EPTGood morning/evening Mr. *REDACTED*,
There is an upcoming amazing game called "Firefall." I like this game. Rumor has it, you like it a lot too, which means we have much in common. One might say we have so much in common that we are great friends now (perhaps even "best"). We are so similar that coincidentally I, *REDACTED*, am your long lost twin.
To demonstrate that I am truly your long lost twin (who is half Asian and bears little to no resemblance to your picture on the Red5 website), I present to you a gift from our common friend, Morgan. Perhaps you have heard of him. He has a ship. Some call him Captain Morgan.
Now with deep regret, I do present this gift with some so-called "strings attached." You see, as your twin brother, I was hoping to also receive three (3) beta keys for myself, my fiancee (isn't she awesome?), and my roommate. The so-called "strings attached" come in the form of a so-called "morality sensor" that has been embedded into the bottle of the so-called "bottle of rum." You see, if I do not receive the 3 beta keys, I am afraid that the "morality sensor" that's in the bottle (it's invisible, so please don't call my bluff!!) will detonate and flood the rum with the flavor of guilt and shame that it is being drunk w/o reciprocation. Believe me, it is a foul flavor that poisons the soul. The "morality sensor" will not detonate if you give the requested 3 beta keys. If only 1 key is given, it'll only taste mildly like guilt, which some of the harder hearts will get over.
What kind of a jerk of a twin brother would I be to not also think of your office mates? I am attaching a bottle of coke to share for those in the office who enjoy coke with their rum (so-called "rum & coke"). I should note that the morality sensor is also set to detonate a different flavor, which is the so-called "greed & hoarding" flavor should you choose to not share.
What kind of twin brother would I be to not attach a photo of myself for our first reunion via alcohol / beta key negotiations? Notice how much we look alike in that we both:
-Have hair.
-Have eyes.
-Have 32 teeth (presumably).
-Love computer games (cannot be seen in the photograph).
I thank you for your time. Should you choose to contact me, you can reach me:
name: *REDACTED*
email: *REDACTED*
phone: *REDACTED*
The other email addresses are:
*REDACTED*
*REDACTED*
All are registered on the Firefall forums (so they claim).
Your long lost twin,
*REDACTED*
P.S. *REDACTED*
P.S.S. *REDACTED*
P.S.S.S. *REDACTED*
P.S.S.S.S. I thank you again for reading this very long letter in your busy day. Even if I get nothing out of this, hopefully it will bring a smile to your faces and/or officemates should you choose to share this outstanding and awesome letter with others.
(Note: There is a separate morality sensor in this letter. If you choose not to share it, it will flood you feelings of "self-doubt" that you should have shared it when you didn't).
Edit: All three beta keys were received. No "morality sensors" were detonated
