Some poems I've written - Page 2

Xeris

Iran17695 Posts

October 26 2008 23:03 GMT

#21

those are pretty good but I'm not a huge fan of needing to rely heavily on rhyme scheme in your poems.

also... to the op , vagueness in poetry really isn't that good. it doesn't connect with anything and usually just brings up big grand ideas as sort of a way for the author to make him/herself sound really deep when it actually says nothing.

example:
the earth floats by
in a vast abyss

sounds big and deep, but doesn't really say or do anything. you should add specifics to your poems to give the reader something to latch onto. do that for anything you write actually it will help you 99% of the time

TimeShifter

Singapore235 Posts

October 27 2008 09:08 GMT

#22

On October 27 2008 01:43 frozenclaw wrote:
Yes please!

edit: Wo, you're a girl!

hmm..lets see:

i wrote this for a friend's birthday;
+ Show Spoiler +

Here's your birthday
wrapper with the sky
and tied with windy strings

its garlanded with red balloons
and stuck with tiny wings

its bigger than your arms can hold
but fits you like a glove

a birthday made of woven gold
and buttoned on with love

:D

geometryb

United States1249 Posts

October 27 2008 10:31 GMT

#23

you should add a title to the first and third poems. also write a paragraph analyzing each one because im too lazy to read them above lvl 0 thinking. what are you reasons for separating each line and punctuation and stuff?

JMave

Singapore1806 Posts

October 27 2008 10:59 GMT

#24

On October 27 2008 01:07 TimeShifter wrote:
not bad for starters:D
should i let you sample some of mine?
i frequently write poetry lol haha

You're a girl? Wow I didn't know sg girls played starcraft!