My Harvard Application (Essay) - Page 3

On December 01 2008 10:23 SpiritoftheTunA wrote:
you're only hearing what you want to hear imo

On December 01 2008 10:26 fight_or_flight wrote:
When are you gonna send it off?

On December 01 2008 10:31 theonemephisto wrote:
This is just my opinion and I mean this in the best way possible and without any malice, but you sound like a douchebag in the essay. Big words (though they're used pretty well) come fast and unnecessarily often, you're "voice" (which admissions officers love to talk about) doesn't really come across, and you tend to just tell the reader stuff, rather than show them. And I think that you tried to parody Calvin's way of talking, but that's an extremely dangerous route that relies on the reader being very familiar with C&H AND wanting to take the time to really read and think about and recognize your essay (which they probably won't).

I have to agree with some others that have said that it doesn't tell them anything about you. At best they have to take it on faith that Calvin represents these characteristics of you. Showing instead of telling is a good rule, though I've personally found it very hard to follow. Nice if you can pull it off though.

And the last sentence really puts me off. Little too cliched, don't you think?

On December 01 2008 10:50 SpiritoftheTunA wrote:
if you are implying my opinions about your essay are not worth hearing, lets make a wager regarding whether you get into hahvahd

On December 01 2008 10:50 SpiritoftheTunA wrote:
if you are implying my opinions about your essay are not worth hearing, lets make a wager regarding whether you get into hahvahd

On December 01 2008 11:00 Saracen wrote:

lol actually i was referring to gems such as these:
"too many big words
sounds like ur trying too hard
just write from the heart"
"Do you really write like that? Doesn't convince me that it's written in your own voice."
"oh, and btw it's "prodigy", not progeny."
"Too pretentious. Harvard likes pretentious, but not obviously pretentious like this one."

to be honest, i feel this essay is really comparatively weak, which is why i'm posting it on TL for revisions/waiting for my english teacher's opinion on it

i don't really see the connection between "you are implying my opinions about your essay are not worth hearing" and "lets make a wager regarding whether you get into hahvahd"
...unless you're an admissions officer?

On December 01 2008 11:04 SpiritoftheTunA wrote:

i.e. if you don't listen to my gem of advice, u wont get into hahvahd

also im trolling

ez