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Hi, I am currently making a letter to propose a sponsorship deal with local companies. Please help me by pointing out grammar mistakes and suggesting ways to improve the overall letter. Phrases in bold are parts that I am currently working on.
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Greetings,
I am ***, member of Pinoy StarCraft and organizer of the Pinoy Starleague (PSL). I am currently an undergraduate of University of the Philippines Los Baños, Batch 2009, College of Economics and Management, pursuing a Bachelor’s Degree in Economics.
PSL is a StarCraft tournament hosted online by Pinoy StarCraft, a web-based online community, with a PhP 10,000 worth of prize pool. The matches are to be broadcast by live stream with commentary every weekend (Friday-Sunday). The tournament is expected to run from late October until early December.
StarCraft is currently the most balanced real-time strategy game created by Blizzard Entertainment on the year 1998. One documentary has likened it to chess being played at “warp speed”. Despite it being ten years old in the market, no other real-time strategy game has come close to its balance. It is important to note that the perfect balance in the game is what defines it as a sport where the better skilled player wins.
The main purpose of the PSL is to promote eSports in the Philippines through this high-profile event. No significant profit would be earned by anyone except the winners of the PSL.
eSports is an untouched aspect in the Philippines that has massive potential. It is very evident that the majority of Filipinos are making use of the internet and its variety of services such as search engines, instant messengers and social networking websites. It is also true that in this country, online video games such as local area network (LAN) games and massive multiplayer online role-playing games (MMORPG) are extremely popular. Competition in this field ranges from friendly games up to set matches with a couple of incentives to the winner.
However, taking advantage of the existing interest in gaming is nothing new since one country has already done it. South Korea has two television channels dedicated to broadcasting competitive gaming. The players are professionals who took up gaming as their careers and play under teams sponsored by major local companies.
(Korean viewerships on their leagues)
Going back to the PSL, sign-up for the tournament is still going on until October 16, 2009. As the organizer, I would spend any investment from your company to be allotted in advertising the PSL through online means such as Google Ads, increasing the value of the prize pool, and additional bonus items or gifts to the winner of the whole tournament.
Teamliquid Starleague, also a completely online tournament that was held in the past was sponsored by Razer. (Research TSL’s success)
The logo and/or the name of your company (which may also include your slogan) or a product of your company will be shown on the online advertisements, promotional videos, throughout the duration of broadcasted matches, and finally will be dominantly present in the Pinoy StarCraft website. It is completely up to you how much investment you will make and will appreciate an enough amount. I wish for the success of the PSL and your company.
Regards,
Dexter Ancheta
PSL Organizer
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*I will be attaching a PowerPoint Presentation on how their company/product would get advertised.
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first thing I see is that you should take out "only" in your second sentence, because by saying you're "only" a college student, it's like you're already giving them a reason to not sponsor you. Just say "I'm currently a student at University etc..."
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motbob
United States12546 Posts
Here are some edits. The bolded parts are parts that I didn't know how to revise.
Greetings,
I am Dexter Ancheta, member of Pinoy StarCraft and organizer of the Pinoy Starleague (PSL). I am currently an undergraduate of University of the Philippines Los Baños, Batch 2009, College of Economics and Management, pursuing a Bachelor of Science Economics.
PSL is a StarCraft tournament hosted online by Pinoy StarCraft, a web-based online community, with a PhP 10,000 worth of prize pool. The matches are to be broadcast by live stream with commentary every weekend (Friday-Sunday). The tournament is expected to run from late October until early December.
The main purpose of the PSL is to promote eSports in the Philippines through this high-profile event. No significant profit would be earned by anyone except the winners of the PSL.
eSports is an untouched aspect in the Philippines that has massive potential. It is very evident that the majority of Filipinos are making use of the internet and its variety of services. It is also true that in this country, online video games such as MMORPG's are extremely popular. (This paragraph needs more work)
However, taking advantage of the existing interest in gaming is nothing new since one country has already done it. South Korea has two television channels dedicated to broadcasting competitive gaming. The players are professionals who took up gaming as their careers and play under teams sponsored by major local companies.
Going back to the PSL, sign-up for the tournament is still going on until October 16, 2009. As the organizer, I would spend any investment from your company to be allotted in advertising the PSL through online means such as Google Ads, increasing the value of the prize pool, and additional bonus items or gifts to the winner of the whole tournament. [HERE, YOU TELL THEM IN DETAIL WHAT'S IN IT FOR THEM] It is completely up to you how much investment you will make and will appreciate an enough amount. I wish for the success of the PSL and your company.
Regards,
Dexter Ancheta
PSL Organizer
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Snet
United States3573 Posts
I think you might want to give an example of something like this that turned out to be a success. (razer TSL?)
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Are the companies going to know what StarCraft is?
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Good stuff.
You gotta assume whoever is receiving the letter has no idea what you're talking about. StarCraft. StarLeague. They're all second-nature to us, but right off the bet I can see some executives of a company going "what the heck is StarCraft; what the heck is StarLeague?"
Explain everything like you would talk to your grandparents. Pointing out the success in Korea is good, and tangible numbers (how big is the market; how many people watch these matches in Korea, etc.) should help too.
Good luck!
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Thank you all so much! ^^
Revised it a bit.
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EPT
