Poem #3

ZaplinG

United States3818 Posts

April 19 2008 17:47 GMT

I wrote this last night when I was blitzed. I looked at it again this morning and I still like it, so here it is. I think it's not completely finished yet, but it's pretty close.

Smile, Birdy

I dont know why I want to try,
I want to sigh, I want to fly,
I want to cry, I said goodbye.
We were a lie and then we tried,
To reach the sky, I was so high.
It's here I saw a birdy sing,
He sang as me, he sang for spring.
I still want to try to reach the sky,
And sing together and everything.
You made me fly, you made me sigh,
You sang and brought me everything.
The little birdy wants to die,
He was so happy,
Birdy,
Without knowing why,
Little birdy...

hymn

Bulgaria832 Posts

April 19 2008 19:27 GMT

On April 20 2008 02:47 ZaplinG wrote:
Here I saw a little birdy sing,
He sang for me, he sang for spring,

If I understand correctly, the birdy here represents a person, presumably a girl. And later you say that the birdy brought you everything. The you go with this:

On April 20 2008 02:47 ZaplinG wrote:
The little birdy wants to die
He was so happy,

So now it seems the birdy aka girl wants to die. But I think what you mean was that you wanted to die.
So this looks like a contradiction if I am getting everything right. And if I am, you might want to fix it somehow.

Anyways, it's nice. Sad but still kinda moved me.

Xeofreestyler

Belgium6753 Posts

April 19 2008 19:44 GMT

Perhaps, hymn. Perhaps.

But we should look at the possibility of the bird being the phallic symbol.

ZaplinG

United States3818 Posts

April 19 2008 19:50 GMT

haha, i assure you it is not a phallic symbol

I changed some stuff around to make it clearer. Thanks for the input Hymn.

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