EPTThere is this girl on campus named Steph who is a drunken retard. I've met her about 6-7 times, every time she has been wasted to the point where she cant form words, can barely walk straight, and each time she has forgotten meeting me -- everything that comes out is pure monkey babble. The funny thing is, i've never actually seen her drink. I'm thinking that she might not be drunk, but she just might be that messed up.
so a couple weeks ago, steph is waddling around campus all wasted. I was driving over to my friend's room around 7:00 at night, almost hit her cause she was fucking walking down the middle of the street, then drove around her and hoped she wouldnt die tonight. She didnt die, but she did manage to have an epiphany on the level of newton contemplating gravity for the first time.
So apparently, late that night around 330 or so, after waddling around campus for about 8 hours drinking and being her usual stupid self, steph gets really hungry. She was in our apartment at that time, but we didnt have any food. She started babbling about wanting cheese, then took off, ran into the door on the way out, in search of some cheese.
I dont know what brought on this urge for pressed curd milk, but she was on a mission. She ran down to a group of apartments down the block from me and busted in one. Nobody was there.
she ran over the fridge, opened it and saw exactly what she was looking for -- kraft singles slices of cheese. Steph was in heaven. She ate every single one of the slices.
She turned to leave, but then had her epiphany. She thought to herself "i cant pull an asshole move like that, taking all their cheese and giving them nothing". So steph decided to leave a present for people who owned the apartment, a gift to make up for all the cheese she stole.
What would make a good gift? I would maybe leave about 5 bucks to repay the people for the food. But steph doesnt think like that, oh no. Steph had a much better idea.
SHE LEFT HER CELL PHONE. She took her CELL PHONE and put it in place of the missing cheese. After leaving her present and satisifed at her generosity, steph managed to stumble her way back to her own room and pass out.
The next day, I guess she remembered none of this. to her dismay, she could not find her cell phone. She had her roommate call it. My buddy myron heard a cell phone ringing somewhere in his apartment. To his utter confusion it was coming from his fridge.....
Myron and his buddies were planning a bbq that day. They had everything ready the night before. But now, the burgers would have to do without cheese, because as it turns out, steph ate AN ENTIRE THING of kraft cheese, but it was ok, cause they could put a cell phone battery and a case on it instead.
I personally dont think this story is as good as some of the others, but I like to change it up once in a while.
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