• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EST 18:41
CET 00:41
KST 08:41
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
Behind the Blue - Team Liquid History Book15Clem wins HomeStory Cup 289HomeStory Cup 28 - Info & Preview13Rongyi Cup S3 - Preview & Info8herO wins SC2 All-Star Invitational14
Community News
LiuLi Cup: 2025 Grand Finals (Feb 10-16)12Weekly Cups (Feb 2-8): Classic, Solar, MaxPax win2Nexon's StarCraft game could be FPS, led by UMS maker8PIG STY FESTIVAL 7.0! (19 Feb - 1 Mar)12Weekly Cups (Jan 26-Feb 1): herO, Clem, ByuN, Classic win2
StarCraft 2
General
Nexon's StarCraft game could be FPS, led by UMS maker How do you think the 5.0.15 balance patch (Oct 2025) for StarCraft II has affected the game? Behind the Blue - Team Liquid History Book Weekly Cups (Jan 12-18): herO, MaxPax, Solar win Rongyi Cup S3 - Preview & Info
Tourneys
LiuLi Cup: 2025 Grand Finals (Feb 10-16) PIG STY FESTIVAL 7.0! (19 Feb - 1 Mar) Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament RSL Season 4 announced for March-April WardiTV Mondays
Strategy
Custom Maps
Map Editor closed ? [A] Starcraft Sound Mod
External Content
The PondCast: SC2 News & Results Mutation # 512 Overclocked Mutation # 511 Temple of Rebirth Mutation # 510 Safety Violation
Brood War
General
Gypsy to Korea Liquipedia.net NEEDS editors for Brood War ACS replaced by "ASL Season Open" - Starts 21/02 Recent recommended BW games [ASL21] Potential Map Candidates
Tourneys
[Megathread] Daily Proleagues Small VOD Thread 2.0 Escore Tournament StarCraft Season 1 KCM Race Survival 2026 Season 1
Strategy
Fighting Spirit mining rates Zealot bombing is no longer popular? Simple Questions, Simple Answers Current Meta
Other Games
General Games
Nintendo Switch Thread Diablo 2 thread Battle Aces/David Kim RTS Megathread ZeroSpace Megathread EVE Corporation
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
Mafia Game Mode Feedback/Ideas Vanilla Mini Mafia TL Mafia Community Thread
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread European Politico-economics QA Mega-thread Ask and answer stupid questions here! Russo-Ukrainian War Thread Sex and weight loss
Fan Clubs
The herO Fan Club! The IdrA Fan Club
Media & Entertainment
Anime Discussion Thread [Manga] One Piece
Sports
2024 - 2026 Football Thread
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
TL Community
The Automated Ban List
Blogs
ADHD And Gaming Addiction…
TrAiDoS
My 2025 Magic: The Gathering…
DARKING
Life Update and thoughts.
FuDDx
How do archons sleep?
8882
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 2782 users

First story I haven't written for school in years

Blogs > KurtistheTurtle
Post a Reply
KurtistheTurtle
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
United States1966 Posts
June 11 2009 23:27 GMT
#1
This is my entry into the sclegacy fanfiction contest. I'm opening it to critiquing. As of yet, the title hasn't come to me.

What I want to hear:
-Grammar Critique
-any discrepancies with the SC canon
-any questions about word choice
-what parts of the story you find confusing
-what you like and find interesting
-what you dont like and find uninteresting

What I don't want to hear:
-criticism without a point
-lol'ing (there will be NO HAPPINESS IN THIS BLOG)
-these exact words: "oh kurtistheturtle you are the best writer I have ever read"

ok for real my story is about this protoss dude killing something. I assume that everybody reading this knows protoss lore.

+ Show Spoiler +
If history had taught him anything, Aurioch knew he could know nothing about something until he was willing to destroy it. Adun had taught him this valuable lesson back on Auir. Through carefully obeying his orders, he had observed his enemy and made unclouded judgment on the rogue tribes. Close-minded as they were, the Conclave had been the catalyst for the advancement of his kind in ways they couldn’t even comprehend. My old brethren will no longer accept me, he suspected. They are too far behind.

Trained from a young age in the ways of the Khala, Aurioch was technically a high templar. Despite that, he had other abilities. Millenia ago he had been part of the force Adun was given to destroy the rogue tribes. He had observed the teachings Adun administered on drawing from different fountains of power, and from those teachings arrived at techniques even before Adun had taught them. He had always been this way, but he dared not show this aptitude back then on Auir.

Even now, running through the very heart of a Zerg hive, he relied on techniques modified from the basic precepts taught back then. Everything was in front of them, in plain sight. But only he had taken the next step. The Khala condemned everything outside of its narrow views. His brethren in the rogue tribes denied their ancestry. Only Tassadar had glimpsed the potential when the two merged, but he gave himself for his own personal Khala too quickly to realize the power he might wield.

The divining thought, the one concept that divided them, how Tassadar started down his path, was astonishingly simple. Everything is temporary. His old teachers tried beating this “fatalism” out of him. They only succeeded in making him hide it. But once he had flowed in the full vulgarity of the universe for the first time, that first horrible time, he knew he would never be able to close his mind. So he had thrown himself into the dimensional riptide of the universe, not caring where he exited. It was utterly terrifying, belittling, and hinted of dankness so horrible he couldn’t even comprehend it.

This was when Aurioch discovered something amazing. This is why we were created. We are capable of navigating this maelstrom. He was latently accustomed to balance on the floes and whims of the universe. It was almost like navigating one of the stormy seas of Auir, but so much more…encompassing. And violent. All of this in front of us for so many eons and I am the first to try. Perhaps this is why the old teachers left.

Through these travels he discovered new balances and perspectives, one of which he used right now. He ran past a group of mulling ultralisks, their occasional movements shaking the ground. Overlords dotted the sky to the horizon, yet nothing even registered him. He wasn’t merely bending light around himself, it was something much more perfect than that. He, technically, wasn’t there.

Aurioch came upon a giant, sinewy membrane. It pulsed and glistened with some sort of coating. He phased back, appearing right beside the giant nervous system. I pity you, cerebrate. You are only trying to find your own version of happiness. With a slight flick of his hand, the alarmed mass of consciousness had a split second to touch the mind of this assailant. How was the mind of this Protoss so attuned to the Zerg? Before erupting into a mass of blood, it felt a thing so foreign all other processes inside stopped. Beauty? Awe? Longing?

No, cerebrate. It’s called compassion.


“Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears."
TommyG
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
United States102 Posts
June 12 2009 01:01 GMT
#2
oh kurtistheturtle you are the best writer I have ever read
Shivaz
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
Canada1783 Posts
June 12 2009 01:02 GMT
#3
lol
HeavOnEarth
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
United States7087 Posts
June 12 2009 01:31 GMT
#4

How was the mind of this Protoss so attuned to the Zerg? Before erupting into a mass of blood, it felt a thing so foreign all other processes inside stopped. Beauty? Awe? Longing?

that part i had to re-read a bit to realize it was the celebrate's thought, was a bit accustomed to the italics you've always used.
maybe highlight all the uses of celebrate red, then highlight this in red and italicize it?
your writing is cute :D

- You spell "Auir" strange, -> isn't it Aiur?
- 5th paragraph , 4th sentence , Did you mean to use the word blatantly?:<
- Oh that paragraph where you say 'He, technically, wasn’t there.' , you could totally write something cleverer than that, don't you think ?
"come korea next time... FXO house... 10 korean, 10 korean"
KurtistheTurtle
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
United States1966 Posts
June 12 2009 04:14 GMT
#5
That's a good idea. I wrote this in word so I didn't quite transfer all the stuff I wanted over, but thats a very good idea.

- Ah shiz. It is Aiur.
- don't get what you mean
- 600 word limit. I feel ya. This entire thing is hella long uncondensed.


“Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears."
HeavOnEarth
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
United States7087 Posts
June 12 2009 16:59 GMT
#6
oh ignore my second dash i just didn't know latently meant ^^
"come korea next time... FXO house... 10 korean, 10 korean"
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
Next event in 19m
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
mouzHeroMarine 418
NeuroSwarm 220
StarCraft: Brood War
Artosis 497
Mini 127
firebathero 73
NaDa 38
Dota 2
syndereN686
canceldota193
capcasts56
Counter-Strike
taco 245
minikerr25
Super Smash Bros
Mew2King106
Heroes of the Storm
Khaldor152
Other Games
summit1g4920
Grubby3925
shahzam359
ToD190
Liquid`Hasu148
C9.Mang0137
ViBE36
JuggernautJason14
Organizations
Other Games
BasetradeTV63
angryscii17
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
sctven
[ Show 16 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• davetesta66
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• Migwel
• sooper7s
StarCraft: Brood War
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
Dota 2
• masondota2860
• WagamamaTV769
League of Legends
• Doublelift3545
Other Games
• imaqtpie1487
• Shiphtur231
Upcoming Events
Replay Cast
19m
Escore
10h 19m
LiuLi Cup
11h 19m
Serral vs Zoun
Cure vs Classic
Big Brain Bouts
17h 19m
ByuN vs GgMaChine
Serral vs Jumy
RSL Revival
1d 3h
RSL Revival
1d 8h
LiuLi Cup
1d 11h
uThermal 2v2 Circuit
1d 12h
RSL Revival
1d 18h
Replay Cast
2 days
[ Show More ]
Sparkling Tuna Cup
2 days
LiuLi Cup
2 days
Replay Cast
3 days
Replay Cast
3 days
LiuLi Cup
3 days
Wardi Open
3 days
Monday Night Weeklies
3 days
OSC
4 days
WardiTV Winter Champion…
4 days
Replay Cast
5 days
WardiTV Winter Champion…
5 days
Replay Cast
6 days
The PondCast
6 days
KCM Race Survival
6 days
WardiTV Winter Champion…
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Proleague 2026-02-10
Rongyi Cup S3
Underdog Cup #3

Ongoing

KCM Race Survival 2026 Season 1
LiuLi Cup: 2025 Grand Finals
Nations Cup 2026
IEM Kraków 2026
BLAST Bounty Winter 2026
BLAST Bounty Winter Qual
eXTREMESLAND 2025
SL Budapest Major 2025
ESL Impact League Season 8

Upcoming

Escore Tournament S1: W8
[S:21] ASL SEASON OPEN 1st Round
[S:21] ASL SEASON OPEN 1st Round Qualifier
[S:21] ASL SEASON OPEN 2nd Round
[S:21] ASL SEASON OPEN 2nd Round Qualifier
Acropolis #4
IPSL Spring 2026
HSC XXIX
uThermal 2v2 2026 Main Event
Bellum Gens Elite Stara Zagora 2026
RSL Revival: Season 4
WardiTV Winter 2026
CCT Season 3 Global Finals
FISSURE Playground #3
IEM Rio 2026
PGL Bucharest 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 1
BLAST Open Spring 2026
ESL Pro League Season 23
ESL Pro League Season 23
PGL Cluj-Napoca 2026
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2026 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.