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Help revise my texts, "progaming in Korea" - Page 4

Forum Index > BW General
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radar14
Profile Blog Joined December 2002
United States1437 Posts
December 17 2004 18:17 GMT
#61
Thank you for changing your argument for the sole purpose of disagreeing with me =\

First you say big words are depressing. Then after I point out an example where big words are not depressing, you say they're not all bad unless they detract from "flow" as someone managed to call it, as if I didn't realize that.

It's late and I'm cranky. Time to go to bed
impatience is a virtue
IB-Grabo.co
Profile Joined December 2004
Sweden20 Posts
Last Edited: 2004-12-17 19:37:46
December 17 2004 19:34 GMT
#62
BinaryStar, my predicted grades are +40, somewhere 6-7 in English B HL. I guess this discussion won't get any further, thus my suggestion would be to stop write in this thread.


I AM NOT TFEIGN!
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education
tfeign
Profile Joined June 2004
United States2980 Posts
Last Edited: 2004-12-18 05:47:49
December 18 2004 05:43 GMT
#63
On December 18 2004 02:34 radar14 wrote:
Well, "big words" as you call them aren't necessarily bad. If they make you feel inferior that's really your problem. Just look at mensrea's posts...don't tell me you think all his posts are depressing to read.

That said, tfeign's "revisions" aren't great, but it's not because he uses "big words." They're bad because his diction is off. For example, as Faksteve pointed out, "speculate" is not used properly. The word he's probably looking for is "discern." His sentences certainly seem more professional in a glance, but there certainly are glaring mistakes that are obvious to a more critical eye.

And more exasperating than that his arrogance. Really, I think that's what pissing people off even if they don't mention it. Stuff like, "listen to me and you'll ace your presentation." There are only a few people on this site smart enough to say stuff like that seriously (certainly not tfeign or me), and even they never need to say it.


I'll show all the arrogance I want to those who make ignorant posts. In case you haven't yet noticed, I haven't responded to 1 single post which thoughtfully tried to criticize my paragraph. But if you make stupid ignorant posts with the intent to piss me off then seriously

Here's a classic example:
On December 11 2004 09:31 FrozenArbiter wrote:
Yeah tfeign was just showing off xD


Nice try at putting words in my mouth. Congratulations. You earn the gold award for the post with the most obvious intent to piss me off.

On December 17 2004 16:52 MiniRoman wrote:
I think feign made a second account so he can have one person on his side


On December 17 2004 17:58 Night2o1 wrote:
Yah from the first post I saw from grady I was like "Why did tfeign make a new account?" He talks like him, too.


Stupid ignorant assumptions. Yes? Some people can't accept the idea that there are people who like my style, and has to stoop this low to do it.
Orome
Profile Blog Joined June 2004
Switzerland11984 Posts
December 18 2004 05:51 GMT
#64
In case you haven't noticed Tfeign, you only replied to his last pragraph, but to the other 2, which held the constructive criticism you value so much, you didn't even care to respond.
On a purely personal note, I'd like to show Yellow the beauty of infinitely repeating Starcraft 2 bunkers. -Boxer
tfeign
Profile Joined June 2004
United States2980 Posts
Last Edited: 2004-12-18 06:10:27
December 18 2004 06:00 GMT
#65
On December 18 2004 14:51 Orome wrote:
In case you haven't noticed Tfeign, you only replied to his last pragraph, but to the other 2, which held the constructive criticism you value so much, you didn't even care to respond.


Umm..what exactly do you want me to reply to the posts with constructive criticism? I don't get it. I don't respond as a way to say that I can accept the difference of opinion. There are at least 10 posts with that in this thread, all of which was okay with me. Littered among these, however (as I have specifically pointed out), are posts that attempted to either piss me off or stoop down real low to make an argument that I'm wrong.
Orome
Profile Blog Joined June 2004
Switzerland11984 Posts
December 18 2004 06:18 GMT
#66
Oh, I misread something, but still, if you're so sure about you style, why not discuss? The majority seems to feel that your version is worse than the original one, but is it not that way? Tell me, I'd like to know.
On a purely personal note, I'd like to show Yellow the beauty of infinitely repeating Starcraft 2 bunkers. -Boxer
tfeign
Profile Joined June 2004
United States2980 Posts
Last Edited: 2004-12-18 06:37:44
December 18 2004 06:30 GMT
#67
I can see where most of these criticisms come from. I'll make a few edits here and there, for ex. as radar14 pointed out, I would choose "discrrn" over "speculate" (you can also say "look" and it won't make a difference) -- as well as others. The errors in figures will be cleared up. But I'd keep the structure as it is. When I present, I'm pretty sure I'm able to make it flow. It's all up to how to the way you talk and express yourself, pause at the right moments, do things to keep the audience interested.
Orome
Profile Blog Joined June 2004
Switzerland11984 Posts
December 18 2004 06:41 GMT
#68
From your business thread I take it that you're a business man...

If you were talking to managers I'd say your wording would be good (always assuming that you can make it flow, as you state), but in this particular situation:

He's still in school, so assume he's 14-18 or something

I'm 15 myself and I'm the only one in my class who can speak english properly and trust me, when the others talk it just sounds awful...

When you're at that english stage you make mistakes pretty often.

Because you're trying to prevent any mistakes from your side, you keep the language as simple as possible ->
You don't use fancy words.
You try to keep the sentences as short as possible.

If he uses your version it would be so obvious he got help from another source and that's not going to help him, especially because he won't be able to make such a text flow and it won't sound natural from him.

My opinion...
On a purely personal note, I'd like to show Yellow the beauty of infinitely repeating Starcraft 2 bunkers. -Boxer
tfeign
Profile Joined June 2004
United States2980 Posts
December 18 2004 07:01 GMT
#69
That should win the gold award for the most convincing post I've seen so far. The idea behind presentation is to write down a formal presentation, but when you present, never read off what you wrote down. For ex. I may have written those down on paper, but when I present I would never read exactly what I have written down.

I always do presentations over powerpoint. With the written materials posted on the slides, but the actual presentation is always never reading off exactly what is on the slides. But I guess at where he is, this probably won't be the case. If you're not comfortable doing so (as it also seems), a simpler structure is most likely best.
BinaryStar
Profile Joined November 2004
Afghanistan669 Posts
December 18 2004 10:10 GMT
#70
You still haven't addressed the logical/grammatical inconsistencies and other flat-out wrong choices. I get the feeling you won't be doing that anyway.
Liquid`Jinro
Profile Blog Joined September 2002
Sweden33723 Posts
December 18 2004 18:24 GMT
#71
On December 18 2004 14:43 tfeign wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 18 2004 02:34 radar14 wrote:
Well, "big words" as you call them aren't necessarily bad. If they make you feel inferior that's really your problem. Just look at mensrea's posts...don't tell me you think all his posts are depressing to read.

That said, tfeign's "revisions" aren't great, but it's not because he uses "big words." They're bad because his diction is off. For example, as Faksteve pointed out, "speculate" is not used properly. The word he's probably looking for is "discern." His sentences certainly seem more professional in a glance, but there certainly are glaring mistakes that are obvious to a more critical eye.

And more exasperating than that his arrogance. Really, I think that's what pissing people off even if they don't mention it. Stuff like, "listen to me and you'll ace your presentation." There are only a few people on this site smart enough to say stuff like that seriously (certainly not tfeign or me), and even they never need to say it.


I'll show all the arrogance I want to those who make ignorant posts. In case you haven't yet noticed, I haven't responded to 1 single post which thoughtfully tried to criticize my paragraph. But if you make stupid ignorant posts with the intent to piss me off then seriously

Here's a classic example:
Show nested quote +
On December 11 2004 09:31 FrozenArbiter wrote:
Yeah tfeign was just showing off xD


Nice try at putting words in my mouth. Congratulations. You earn the gold award for the post with the most obvious intent to piss me off.

Show nested quote +
On December 17 2004 16:52 MiniRoman wrote:
I think feign made a second account so he can have one person on his side


Show nested quote +
On December 17 2004 17:58 Night2o1 wrote:
Yah from the first post I saw from grady I was like "Why did tfeign make a new account?" He talks like him, too.


Stupid ignorant assumptions. Yes? Some people can't accept the idea that there are people who like my style, and has to stoop this low to do it.

No, I thought you were trying to show off .. Because what you wrote was ridiculous --;
Moderatortell the guy that interplanatar interaction is pivotal to terrans variety of optionitudals in the pre-midgame preperatories as well as the protosstinal deterriggation of elite zergling strikes - Stimey n | Formerly FrozenArbiter
Liquid`Jinro
Profile Blog Joined September 2002
Sweden33723 Posts
December 18 2004 18:27 GMT
#72
Also, yes, some of what he wrote sounds like he was doing a buisness related presentation but other parts just sound fucking ridiculous.

"See if you are able to speculate"

.. He hasn't even replied to this --;; Nor to splinters posts. I mean seriously, the 'replies made to piss you off' came about only when you wouldn't reply to their real posts.
Moderatortell the guy that interplanatar interaction is pivotal to terrans variety of optionitudals in the pre-midgame preperatories as well as the protosstinal deterriggation of elite zergling strikes - Stimey n | Formerly FrozenArbiter
[ErOs]~InCoGniTo
Profile Joined June 2004
Italy513 Posts
December 18 2004 18:39 GMT
#73
gl with the paper, my english isnt so great either all the time so i cant help
Unless My Pockets Get Fed.. You n Your Family are Dead
Empyrean
Profile Blog Joined September 2004
17082 Posts
December 19 2004 09:36 GMT
#74
See if you are able to speculate.

No, I'm a stroke victim who's drunk. I am, unfortunately, unable to speculate ;/

Seriosuly, tfeign, I know some elementary school students who know that your definition for "half a billion" is wayyyyy off -_- Please stop trying to show off your mad dictionary skills and please write something that's actually sensible
Moderator
tfeign
Profile Joined June 2004
United States2980 Posts
Last Edited: 2004-12-19 10:27:57
December 19 2004 10:23 GMT
#75
On December 19 2004 03:27 FrozenArbiter wrote:
Also, yes, some of what he wrote sounds like he was doing a buisness related presentation but other parts just sound fucking ridiculous.

"See if you are able to speculate"

.. He hasn't even replied to this --;; Nor to splinters posts. I mean seriously, the 'replies made to piss you off' came about only when you wouldn't reply to their real posts.



wtf. Have you even bothered to read the thread? I think I'll just quote myself for my sake of time

On December 18 2004 14:51 tfeign wrote:
Umm..what exactly do you want me to reply to the posts with constructive criticism? I don't get it. I don't respond as a way to say that I can accept the difference of opinion. There are at least 10 posts with that in this thread, all of which was okay with me. Littered among these, however (as I have specifically pointed out), are posts that attempted to either piss me off or stoop down real low to make an argument that I'm wrong.






On December 19 2004 18:36 This-is-not-a-smurf wrote:
See if you are able to speculate.

No, I'm a stroke victim who's drunk. I am, unfortunately, unable to speculate ;/

Seriosuly, tfeign, I know some elementary school students who know that your definition for "half a billion" is wayyyyy off -_- Please stop trying to show off your mad dictionary skills and please write something that's actually sensible


Please stop trying to act smart and actually contribute something new to the thread instead of saying the same shit that has been repeated twenty fucking times?
BinaryStar
Profile Joined November 2004
Afghanistan669 Posts
December 19 2004 13:58 GMT
#76
We just want you to admit that you suck at writing, that's all.
Liquid`Jinro
Profile Blog Joined September 2002
Sweden33723 Posts
December 20 2004 03:54 GMT
#77
On December 19 2004 19:23 tfeign wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 19 2004 03:27 FrozenArbiter wrote:
Also, yes, some of what he wrote sounds like he was doing a buisness related presentation but other parts just sound fucking ridiculous.

"See if you are able to speculate"

.. He hasn't even replied to this --;; Nor to splinters posts. I mean seriously, the 'replies made to piss you off' came about only when you wouldn't reply to their real posts.



wtf. Have you even bothered to read the thread? I think I'll just quote myself for my sake of time

Show nested quote +
On December 18 2004 14:51 tfeign wrote:
Umm..what exactly do you want me to reply to the posts with constructive criticism? I don't get it. I don't respond as a way to say that I can accept the difference of opinion. There are at least 10 posts with that in this thread, all of which was okay with me. Littered among these, however (as I have specifically pointed out), are posts that attempted to either piss me off or stoop down real low to make an argument that I'm wrong.






Show nested quote +
On December 19 2004 18:36 This-is-not-a-smurf wrote:
See if you are able to speculate.

No, I'm a stroke victim who's drunk. I am, unfortunately, unable to speculate ;/

Seriosuly, tfeign, I know some elementary school students who know that your definition for "half a billion" is wayyyyy off -_- Please stop trying to show off your mad dictionary skills and please write something that's actually sensible


Please stop trying to act smart and actually contribute something new to the thread instead of saying the same shit that has been repeated twenty fucking times?

They obviously didnt' take it that way now did they?

And eh... You don't know how to reply to those posts? You are supposed to argue your cause..
Moderatortell the guy that interplanatar interaction is pivotal to terrans variety of optionitudals in the pre-midgame preperatories as well as the protosstinal deterriggation of elite zergling strikes - Stimey n | Formerly FrozenArbiter
tfeign
Profile Joined June 2004
United States2980 Posts
December 20 2004 04:05 GMT
#78
Reply with WHAT?
Liquid`Jinro
Profile Blog Joined September 2002
Sweden33723 Posts
December 20 2004 04:08 GMT
#79
I don't know? Tell them why you are right?
Moderatortell the guy that interplanatar interaction is pivotal to terrans variety of optionitudals in the pre-midgame preperatories as well as the protosstinal deterriggation of elite zergling strikes - Stimey n | Formerly FrozenArbiter
tfeign
Profile Joined June 2004
United States2980 Posts
Last Edited: 2004-12-20 04:31:35
December 20 2004 04:30 GMT
#80
On December 20 2004 13:08 FrozenArbiter wrote:
I don't know? Tell them why you are right?


OMFG. Result of what happens when one fails to read before replying


On December 19 2004 19:23 tfeign wrote:

wtf. Have you even bothered to read the thread? I think I'll just quote myself for my sake of time


On December 18 2004 14:51 tfeign wrote:
Umm..what exactly do you want me to reply to the posts with constructive criticism? I don't get it. I don't respond as a way to say that I can accept the difference of opinion. There are at least 10 posts with that in this thread, all of which was okay with me. Littered among these, however (as I have specifically pointed out), are posts that attempted to either piss me off or stoop down real low to make an argument that I'm wrong.


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