whereas the testament of Stateside users paints it them as a place for casual hookups, NI has a lot more 'genuine' people on the service if my friends' experiences are anything to go by.

Good luck man, there's no substitute for getting yourself out there face to face like Calanthe said but I can see the value in getting out of your set social circles.
'You'll always be the cuddly marsupial of my heart, despite the inherent flaws of your ancestry' - Squat
B.I.G.
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
3251 Posts
May 27 2014 15:24 GMT
#9468
On May 27 2014 20:59 Erik.TheRed wrote:
So I went ahead and made a tinder account recently, not because I expected anything from it but mainly because I was curious what all the hype was about. Running it on PC with an android emulator was pretty buggy (kept thinking I was halfway across the world) so after resetting my account a couple times I've just resigned to using it on my smartphone.

I can't seem to get any matches now-- maybe it's not as popular here in Stockholm as it is in the US? Or perhaps my profile just isn't doing it, idk. I just hope my account isn't somehow fucked up from being deleted/reactivated a few times.

Here's what my profile looks like, if anyone wants to drop some feedback! http://imgur.com/a/IU3bo

You are not going to be like that other guy who used to post here who was so satisfied with himself that he took every single fucking opportunity to upload topless pics of himself right?
Erik.TheRed
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States1655 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-05-27 15:35:32
May 27 2014 15:35 GMT
#9469
On May 28 2014 00:24 B.I.G. wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 27 2014 20:59 Erik.TheRed wrote:
So I went ahead and made a tinder account recently, not because I expected anything from it but mainly because I was curious what all the hype was about. Running it on PC with an android emulator was pretty buggy (kept thinking I was halfway across the world) so after resetting my account a couple times I've just resigned to using it on my smartphone.

I can't seem to get any matches now-- maybe it's not as popular here in Stockholm as it is in the US? Or perhaps my profile just isn't doing it, idk. I just hope my account isn't somehow fucked up from being deleted/reactivated a few times.

Here's what my profile looks like, if anyone wants to drop some feedback! http://imgur.com/a/IU3bo

You are not going to be like that other guy who used to post here who was so satisfied with himself that he took every single fucking opportunity to upload topless pics of himself right?


lol don't worry, i'll spare everyone of topless pics.. you don't have to believe me, but I only posted because I haven't been getting matches and wanted some feedback.
"See you space cowboy"
urboss
Profile Joined September 2013
Austria1223 Posts
May 27 2014 15:44 GMT
#9470
Learn from the pros:
http://www.adweek.com/news/technology/how-one-guy-wooed-2000-women-tinder-156989
Najda
Profile Joined June 2010
United States3765 Posts
May 27 2014 18:07 GMT
#9471
On May 28 2014 00:44 urboss wrote:
Learn from the pros:
http://www.adweek.com/news/technology/how-one-guy-wooed-2000-women-tinder-156989


But now it doesn't work if everyone's seen it.
B.I.G.
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
3251 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-05-27 18:50:18
May 27 2014 18:49 GMT
#9472
Look Erik, getting matches on Tinder is very easy. You go on that damn app and spamclick like until your thumb starts bleeding. Then after you get a couple of matches you can start sorting out which ones actually might have some potential. The FB pics I uploaded to tinder were total shit and even I got matches from some at least decently pretty girls.

Just like real life dating it's effectively a numbers game.
obesechicken13
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States10467 Posts
May 27 2014 20:09 GMT
#9473
Someone did a numbers game on OKC as well. I think I heard about it on reddit or this thread.
http://www.wired.com/2014/01/how-to-hack-okcupid/all/

I don't think I'd be comfortable with such a tactic.
I think in our modern age technology has evolved to become more addictive. The things that don't give us pleasure aren't used as much. Work was never meant to be fun, but doing it makes us happier in the long run.
phyren
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
United States1067 Posts
May 27 2014 22:15 GMT
#9474
Tinder is strange in that it actively encourages you to be more superficial. Use it for a little while and you'll start to get matches, but that doesn't mean the people you are matched with will say anything to you or respond if you do. Effectively, this encourages you to invest as little as possible into getting matched, i.e. heart every single person in order to sort things after matches are made. Of course, this reinforces the system because you will get matched with people whom you don't actually find attractive and whom you are unlikely to message.

Additionally, I wonder what Tinder is like from a girls perspective. I imagine they must have a much higher match rate, and they likely get men making the first contact, most with similar words.
Otolia
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
France5805 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-05-27 22:18:28
May 27 2014 22:17 GMT
#9475
On May 28 2014 05:09 obesechicken13 wrote:
Someone did a numbers game on OKC as well. I think I heard about it on reddit or this thread.
http://www.wired.com/2014/01/how-to-hack-okcupid/all/

I don't think I'd be comfortable with such a tactic.

Why ? It's just a method to meet people. He got 88 dates before finding one ? I didn't met that many women whom I could be interested with in my life ...

On May 27 2014 23:21 LeLfe wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 27 2014 04:42 Otolia wrote:
I am probably splitting up with my current girlfriend after 3 and a half years together. She wants to go back home (I'm French, she is Finnish) to be with her family and friends. She finished her studies in France this year and didn't want to settle here. She also have an incurable form of cancer. I still have until October 2015 before I'm done with studies though I also have a full-time job here in Paris. I feel so sad and powerless (don't worry, I'm not going to kill anyone over my sorrow) while also feeling like I'm abandoning her because I didn't took enough of her during the diagnostic and surgery phase. Also I don't know how to handle break-ups and I fear I'll go back to being depressed if I'm not with her.

Yup Yup ...

that's one sad story not sure there is any good piece of advice on how to handle a break up since every one has his own way to deal with it, but I think you should not feel guilty, you're a student with everything yet to live, can't blame you for having to stay, can't blame her for wanting to be with her family. Good luck

Thanks, I appreciate it.
WombaT
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Northern Ireland26422 Posts
May 27 2014 22:30 GMT
#9476
On May 28 2014 07:15 phyren wrote:
Tinder is strange in that it actively encourages you to be more superficial. Use it for a little while and you'll start to get matches, but that doesn't mean the people you are matched with will say anything to you or respond if you do. Effectively, this encourages you to invest as little as possible into getting matched, i.e. heart every single person in order to sort things after matches are made. Of course, this reinforces the system because you will get matched with people whom you don't actually find attractive and whom you are unlikely to message.

Additionally, I wonder what Tinder is like from a girls perspective. I imagine they must have a much higher match rate, and they likely get men making the first contact, most with similar words.

Dunno about Tinder I'd imagine it's even worse but I've had friends who rock like 100-150 messages on the likes of PoF before ever sending one out themselves.

'You'll always be the cuddly marsupial of my heart, despite the inherent flaws of your ancestry' - Squat
{CC}StealthBlue
Profile Blog Joined January 2003
United States41117 Posts
May 28 2014 01:31 GMT
#9477
Just had an awesome date, better yet taking her our again Friday.
"Smokey, this is not 'Nam, this is bowling. There are rules."
Mina
Profile Joined April 2013
109 Posts
May 28 2014 05:01 GMT
#9478
On May 27 2014 20:59 Erik.TheRed wrote:
Here's what my profile looks like, if anyone wants to drop some feedback! http://imgur.com/a/IU3bo


I have no online dating experience whatsoever but if I was looking for a date and saw your profile pics I would think that you look very handsome but the pics are so artsy fartsy which means I would dismiss you for probably being a pretentious prick. Sorry, just telling it like it is and I guess that works on some girls.

Like Calanthe said, the last pic where you are smiling is good. It makes you seem more open and accessible, not as modelesque but still handsome and now you look kind. Swedish girls ( the good ones anyway) love kind.
That which yields is not always weak.
Erik.TheRed
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States1655 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-10-07 23:19:29
May 28 2014 06:54 GMT
#9479
Edit: nevermind
"See you space cowboy"
lannisport
Profile Joined February 2012
878 Posts
May 28 2014 08:06 GMT
#9480
Never fall for your wing girl. Recently I've been hanging out and talking to a friend of mine almost every single day (for the past couple months). I never made a move on her because our core values just don't match and I wasn't really that attracted to her but when you spend that much time with somebody feelings naturally develop. So we both have some attraction for each other but have never acted on it. Last week she ended up hooking up with one of her roomies. We got into a nasty fight because I felt jealous and insecure about it... She has hooked me up more than once with her friends but she never judged me. So I really had to step back and just not be so damn possessive. I acted like a sanctimonious ass. I went out on my own met a really cute and cool girl and now we are dating. Patched things up with my friend and had a serious long talk with her where we aired everything out. We ended up agreeing to keep things simple and to just be friends. I talk to her more than I do any girls I date and even my ex, and her friendship is something I do value so I've just let it go now and things are gravy.

This again proves (At least to myself) that scarcity = neediness and abundance = choice. I got myself out there, met new people, girls, and the jealousy/possessiveness instantly vanished. And I really think the best way to meet cool/cute girls is to have that consistent social circle. The majority of my friends atm are girls and they have BBQs, parties, or events they consistently invite me to (And I try to do the same). A few of them, like my wing girl, also actively try to hook me up with other girls.

Also just to add, you can't have an outer smile without an inner smile. And you can't attract girls without that. I've had a rough couple months jobs wise and even though I've been social I haven't been happy. And it's shown in my demeanour, action and energy. Only recently have things begun to turn around. Back to my hobbies, work is good, working out again, trying to live with some purpose, and being happy and finding fun on my own once again. If you have an attractive / fun lifestyle, know how to lead a girl, and know WHERE to find your "types" it becomes less of a headache all around.
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