EPTIs a girl who experiments with other girls yet refuses to do a threesome selfish?
Who is more selfish? - Page 3
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Klockan3
Sweden2866 Posts
Is a girl who experiments with other girls yet refuses to do a threesome selfish? | ||
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inReacH
Sweden1612 Posts
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paper
13196 Posts
only helps his point to leave her :\ | ||
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Nazarene
Denmark996 Posts
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DeathSpank
United States1029 Posts
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OMin
United States545 Posts
from 50+ surveys i got off this website, i think i had about 2 that werent teenage-young adult males | ||
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Arnic
81 Posts
From what the OP has said, neither of the people involved want to actively hurt each other or put their own interests first. The problem itself is given in the post. Guy likes. Girl loves. He can appreciate the qualities that make her a good friend and doesn't wish to lose her as such. That's reasonable. What isn't reasonable is to play the self sacrifice card: PS- guy lets girl hook up with other chicks and is not possesive (lets her go to parties, doesn't check up on her etc). If all he wants is friendship, it is irrelevent who she hooks up with and he shouldn't be checking up on her, that would signify that he stills wishes to exert a level of passive control over her actions. If you want to be friends with someone, you can't do that and it needs to be understood that if you tell someone who loves you and wants to be with you on a monogamous basis that you don't mind if they bang other people, it is not not going to be taken as a positive thing. The Girl, as OP describes her, is being pretty reasonable too, although it may not seem so. From her perspective, she loves the Guy and wants him to love her in a reciprocal fashion. As has already been said in previous posts... It's going to be extremely painful for her to maintain contact with someone she loves when faced with the knowledge that he does not feel the same way about her. It's natural to take that kind of thing as rejection, however softly it's done. She will take what's been said as "you're good enough to be my friend but you're not good enough to love". Basically, that's exactly what the Guy feels and he's being honest about it. Point to him for that. However, I don't think anyone would simply say "OK!" when they're asked to step down from loving/being loved to take up a position of friendship instead. The Girl's ultimatum of "all or nothing" is extreme but it's not a selfish request, it's a desperate one. She cannot make him love her and she knows it, it would hurt her to be the kind of friend he wants her to be and instead of hanging on the hope that a burntout flame may be relit, she would rather choose complete severance of all contact. They both get hurt because the Girl cannot gain back his love and the Guy will lose her as a friend. The situation would require the Guy to tactfully let the Girl know that he values her and would appreciate her friendship but there cannot be love again. And that if she would prefer no contact between them, that is how it will be. Whilst the Girl's feelings are still strong, it's unlikely that she'll be thinking entirely rationally. But if the Girl is given enough space and time to let her love for him diminish, it may happen that in the future they can both be friends. Obviously, all the above is suppositional and assumptive given that the situation was only briefly explained and that there's no background knowledge of either the Guy or the Girl involved but I think it's a fair rationale. I think the OP should think a little about the poll itself. To ask if either one of the people involved is "selfish" puts them both in a negative light and asks for blame to be assigned to one or the other. Neither the Guy nor the Girl have done anything wrong, it's just a sad and difficult situation for them both to be in. | ||
lilsusie
3861 Posts
On May 17 2009 09:38 Racenilatr wrote: girl is easily more selfish because of the lower IQ they posess ............... | ||
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Tom Phoenix
1114 Posts
Racenilatr will now feel the Zealot`s (read:  GARIMTO`s) wrath for aggravating lilsusie.Anyway, I am going to go on a whim and say that both of them are selfish. The guy wants to be friends with her, even though that would make the girl suffer emotionally. Likewise, the girl wants to be his lover, even though he does not love her. | ||
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CharlieMurphy
United States22895 Posts
On May 17 2009 10:17 igotmyown wrote: Yeah, an unbiased version is more like: Guy wants to friends. Does not want to be dating, does not want to break up. Girl wants to date. Does not want to be friends, is willing to break up. They have positive feelings towards each other. Are now currently friends. um, no. On May 17 2009 10:24 Archaic wrote: Oh, I misinterpreted the OP then... I thought the guy wanted to break up, but still remain friends. And the girl wanted either relationship or nothing. That is what my OP says, wtf? Guy wants to break up, still wants to be friends though. Girl doesn't wanna break up, and if they did, doesn't wanna ever see the guy again. | ||
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hcliff454
Canada127 Posts
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barth
Ireland1272 Posts
+ Show Spoiler + pics | ||
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Gray[FH
152 Posts
namean? | ||
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qrs
United States3637 Posts
LOL | ||
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CharlieMurphy
United States22895 Posts
Speaking on behalf of both sides I can understand now that it's very angering to have the other just want to push you aside and think they can still keep you around after the things you've been through together. It would just be a constant reminder of what you used to have and how it's not possible anymore when it was so natural before. Definitely is more selfish to be the guy in this situation and there is no selfishness in the 'all or nothing' of the girl, It's just a matter of removing pain. | ||
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d3_crescentia
United States4054 Posts
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CharlieMurphy
United States22895 Posts
btw, there is related shit to the main op in this other post http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=68477 Considering my other posts I'm really starting to wonder if she is seeing/trying to see someone else. | ||
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d3_crescentia
United States4054 Posts
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dtz
5834 Posts
Guy wants to break up, still wants to be friends though. Girl doesn't wanna break up, and if they did, doesn't wanna ever see the guy again. Neither is selfish. Both has the right to demand what they want from the relationship as long as they are being fair. Selfish would be imposing a double standard ( ex: girl hangs out with friends but does not allow the guy to hangs out with friends) | ||
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NickC
233 Posts
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