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I wonder what happens when you let things go?.
I'm writing this, for the sole purpose of letting it go. The last year for me or so, has been quite difficult for me, I've come to feel things I've never thought I'd feel, and thing that I swore myself never to feel again.
Crying, was a childish thing for me, last time I cried was when my Grand Mother died, I was 6 or 7, and she was and is, one of the biggest influences on how I live my life. She taught me so much, and she really took care of me, she was always there for me, when I needed to be saved from my dad's or mom's yelling. She always stood for me. I'll never forget her.
Until last year, I thought I'd never cry again, I cried so much when she died, I had literally dried myself from crying again, I had no tears for anybody. More people from our family died, but I still couldn't cry, I felt sad, but could not bring myself to cry...
Last year, it all changed. In October of 2007, I got in a relationship with a girl, a girl who I thought might be just another girl, I cared deeply for her, because we've been friends for quite some time, and we always did stuff together, Univ work and whatnot. It was something like really special, everything felt right her, everything felt wrong without. She is awesome, I cannot say otherwise, she drags people closer, she is this kind of person who you can't bring yourself to hate, you just love to love her.
I loved her. You might call this childish or stupid, but I think she was my first true love. I'm 19 years old, and It has been more than 10 years since I cried, and she made it all happen. I cared so much for her, that I cried to her, she was the only one to see me cry since that time with my grandma. She made it happen, I don't know how or why, but it felt right to cry with her by my side. I grew up kind of alone, my teenage years, my problems and all, I had no one to tell them to. My dad/mom worked all day, My sister was always out, and I was left alone in here. I had no instruction on how to "get this off my mind, and let them all go". I'm a "n00b" if you may call me at being open to other people.
She made me go out from my confort zone, and stripped me down from that shell around, from whatever I used to protect myself from feeling things that made me soft. I had too much stuff on my mind already, I had to stand up and always defend my mom and sister. I always seemed to be looked down upon as the bad guy, I yelled at the people who dared to raise their voice to my mom or my sister, no matter who no matter when or where.
My ideas may seem a little far away one from another, It's just how things went weirdly last year. She ended it, she broke up with and it all went down.
That night I did not know what to do, I got home..and my mom looked at me, without me saying a word she said "I'm sorry..", and I looked down, I couldn't cry again, my heart and whole body was filled with pain and sadness and I wanted to find a way out for all of that. I couldn't, taking the things she gave me, and putting them in boxes, made it even harder. Her things, her letters and everything she gave me, every one of them hurt a million times more. They all made the pain very much worse and I didn't know how to deal with it again.
It's been 4months since she ended it, I'm moving on and she has moved on, I don't know if she has another guy in her life, but if she does, I wish nothing but the best to her, I wish I didn't care for her as much as I do right now, but I hope it goes away.
I'm back to my old self again, I being defensive towards other people, I don't let anyone know about my problems while I listen to the ones of my friends. It's weird, not it's not a unknown thing for me. I don't regret taking a visit to that side of me, but I'm hoping to never go there again. It's painful, it's what they call "Love".
Miss you grand ma,
I love you still Mary,
Goodbye.
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A lot of sad blogs today.
Including mine own. I feel you man, life is tough.
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with all that kind of good progress with being open why would you allow yourself to go back to the way it was? just gotta pick another friend to start being open with
still love you hermanito
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I went through this, guess it has been about 6 months since my ex and I broke up. We'd been dating for 3 years and I used her as my stability as well. Sad thing to hear man, I hope things start to pick up for you.
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iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
Ah the JLIG is strong with this one.
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i definitely know how you feel. yeah, unlike you ive had a couple that i called "wow i really fucking loved this girl" and then something happens. its always something that fucks it up. its tough to pull away because youre already in there, and youre just so tight knit and close. its like without her, youre walking around feeling lonely, and naked. you know that feeling? like you walk out of the house without your cell phone or whatever you always carry and theres just something missing. theres not much you can do, you could be defensive towards another girl that comes into your life, and even though you COULD do that, most likely you wont. theres something in what you typed that lead me to believe that youll find another girl and even though you want to put up a barrier, you cannot.
let it go, try not to regret anything, it hurts as fuck to be like that. it hurts to PUSH but you just have to do it. in short, rape some D- n00bs to make you feel better. enjoy~
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you did love her
its not childish or stupid
no worries mate its part of the healing process and this is just another step
gl
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I experienced the same thing not too long ago
My close friends would just tell me "just let it go, forget about her" but what did they know? I hated hearing that advice. And I REALLY thought I wasn't going to forget about her, and I still haven't, its been over 3 months, but now I feel like everything is okay. I think time + new girls + knowing she's gonna be okay really helped me get through this situation. I hope you can listen a little to my advice as well
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If anything, love is pretty random and cruel from my experience. No matter how much a husband may love his wife, its never a sure thing it will end up a lifelong relationship, shit happens in between in this marvelous modern world of ours, and we find reasons to split. (Divorce statistics for example, all rising in nearly all 1st world countries in the world.) I don't think what you've done is stupid at all, its just part of an unfortunate human experience the majority of us will go through one point or another.
There's nothing particularly weak about crying, forget the stigmas around it, being defensive all the time will limit a potential shot and another chance at love. Its risky, yeah, your heart may be broken again, but this experience will make you stronger, more in tune with your limits, and one day and eventually, you will find the right one.
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I totally hear where you're coming from. I was with a girl for some five or six years, was married even. Notice the "was". And man, it sucks a lot. Here's the thing though: if what you learned or came away with was that you never want to open yourself up again, then that's entirely a shame. I wouldn't tell anyone to just jump right back in, but it does get better--it always gets better.
One of the things we're never really told growing up is that love is painful as well as divine. It's hard, it's trying, it can make you openly weep, but most of all, it's worth it... it has to be. Lean on your friends, let some time pass, and you'll (hopefully) be where you need to be.
Good luck.
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Geez all the blogs are so sad
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Korea (South)3086 Posts
Funkie, you definitely know that I know EXACTLY how you feel right now dude... I feel the exact same way right now, but I'm not sure if I can move on...
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All I can say is welcome to life as an adult. I've gone through this process two, maybe three times now, and it hurts like no injury ever could. Every single time. That doesn't mean you should enclose yourself in that shell again. It's ok wanting to move on and get over her before you start something new, but the important part is trying to be open to new people, new friendships, and eventually, new love once the pain is gone.
I've spent the better part of my 23 years putting people off for random reasons I don't fully understand yet, and I have to learn to accept the weaker side of myself to be able to get along with people on an intimate basis. Don't act tough on the outside when you feel like crap on the inside is all I can tell you.
Hope everything works out for the best for you, I've always found you sympathetic while I was still around more often, and it would be a shame to deprive the people around you of that nice guy that lives inside of you. Good luck.
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Alas, I can give advice on this one, though it's not probably the type of advise you want. Like you, I once had a relationship that I could call most meaningful. I was completely in love to the point of infatuation. Although we where only an item for a year and a half, I can truly say she was the one. And I was the one that fucked everything up and broke of with her because I wanted to try new experiences. I tried to get back with her, and even though we both wanted to, she was leaving the country to go study somewhere else. And of course I ended up heartbroken.
To make my story short, I'm going on 25 now. And even though I've had my fair share of relationships, and more women that I'd probably deserve (since I'm an asshole to women generally lol); I've never really gotten over her. Eight years have passed since I took a red rose to school to give her while confessing my feelings. And I still feel like that very day she told me she felt the same way, every time I even think about "love". Like you I was/am a hardass. Crying is for babies. But for her I shed a million tears. I still have movie tickets and bead bracelets from 8 years ago (among other crap). Anyways, If it was just a crush or you're just not used to ending relationships, it will surely pass. The pain goes away before you know it and all of a sudden you're banging the sexy chick on your sociology class. But in those rare cases where you know you just lost the love of your life, the pain is never going to go away. Ever.
My advise to you is to learn to cherish it. Learn to remember the good times you had with her and make the pain serve as a reminder of how much emotion and commitment you where once willing to give. When you're 50 and think about her, and shed one or two tears in her name, be happy... at least you got a taste of what real love is, which I can assure you is more intense than what most feel on the span of their lifetimes. And most important, cherish the fact that the experience and the pain makes you more... Human.
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Netherlands19138 Posts
I love you Raul! <3
Sadface blog  .
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watch fight club.
yes, it's a serious advice.
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EPT
