EPTPart 2
Part 3
Part 4:
Just a little preface to this part of the story. During my Senior year in college, I was pretty sure I was going to go t o a school out of state. I had received a great scholarship and was pretty excited about some of the school’s programs. However, at the last minute, I received a full scholarship to the best school in the state, which just happened to be where Jane was going to go to school… FML!
Now back to the story:
I almost forgot about a glorious event that occurred the week before school started. Being the good friend I am, I decided to help Jane move into an apartment near campus. As a thank you she and her parents took me out to eat at a super nice restaurant (did I mention that her dad was worth hundreds of millions of dollars???). I generally would not go, but her dad and I had an unfinished discussion about a basketball game and I was bound to hear the rest of the story. At dinner, her dad turns to me and says “Hey Jacobine, did you know that when a girl puts her hand on her leg close to you, it means she wants to hold your hand?” I had no clue about this revelation and informed him of such, and being the curious being I am I asked “Why would you tell me that?” ….. Even her dad was dropping hints for me GEEZE. Anyway, later that night I’m hanging out at her apartment with a bunch of high school friends and somehow we get around to talking about holding hands. Now, I come from a super religious place, so this is a pretty big deal. Somehow the question comes up “who here has never held a girls hand before?” Well… who else would it have been! ME! So, I volunteer to sit and be the example of how girls give hints to guys that they want their hand held. And who decides to be the volunteer for the chick? NOT JANE, It was Jessica! The big boobed vixen from before. So, I’m going through this exercise with Jessica, and Jane goes to the kitchen with one of her friends and then sneaks back to her room. I don’t think much about it, but we started watching a movie and I miraculously held hands with Jessica the rest of the night. How great is that? Well, I had to get a ride back and Jessica and I are talking in the car (very similar situation), except as she’s dropping me off, she turns to me and says “you’re a great guy, why don’t we hang out more” I had no good reason, but decided that maybe it would be a sweet idea to start hanging out with Jessica instead of going after Jane.
Long story short, things didn’t work out with Jessica. I might go into detail if anyone wants to know, but it was a short thing that left me with a bad taste in my mouth for any type of relationship for a while.
I started school. Somehow during the intervening weeks between the party and school starting, Jane had convinced me to take a class with her. Boy was this a big fat stupid stupid stupid stupid mistake. Instead of opening myself up to the college experience and the vastly greater quantity of women, I hitched my wagon to the one girl who I could never get with. Over the several weeks, Jane screwed with my head time and again. I went to a few parties with her, and she true to nature, flirted with other guys, all the while flirting with me in class every other day. The worst part was I was dumb enough to start to think that the fact that Jane wanted to hang out with me and actually liked me beyond deciding she liked me every now and again. Here’s a note to all of you single guys, this is beyond friendzoning. This is brother-zoning. This means that there is no way in HELL you are ever going to get some from the girl of your dreams. You can somehow break the friendzone (not sure how, but I’m sure it’s possible), but the brother-zone is the worst. I remember at one party I was hanging out with Jane and she said “you know, I think of you a lot like a brother ….” If you ever hear those words from a female who is not your sister, throw in the towel, leave, and never talk to her again, unless you just want to hang out.
Anyway, the semester went around just fine, and then the glorious holiday of Thanksgiving approached. There was going to be a great week long break. No Jane for a week, No school for a week, and I got to eat huge amounts of turkey. The Friday before the break, Julie sits really close to me while studying and says “hey, you want to go to a basketball game with me?” Now, I normally wouldn’t have gone, but Jane had FRONT ROW SEATS to an NBA game. I could not say no. It was not possible. I tried restraint, but it just wasn’t happening. So the day after Thanksgiving rolls around and I’m sitting there wondering “wait, is this a date or something platonic.. I’m not sure, but she’s picking me up, so I’ll just see if she honks or comes to the door.” She honked… what a bitch. Inside the car was Jane and two other of her friends (both girls, this is important). Anyway, we get up to the game early, and since her dad is uber rich he’s part of some kind of cool kids club that allows us to have a buffet dinner for free before the game, it was dang good. So I’m chatting it up with her dad, who was actually helping me pay for school, and we were chatting about life and how everything was going. Then he asks me a crucial question “So, are you on a date with one of these ladies or am I giving you tickets to hang out?” Well, I was pretty good friends with the other 2 and basically say “Well, I’m not a polygamist, so I can’t be on a date with all of them, who do you think I should choose?” Jane’s dad looked at the three girls and Jane pipes up “Hey, I asked you to the game, I think I should get to be on the date if anyone.” Her dad said something that embarrassed her which I forget, but I decided that it was going to be a platonic thing. So we get to the game, and I end up sitting next to Jane (Coincidence? I think not!) So, normally I would be freaking out, but there was this awesome guy sitting next to me who was a huge fan. So he and I screamed through the entire game and generally enjoyed life. I did not worry about what Jane was thinking until about midway through the third quarter. I look over at Jane’s leg. THE DAMN HAND WAS THERE!! What should I do??? Jane got a call from a mutual friend and he wanted to talk with me. He was at the game too! So I waved at him, and he said “Dude, if you don’t fucking hold her hand, I’m going to beat you down on Monday. She freaking likes you, hold her hand!” So I look over, take a deep breath, and reach over and grab her hand. She grabbed back! OMG! I was finally holding the hands of this amazing chick. I couldn’t believe it. I stopped talking to the guy next to me and focused all my attention on Jane. I thought basketball was amazing, boy was I wrong.
