Help revise my texts, "progaming in Korea" - Page 2

On December 11 2004 02:41 tfeign wrote:
If you're like most typical individuals

Let me give you some introduction.
Starcraft is the best Real Time Strategy (RTS) pc game in the pc game history. It was released in 1998. Since its birth, it attracted innumerable young ppl to devote to it. Because playing Starcraft is full of competition and popularity, matches of starcraft emerged, then, progaming emerged naturally.
Progaming is a growing business in Korea.
In 1999, there were total 72 broadcasts from all the tourneys and a combined prize money of $1,500,000. In 2004 there were a total of 148 broadcasts and $5,000,000 money on the line.
There are more than 200 progamers officially licensed with the KPGA. There are 11 professional gaming teams with official sponsors, which includes.
After Starcraft and the progaming scene got popular in Korea, there are now over 60 universities with "gaming" as a major.

Arguably, Starcraft has risen to become the most influential RTS (Real Time Strategy) game ever invented. Its charm and influence has captured the hearts of countless gamers worldwide. The Starcraft revolution has helped redefine competitive gaming around the world. Pro gaming has emerged to become one of Korea's most popular pasttime cultures.

In 1999, there were total 72 broadcasts from all the tourneys and a combined prize money of $1,500,000. In 2004 there were a total of 148 broadcasts and $5,000,000 money on the line.

In 1999, Starcraft tournaments in Korea led to a total of 72 TV broadcasts, and brought about a combined prize money of $1,500,000. Within a five year span, the number of broadcasts has significantly grown by over 200%, along with over half a billion $ in annual prizes.

On December 16 2004 11:57 IB-Grabo.co wrote:
I recon the problem that could arise if Arthit suddenly showed great skill in the english language - If his earlier works was of average quality. Yet, I think that tfeign's additional adjustments are very well written and personally if I was Arthit I would ask tfeign for more help with this assignemnt. The things that tfeign has written so far, with some adjustments to "lower" the standard at some points would definitely help you to achieve a better grade.
Conclusion: tfeign, keep up the good work, even if you are being badly critized for your excellent work!

Over and out, IB-Grabo.co

On December 16 2004 11:57 IB-Grabo.co wrote:
I recon the problem that could arise if Arthit suddenly showed great skill in the english language - If his earlier works was of average quality. Yet, I think that tfeign's additional adjustments are very well written and personally if I was Arthit I would ask tfeign for more help with this assignemnt. The things that tfeign has written so far, with some adjustments to "lower" the standard at some points would definitely help you to achieve a better grade.
Conclusion: tfeign, keep up the good work, even if you are being badly critized for your excellent work!

Over and out, IB-Grabo.co

On December 16 2004 11:58 FrozenArbiter wrote:

You are just impressed by his vocabuluary-_- That's not what writing a good text is about, at all. The texts of tfeign wont capture the attention of his audience, it's much too long winded not to mention he only uses 'alternate' words to describe things and he doesn't even use them right!