• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 16:53
CET 21:53
KST 05:53
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
[ASL21] Ro24 Preview Pt1: New Chaos0Team Liquid Map Contest #22 - Presented by Monster Energy5ByuL: The Forgotten Master of ZvT30Behind the Blue - Team Liquid History Book19Clem wins HomeStory Cup 289
Community News
Blizzard Classic Cup @ BlizzCon 2026 - $100k prize pool42Weekly Cups (March 9-15): herO, Clem, ByuN win42026 KungFu Cup Announcement6BGE Stara Zagora 2026 cancelled12Blizzard Classic Cup - Tastosis announced as captains18
StarCraft 2
General
Blizzard Classic Cup @ BlizzCon 2026 - $100k prize pool Potential Updates Coming to the SC2 CN Server Weekly Cups (March 2-8): ByuN overcomes PvT block Weekly Cups (August 25-31): Clem's Last Straw? Weekly Cups (March 9-15): herO, Clem, ByuN win
Tourneys
World University TeamLeague (500$+) | Signups Open RSL Season 4 announced for March-April Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament WardiTV Team League Season 10 KSL Week 87
Strategy
Custom Maps
Publishing has been re-enabled! [Feb 24th 2026]
External Content
The PondCast: SC2 News & Results Mutation # 518 Radiation Zone Mutation # 517 Distant Threat Mutation # 516 Specter of Death
Brood War
General
Soulkey's decision to leave C9 BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/ JaeDong's form before ASL [ASL21] Ro24 Preview Pt1: New Chaos ASL21 General Discussion
Tourneys
ASL Season 21 LIVESTREAM with English Commentary [ASL21] Ro24 Group A [Megathread] Daily Proleagues [BSL22] Open Qualifiers & Ladder Tours
Strategy
Fighting Spirit mining rates Simple Questions, Simple Answers Soma's 9 hatch build from ASL Game 2
Other Games
General Games
General RTS Discussion Thread Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Nintendo Switch Thread Path of Exile Dawn of War IV
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion The Story of Wings Gaming
League of Legends
G2 just beat GenG in First stand
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
TL Mafia Community Thread Five o'clock TL Mafia Mafia Game Mode Feedback/Ideas Vanilla Mini Mafia
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread European Politico-economics QA Mega-thread Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine YouTube Thread Canadian Politics Mega-thread
Fan Clubs
The IdrA Fan Club
Media & Entertainment
[Req][Books] Good Fantasy/SciFi books Movie Discussion! [Manga] One Piece
Sports
2024 - 2026 Football Thread Cricket [SPORT] Formula 1 Discussion Tokyo Olympics 2021 Thread General nutrition recommendations
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Laptop capable of using Photoshop Lightroom?
TL Community
U4GM Tips Counter Enemy Gadgets Fast in Black Ops rsvsr How to Keep Reward Chains Rolling in Monopol u4gm What to Do First in MLB The Show 26 Spring
Blogs
Funny Nicknames
LUCKY_NOOB
Money Laundering In Video Ga…
TrAiDoS
Iranian anarchists: organize…
XenOsky
FS++
Kraekkling
Shocked by a laser…
Spydermine0240
Unintentional protectionism…
Uldridge
ASL S21 English Commentary…
namkraft
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 1598 users

First story I haven't written for school in years

Blogs > KurtistheTurtle
Post a Reply
KurtistheTurtle
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
United States1966 Posts
June 11 2009 23:27 GMT
#1
This is my entry into the sclegacy fanfiction contest. I'm opening it to critiquing. As of yet, the title hasn't come to me.

What I want to hear:
-Grammar Critique
-any discrepancies with the SC canon
-any questions about word choice
-what parts of the story you find confusing
-what you like and find interesting
-what you dont like and find uninteresting

What I don't want to hear:
-criticism without a point
-lol'ing (there will be NO HAPPINESS IN THIS BLOG)
-these exact words: "oh kurtistheturtle you are the best writer I have ever read"

ok for real my story is about this protoss dude killing something. I assume that everybody reading this knows protoss lore.

+ Show Spoiler +
If history had taught him anything, Aurioch knew he could know nothing about something until he was willing to destroy it. Adun had taught him this valuable lesson back on Auir. Through carefully obeying his orders, he had observed his enemy and made unclouded judgment on the rogue tribes. Close-minded as they were, the Conclave had been the catalyst for the advancement of his kind in ways they couldn’t even comprehend. My old brethren will no longer accept me, he suspected. They are too far behind.

Trained from a young age in the ways of the Khala, Aurioch was technically a high templar. Despite that, he had other abilities. Millenia ago he had been part of the force Adun was given to destroy the rogue tribes. He had observed the teachings Adun administered on drawing from different fountains of power, and from those teachings arrived at techniques even before Adun had taught them. He had always been this way, but he dared not show this aptitude back then on Auir.

Even now, running through the very heart of a Zerg hive, he relied on techniques modified from the basic precepts taught back then. Everything was in front of them, in plain sight. But only he had taken the next step. The Khala condemned everything outside of its narrow views. His brethren in the rogue tribes denied their ancestry. Only Tassadar had glimpsed the potential when the two merged, but he gave himself for his own personal Khala too quickly to realize the power he might wield.

The divining thought, the one concept that divided them, how Tassadar started down his path, was astonishingly simple. Everything is temporary. His old teachers tried beating this “fatalism” out of him. They only succeeded in making him hide it. But once he had flowed in the full vulgarity of the universe for the first time, that first horrible time, he knew he would never be able to close his mind. So he had thrown himself into the dimensional riptide of the universe, not caring where he exited. It was utterly terrifying, belittling, and hinted of dankness so horrible he couldn’t even comprehend it.

This was when Aurioch discovered something amazing. This is why we were created. We are capable of navigating this maelstrom. He was latently accustomed to balance on the floes and whims of the universe. It was almost like navigating one of the stormy seas of Auir, but so much more…encompassing. And violent. All of this in front of us for so many eons and I am the first to try. Perhaps this is why the old teachers left.

Through these travels he discovered new balances and perspectives, one of which he used right now. He ran past a group of mulling ultralisks, their occasional movements shaking the ground. Overlords dotted the sky to the horizon, yet nothing even registered him. He wasn’t merely bending light around himself, it was something much more perfect than that. He, technically, wasn’t there.

Aurioch came upon a giant, sinewy membrane. It pulsed and glistened with some sort of coating. He phased back, appearing right beside the giant nervous system. I pity you, cerebrate. You are only trying to find your own version of happiness. With a slight flick of his hand, the alarmed mass of consciousness had a split second to touch the mind of this assailant. How was the mind of this Protoss so attuned to the Zerg? Before erupting into a mass of blood, it felt a thing so foreign all other processes inside stopped. Beauty? Awe? Longing?

No, cerebrate. It’s called compassion.


“Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears."
TommyG
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
United States102 Posts
June 12 2009 01:01 GMT
#2
oh kurtistheturtle you are the best writer I have ever read
Shivaz
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
Canada1783 Posts
June 12 2009 01:02 GMT
#3
lol
HeavOnEarth
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
United States7087 Posts
June 12 2009 01:31 GMT
#4

How was the mind of this Protoss so attuned to the Zerg? Before erupting into a mass of blood, it felt a thing so foreign all other processes inside stopped. Beauty? Awe? Longing?

that part i had to re-read a bit to realize it was the celebrate's thought, was a bit accustomed to the italics you've always used.
maybe highlight all the uses of celebrate red, then highlight this in red and italicize it?
your writing is cute :D

- You spell "Auir" strange, -> isn't it Aiur?
- 5th paragraph , 4th sentence , Did you mean to use the word blatantly?:<
- Oh that paragraph where you say 'He, technically, wasn’t there.' , you could totally write something cleverer than that, don't you think ?
"come korea next time... FXO house... 10 korean, 10 korean"
KurtistheTurtle
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
United States1966 Posts
June 12 2009 04:14 GMT
#5
That's a good idea. I wrote this in word so I didn't quite transfer all the stuff I wanted over, but thats a very good idea.

- Ah shiz. It is Aiur.
- don't get what you mean
- 600 word limit. I feel ya. This entire thing is hella long uncondensed.


“Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears."
HeavOnEarth
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
United States7087 Posts
June 12 2009 16:59 GMT
#6
oh ignore my second dash i just didn't know latently meant ^^
"come korea next time... FXO house... 10 korean, 10 korean"
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
Monday Night Weeklies
17:00
#45
RotterdaM1031
TKL 515
SteadfastSC366
IndyStarCraft 218
kabyraGe 138
EnkiAlexander 35
LiquipediaDiscussion
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
RotterdaM 1031
TKL 497
SteadfastSC 347
IndyStarCraft 203
Dota 2
canceldota128
monkeys_forever35
LuMiX1
Counter-Strike
fl0m4602
pashabiceps2213
byalli359
Stewie2K336
Heroes of the Storm
Liquid`Hasu432
Other Games
Grubby3461
FrodaN2889
shoxiejesuss448
shahzam445
B2W.Neo310
mouzStarbuck208
KnowMe158
C9.Mang0131
crisheroes96
Trikslyr56
ZombieGrub44
UpATreeSC18
JuggernautJason10
deth4
Organizations
Dota 2
PGL Dota 2 - Main Stream43
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
sctven
[ Show 17 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• davetesta12
• Adnapsc2 8
• Hupsaiya 2
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• sooper7s
• intothetv
• Migwel
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
StarCraft: Brood War
• blackmanpl 46
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
• BSLYoutube
Dota 2
• WagamamaTV547
League of Legends
• Shiphtur462
Other Games
• imaqtpie1220
Upcoming Events
Sparkling Tuna Cup
13h 7m
Afreeca Starleague
13h 7m
Soulkey vs Ample
JyJ vs sSak
Replay Cast
1d 12h
Afreeca Starleague
1d 13h
hero vs YSC
Larva vs Shine
Kung Fu Cup
1d 14h
Replay Cast
2 days
KCM Race Survival
2 days
The PondCast
2 days
WardiTV Team League
2 days
Replay Cast
3 days
[ Show More ]
WardiTV Team League
3 days
RSL Revival
4 days
Cure vs Zoun
herO vs Rogue
WardiTV Team League
4 days
Platinum Heroes Events
4 days
BSL
4 days
RSL Revival
5 days
ByuN vs Maru
MaxPax vs TriGGeR
WardiTV Team League
5 days
BSL
5 days
Replay Cast
6 days
Afreeca Starleague
6 days
Light vs Calm
Royal vs Mind
Wardi Open
6 days
Monday Night Weeklies
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Proleague 2026-03-22
WardiTV Winter 2026
Underdog Cup #3

Ongoing

KCM Race Survival 2026 Season 1
BSL Season 22
CSL Elite League 2026
CSL Season 20: Qualifier 1
ASL Season 21
Acropolis #4 - TS6
RSL Revival: Season 4
Nations Cup 2026
NationLESS Cup
BLAST Open Spring 2026
ESL Pro League S23 Finals
ESL Pro League S23 Stage 1&2
PGL Cluj-Napoca 2026
IEM Kraków 2026
BLAST Bounty Winter 2026
BLAST Bounty Winter Qual

Upcoming

2026 Changsha Offline CUP
CSL Season 20: Qualifier 2
CSL 2026 SPRING (S20)
Acropolis #4
IPSL Spring 2026
BSL 22 Non-Korean Championship
CSLAN 4
Kung Fu Cup 2026 Grand Finals
HSC XXIX
uThermal 2v2 2026 Main Event
IEM Cologne Major 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 2
CS Asia Championships 2026
Asian Champions League 2026
IEM Atlanta 2026
PGL Astana 2026
BLAST Rivals Spring 2026
CCT Season 3 Global Finals
IEM Rio 2026
PGL Bucharest 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 1
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2026 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.