EPTSo, a couple of weeks ago, we had a little bit of a party and a bunch of people were over my apartment drinking. I wasnt really in the mood, so I stayed sober that night with my ex girlfriend kristyn and her friend maia.
As the night went on, we started to get really fucking hungry. Unfortunately it was past 2, so the pizza delivery places were closed. A bunch of us decided to go over to this place called sheetz, which is basically a super 711 meets gas station that is open 24 hours a day and has made to order food.
So 6 people hop into my little mazda protege: me, kristyn, maia, cooter, cooter's roommate billy, and my roommate jim, the shitter from my last story. Jim, cooter, and billy are all fucking wasted. Cooter is wearing these stupid aviator sunglasses from top gun and looks absolutely fucking ridiculous. Jim is wearing a hat that says swallow bitch swallow and looks equally stupid.
We drive on over to sheetz to see the place fucking packed. We go to the made to order line, place our orders and our numbers range from 60-64. The lady then called out 43, so we knew there would be some waiting time before our food came.
Three of these kids from another local college started making fun of cooter cause of his sunglasses. These kids were pretty big, all about 6'1, ranging from 200-230 pounds. Cooter is 5'8, 180 pounds, built like a hedgehog and looks like a jelly donut.
So cooter starts freaking out, comes up to me and is like "dude, these guys want to beat the shit out of me". He keeps running out of the store like a paranoid little sissy and giving awkward glances to the other kids. Everyone else goes and sits down and waits to hear for our numbers while cooter acts all sketchy running in and out.
when we finally all get our food, we get up to leave cause i dont want to eat there with cooter being a retard. So we walk out, and when we get outside, cooter knocks on the window to get the biggest of the kids attention, then gives him the finger.
We walk over to my car and then hear "HEY, DID YOU JUST FLIP ME OFF YOU LITTLE SHIT?" come from behind us. I go, oh god, what the fuck is wrong with you cooter.
I ignore it, as does everyone else except cooter, and we all pack into my car. Cooter stays outside and "says, yeah i did fucker". The following events are the most illogical ive ever seen.
The 6'0 230 pound kid begins charging cooter from 50 feet away like a fucking rhino. There is a cop inside sheetz about 10 feet away from where the kid started running. So now, cooter is standing next to my car with the door half open and a kid charging at him while kristyn is tugging his arm telling him to get into the car.
What would you do if someone was charging at you? Well, there are a ton of options. You could get in the car, you could kick him in the balls, you could punch him, you could tackle him, you could move, you could brace yourself and take him down, there are so many things you can do.
What did cooter do? He stood there like a deer in the headlights. He didnt move, just stood there blinking as this fucking rhino comes charging towards him. The kid then puts a forearm into cooter and he goes flying into my trunk leaving a HUGE dent, then bounces off and lands on the pavement.
the kid then jumps down and starts wailing cooter in the face. I jump out of the car, put the kid in a full nelson, which is basically a headlock where the kid cant move his arms, after he got about 5 shots in on cooter's face.
Right as i turn around with him in a headlock the cop comes running up and grabs the kid from me and cuffs him, charges him with assault and battery, and with vandalism to my car. There is fucking 1200 dollars worth of damage to my car from cooter's assprint on my trunk.
When we were driving home, cooter gave his side of the story: "The kid was charging at me, and when he got close, i ducked and his shoulder rammed into the car and i fell over and he jumped on top of me and got one punch in before i threw him off and daut grabbed him."
cooter, you're a fucking moron who fights and remembers it about as well as my senile grandmother. The fucker had a black eye for a week and deserved it.
i just got subpeonaed for court on December 2nd. Someone is paying me 1200 bucks for the huge assprint in my car. Im not pissed though cause the story is worth the temporary dent in my car.
