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GRAND OLD AMERICA16375 Posts
+ Show Spoiler +ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!? YOU HAVEN'T SEND MY TRANSCRIPT TO NORTHWESTERN!?!?! I JUST REVIECED A FUKING EMAIL STATING THAT THEY ARE RESCINDING MY APLLICATION CAUSE YOU DIDN'T SEND TRANSCRIPT!! I TOLD YOU ABOUT THIS LIKE 20 TIMES!!! NOW I GOTTA TALK TO YOU AGAIN AND TALK TO THE OFFICE OF ADMISSIONS TO CLEAR THIS UP
GAWH, AND THIS ALSO GOES FOR MESSING UP MY OLIN APP AS WELLL
gashiaDASIDASJDHUDHAIKJSDFHJF SJKH JKHSJKDHAKJ DHADKJA AKDJHA SKASHFOPIAIWHFOIHW OHWDOIHA WOWD OWDOIA HOI
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+ Show Spoiler + I'm really upset that I went 1-9 in ladder yesterday, my goal of playing a grandmaster by the end of february shattered before my eyes... I just can't manage to beat any zergs, terrans who 1/1/1 or do stim timings, or other tosses at all unless i'm doing an all in. Ahh frustrating I should just play terran TT. What sucks more is I was close too, playing high masters and such :/ oh well maybe next month...
drats
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+ Show Spoiler +The general state of our country and the politics behind it are depressing me more and more daily. People actually think the incumbent president have anything to do with gas prices rising. Media skews fact to pigeon hole into a predisposed opinion, or, just completely make up a fact. People follow and believe any of this media. Some people are just simply uninformed - despite living in a society where being properly informed is everything, and despite living in a society where education isn't that hard to obtain - through school, libraries, hell, the internet. We should be an informed society, not an information society.
Something i've taken a lot of pride in learning is finally collapsing before my eyes - economics. Economics itself is opinionated at times. Keynesian or Von Mises? People have a propensity to form an ideology of predisposition and then view that disposition through the lenses of the former of the latter.
We have politicians that think contraceptives is the important issue. We have politicians that preach "religious freedom," but want Christianity to be the basis of our policies, and form their opinions with that basis. We have politicians that propose new budgeting plan that would put us in a deeper recession. We have politicians that want to "preserve the sanctity of life," but want to cut social programs and forget about the sanctity of life after the life is actually taken form.
We've had politicians of that form become president, and we've had presidents cut taxes, even at illogical times, because their team thinks it's the right choice.
Sometimes, I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
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All people complaining about another race are free to switch at any time.
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+ Show Spoiler +Tickatek can go burn in a slow fire. It's a piece of shit and it's absolutely inexcusable that it can't handle the volume of people trying to buy tickets online for a concert. It's a bloody huge company that should know how to handle mass inflow of customers. Fucking wasted 1hr and 40 mins of my time typing in endless retarded catchpas trying again and again to get tickets for radiohead. Go to hell Tickatek.
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On February 28 2012 10:11 IMoperator wrote:+ Show Spoiler +Why can't I be good at something? I'm completely useless. I have nothing that I can be proud of that is unique. A lot of my friends (and family) are talented as musicians, or they are good artists. Some are athletes and play sports well. Some are just genuinely smart. I have nothing. I don't play any instruments, I'm not good at sports. I'm not very intelligent, I can't write well, I can't draw well, I'm not especially funny... I don't even have a driver's license yet and I don't know how to swim! I have a few friends but I'm pretty quiet and shy, so I don't go out of my way to do things. The one thing I enjoy doing is Starcraft, and guess what, I'm not even good at that! I just wish there was something that I could be proud of. Something that I could tell people and they'll say "oh, that's cool!" but nope. I'm just mediocre and that's all I ever will be.
+ Show Spoiler +Oi you and I are like the same person :D!
+ Show Spoiler +Also, why the fuck do i have such big ups and downs in this game. yesterday i went on a 10+ win streak, and today i cant win a game for the life of me. My macro is off, my micro is subpar. Im getting supply-blocked more then i should too. Also, why the hell can't i just pick a race already.... Terran is my favorite to play but my worst for the time i put into it, protoss comes the most natural to me but i find it the most boring race to play, and my play with other races becomes weaker if i spend alot of time with protoss (due to the lesser need for intense mulittask, i find i play slower as and after i play toss for a while... but again its my strongest. And zerg is really fun BUT I CANNOT WIN ZVP AT ALL AT ALL AT ALL...
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+ Show Spoiler +I'm so fucking mad that I'm mad that I just lost three games in a row to cheese on the ladder. I was so glad that I was finally able to shake off my need to give a shit, and here I am raging again. I fucking hate myself, I'm so FUCKING weak.
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On February 28 2012 13:42 Kamais Ookin wrote:Show nested quote +On February 28 2012 13:17 gunman103 wrote:+ Show Spoiler +I hate it when you like someone and you think they like you back but you aren't 100% sure and your afraid that if you ask them out, then they wouln't be your friend anymore. I've wanted to ask out my best friend for a while now, and I'm pretty sure she likes me. She said "will you sleep with me tonight" in French while we were in art. And while everyone at our table was playing spin the bottle only replace kissing with hypothetical sex (we were bored while we were waiting to leave lunch lol) so we were "picked" i guess you would call it, and she sort of loudly wispered yessssss in an obvious way. Also it's not just those 2 instances that have given me the feeling that she likes me, those were just the biggest ones. Anyway I know it looks really stupid from the outside, but i'm actally really terrified that we woln't be friends if she says no. I also hate the fact that i can't get one damn second alone with her. After litteraly 2 months, not a single moment alone. Also, I'm in middle school and our group of friends is errotic as hell (not really a problem per se). First world problems indeed. Any advice? Dude man the fuck up, she's giving you so many indicators of interest that it's ridiculous. Her pussy is WET for you bro, dive in.
Thanks bro, just realized that I think wayyyy to much about this sort of stuff
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On March 01 2012 13:54 gunman103 wrote:Show nested quote +On February 28 2012 13:42 Kamais Ookin wrote:On February 28 2012 13:17 gunman103 wrote:+ Show Spoiler +I hate it when you like someone and you think they like you back but you aren't 100% sure and your afraid that if you ask them out, then they wouln't be your friend anymore. I've wanted to ask out my best friend for a while now, and I'm pretty sure she likes me. She said "will you sleep with me tonight" in French while we were in art. And while everyone at our table was playing spin the bottle only replace kissing with hypothetical sex (we were bored while we were waiting to leave lunch lol) so we were "picked" i guess you would call it, and she sort of loudly wispered yessssss in an obvious way. Also it's not just those 2 instances that have given me the feeling that she likes me, those were just the biggest ones. Anyway I know it looks really stupid from the outside, but i'm actally really terrified that we woln't be friends if she says no. I also hate the fact that i can't get one damn second alone with her. After litteraly 2 months, not a single moment alone. Also, I'm in middle school and our group of friends is errotic as hell (not really a problem per se). First world problems indeed. Any advice? Dude man the fuck up, she's giving you so many indicators of interest that it's ridiculous. Her pussy is WET for you bro, dive in. Thanks bro, just realized that I think wayyyy to much about this sort of stuff Trust me when I say your not alone, everyone feels the butterflies and all that good stuff. You just got to ram it into your brain that the worst thing to happen with girls is that they just say no and that's that. Consider the risks and rewards, reward is WET pussy in this case, risk is the feeling of rejection when a girl says no. Bro, there's more girls on this planet then any amount of zerglings Jaedong can morph with his insane macro so don't worry and get what's yours!
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+ Show Spoiler +I hate everyone. Social chameleons, compromising morals and two-faced, illogical behavior.
My pragmatism will be the death of me...
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+ Show Spoiler +God I get a fucking game with TSLHyuN in playhem and I try to host the map and fucking battle.net2 bullshit starts lagging like fuck I mean all I get is the whirling disc of however fucking long will this take on EVERY SCREEN fuck gshghsjghssf
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On February 28 2012 08:44 CyDe wrote:+ Show Spoiler +
I am at that point. Whenever I see these news stories about how people killed other people, or beat the shit out of someone else, and everyone freaks out, I am at that point where it doesn't affect me. My anger is now part of me, not just some passing feeling. Instead of being content mostly, and angry transiently, I am angry mostly, and content transiently. My anger is my default. When I am in the shower, I am angry. When I am eating breakfast, I am angry. When I am walking, I am angry. When I go to sleep at night, I AM ANGRY. ALWAYS. I can't deal with this. I am at my breaking point.
I want help, but I don't want someone to help me.
I want to be alone, where I can just be angry and never had to deal with anything, we I can scream and cry and hurt things and no one will come and ask me what is wrong I DON'T WANT SOMEONE TRYING TO HELP I DON'T WANT YOUR FUCKING HELP YOU STUPID GODDAMN CUNT. I have gotten enough help out of my so-called treatments, all those stupid fucking therapists, all those kilograms of stupid fucking medicine, enough help from every distraction I ever went to for solace. IT. DOESN'T. FUCKING. HELP. NOTHING DOES, AND NOTHING WILL.
I hate myself, and I hate that I hate myself. I hate that nothing will bring me out of this depression that I have been in since I was ten fucking years old. I hate that I am ugly, both inside and out. No one knows me like I do, and no one hates me more than I do. I hate that I am bad at everything I do. I hate that I can never live up to my own expectations, and I hate that I always try to gain everyones' stupiud fucking approval. I hate that all the people I ever tried to love never returned it. I have nothing to offer, and nothing to take. I don't know what I am. And I hate that I have to deal with this fucking bullshit.
I love to hate.
It's all building up and building up and building up and building up and building up and no one realizes how close to the edge I am. And they just keep pushing. One of these days, homicide or suicide is on my schedule.
I hate that this is a passing drama, that tomorrow by around 12 o'clock I will have forgotten this unimaginable rage I have. And then it will return, and every single time I have been angry for the last six years will come rushing back at me and the rage will destroy me, and I will lose myself. Again. Again. Again. Again.
Misanthropy is my solace, and hate is my love. I want everything to collapse, I want to see the world that I have known for all these years just implode and send all this cocksucking optimists into oblivion where they can suffer. I want them to suffer, as I have suffered, and I want you, personally you, to shed the seas of tears that I have. I want you to bellow and scream as all this pent up fury is injected within you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
I want someone to forgive me, I want to wipe the shit stained slate of glass that is my life clean. I want to be reborn into a pitch black room of shadows, without anything to show me the glories nor pains of existence. Just me. Just me, alone and apathetic. Because that's who I really am. A pathetic, apathetic shell. I don't see anything to live for because there is nothing for me to contribute.
Why.
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During college, I was where you are. I made no friends in 4 years of college because I didn't want to go out and meet people that I knew I would hate. More than 10 minutes of direct interaction with people made me want to punch walls or faces. Small things during the day added up to me screaming into my pillow. I put so many holes in drywall that I lost count. I regret college. The only reason any part of high school was any better was that I had a girlfriend whom I adored in proximity to me.
That kind of anger and depression is infectious and self-sustaining. You don't WANT to feel better, so you don't TRY to feel better. You feel vindicated when you get angry, and you feel like you should be angry. Because people who are happy are just happy, they don't have to TRY to do it.
You, like me, are probably depressed. Not "sad," but chemically depressed, and probably anxious on top of it. And for people like you and I, we DO have to try to be happy. We have to make the decision that we're going to make ourselves happy, instead of letting happiness come to us like most people seem to. We're the people who you see meditating, or going on vegetable purges, or burning incense, or doing a distance bike ride like RAGBRI. Other people think we're corny. Probably we are. Because we decide doing certain things are going to make us happy, and then we do them with enthusiasm that is sometimes forced, but is always necessary. The unfortunate truth is that people like you and I have to work harder than everybody else to get the same quality of life and level of happiness.
But that level of happiness is attainable, and it is worth it. Going through life miserable is a waste. I'm only now figuring this out.
You don't want to hear this, but get help. See a therapist. You don't have to take drugs if you don't want to - nobody will force them on you so long as you're committed to not being a danger to yourself or others, and if they try, and you think you're not dangerous, then change therapists. If you do want to take drugs, they're easy enough to get and they're not going to fuck up your life. They're not going to lay you down on the couch and teach you how to cry about bad things that happened and ask you about your mother. That's not what counselling is. Counsellors are incredibly smart people, extremely well-educated, and they'll help you get the tools you need to manage your own emotions, and confront feelings that you don't understand - and you don't understand them. For people like us, emotions and the thoughts they spawn are incredibly complicated and need to be dissected sometimes. They'll give you the tools, and infinite amounts of patience (you're paying them to be patient, after all) and you just need to supply the effort.
Please get help. I don't want anyone else to go through what I went through, and still go through.
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+ Show Spoiler +I really hate people who call my phone number who are just random idiots and then I get an actual phone call that matters and I assume that it's one of those fucking retards and they hang up on me. Fuck my life.
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+ Show Spoiler +That feel when you realize most social interactions are based on selfishness and lies. Fuck realizing that most people you've grown to love have issues. First world problems. Fuckity fuck.
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+ Show Spoiler +Girl wants my dick... I've known her for a good 2 years (i.e. she's not a gold digger or anything), the stage was set. Then came Valentine's Day.
I FUCKING HATE THAT HOLIDAY. I've always said it's a bullshit holiday because if you love a person you love them 365 days a year, all the shit those pathetic fuckers do in my school on that day can be spread through a year on birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Anyways...
So V-Day is coming up, and I'm thinking, you know what? I'm going to give her a present, finally ask her out, everyone is happy, life goes on. I open up my wallet... fuck. All I have is 11 cents, I think the magic leprechauns are stealing all my cash. But no worries... 3 days left, I can make a quick buck, and make some sort of DIY present that's still societally acceptable (read: will still make her want my dick)
Tried collecting donations from this program I run on Facebook... except they're all broke too. Entered Zotac. Lost that... although I did actually do better than I expected.
February 13, I declare myself broke.
February 14, she hooks up with another guy.
Now it's March 2nd... they look like they're having fun. I just hate that holiday even more now.
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+ Show Spoiler +FUCK YOU GSL FINALS I CAN'T ACCESS THE SITE LET ALONE A CHANCE OF WATCHING THE STREAM YOU INCOMPETENT PIECE OF SHIT I THOUGHT YOU WERE OVER 2011 SHITTY ERA WHY IS THIS STILL A PROBLEM FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
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+ Show Spoiler + EVERYONE IS A SELFISH FUCKING CUNT, AND MONEY RULES THE WORLD FUCK U AND ALSO GSL FUCK U FAGGET FUCKS I'LL FUCKING PISS ON UR FACES FUCKING CUNT FUCKS
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GSL-final spoilers
+ Show Spoiler +FUCK! I MISSED THE FUCKING GSLFINALS BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW THAT IT STARTED AT 17:00 KST, THOUGHT IT WAS 18:10 AS USUAL. WHEN I HAVE FINALLY SAT DOWN WITH MY BREAKFEAST READY TO WATCH THE FINAL GAMES, I SEE "WINNER DONGRAEGU" AND THEN IT CUTS TO TASTOSIS! FUCKING SHIT FUCK I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HOW THE FUCKING GAMES WENT, FUCK ME!!!!
PS: I don't have any problem with the GSL, just myself.
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EPT
