My Harvard Application (Essay)

These books have shaped my outlook on life; I have learned to cherish creativity and approach problems with a nonconventional mindset – to employ for the daunting task of cerebral enhancement none other than a metal colander and to eke a profit by selling a product of only the highest quality and demand, a “frank appraisal of your looks.”

On December 01 2008 07:18 koreakool wrote:
calvin and hobbes isn't TOO obscure
but then again should you really write about a comic strip character?

On December 01 2008 07:19 fight_or_flight wrote:

I'd say this sentence is a little over-the-top.

On December 01 2008 07:21 Saracen wrote:

so i should just cut the references? (for this sentence)

Okay, maybe he’s not technically a man, and perhaps he’s not as infallible as I previously professed

...“progeny”; he is, indeed, a man among men. Okay, maybe he’s not technically a man, and perhaps he’s not as infallible as I previously professed; however,...

I became acquainted with Calvin and his quirky feline counterpart in 1998 when I received a copy of Watterson’s The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes for my eighth birthday.

...both completely bogus, and completely entertaining...

Calvin introduced me to the most unfamiliar frontiers; I’ve followed him from the fringes of the Yukon

On December 01 2008 07:21 Xenocide_Knight wrote:
too many big words
sounds like ur trying too hard
just write from the heart

On December 01 2008 07:28 DamageControL wrote:
Everything I say comes with a grain of salt; I do not claim to be the best writer. Reject everything i have to say if you want, these are my humble views on how you can improve your essay

I think you can fix this, to sound a bit more...college level? I understand this is the most formal of formal essays, but this just sounds messy.

To be perfectly honest, i like semi-colons, but using them two sentences in a row seems a little much.
I'd insert Hobbes' name. "...Calvin and his quirky feline counterpart, Hobbes, in 1998, when I received...
I know repetition is a common literary device, but here, I don't feel it helps. Just use another word.

Semicolon again! Although I guess its just fine fine if you take out one of the earlier ones.
And then you go on to use it twice more...um definitely cut down on the use of the semicolon i think.

I think you can fix this, to sound a bit more...college level? I understand this is the most formal of formal essays, but this just sounds messy.

I'd insert Hobbes' name. "...Calvin and his quirky feline counterpart, Hobbes, in 1998, when I received...

On December 01 2008 07:21 Xenocide_Knight wrote:
too many big words
sounds like ur trying too hard
just write from the heart

On December 01 2008 07:36 jellyfish wrote:
oh, and btw it's "prodigy", not progeny.

On December 01 2008 07:25 fight_or_flight wrote:

I didn't even realize it had references in it, I was just talking about the verbiage.

On December 01 2008 07:31 Exousia wrote:
Do you really write like that? Doesn't convince me that it's written in your own voice.

On December 01 2008 07:38 DamageControL wrote:

Its a calvin and hobbes reference he says progeny rather then prodigy (and were ALL child progeny...which is the joke)

On December 01 2008 07:35 jellyfish wrote:
I agree with what was said before, that this essay seems a bit over-embellished...though being rather wordy myself, I can hardly say that it's due to your word choices. Instead, what seems to me to be missing is a depth of exploration. You describe at length the exploits of Calvin, and you gush and enthuse over their charming unconventionality, but we readers are left to assume their direct impact on your life. In other words, we only see the effects Calvin and Hobbes had on your life through the indirect lens of your confessions. Give us more concrete examples; it is, as a rule, better to show us than to tell us. Your essay will be more powerful if you let us discover for ourselves the place Calvin and Hobbes has in your heart. As it is, trying to empathize through your words alone is difficult.

On December 01 2008 07:41 jellyfish wrote:


oh damn my bad...guess I need to re-visit my Calvin and Hobbes >_>

On December 01 2008 07:54 DamageControL wrote:

They are funny, you should

On December 01 2008 07:59 DamageControL wrote:
LOL
LOL
Oh god, do it!
i LOVED that strip.
What kinda grades/scores did you get in high school? You seem to be applying for ridic schools

On December 01 2008 08:05 Saracen wrote:

grades are pretty much meaningless b/c there's so much disparity between schools but i'm getting almost straight 100s except for fucking gov b/c the teacher grades like a bitch. same with junior and freshman year, but i completely fucked up sophomore year and got like 97s
and 5s on the 10 AP tests i've taken
but that's about it ... like i sucked ass on stuff like AMC/AIME and completely bombed the SAT/ACT
so i don't really have anything that distinguishes me to put on my apps

On December 01 2008 08:10 DamageControL wrote:

What do you mean by 'bombed' sounds like you have high standards

On December 01 2008 08:14 DamageControL wrote:
lol i got a 2010 my sophomore year... so don't feel bad man.

On December 01 2008 08:23 AcrossFiveJulys wrote:
this is for an undergrad application, right?

On December 01 2008 08:41 Caller wrote:
this essay and a few alumni connections and a million dollar donation will get you into harvard

in all honesty your essay really needs to shine in order to make a difference. Either shine as in Eureka! or shine as in steaming pile of poo. While this is not the most brilliant thing I have read, it is most definitely not a steaming pile of poo.

If you really want to get into Harvard, make your essay completely, completely different. Here's an example.

If there's one challenge I have ever had in my life, it would be convincing my parents to donate $500,000,000 dollars to Harvard University.


no, this is not an angsty anti-Harvard post, as I never applied to Harvard.

On December 01 2008 09:39 Carnivorous Sheep wrote:
Too pretentious. Harvard likes pretentious, but not obviously pretentious like this one.

On December 01 2008 09:17 -_- wrote:
I think it's good. Unless you have a real shot at Harvard (perfect everything, + parents / sibling who went) you've got to take a risk. Do this. I thought it was funny.

On December 01 2008 09:26 GrayArea wrote:
I love Calvin and Hobbes sooo much, but in all honesty your essay says very, very little about you. Basically, you describe Calvin's way of thinking, his imagination, his adventures and say that you have been influenced by them to some degree. You don't specify to what degree. In order to fill in what degree you were influenced, you would have to talk about some personal story that shows how Calvin indirectly influenced you to act a certain way.

You just sound like you are trying to show off that you are smart by using flowery words, but that is not what colleges want to know about in this type of essay. They want to know about you as a person and how you stand out above others. All I see in your essay is how Calvin stands out, and how much you admire him.

Based on your essay, I think Harvard will try and contact Calvin and get him to enroll in their college, not one of his fans.

On December 01 2008 09:39 Carnivorous Sheep wrote:
Too pretentious. Harvard likes pretentious, but not obviously pretentious like this one.

On December 01 2008 10:23 SpiritoftheTunA wrote:
you're only hearing what you want to hear imo

On December 01 2008 10:26 fight_or_flight wrote:
When are you gonna send it off?

On December 01 2008 10:31 theonemephisto wrote:
This is just my opinion and I mean this in the best way possible and without any malice, but you sound like a douchebag in the essay. Big words (though they're used pretty well) come fast and unnecessarily often, you're "voice" (which admissions officers love to talk about) doesn't really come across, and you tend to just tell the reader stuff, rather than show them. And I think that you tried to parody Calvin's way of talking, but that's an extremely dangerous route that relies on the reader being very familiar with C&H AND wanting to take the time to really read and think about and recognize your essay (which they probably won't).

I have to agree with some others that have said that it doesn't tell them anything about you. At best they have to take it on faith that Calvin represents these characteristics of you. Showing instead of telling is a good rule, though I've personally found it very hard to follow. Nice if you can pull it off though.

And the last sentence really puts me off. Little too cliched, don't you think?

On December 01 2008 10:50 SpiritoftheTunA wrote:
if you are implying my opinions about your essay are not worth hearing, lets make a wager regarding whether you get into hahvahd

On December 01 2008 10:50 SpiritoftheTunA wrote:
if you are implying my opinions about your essay are not worth hearing, lets make a wager regarding whether you get into hahvahd

On December 01 2008 11:00 Saracen wrote:

lol actually i was referring to gems such as these:
"too many big words
sounds like ur trying too hard
just write from the heart"
"Do you really write like that? Doesn't convince me that it's written in your own voice."
"oh, and btw it's "prodigy", not progeny."
"Too pretentious. Harvard likes pretentious, but not obviously pretentious like this one."

to be honest, i feel this essay is really comparatively weak, which is why i'm posting it on TL for revisions/waiting for my english teacher's opinion on it

i don't really see the connection between "you are implying my opinions about your essay are not worth hearing" and "lets make a wager regarding whether you get into hahvahd"
...unless you're an admissions officer?

On December 01 2008 11:04 SpiritoftheTunA wrote:

i.e. if you don't listen to my gem of advice, u wont get into hahvahd

also im trolling

ez