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I’m not changing my direction of writing today solely for the amount of criticism I received, although I admit it may have some influence. More accurately, I think I have been somewhat misunderstood for my style and content.
I came back from a long walk today. I also went out for the same walk yesterday. It was a beautiful spring day. I needed to go outside to experience the nice weather after a dark, cold winter. It didn’t feel right to sit indoors in front of my computer when the weather outside was this nice. But I didn’t have much activities available to do outside, so I went for a simple walk. This is typically the exercise and pastimes associated with old people, with nothing to do, to go out for some quiet relaxation and self-reflection. I feel as if I’ve been adopting the mindset of an old man since I was much younger. I am fully aware that this again sounds like me going off and bragging about how special I am and advanced wisdom. But I just don’t know any other way to put it.
How many other young people do you know that walk out of the house, wander aimlessly around the nearby area for an hour, then come back seemingly having accomplished nothing? It sounds a bit like a crazy person on paper, but can usually be justified for seniors without too much going on for them, or who may appreciate this kind of relaxation. The sun was shining, the temperature was a comfortable ~9 C, the sky was blue, and the wind was absolutely refreshing. This kind of day was a rare gem, moreso when I had the weekend to actually go out and enjoy it. I just find it a bit strange that I hold so much value in this simple experience, that I would appreciate so deeply the nuances of serenity the weather brought about.
I do not even know whether I truly enjoyed my walk, or it was just something I figured people did on TV when they wanted some time to cool off and a chance to think. See my blog Emulating Sanity for more on that. I was concerned whether my very corny decision to walk around like a fool in an empty park was actually something I might instinctively do, or merely the physical expression of self-reflection I had picked up from the media? The one thing I did know was that a camera would have picked up my tragic display of depression and solitude for some first rate cinematography.
Why was I walking around by myself anyways? Perhaps I could arrange some activities with my friends to enjoy together. Except, to put it harshly, I have no friends. Now that is a statement that I would say takes a lot of courage to admit. More correctly, I suppose, would be to say that I do have some great friends. Most of these are naturally people I met at school. But once this natural congregation and opportunity to meet with your friends is removed, it is up to self initiation to decide to meet up again. It just happens that my group of friends are not normally the type to go out particularly often. Perhaps the worst part, is that when they do, they did not invite you.
I know that sounds awfully pathetic. Sometimes circumstances dictate that, and I understand, that the circle of friends in one congregation will exclude others.
Anyways, as I was walking along, I passed my elementary school playground. Children were playing and having a great time. Their exuberance and innocence would be a very uplifting, heart-warming sight to most people. Except to me, it was melancholy moment. I knew I would not be able to enjoy such emotions as long as I was so self-conscious of myself.
I dislike being in places where other people are around. Even around this playground I felt like I did not belong. Grandparents were there with their grandchildren, and kids were playing with their friends. As a young adult with no apparent purpose for being there and no companions to converse with, it seemed people would be suspicious of me. I would definitely be suspicious of me. I didn’t want to hang around and spoil everyone’s fun. So I decide, as I often do, to walk along, try to put a smile on my face, and not to intimidate anyone.
It’s a shame that I am reduced to such behaviour. One could say I despise my own demographic with passion. Indeed, if I were someone else, I am quite certain I would take an immediate disliking to myself. Of course not everyone is the same, but in general this demographic I deem too silly and unrealistic. They worsen the property value of the places they reside. They are inexperienced and untrustworthy.
Ok I think this blog got a bit sidetracked and is going nowhere, but I’ll post it up anyways just for fun. For those still criticizing me for my attitude, please keep in mind that it is your choice to read my blog. I don’t need any justification in writing these beyond self expression for my own purposes. But go ahead and comment and thanks for reading. I’ll try to elaborate on some parts of this later on.
  
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The Shiverfish strikes again...
Interesting read, I believe that I understand where you are coming from with the whole "despising your own demographic". There are a lot of "despicable" people in our demographic, however this is the same as with any group of people. The challenge is to rise above this level, and become the kind of person you would like to be around. For instance I am always challenging myself to be what other people aren't and to not be like other people are. It is sad that you don't have any friends that you feel comfortable to phone up and hang out with. Perhaps you need to find more social outlets to express yourself, such as clubs and groups. To label our whole demographic as "inexperienced and untrustworthy" is a gross over generalization, you truly are isolated to believe something so arrogant as this.
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Always hated the saying that wisdom comes with age. Especially when I hear so many elders commit ultimate attribution error when talking about my generation. Oddly enough, you perform the same type of error but possibly with a different group. As a result I guess you could say you have the mindset of an old man.
This is a book I read to try to get some insight on how to present myself to a boss to get a job:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/13282235/How-to-Win-Friends-Influence-People-Dale-Carnegi
What I got out of it was something quite different. You should give it a read if you have time, it might help with your seemingly negative ideas about individuals from introspection.
...or you could just watch cosmos.
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On March 16 2009 12:01 Shiverfish wrote:
Why was I walking around by myself anyways? Perhaps I could arrange some activities with my friends to enjoy together. Except, to put it harshly, I have no friends. Now that is a statement that I would say takes a lot of courage to admit.
I would say this is a statement that represents your cowardice rather than your bravery. You are too afraid to go out and make friends that are in fact actually friends. Too afraid to find people that share your interests, and are interested by you. Too afraid to admit that under your 'brave' exterior you are in fact lonely. Go out and make some friends that actually care, and stop blogging on teamliquid until you do.
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your blog = a stream of conciousness. let me emulate (SANITY? lolololol).
i meander through the valley
the valley of life
there i see my home,
in the
valley of life
yet as i approach the doors
i yield to my reason
and see that i'm
in the
valley of death
i used to walk, now i talk. now i laugh, now i play. when i walked, i put on hip clothes so that older generations would look at me and say 'yup, there's a chipper (cuz that's how they talk, ya'know?) young whipper-snapper!' and i tip my top hat (part of my 'hip' disguise) at them and walk on.
the gaiety of society comes to me! comes to me! where i see, the light, comes to me! for free? yes, for free! for me!
WHAT IS LOVE? BABY PLZ HERT MEH, PLZ HERT MEH.
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move to china....i was you 4 years ago.
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How did you find teamliquid? Every time I read your blogs I always wonder if you even play SC
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I have friends but wow, I can relate to this so much. It's my feelings expressed in writing, better than I could have ever written it. Sigh.
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Baltimore, USA22259 Posts
On March 16 2009 13:09 anderoo wrote:
How did you find teamliquid? Every time I read your blogs I always wonder if you even play SC
Kind've wondering that too...
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we arent conceded are we?
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On March 16 2009 13:09 anderoo wrote:
How did you find teamliquid? Every time I read your blogs I always wonder if you even play SC
I have a theory..
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On March 16 2009 13:42 Rostam wrote:Show nested quote +On March 16 2009 13:09 anderoo wrote:
How did you find teamliquid? Every time I read your blogs I always wonder if you even play SC I have a theory..
HAHAHAHA
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On March 16 2009 12:51 Fontong wrote:Show nested quote +On March 16 2009 12:01 Shiverfish wrote:
Why was I walking around by myself anyways? Perhaps I could arrange some activities with my friends to enjoy together. Except, to put it harshly, I have no friends. Now that is a statement that I would say takes a lot of courage to admit. I would say this is a statement that represents your cowardice rather than your bravery. You are too afraid to go out and make friends that are in fact actually friends. Too afraid to find people that share your interests, and are interested by you. Too afraid to admit that under your 'brave' exterior you are in fact lonely. Go out and make some friends that actually care, and stop blogging on teamliquid until you do.
Gotta agree w/Fontong here.
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On March 16 2009 13:42 Rostam wrote:Show nested quote +On March 16 2009 13:09 anderoo wrote:
How did you find teamliquid? Every time I read your blogs I always wonder if you even play SC I have a theory..
this will inevitably derail the thread so before it does, i would like to state that though the paradigm shift may be "friendlier" if it is something you are not comfortable with shift back to the original style.
one purpose of a blog is self expression.
also I would like to add that although fontong may have gone about it in an aggressive way he is giving you good advice and wants you to feel better about yourself. there are many who feel as you do, but simply meandering through the park feeling ostracized will solve nothing, call your friends, or make new ones.
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On March 16 2009 13:03 omninmo wrote:
move to china....i was you 4 years ago.
This.
Get the fuck out of Canada for a while. I'm not by any mean saying that Canada is a terrible country. Of course it isn't, actually from what I heard it seems quite the contrary. But when you're in a country you've lived in all your life in (maybe especially a western one), when you're in a depressed mood, sometimes all looks so gray, there's nothing to expect and nothing unexpected is going to happen as well, it's like walking among the dead.
I wasn't quite as much fucked up as you are since I always had very close friends I met often (and not only during school time b/c school time friends don't mean shit imo), but I was just unhappy as a whole, life was dull and boring except the times I spent with these friends. But when I finished school at last (I must say a lot of my problems came from school, I fucking hated it), began working and going abroad a lot for my job, the taste of life came back to me.
It was especially true in China, because there, you'll discover new things every minute, everyone and everything just feels more lively than in western countries, people will also easily try to create contact with you (just b/c you're white, maybe that sounds fucking lame, but it'll help you gain some confidence and later on you'll be able to do it on your own, even back in Canada). All of this put together creates like a flow which really can give you back the enjoyment of living.
I'm sure there are other countries that would work as well - but China, how to say? I've been to countries from Sudan to Cuba but no other one felt this way. It's pink, cyan and yellow umbrellas covering the streets on a rainy day, even for the traffic policeman in the middle of the road. It's kites covering up the foggy saturday afternoon sky, when everyone, from the grandfather to the granddaughter, gather in the park to have some fun. It's people you met two hours ago inviting you to the karaoke or for dinner at their home to watch the olympics. This is going to sound ridiculous to a bunch of people here but they can go fuck themselves for what I care, I'm not saying that China is a paradise on earth and all chinese people are angels. The reality is far from it. I'm just expressing a feeling that a lot of people would feel completely oblivious to, but can carry a lot of meaning and be very refreshing to people like you.
TL;DR: You're bored with life, you need some fresh air. GTFO of Canada and live for a while in another country. China has been field-tested and works fine.
Edit: God, I just had a look at your blog. You sure have a lot to say. I just hope you'll have the decisiveness to follow all this by actions.
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Don't let others tell you how to live your life. Examination is good, mindfulness is good.
No reason to worry about anything because attempting understanding will never take you down a bad path.
I think the majority of people on this site don't care for my opinions as they don't quite understand me. Regardless of your opinion of me, it sounds like we are a lot alike.
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@Travis: Letting people tell you how to live your life is definitely not good. But letting others give you advice on how to live it is not at all a bad thing. If you a searching for a perspective on how life should be lived, there is a really good chance that someone else already found that perspective you are looking for.
I have realized some really important things about my life from people who were not at all even trying to give me advice, people I didn't really relate to, and people who are just plain atupid.
On March 16 2009 14:31 Matoo- wrote:Show nested quote +On March 16 2009 13:03 omninmo wrote:
move to china....i was you 4 years ago. *stuff about why you should move to china*
I support this as well.
Imo don't go to Beijing though. It's a lot more dirty(read: polluted) and crowded than some of the other cities in China. I guess I can only speak for Beijing and the cities in Guangdong though, but even Hong Kong is a lot nicer than Beijing just due to the ocean fixing the pollution problem. Shenzhen is VERY nice, it is clean and new and shiny and not crowded. I would say it is nicer than cities like San Francisco and LA.
I really love visiting relatives in Hong Kong just because it is such a breath of fresh air compared to visiting other parts of western society. I've been to DC and Britain and France, but all in all these cities/countries are not much different from the ones at home.
When you go to China, everything is fucking DIFFERENT. Even in France, everything is spelled with the same letters and looks familiar even if it is unintelligible. Obviously this is not the case in China. If you have eaten a lot of western chinese food, I guess you would be somewhat prepared for the real thing but china really has much less beef dishes compared to the western chinese food.
Add to this that the prices in China are just crazy low compared to the west lmfao. A full meal for less than a dollar is quite possible, a very classy meal for the price of a regular western meal is easy to find. You could probably dress like you are ballin out of control for the same price that you buy clothes at home haha.
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I find that the people that I most relate to and enjoy spending time with are the people that are not very socially connected. It's not that they are few in number or hard to find, it is just difficult to find them in the right social atmosphere to strike up a conversation and to get to know them. It saddens me to think of all the people I pass by every day that might be totally compatible with me and yet I would not be able to meet because of that social barrier.
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You "don't belong" not because you chose not to, but because you didn't happen to. When time passes, you realize that this world is beautiful the way it is. You do belong after all, but you belong where most people don't. This itself should feed your emotional needs not to worry more. You are self-aware and curious enough to question things that others don't, you are very special. Since its special to think these days. But trust me, you are not an outcast, no matter how bad you want to be one.
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i kind of saw this through your writing, that's why i included a "you are peerless" point in my parody
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In China i recommend you stay away from cities like Beijing, Changsha, and Shanghai, for various pollution reasons. I recommend going to Shenzhen, or Guangzhou, but I SERIOUSLY recommend Suzhou. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suzhou
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I don't mean to be rude, but you are hopelessly pathetic.
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United States3824 Posts
Hey don't let people come around and say "Why are you writing so much? What's wrong with you?"
I applaud the the fact that you write. People should do more of it sometimes 
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United States3824 Posts
And furthermore, the fact that you are willing and able to express your ideas on paper speaks highly of your ability to actually function in the world. Thus the Catch 22 of these essays you post.
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Cute .
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On March 16 2009 16:16 cgrinker wrote:
And furthermore, the fact that you are willing and able to express your ideas on paper speaks highly of your ability to actually function in the world. Thus the Catch 22 of these essays you post.
how does anonymously writing stuff speak to any kind of ability at all
he doesnt even express himself well and you can barely call what hes writing ideas
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You reminded me of http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7074447351811006615 (I'd have linked youtube, but they downed it for copyright infringement)
You say
On March 16 2009 12:01 Shiverfish wrote:
I More accurately, I think I have been somewhat misunderstood for my style and content.
but you weren't misunderstood at all.
In fact, SotT understood too well, and that's what's bothering you.
Even after what should have been a reality check, your blog (especially first 2-3 paragraphs about the walk) reek of "I'm so mature beyond my years and so much better than anyone else my age, god I'm amazing. But no one notices! Why can't other people my age notice how awesome I am!?"
You do eventually answer that question yourself with:
On March 16 2009 12:01 Shiverfish wrote:One could say I despise my own demographic with passion. Indeed, if I were someone else, I am quite certain I would take an immediate disliking to myself. Of course not everyone is the same, but in general this demographic I deem too silly and unrealistic. They worsen the property value of the places they reside. They are inexperienced and untrustworthy.
"So that's why they don't notice how awesome I am! They're dumb! All of them! Gee, if only I were born in the Reniassance I could fit in with all the other like-minded, chivalrous knights."
Gotta hand it to you on the startling discovery that younger people are less mature, though. Only one step from realizing you're no exception.
Also:
On March 16 2009 12:01 Shiverfish wrote:
I dislike being in places where other people are around. Even around this playground I felt like I did not belong. Grandparents were there with their grandchildren, and kids were playing with their friends. As a young adult with no apparent purpose for being there and no companions to converse with, it seemed people would be suspicious of me. I would definitely be suspicious of me. I didn’t want to hang around and spoil everyone’s fun. So I decide, as I often do, to walk along, try to put a smile on my face, and not to intimidate anyone.
100% you could have walked right up to the adults there and struck up a conversation about anything you wanted.
You may not realize it, but people don't blindly hate you unless you give them a good reason. 
Edit: This comes off really harsh, and I'm honestly not trying to be mean, but you're only screwing yourself over (very hard, at that) by being antisocial. If nothing else would motivate you, remember that massive amounts of job opportunities arise purely from knowing the right people and the right people knowing you.
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self diagnose yourself with aspergers syndrome and sit in your basement the rest of your life. Just so long as you stop blogging
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I think he came here because he figured people who played a game that is 11 years old would be anti-social by nature and thus would accept him and would give attention to his pleas for ettention.
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Get a goal to work toward. I used to be like you. In my case, I found that I would need time to clear my thoughts and release my anxiety and stress. I eventually chose to do this by physical exercise (running), because it seemed prudent to me. Doesn't have to be the same for you, but for me it was a great way of going outside, getting some fresh air, and releasing all the stress and anxiety by exercising. No matter the mood i'm in before I run, I always feel better after I've put in a few miles. It gives me time to think and reflect as well.There's a personal sense of self worth and accomplishment when you set goals for yourself and accomplish them. For me, running also worked because it's a solitary sport - you don't have to talk to anybody, you don't have to communicate with people, you just put on a pair of good shoes and go.
Maybe running's not the thing for you, but that's what I did. I would encourage you to find an activity that's fun and releases stress and anxiety for you. Find maybe an hour or something to dedicate to this activity. It can be any sort of hobby, really. I would encourage this because it seems that you are under the mentality existing to exist - you need to find something that you enjoy and that will give you a break from all the rigors of everything else in life.
Maybe I completely missed the point of your blog, but this is just my 2 cents.
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I don't come to TL.net much anymore but I saw this post and then decided to find all your other blog entries. Like anything, opinions vary greatly but I actually quite like your writing, although some of the economics you've used in the past is dubious, almost like you worked it in for the sake of projecting your rational image and not because you really believe it.
I don't suppose you have any respect for my opinion though 
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EPT![[image loading]](http://img21.imageshack.us/img21/1159/bahrbp.png)
