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Baleet this if blogging about cliche things is verboten... oterwise, it has begun:
This is the sequel to a couple of threads I been in, namely:
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=172216 This prior blog post, which started with the purpose of looking for real life advice back and forth about my drinking and similars. But the interest quickly turned to the alluded to "love life" or lack therof, and my followup posts went into that a bit more, but the thread died.
http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewpost.php?post_id=7243382 Supplemental details I posted in the "embarassing single life stories" thread, which were OT, but somehow seems to have murdered everyone's will to post.
Now for a blog specifically about how my heart is growing in five different directions, how I don't understand it, and whatever.
1. Still miss that girl who got married. I feel like I should have just proposed to her, moved in with her and started a family. Like, when you find happiness in human form you shouldn't let fear of other people's inconvenience get in your way. But I did. I hesitated, and now she's in a marriage with some other guy. She's being good for him, but herself? And meanwhile, I let that one get away. Point is, various things really get to me remind me of her, even more than my ex-wife.
2. Girl who works next door to my company is all over me, but I'm afraid I'm not attracted to her enough, and she's too naive/young/gonna turn awkward at every actual relationship turn. Yet, gave her a try (dinner) and had a good time. I just don't have the effort for her though. Letting it see where it goes, but meanwhile...
3. Totally caring for/in love with a girl at work. She is cute with me and stuff too but in a platonic way, she is kind of like, I care for her, and she is cute ... fuck, this sounds stupid. Maybe I'll explain it better after I get attacked for it. But I would totally marry her, but yet can't ask her out (work/etc.) Plus, she deserves someone who isn't having all these probs.
4. I'm very hot for this other girl at work, can't ask her out either. A girl with the same job as #4, is engaged, but hitting on me, so I'm split between them. There's a couple other girls at work I would probably take home too, but I gotta just forget all this shit, but sometimes they really get to me. This should be #4 #5 #6.
7. My best friend dumped his gf that I was secretly hitting on crazily, but now I remind her of him, so she's being really slow to getting with me. She's so hot though. I wonder if I can get serious with her or if I need to just forget her too, cuz I don't want to use a girl, and she wants more than friends w benefits...
8. convenience store girl getting nicer and cuter by the day. language barrier and other things getting in the way, but if i dropped everything else and took her seriously, maybe i'd be happy by now? she really cheers me up a lot of times. so does #2.
9. my actual ex wife, even if she wont do anything physical me other than lay next to me while we watch tv together, i have slept over after that, and it seems like we both still need each other even though that's all it is... after a couple nights of that, it was like she's calling me almost every day, then a couple times a week, then once a week... like a ripple effect from seeing me. i think this is nothing, but it does mess w my feelings a bit. am i happy the next day, or more moody actually. used to get happy from this, but i think it just shook up my emotions a bunch. maybe i don't need it.
10. unstable bar girl trying to help me sometimes. feels nice to have a friend.
ok so what i'm trying to say is that when i walk around i get these different feelings, so rapidly, day to day, like a crush on #4, good flirting with #5 (who's married), talking on the phone all night with #6 (who has a bf)... or this great feeling or concern or caring for #2, or some coincidences will lead me to feel the full slap in the face of #1 again... or i'll be incredibly horny for days at the thought of #7 being a possibility, and genuinely having some care for her as well, but not sure if it's relationsihp kind of care or what else that woud be. and #9 will shake me up, and then i'll talk to #2 almost every day... and #8 will cheer me up.
it's not like a lot happens in the same day, it's just so different day to day, and yet i'm still lonely most of the time, i've got almost nothing i want, except some mild friendships some places, but it's too broad, too confusing.
p.s.
and i also wonder at what point a substance habit becomes a problem. i mean if you feel like you "hardly" do something, but you start keeping track of it, and it's like once a week, that's just too much fucking money for that. that's like more than i spend on food, clothing, anything else but rent. and actually my rent could be about that if i went a little cheaper.
/china
 
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not a big fan of your best friend, huh?
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Wow what an asshole trying to get with your best friend's ex, and apparently you were hitting on her the whole time too. That's a scumbag move if I've ever seen one.
Also quick question: Did you ever meet a girl and NOT think she was hitting on you?
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Once a week is nothing for anything less dangerous than cocaine or heroine 
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just out of curiosity: are these all the girls you see regularly or are there actually any girls you see from time to time that you don't wan't to hit on? x)
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I think the obvious choice is to kidnap them all and lock them in your basement
seriously though, maybe you should just make up your mind and stop falling in love with every woman that says "hi"! and stay away from your ex-wife. nothing good has ever come from a relationship like that
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Methanphetamine's a hell of a drug, a hell of a drug.
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On December 16 2010 20:11 Zim23 wrote:
Also quick question: Did you ever meet a girl and NOT think she was hitting on you?
Girl: hi Sebby Lebby .......... Sebby Lebby:she wants to fuck me ooo yeah
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My two cents. Sorry if I'm harsh in anyway.
Don't play with their feelings, thats not very nice. Decide for one or be friends with everyone, and decide that you want to be friends with them and nothing more. Make it clear to them, decide what they are to you. If they are friends, act as a friend to them. Seems like you need to work on focus, rather than going on all at once. This wont change that easily even if you get the girl you want, if this does not change, you will end up destroying the relationship / her. Your mind doesnt magically change. Girls are always attractive everyone in their own way, and to drool over all of them does not help you or them. Work with yourself, your mindset. And even if chose one, are you right for her? have you dealt with yourself? are you stable enough and have peace of mind?
Work with yourself, and make up your mind.
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On December 16 2010 20:11 Zim23 wrote:
Wow what an asshole trying to get with your best friend's ex, and apparently you were hitting on her the whole time too. That's a scumbag move if I've ever seen one.
Also quick question: Did you ever meet a girl and NOT think she was hitting on you?
The best part is his best friend's girl that he thinks is in love with him probably is just doing it to be nice.
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On December 16 2010 20:22 TheCabDriver wrote:Once a week is nothing for anything less dangerous than cocaine or heroine
And if it's like once every 6 days or so, and one of those...?
On December 16 2010 21:48 Zafrumi wrote:
I think the obvious choice is to kidnap them all and lock them in your basement
seriously though, maybe you should just make up your mind and stop falling in love with every woman that says "hi"! and stay away from your ex-wife. nothing good has ever come from a relationship like that
Good advice. Like some others said, pick one. Problem is the one I pick, then I never can find her outside work, so then I rule her out, but then she pulls me back in. And outside work, still lonely, different opportunities present themselves.
On December 16 2010 19:44 jungle_BRAT wrote:
not a big fan of your best friend, huh?
On December 16 2010 20:11 Zim23 wrote:
Wow what an asshole trying to get with your best friend's ex, and apparently you were hitting on her the whole time too. That's a scumbag move if I've ever seen one.
Also quick question: Did you ever meet a girl and NOT think she was hitting on you?
On December 16 2010 20:37 MisterD wrote:
just out of curiosity: are these all the girls you see regularly or are there actually any girls you see from time to time that you don't wan't to hit on? x)
On December 16 2010 23:53 Hawk wrote:Show nested quote +On December 16 2010 20:11 Zim23 wrote:
Wow what an asshole trying to get with your best friend's ex, and apparently you were hitting on her the whole time too. That's a scumbag move if I've ever seen one.
Also quick question: Did you ever meet a girl and NOT think she was hitting on you? The best part is his best friend's girl that he thinks is in love with him probably is just doing it to be nice.
Well actually my best friends' ex, i slept with her several times before they broke up. And if he wasn't such an asshole to her (and me) it wouldn't have been possible. I don't feel bad at all about it, we're all adults here.
As far as how many girls I meet that I'm into, at work there's like 20 females, and over the course of 6 months I have a big crush on 1, and a couple months ago, a new one came, that's basically it. There's 2 other maybes because they are really fun with me, so I listed them too. There's chemistry, but w/e, they aren't really available.
Similarly, there seem to be abt 10 girls who work at the convenience store, another 5 or 6 at the grocery store, 4 that work at the starbucks, just to name a few places I go often, and there's 1 girl who has this complicated thing with me going, I think I went into more detail in the other thread(s) OP linked, but maybe not.
The married girl who works at my company, met her at a company event, i.e. there were about 300 girls there. Met this _one_.
So this is a higher percentage of girls than normal? OP is not about how many girls are attracted to me, it's about what's pulling my feelings. But I guess you guys are on edge to be threatened by anything you can perceive as boasting or w/e. The point of the OP is how I am not getting anywhere because I my attraction(s) (meaning, how I feel for them, not implying what I get from them)... emphasis on "not getting _anywhere_." I am trying to say how pathetic a situation I have got my "heart" in, and that's a pussy vulnerable topic to bring about, so I really don't understand why about half the responses are attacking me like I'm some defensive macho jackass, when I've basically laid myself bare for any attack because I'm talking about my real feelings and problems... on the other hand, other half of responses seemed to understand perfectly and told me to just pick one, and/or work on myself, and/or stop being so desperate I hold onto/attacted to (exaggerating but making the point, aptly) "every woman I come across." Well done rlly.
And these are all chinese women mind you, besides my ex, who isn't.
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On December 17 2010 00:34 Sebby Lebby wrote:Show nested quote +On December 16 2010 19:44 jungle_BRAT wrote:
not a big fan of your best friend, huh? Show nested quote +On December 16 2010 20:11 Zim23 wrote:
Wow what an asshole trying to get with your best friend's ex, and apparently you were hitting on her the whole time too. That's a scumbag move if I've ever seen one.
Also quick question: Did you ever meet a girl and NOT think she was hitting on you? Show nested quote +On December 16 2010 20:37 MisterD wrote:
just out of curiosity: are these all the girls you see regularly or are there actually any girls you see from time to time that you don't wan't to hit on? x) Show nested quote +On December 16 2010 23:53 Hawk wrote:On December 16 2010 20:11 Zim23 wrote:
Wow what an asshole trying to get with your best friend's ex, and apparently you were hitting on her the whole time too. That's a scumbag move if I've ever seen one.
Also quick question: Did you ever meet a girl and NOT think she was hitting on you? The best part is his best friend's girl that he thinks is in love with him probably is just doing it to be nice. Well actually my best friends' ex, i slept with her several times before they broke up. And if he wasn't such an asshole to her (and me) it wouldn't have been possible. I don't feel bad at all about it, we're all adults here.
Damn you guys just got 1-upd. Shame you did that though, unless he did something REALLY bad but that's still something terrible to do.
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Yes, I am on edge because I feel threatened by a random internet guy who claims he has girls practically clawing out each others eyes to get at him. GOT 'EM!
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Do not date your best friends ex you desperate scumbag. This blog sounds more about your penis than your heart, I can hardly imagine you respect any of those girls, for crying out loud one of them doesn't even speak your language and one is your ex wife, steer clear.
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On December 17 2010 00:59 SONE wrote:Show nested quote +On December 17 2010 00:34 Sebby Lebby wrote:On December 16 2010 19:44 jungle_BRAT wrote:
not a big fan of your best friend, huh? On December 16 2010 20:11 Zim23 wrote:
Wow what an asshole trying to get with your best friend's ex, and apparently you were hitting on her the whole time too. That's a scumbag move if I've ever seen one.
Also quick question: Did you ever meet a girl and NOT think she was hitting on you? On December 16 2010 20:37 MisterD wrote:
just out of curiosity: are these all the girls you see regularly or are there actually any girls you see from time to time that you don't wan't to hit on? x) On December 16 2010 23:53 Hawk wrote:On December 16 2010 20:11 Zim23 wrote:
Wow what an asshole trying to get with your best friend's ex, and apparently you were hitting on her the whole time too. That's a scumbag move if I've ever seen one.
Also quick question: Did you ever meet a girl and NOT think she was hitting on you? The best part is his best friend's girl that he thinks is in love with him probably is just doing it to be nice. Well actually my best friends' ex, i slept with her several times before they broke up. And if he wasn't such an asshole to her (and me) it wouldn't have been possible. I don't feel bad at all about it, we're all adults here. Damn you guys just got 1-upd. Shame you did that though, unless he did something REALLY bad but that's still something terrible to do.
If he's douchey to you and you slept with his GF while they were dating, then he's probably not your "best" friend (If he is, you have a small amount/very shitty friends). I swear, everyone and their moms are considered a "best" friend nowadays.
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During orientation for college they told us "Just because a girl smiles and says "Hi" does not mean she wants to have sex with you"
I now pass these words of wisdom on to you, Sebby Lebby.
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Taiwan619 Posts
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I lost track of the girls as I read through...
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On December 17 2010 02:43 crazeman wrote:Show nested quote +On December 17 2010 00:59 SONE wrote:On December 17 2010 00:34 Sebby Lebby wrote:On December 16 2010 19:44 jungle_BRAT wrote:
not a big fan of your best friend, huh? On December 16 2010 20:11 Zim23 wrote:
Wow what an asshole trying to get with your best friend's ex, and apparently you were hitting on her the whole time too. That's a scumbag move if I've ever seen one.
Also quick question: Did you ever meet a girl and NOT think she was hitting on you? On December 16 2010 20:37 MisterD wrote:
just out of curiosity: are these all the girls you see regularly or are there actually any girls you see from time to time that you don't wan't to hit on? x) On December 16 2010 23:53 Hawk wrote:On December 16 2010 20:11 Zim23 wrote:
Wow what an asshole trying to get with your best friend's ex, and apparently you were hitting on her the whole time too. That's a scumbag move if I've ever seen one.
Also quick question: Did you ever meet a girl and NOT think she was hitting on you? The best part is his best friend's girl that he thinks is in love with him probably is just doing it to be nice. Well actually my best friends' ex, i slept with her several times before they broke up. And if he wasn't such an asshole to her (and me) it wouldn't have been possible. I don't feel bad at all about it, we're all adults here. Damn you guys just got 1-upd. Shame you did that though, unless he did something REALLY bad but that's still something terrible to do. If he's douchey to you and you slept with his GF while they were dating, then he's probably not your "best" friend (If he is, you have a small amount/very shitty friends). I swear, everyone and their moms are considered a "best" friend nowadays.
Sadly, more the parenthetical one. If he's not my best friend then I would have to go with people who are strictly acquaintances, and/or internet friends (of whom I basically haven't "seen" much for year(s)). He's my best friend, we just are a little bit darker than most, and I wish I could say things like that in all seriousness and not have it be heard by internet ears imagining younger people wearing black or whatever trends. But we expect no less. He is a horrible person, and by all accounts, I guess I am too, and we know this about each other. He's probably slept with my ex, and I only think this because of the way he's always denying it in different ways when I don't even bring it up, but the sad thing is he's too messed up to remember what reason(s) why he didn't/never would he already told me, so... anyways, no need to go into all the reasons I don't feel bad about his ex choosing to hook up with me.
On December 17 2010 01:08 Hawk wrote:
Yes, I am on edge because I feel threatened by a random internet guy who claims he has girls practically clawing out each others eyes to get at him. GOT 'EM!
You def seem on edge. My second post was specifically trying to dispell the misreading that I think these girls are into me a lot. Oh well, some people have put all their effort into their muscles :D How they find keyboards is beyond me.
On December 17 2010 01:47 Frits wrote:
Do not date your best friends ex you desperate scumbag. This blog sounds more about your penis than your heart, I can hardly imagine you respect any of those girls, for crying out loud one of them doesn't even speak your language and one is your ex wife, steer clear.
She's hot as hell and if she calls me to come over at 4 am then I'm gonna sit there and talk with her for a couple hours, make her feel better, and if she wants to stay, then fine, and if this happens every other week, then fine.
As far as the blog being about my penis and/or how the girls feel about me, why don't I just resummarize, for your reference:
#1 Yes I think she wants to fuck me, and yes I think we were/are in love as far as we both feel/think.
#8 She blushes and runs away half the time she sees me, then sends me sweet or playful texts. Not sure I would fuck her or she would fuck me, but her smiles really make my day sometimes. When she scolds other people to give me better service, or gives me discounts or piles on the best food, or scolds me for not eating right. Or looks at me when no ones looking and makes this big goofy grin as I'm leaving the store. If you don't know Chinese culture then please refrain from downplaying this. Yes we've also talked on the phone for hours, even though my Chinese is horrible. As far as I know she's told several people she likes me, and several of my friends have told me, w/o prompting, dude that girl has such a crush on you. Now I don't imply that any of this has to do with sex, but um, I think she likes me. It's my ego imagining things.
#3 I love her. Yes I think she likes me, but could be in a friend way. Expected to get shit about her because I didn't explain it well at all. I think she wants to keep things strictly work, but imo she showed some initial signs that she has some favor towards me, though not necessarily any kind of sex or relationship kind. Since my judgment is what's at issue here, listing a ton of subtle/playful things is not going to win me any points. But if it was at all possible she would be my choice, I would just run off with her. She's that perfect. At any rate I wanna get to know her better, but I think it's not going to happen.
#4 Crazy crush on this girl, not really any reason to think I should act on it, besides very occasional flirting, just seems to have a really good vibe between us, and occasional things where she's fucking with me but can't be sure.
#5 Engaged girl, always coming around asking me what I'm doing. I got her number, was thanking her for work related things. She said, don't thank me, just buy me a drink. So Chinese girl wants me to go buy her a drink somewhere. We've walked together alone a couple blocks before, to where her bus is, got coffee before work a couple times, some juice at this thing that makes kickass drinks on the corner. She comes by my room, talk to me. We have hour long conversations at work when nobody's around. I'm not that into her. Maybe she's not that into me, just curious what I'll do. So she can gossip about me. Who knows.
#6 This girl has come to my room 3-4 times, we used to talk on the phone every night for a couple hours, but her boyfriend of 4 yrs got mad at her, so now I am kinda afraid to call her or text her. I don't think she'll do anything, but her words were something like, "It's not safe. I don't think I should go to your home alone anymore, I might do bad things. And I'm not that kind of girl." Other people have asked me what happened between me and her, because of the way we act together. I don't think I'll ever have "penis time" with her, and she clearly is not going for it either, but I do really like spending time with her.
#7 Yeah trying to fuck her more, but if I don't think I care about her, I won't even. I don't enjoy women like that, sry.
#2 yes this girl is beating down the door for my cock. and i don't want to.
#9 I've fucked a billion times. She's my ex wife. no idea what she's doing but clearly not trying to fuck me cuz i 'm sure she'd win that battle.
#10 only wants to fuck me when i get her really drunk, or maybe if i gave her drugs. so far, have resisted a serious attempt, because sex isn't really my goal or the purpose of any of this. she thinks i don't love her, but she really likes me. i don't feel like backing this up either. she's right, i don't love her, which is why i don't do anything with her. if it makes you defensive guys feel better, she's old and ugly and disease infested. ok? so don't worry, this is a pathetic thing, not boast.
ok so combined with my 2nd post pointing out how many women there are around me, these are the 10 most relevant to my heart (and/or penis, apparently), and as you can see, even with the "top 10" the breakdown is pretty sad imo, peniswise. i guess i can't talk about my feelings with guys because their penises can't resist attacking mine... this is what drives me to the company of women.
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EPT
