|
I blame cell-phones. People have gotten so used to changing plans last minute, and being able to do so anywhere they are, that they've let it slip into all aspects of their life. The only way to defeat it is to make plans for what you're going to do immediately when you know you're dealing with one of these types of people. It's less fun and it makes some things impossible, but at least maybe a girl will mistake you for being spontaneous and intriguing.
Basically people suck.
EDIT: Read more of the thread... Anyone saying you look like an asshole if you get mad at the girl, and you get run over if you don't... You're not in as hopeless a situation as you think  Just say something like "You owe me a sandwich, personally made and hand delivered" (okay, lame example ) and if she obliges then you've gotten compensation for being ditched, and if she doesn't, then you know for sure she doesn't like you. Don't worry about making her mad when you've been wronged... Girls will always feel bad later and apologise.
|
United States12607 Posts
OK, a few things
1) Don't think that I am going over the top spending money on these girls. The concert example was actually a guy flaking, not a girl. And is a dinner date really "fancy"? Just because a place requires a reservation doesn't mean it's $100 per plate. As for a bottle of wine - come on, it's 10 bucks.
2) To everyone whose advice basically boils down to "be a douchebag": no. I'm not a pushover but I'm not an asshole either, and if you think being one is a good long-term dating strategy then you have issues.
Reading this thread got me all up in my head, but I realize I need to ignore most of you guys and just play my game.
|
I don't think I was saying you should be a douche bag :O Guy or girl, there's nothing wrong with letting a friend who ditched you know that it's not cool and they ought to make it up to you.
|
On April 07 2009 02:48 Chef wrote:
I don't think I was saying you should be a douche bag :O Guy or girl, there's nothing wrong with letting a friend who ditched you know that it's not cool and they ought to make it up to you.
this, don't be an ass and don't flake, actually promise her you won't ever break a promise ( see what i did there) and promise you will show up at every date ( well mainly because you set them up, but that's beside the point)
then after they flake, just meet up with them casually and talk to them tell them in the most heart felt way you can manage how horrible it was and state that they HAVE to make it up to you, everyone always agrees to this ( no idea why) and to make it up to you, ( here is the clincher) they have to set up the date, if she asks : what if i don't, then reply: you OWE ME, they don't flake out on themselves, and now viola power position for you, i suggests you go, but if you are an ass flake, but its gg no re unless you have a legit excuse or mad skizilz
Note: this emotional pressure ( guilt) works with all women, even if there is only a small interest in you, mainly because you give them an excuse to actually be there
.
|
That sounds horrible on paper, but I have a friend who does that all the time to girls and it actually works. Making them feel bad and acting like they're the devil, that is. I think it requires a certain swauve though, where they're unsure if you're joking or not.
|
Kennigit
Canada19447 Posts
On April 07 2009 03:08 Etherone wrote:Show nested quote +On April 07 2009 02:48 Chef wrote:
I don't think I was saying you should be a douche bag :O Guy or girl, there's nothing wrong with letting a friend who ditched you know that it's not cool and they ought to make it up to you. this, don't be an ass and don't flake, actually promise her you won't ever break a promise ( see what i did there) and promise you will show up at every date ( well mainly because you set them up, but that's beside the point) then after they flake, just meet up with them casually and talk to them tell them in the most heart felt way you can manage how horrible it was and state that they HAVE to make it up to you, everyone always agrees to this ( no idea why) and to make it up to you, ( here is the clincher) they have to set up the date, if she asks : what if i don't, then reply: you OWE ME, they don't flake out on themselves, and now viola power position for you, i suggests you go, but if you are an ass flake, but its gg no re unless you have a legit excuse or mad skizilz Note: this emotional pressure ( guilt) works with all women, even if there is only a small interest in you, mainly because you give them an excuse to actually be there .
....bill?
|
Smix
United States4549 Posts
On April 07 2009 02:45 JWD wrote:
OK, a few things
1) Don't think that I am going over the top spending money on these girls. The concert example was actually a guy flaking, not a girl. And is a dinner date really "fancy"? Just because a place requires a reservation doesn't mean it's $100 per plate. As for a bottle of wine - come on, it's 10 bucks.
2) To everyone whose advice basically boils down to "be a douchebag": no. I'm not a pushover but I'm not an asshole either, and if you think being one is a good long-term dating strategy then you have issues.
Reading this thread got me all up in my head, but I realize I need to ignore most of you guys and just play my game.
My last bit of tidbits -
- Honestly, just be you for you - if the girl flakes on that, then she's not someone you want to be investing in.
- A lot of guys in this thread are telling you to act certain ways blahblah - as long as you're not some really awkward guy who has NO idea how to hold a decent conversation, you don't need to listen to any of that. Just be yourself. Someone who comes across as REAL and down to earth is attractive - you'll meet the right girl eventually without having to really change at all. There's always someone for someone.
- Update us on how the date goes (assuming you're going to go out with her tonight) - based on how she acts we can discern if she's a keeper 
|
There's always someone for someone.
You live in a fairy tale.
|
On April 06 2009 17:03 Hypnosis wrote:Show nested quote +On April 06 2009 16:36 InfeSteD wrote:
Im going through the exact same shit nowadays WITH EVERY MOTHERFUCKING GIRL I MEET... its pissin me the fuck off and I wanna hit a bitch...
P.S. I flake a lot too tho so I guess its just ppl nowadayz dont be afraid to PUNCH A BITCH,, serve one of those fucking succubuses a beat down! if they fucke with you.
+ Show Spoiler +
|
Smix
United States4549 Posts
On April 07 2009 03:23 Chef wrote:You live in a fairy tale.
No, I don't. I'm not saying that there is "the one" - I'm saying if you're a decent person who can hold a conversation, there WILL be someone for you, if not now then later. And even if things don't go perfectly well with that person, life goes on - you will meet someone else.
|
@jwd - imo, you're putting too much effort into the dates. you said in your op that you typically put a good amount of effort into the date (making plans/reservations; buy wine, etc.) while these things are not bad and actually show that you're good for a long-term kinda relationship... is that what you're looking for? these things can be offputting in the casual dating scene at college. it's not that the girl doesn't want to go on a date. girls always want to be taken out. it's that most girls don't find it sweet that you decided to make a reservation and buy a decent bottle of wine, they actually find it rather desperate and loser-ish. as if you have nothing better to do than prepare an elaborate date for a girl you barely met.
girls often pick up on more you than you might give them credit for. this is largely dependent on how perceptive she is, and how you're talking with her of course, but just cause you don't say "hey, i've been planning this date for the past couple days, and i'm really anxious for it" doesn't mean that she won't get that vibe from you. your conversation with her may be entirely different based on whether you planned everything out or if you didn't. so don't think that just because you don't mention all the effort you put into a date isn't known cause you don't bring it up explicitly.
whoever said be more spontaneous is right.
@smix - i think you're misrepresenting a lot of girls with some of your statements. you're making a huge distinction between giving/wanting attention and real interest. while this distinction exists for girls who are more mature, emotionally secure, typically older, and looking for commitment, this area is far more grey for most younger girls.
interest is also not a switch that is on or off. it's constantly changing and dependent upon what kind of attention you're receiving from the other person. also, real interest most often develops over time. jwd is looking for dates. real interest is a pretty overwhelming thing for a typical first date kinda thing.
on flaking - i had a girl flake on me last week. we made vague plans via text to hang out the next night, and the following day around 5 i suggested a decent restaurant around 8. she texted me back saying something like "i'm so sorry! i have a play for my sorority tonight at 730 and i thought it was the next night! i'll call you after!" she didn't call. it would've been our second date.
imo, she honestly forgot about it. and considering the circumstances, it doesn't seem that flaky. she rescheduled me for tonight so we'll see what happens. will update.
|
Smix
United States4549 Posts
On April 07 2009 03:36 citrus wrote:
@smix - i think you're misrepresenting a lot of girls with some of your statements. you're making a huge distinction between giving/wanting attention and real interest. while this distinction exists for girls who are more mature, emotionally secure, typically older, and looking for commitment, this area is far more grey for most younger girls.
interest is also not a switch that is on or off. it's constantly changing and dependent upon what kind of attention you're receiving from the other person. also, real interest most often develops over time. jwd is looking for dates. real interest is a pretty overwhelming thing for a typical first date kinda thing.
This is something I see in college all the time. I'm not saying that girls who relish attention will forever remain that way - they can eventually want the real thing if they meet someone who they really like (or see themselves liking a lot later), but usually if a girl doesn't particularly have strong feelings for a guy who is showing interest in her, she'll milk him for attention.
And I should have used a better word - you're right in saying real interest develops over time but the impression that results from the first date is very important as well. A first date can very well give a girl an idea of what a guy is like, what's to come, if she wants to keep seeing him at all - and yes, different situations call for different variables, but for the most part, if she didn't have that great of an impression, she'll be much more likely to flake for a 2nd date if she's too nice to flat out reject it.
Anyway, all of this can be subject to exceptions based on different situations so let's just see how things go for JWD.
|
Kentor
United States5784 Posts
you're doing it too fast. you ask them out before you really talk to them? it's not gonna work. in fact, it's kinda creepy
|
On April 07 2009 03:27 Smix wrote:Show nested quote +On April 07 2009 03:23 Chef wrote:There's always someone for someone. You live in a fairy tale. No, I don't. I'm not saying that there is "the one" - I'm saying if you're a decent person who can hold a conversation, there WILL be someone for you, if not now then later. And even if things don't go perfectly well with that person, life goes on - you will meet someone else.
You are very wrong. The only person I love is myself. That's right, I want to fuck myself.
+ Show Spoiler +I love these kinds of threads.
|
On April 07 2009 03:27 Smix wrote:Show nested quote +On April 07 2009 03:23 Chef wrote:There's always someone for someone. You live in a fairy tale. No, I don't. I'm not saying that there is "the one" - I'm saying if you're a decent person who can hold a conversation, there WILL be someone for you, if not now then later. And even if things don't go perfectly well with that person, life goes on - you will meet someone else.
I find that very naive.
|
Korea (South)17174 Posts
hold a conversation
LOL
what does that even mean
|
United States47024 Posts
On April 07 2009 04:35 Chef wrote:Show nested quote +On April 07 2009 03:27 Smix wrote:On April 07 2009 03:23 Chef wrote:There's always someone for someone. You live in a fairy tale. No, I don't. I'm not saying that there is "the one" - I'm saying if you're a decent person who can hold a conversation, there WILL be someone for you, if not now then later. And even if things don't go perfectly well with that person, life goes on - you will meet someone else. I find that very naive.
I find that very pessimistic.
|
Tips on how to be "just friends," I think
+ Show Spoiler +In quotes because whenever that phrase is said aloud, the people involved are hardly ever anything like friends.
|
United States12607 Posts
On April 07 2009 02:48 Chef wrote:
I don't think I was saying you should be a douche bag :O Guy or girl, there's nothing wrong with letting a friend who ditched you know that it's not cool and they ought to make it up to you.
My post wasn't directed at you, Chef ^^
@Smix, fair enough. I'll come back here tonight and report on what went down
|
Korea (South)17174 Posts
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
