This is my confession
First of all - no, I don't hack and never hacked before. You didn't expect that - did you?
Its more like a confession to myself. Starcraft is a game we all love, we share the same passion and I'm really glad that you can make friends and have fun just because of a "game".
It was a great experience meeting people from Teamliquid and other community sites in Paris at Blizzard World Wide Invitational 2008 or in Cologne at WCG 2008.
I loved playing Broodwar from the beginning and I still love it, but right now I'm going through a time where I'm a little bit more known, a little bit better than I used to be when I started obviously and that is exactly what makes me struggle.
When I play on iccup - knowing that I'm a good player since I can beat A- players in practice games - it just seems that I cannot maintain what I have learned.
Its like I completely lose my confidence in a ladder game which results in me doing either non common builds or builds which are easy to counter. I'm not confident in my standard game anymore which results in losing a lot of games against inferior opponents and since I'm really eager and passionate I'll get angry and lose even more.
I always force myself to play as much standard as possible with a few variations in my game that I'm not too predictable. I always get told that you get worse before you get better, but right now I'm feeling like I just have a mindblockade.
Its not even my attitude. I'm trying to start the game with "yes, you will beat him or at least put up a decent fight". I really don't care if my opponent has 40-0 or 20-20 and I really don't know what keeps me from playing standard.
My friends told me that I'm probably no ladder-player even though I love to play as much as possible. Its probably really hard to imagine for you guys that you want to play like a fast expansion but you just do a 2 factory build, because you are not confident at all.
Also I'm too eager and take the game too serious which results in me insulting players which totally don't deserve it. Obviously I know its wrong and I should just gg and quit, maybe take a break etc. But I just can't take a break when losing.
I want to use this thread to apologise to all people I've ever insulted. I know its not right and its nothing personally. (latest incident was Shauni if I remember correct - sorry.)
I beg of you to not flame or trashtalk in this thread.
Do you have anything that bothers you when playing? Anything that totally screws your mind and makes you struggle?