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On July 06 2009 07:33 fanatacist wrote:
If a situation arises where you have to act like an adult, it doesn't matter if you are a kid or adult. You have to become an adult to deal with it.
I dont know if working at 13 is normal where you come from but the thought of that is absolutely terrifying to me. I got my first job at 16 and have been working nonstop since then, but not being able to enjoy 13-16 at least a little is pretty sucky IMO. I am sure there are situations where it is required, but when a parent decides to have a kid they are expected to be able to provide for them for 18 years (in this country anyway).
I'm trying to imagine working at such a young age and I think if I had to work that young I'd have such a negative outlook on life. Life isn't about work.
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Bosnia-Herzegovina1437 Posts
On July 06 2009 07:42 HuskyTheHusky wrote:Show nested quote +On July 06 2009 07:33 fanatacist wrote:
If a situation arises where you have to act like an adult, it doesn't matter if you are a kid or adult. You have to become an adult to deal with it. I dont know if working at 13 is normal where you come from but the thought of that is absolutely terrifying to me. I got my first job at 16 and have been working nonstop since then, but not being able to enjoy 13-16 at least a little is pretty sucky IMO. I am sure there are situations where it is required, but when a parent decides to have a kid they are expected to be able to provide for them for 18 years (in this country anyway). I'm trying to imagine working at such a young age and I think if I had to work that young I'd have such a negative outlook on life. Life isn't about work.
I used to work when I was like 11 too.. it was only minor stuff like cement stuff with my grandpa who used to be a construction worker.... it wasn't really hard I just wanted to help my grandpa finish this house.
fanatacist thanks for the support tho.
Yeah, I guess I just have to man up and stop being a little bitch.
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"My mom says I can't smoke weed anymore" why is this and what does this have to do with anything?
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On July 06 2009 07:42 HuskyTheHusky wrote:Show nested quote +On July 06 2009 07:33 fanatacist wrote:
If a situation arises where you have to act like an adult, it doesn't matter if you are a kid or adult. You have to become an adult to deal with it. I dont know if working at 13 is normal where you come from but the thought of that is absolutely terrifying to me. I got my first job at 16 and have been working nonstop since then, but not being able to enjoy 13-16 at least a little is pretty sucky IMO. I am sure there are situations where it is required, but when a parent decides to have a kid they are expected to be able to provide for them for 18 years (in this country anyway). I'm trying to imagine working at such a young age and I think if I had to work that young I'd have such a negative outlook on life. Life isn't about work.
I lived in the USA at the time and no it was not normal, I had to do it under the table. However, it doesn't matter where you are, what matters is who you are and what your necessity/situation is. I still had time to hang out with friends on some days, still played StarCraft and got high at night. The beauty of the human mind is that it can adapt to almost anything. Just because you have less time and freedom to do fun things, doesn't mean that you can't do any.
A lot of it is about your mindset as well. It's the fact that you will value your freedoms so much more when they become second priority to your responsibilities. It's the fact that you can approach work as a chore or you can approach it as a learning experience, a way of growing yourself into an adult and expanding your horizons for the future. You may have had a negative outlook on life if you were in my situation, and I did too for a while. However, when people try to think about walking in another man's shoes to consider their burden, they tend to overlook the fact that people change and adapt as I said before; they mature to satisfy their responsibilities and in turn earn a new mindset in life, which affects everything from leisure to love.
On July 06 2009 07:48 Clasic wrote:Show nested quote +On July 06 2009 07:42 HuskyTheHusky wrote:On July 06 2009 07:33 fanatacist wrote:
If a situation arises where you have to act like an adult, it doesn't matter if you are a kid or adult. You have to become an adult to deal with it. I dont know if working at 13 is normal where you come from but the thought of that is absolutely terrifying to me. I got my first job at 16 and have been working nonstop since then, but not being able to enjoy 13-16 at least a little is pretty sucky IMO. I am sure there are situations where it is required, but when a parent decides to have a kid they are expected to be able to provide for them for 18 years (in this country anyway). I'm trying to imagine working at such a young age and I think if I had to work that young I'd have such a negative outlook on life. Life isn't about work. I used to work when I was like 11 too.. it was only minor stuff like cement stuff with my grandpa who used to be a construction worker.... it wasn't really hard I just wanted to help my grandpa finish this house. fanatacist thanks for the support tho. Yeah, I guess I just have to man up and stop being a little bitch.
That's not work xD Work is stepping out of the realm of friends and family and making a name for yourself from scratch in the place where you work, earning money not from the friendly hand but from the authoritative one. When you get $10 for mowing the lawn from your parents, is it the same feeling as getting your first paycheck from a real job? When you get a compliment from your parents is it the same as getting one from your boss, who has no obligation to commend your efforts? I think there is vale in all of these experiences, but they are also very different and all essential to growing up.
No problem, you're young and sometimes you need someone to give their perspective on things [: Taking people's words as more than just words is one part of growing up, and using their words selectively and wisely is the next.
It's okay to feel bad for yourself once in a while when things turn for the worst, as long as you don't let it hinder you or prevent you from meeting your responsibilities and enjoying the time you have between them.
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On July 06 2009 08:19 Duke wrote:
"My mom says I can't smoke weed anymore" why is this and what does this have to do with anything?
If you were a parent and you left a toddler in the care of a young teen, would you be okay with them smoking weed?
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you shouldnt be smoking at 14 anyway imo
lol@ people saying "Grow upa nd be mature"
he's 14, as if you did anything half as noble or responsible with your life at that age
(fanatacist excluded partially. working isnt that difficult, i did it too. Knowing the value of working for what you want is FAR different from being the caretaker of a child every day and having very little free time because of it. )
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hell, im 20 and taking care of a 5 and 3 year old for more than seven or eight hours every other week or so becomes a trying task. For some reason i get the feeling very few of you know what it is like to have to actually fully look after a toddler.
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ooops
this post was in reply to a post on page one. i cant read threads properly. (also the reason for the triple post. thought there was a reply in between. cant read.)
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Well fanatacist does have a point because working besides teaching you responsibility also introduces you to the adult society which is much less caring than that of your parents. Social experiance is a great thing and is also something I'm missing because most of my money comes from a schoolarship so I just need to keep my grades up to keep getting cash.
Either way money is a great motivator, caring for someone you love should be and probably is a greater one. Whatever you learn along the way is just that much better.
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On July 06 2009 08:25 Gene wrote:
you shouldnt be smoking at 14 anyway imo
lol@ people saying "Grow upa nd be mature"
he's 14, as if you did anything half as noble or responsible with your life at that age
(fanatacist excluded partially. working isnt that difficult, i did it too. Knowing the value of working for what you want is FAR different from being the caretaker of a child every day and having very little free time because of it. )
I can't judge him for smoking weed, I started at 13 and I think that it's a choice that you can change whenever the need arises. At least he is not complaining about it - that's part of the reason why I think he can handle smoking weed otherwise, because he knows that right now is not the time for it.
I never said that work was difficult, but you can't deny that it's not a standard thing for people of his age or our age at the time. I completely agree that raising a child is different in terms of the value of the responsibility and in terms of mental stress (should it get to you). However I have to point out that it's still something you can adapt to, just like work. It's a responsibility, a big one, like work can be. I also think that there are a lot of benefits of childcare that are missing from a standard teen job, for example the experience of parental care (very useful for the future, very maturing), family bonding, and come on, toddlers can be frustrating but you know that any normal human being would take care of their brother just because they love him - it's not as much of a job as it is an ethical mandate, which older siblings have to embrace to be happy. From what I've seen him post so far, I think he will do fine and he is not bitching about the fact that he has to raise a kid because of WHAT it is, it's because of what it replaces and what it demands from him. In other words, he is not saying "ugh I hate my little brother and now I have to spend time to take care of him what a little shit," he's saying "I am losing my freedoms and having a lot of responsibility dumped on me." And I think most of us have had that experience at least once in our youth.
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oh, he's 14, right. in that case i agree completely. however if he was older there would be no reason for him not to be able to smoke once in a while if he felt like it. believe it or not there are responsible smokers and occasional smokers. not smoking around or while caring for the toddler alone is a no-brainer.
prying a LOT here, but is there any alcohol in the house? it would bother me if so under these circumstances.
good luck.
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On July 06 2009 08:30 bN` wrote:
Well fanatacist does have a point because working besides teaching you responsibility also introduces you to the adult society which is much less caring than that of your parents. Social experiance is a great thing and is also something I'm missing because most of my money comes from a schoolarship so I just need to keep my grades up to keep getting cash.
Either way money is a great motivator, caring for someone you love should be and probably is a greater one. Whatever you learn along the way is just that much better.
This is pretty much what I was trying to say.
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i agree with you entirely that he does not actually have a choice in the matter, he has to get the job done.
call it a job, ethical mandate, whatever. It's still more than any society should ask of him at the age, and more than anyone who is telling him to stop bitching has faced. i just think people are being too harsh, but maybe im reading into their comments incorrectly.
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On July 06 2009 08:32 Duke wrote:
oh, he's 14, right. in that case i agree completely. however if he was older there would be no reason for him not to be able to smoke once in a while if he felt like it. believe it or not there are responsible smokers and occasional smokers. not smoking around or while caring for the toddler alone is a no-brainer.
prying a LOT here, but is there any alcohol in the house? it would bother me if so under these circumstances.
good luck.
He already said that it's not a problem to not smoke, and from that I gather that he is a responsible smoker and would not smoke while taking care of a toddler either way. That's just my hypothesis though.
I am 100% sure that there is alcohol in the house, or at least that one of his parents drinks. Living a life where you work long hours/spend little time at home with your kids can put a lot of stress on a person, and I think drinking a beer at night gets a lot of people through their days. Not to mention that they are Eastern European. Of course I understand where you are coming from in terms of the possibility of high tension situations that are made worse by alcoholism, but hopefully that's not the case. Either way, it's out of his control if that is the case, but I hope he is responsible enough to know what to do if such a situation occurs.
We are merely guessing here however, and I think if it was a problem he would have said something. We should address the issues presented and not try to dig into things that may or may not exist, imo.
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On July 06 2009 08:36 Gene wrote:
i agree with you entirely that he does not actually have a choice in the matter, he has to get the job done.
call it a job, ethical mandate, whatever. It's still more than any society should ask of him at the age, and more than anyone who is telling him to stop bitching has faced. i just think people are being too harsh, but maybe im reading into their comments incorrectly.
Kids end up raising their siblings around the world daily, millions of them. That's just how life is, and sometimes nothing can be done about it. It isn't fair, but it isn't the end of a person's life and it's not impossible to try to offer advice. I agree that many people who would tell him to stop complaining have never experienced something of the nature, but I also think that you are reading a false negative connotation from the posts. So far in this thread I think most of the posts have been civil and not accusatory of immaturity. The OP himself said that he just needs to bite the bullet and deal with it, and people agreed with him. What alternative is there? People could say "oooh I feel so bad for you, you shouldn't have to put up with that," etc. etc. But, what good does that do? I think that it's healthy for people to strengthen his resolve to handle the situation like an adult, even if they have not been in the same situation themselves. I am also sure that he knows that any malicious posts made in the thread are coming from ignorant people who should not be minded. I hope I made it clear that I am not one of those people, and I know that you and a few others I remember are not either.
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Bosnia-Herzegovina1437 Posts
Really though I think my only problem will be my brother.. like.. not taking care of him ( well maybe a little ) but the simple fact that hes been with my dad for so long I just can't stand it to see him just forget someone like that...
On the other hand idc what happens to me.... whether I'm sad or not I'm old enough to deal with myself.. I just can't see a kid his age with only me by his side...
And yeah, their is a little bit of Alcohol in the house.. but that's not a problem.. I've only drank Alcohol once and I didn't like it and its safe were he can't get it so I don't see that as a problem.
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On July 06 2009 09:04 Clasic wrote:
Really though I think my only problem will be my brother.. like.. not taking care of him ( well maybe a little ) but the simple fact that hes been with my dad for so long I just can't stand it to see him just forget someone like that...
On the other hand idc what happens to me.... whether I'm sad or not I'm old enough to deal with myself.. I just can't see a kid his age with only me by his side...
And yeah, their is a little bit of Alcohol in the house.. but that's not a problem.. I've only drank Alcohol once and I didn't like it and its safe were he can't get it so I don't see that as a problem.
That feeling of empathy you have for your brother's situation should be the driving force for you to make things better for him despite not seeing his parents enough. It's not yours, your father's, or anyone's fault that he can't be with his dad enough. But, there is nothing wrong with him being loved and raised by his brother and mother - also remember that your dad isn't entirely out of his life and I'm sure in the future they will have bonding time. For now you should think of the here and now, and how you can make things the best they can be for your brother.
You shouldn't not care what happens to you, though. Although your brother is priority, you need to look out for yourself as well, otherwise you will become depressed and bitter and a bad example for your brother (possibly). You need to make sure that you aren't miserable so that he can live in a light environment, if you want to think of it this way.
It's good that you aren't going to drink, and that it's not an issue with your family. A lot of others would succumb to drugs and alcohol in the situation that you and your parents are in, and you should remember that and be extra nice to your parents and if you feel like you are doing a good job with your life, you can start respecting yourself as someone who has achieved more than his peers will for years. Don't get too prideful, but just saying - self-respect comes from doing the right thing, and it's a trait that a lot of people are lacking nowadays.
Good luck to you, I hope you don't have issues handling things and you can post any problems here and I'm sure people with my child-rearing experience will help you [:
Take care.
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Too bad the blog wasn't bitchin
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3861 Posts
When I was younger, I have to watch my brother all the time too, since my parents were working 2 jobs to make ends meet. When I turned 15, I got a job to help my parent pay the rent. All my free time was either working or babysitting. You're not the only one who has to go thru this, it kinda blows but it WILL work out in the end. Your brother will have a separate respect for you, and although he may not realize it now, you will be his greatest strength when he gets older.
Best of luck to you - just know that you're not the only one who's going thru a tough time - siblings caring for siblings and parents working odd hours is definitely a universal thing.
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Bosnia-Herzegovina1437 Posts
On July 06 2009 11:23 lilsusie wrote:
When I was younger, I have to watch my brother all the time too, since my parents were working 2 jobs to make ends meet. When I turned 15, I got a job to help my parent pay the rent. All my free time was either working or babysitting. You're not the only one who has to go thru this, it kinda blows but it WILL work out in the end. Your brother will have a separate respect for you, and although he may not realize it now, you will be his greatest strength when he gets older.
Best of luck to you - just know that you're not the only one who's going thru a tough time - siblings caring for siblings and parents working odd hours is definitely a universal thing.
yeah thanks..
I realize now I just got to go through with it no matter how much I like it T.T
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EPT
