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More Poetry

Blogs > ZaplinG
Post a Reply
ZaplinG
Profile Blog Joined February 2005
United States3818 Posts
November 18 2007 20:02 GMT
#1
Wrote this one one night when should have been reading for class. I call it "The Lament of Victor's Child"

In the snow where I wake,
Blood is on my two hands.
Headless screams spill,
From dead promises now.

These deaths I disavow.
Though suicidal still,
Simply, none understand,
The bleak path I must take.

Haunting the new sunshine,
The silence is slaughtered.
Forcing up writhing wraiths,
From freezing mental graves.

It's their humor I crave -
The joy in their dead face.
A brief moment's falter,
As fire sweeps the pine.

Tortured flames are blazing,
In all of their horror.
Silencing the desires,
Of my bleeding heart.

And so I do depart;
Away with scalding fires.
I may have been a monster,
But at least I was something.

***
Don't believe the florist when he tells you that the roses are free
kdog3683
Profile Blog Joined January 2007
United States916 Posts
November 18 2007 20:21 GMT
#2
No offense, but the poem sounds forced, not sincere, i hear no rthym.
Multiply your efforts.
Snet *
Profile Blog Joined September 2006
United States3573 Posts
November 18 2007 20:42 GMT
#3
decent poem, what gave you the idea for it?
evanthebouncy!
Profile Blog Joined June 2006
United States12816 Posts
November 18 2007 22:47 GMT
#4
On November 19 2007 05:21 kdog3683 wrote:
No offense, but the poem sounds forced, not sincere, i hear no rthym.

Maybe that's the style he's shooting for. It's suppose to be a jagged not smooth one.
FIRE BAM
I was a MONSTER TOOooOoOo!
Life is run, it is dance, it is fast, passionate and BAM!, you dance and sing and booze while you can for now is the time and time is mine. Smile and laugh when still can for now is the time and soon you die!
ZaplinG
Profile Blog Joined February 2005
United States3818 Posts
Last Edited: 2007-11-19 23:13:38
November 19 2007 23:08 GMT
#5
I was experimenting with a abcd/dcba efgh/hgfe ect. style. It is supposed to be a little choppy to reflect the speaker's state of mind.

Victor refers to Victor Frankenstein. The poem is the creature talking before he suicides.

and I took a lot of inspiration from this webcomic:
[image loading]
Don't believe the florist when he tells you that the roses are free
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