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So. Story time. Every word of this story is true.
I met this girl eight days ago today. My cousin introduced us. Literally 20 minutes after we met, I found that I could not stop thinking about her. I felt like a high schooler again. Rather ridiculous, really, but I didn't think much of it at the time.
As the week progressed, she and I hit it off on a level previously unknown to me. Every moment we spent together we bonded closer in new and previously undiscovered ways. My heart was full of hope for this new possibility. A long story short, we grew as close as one can expect for such a short time.
Then the problem came: we both agreed that we were perfectly positioned for a fantastic relationship, but for one small problem: she is a devout Christian, and I am at best a rather tentative Deist. Normally when confronted with a problem such as this, I do the smart thing. Cut my losses and move on. But with this girl I'm finding it utterly impossible to do this. That is a testament to the depth of the bond that has already grown between us and the burgeoning (love) that is growing. Basically I'm confronted with the ugly choice of accepting Christianity or moving on.
Advice is greatly appreciated. Please no ad hominem assaults on the female, as I can see her point for not wanting a relationship in which the parties involved have different religious affiliation. While I don't share her feelings, I respect her views.
Anyway, please post your thoughts as to what I should do.
 
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I honestly don't think you can change your religion just for a girl. It just wouldn't work. You could go through the motions and be a christian on the surface, but I can't imagine you choosing this path and ever thinking of yourself as "devout".
If you do decide to move forward as is, I feel that religious tension will eventually come up. The relationship could go on for years before this happens, but eventually the topic will come up and something bad will happen.
Assuming she can't be your gf unless you convert, I'd say *definitely* stay away. If you try and pretend to convert just to make her happy, when something does happen, it'll be even worse than if you try and have a relationship with different religions.
It seems like you want a serious relationship with her, so I'd definitely advise against it. Maybe I'm too cynical, but I don't think I'd ever try to have a deep relationship with someone who's invested themself so heavily in religion.
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Obviously the best solution to a religious conflict, is to slowly back away from each other before anyone says a word on the subject.
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If you're so much into each other I don't think it should matter. From what you're telling me you're a Deist so you don't believe in Christianity and all that, but the thing I don't get is, why does it bother you that she is Christian? I mean it's one thing to not to believe in what she believes and still be tolerant and open minded, and it's another to not believe in what she believes in and to be bothered by it. IMO you should just let her believe in what she believes and carry on your point of view on those matters. Religion shouldn't be the deciding factor in a relationship IMO, at least not until you have kids and you have to make the choice whether you want your kid to be this, or that.
Also we need to know more about the girl personality like, is she like a fanatic that is trying to convert you right away, or is she just a normal Christian that goes to church, maybe carriers a cross as a necklace etc. etc. Maybe ask her also if all her family is very religious, and if they are tolerant or not.
If she is the fanatic type it's all up to you - try to change her views or bail. I mostly try to stay away from the fanatic ones but if you decide she's worth trying to talk some sense into, then go for it.
If she's normal, then I don't see a problem. Both of you should get together and talk about it, whether you're ready to make sacrifices or not and work from there, together.
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I don't think converting to a religion because of a girl is a good idea. How old are you if you are not in college, I would go ahead and say there are a lot of fish in the sea.
But in the end it comes down to, what do you want, and what are you willing to do to get what you want.
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even if you are in a relationship, you are just individuals.
you don't have to share each other views, if you enjoy each other's companion
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I think he wants a solution to the whole no sex before marriage deal.
Not support on that he can spend the rest of his life with someone he just had a crush on lol.
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On June 23 2009 20:50 Cloud wrote:
I think he wants a solution to the whole no sex before marriage deal.
Not support on that he can spend the rest of his life with someone he just had a crush on lol.
ROFL, if thats the case, just ask her to to pose for you naked and do it with your hand xD.
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If you watch the movie StarShipTroopers there is a good life lesson in there when Rico joins the military for his gf. Changing yourself in order to please a girl (or anyone for that matter) is generally pretty retarded.
I don't see what the problem is anyways, Why can't either of you accept the other regardless of what you believe in. Its almost like saying "i can't marry this girl because she likes to go to pancake club, read pancake books, and eat pancakes often". Do you stop talking to a person when you find out they believe in something taboo or weird? Where do you draw the line and why?
ex; You meet a guy, he's nice and generally cool and fun to hang out with. Later on you find out he's a satanist.
Imo, cutting him off just because of his belief is pretty fucked up.
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By the sound of it, Christianity is already not a choice you would make for yourself. That being the case, playing along as a Christian without truly believing it would make the entire foundation of your relationship a lie. If she likes you for who you are, nothing else should matter.
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Sydney2287 Posts
Try to make her accept you as not a christian.
If that's not possible, I think I'd move on.
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???
Are you getting fucking married after a week? What the hell does that have to do with anything? Go out, have a good time, get your rocks off and move on if it doesn't work out.
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Convert. Your religious views sound undecided and flexible ("tentative Deist"); sounds like the biggest conflict there is with the ritual of the Church so you'd just have to go through the motions...but you just need to keep yourself open to the possibility that its not total bullshit, even if you don't believe it, because someone you love and respect believes it.
I mean, I'm an undecided as well and while I believe in God, I don't believe in a lot of associated aspects. However, my parents are devout Christians, and pretty old. I really don't want to make a violent break from the Church because my faith is so undecided and all I would be doing is making my parents hate me. Perhaps this reflects a flaw in my parents but hey, people have flaws, and sometimes you have to live with them (and enjoy it for other reasons).
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Tell her your favorite book is Brothers Karamazov by Dostoevsky.
Ask her to read it. Make sure she finishes it.
If she still hasn't softened up and/or reevaluated her position... you wouldn't wanna be with her anyway. She's a fundamentalist nut. It'd never work out.
I'm serious. If there's one book aside from the bible that could do the trick, I'd place my bets with that one.
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On June 23 2009 21:55 Bockit wrote:
Try to make her accept you as not a christian.
If that's not possible, I think I'd move on.
Please do not convert for someone who will not accept you if you didn't.
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Kennigit
Canada19447 Posts
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yeah religious difference screwed over my last relationship
not going to deal with it again
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Kennigit
Canada19447 Posts
On June 23 2009 23:31 Sunyveil wrote:
yeah religious difference screwed over my last relationship
not going to deal with it again
This. Don't waste your time.
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Either you can actually try to understand and seek Christianity and give it a chance if you like her so much. Because God will, not matter what, be the most important thing in her life. And if you will not accept it, she cannot have a relationship with you. It will not work out. So either you look into Christianity for her sake. Or you drop her.
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If she's not going to have a relationship because she can't accept your religious views, she's not worth it.
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EPT
