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Some poems I've written - Page 2

Blogs > frozenclaw
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Xeris
Profile Blog Joined July 2005
Iran17695 Posts
October 26 2008 23:03 GMT
#21
those are pretty good but I'm not a huge fan of needing to rely heavily on rhyme scheme in your poems.

also... to the op , vagueness in poetry really isn't that good. it doesn't connect with anything and usually just brings up big grand ideas as sort of a way for the author to make him/herself sound really deep when it actually says nothing.

example:
the earth floats by
in a vast abyss

sounds big and deep, but doesn't really say or do anything. you should add specifics to your poems to give the reader something to latch onto. do that for anything you write actually it will help you 99% of the time

twitter.com/xerislight -- follow me~~
TimeShifter
Profile Joined October 2008
Singapore235 Posts
October 27 2008 09:08 GMT
#22
On October 27 2008 01:43 frozenclaw wrote:
Yes please!

edit: Wo, you're a girl!

hmm..lets see:

i wrote this for a friend's birthday;
+ Show Spoiler +
Here's your birthday
wrapper with the sky
and tied with windy strings

its garlanded with red balloons
and stuck with tiny wings

its bigger than your arms can hold
but fits you like a glove

a birthday made of woven gold
and buttoned on with love

:D


strawberries~
geometryb
Profile Blog Joined November 2005
United States1249 Posts
October 27 2008 10:31 GMT
#23
you should add a title to the first and third poems. also write a paragraph analyzing each one because im too lazy to read them above lvl 0 thinking. what are you reasons for separating each line and punctuation and stuff?
JMave
Profile Blog Joined December 2007
Singapore1806 Posts
October 27 2008 10:59 GMT
#24
On October 27 2008 01:07 TimeShifter wrote:
not bad for starters:D
should i let you sample some of mine?
i frequently write poetry lol haha


You're a girl? Wow I didn't know sg girls played starcraft!
火心 Jealous. I always loved that feeling when I was young. Embrace it.
TimeShifter
Profile Joined October 2008
Singapore235 Posts
October 27 2008 12:34 GMT
#25
On October 27 2008 19:59 JMave wrote:

You're a girl? Wow I didn't know sg girls played starcraft!

T.T
strawberries~
frozenclaw
Profile Blog Joined December 2006
Canada410 Posts
October 27 2008 22:09 GMT
#26
Wow, thanks a lot guys. I'll try working harder on my next poems and do as geometryb recommended
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