EPT
A few days ago, I asked you to supply me with ideas so I could write a new blog. I have decided to go with Hawk's suggestion to write a guide about Belgium and why it is worth visiting.
Here, I will offer you a list of what I feel are the most important, most impressive and most beautiful sights in Belgium.
- The Atomium
![[image loading]](http://img57.imageshack.us/img57/3874/atomium03ux6nw6.jpg)
A single iron crystal from a planet very similar to our own, except that everything there is 165 billion times bigger. It crash landed in Brussels in 1958 and has posed a serious problem ever since.
Attempts to move the comically oversized crystal proved futile due to its massive weight. Scientists agree that any attempt to deassemble the crystal would lead to a nuclear fission reaction powerful enough to blow up this side of the Milky Way.
Authorities soon decided that the best course of action would be to leave it there and charge others money to look at it. It is a must-see for both fans of iron and fans of things that are 165 billion times bigger than they should be. - Manneken Pis
![[image loading]](http://img48.imageshack.us/img48/6334/mannekenjt2.jpg)
Another important monument in Brussels. This is the only allowed depiction of the mighty deity every Belgian worships, Young Boy Who Pees Naked. We believe that He peed the entire universe into existence, and that every celestial body was a kidney stone He painstakingly had to force through His urethra. To express our gratitude for His ordeal, we sacrifice a chihuahua on a weekly basis by holding it under the stream of pee constantly emanating from the holy statue until it drowns. - The Baby Fields
![[image loading]](http://img406.imageshack.us/img406/7596/babyfield.png)
One of the more curious and unusual sights in Belgium. The Baby Fields are the vast stretches of land where genetically engineered babies are grown, much like lettuce. They are designed to never develop further than their current baby state (lest they should choose to revolt) and take up most of the industrial, agricultural, military and service-related tasks, leaving the rest of us to comfortably stay at home and post on the Internet all day.
Tourists should always exercise extreme caution when visiting the Baby Fields. If they should lose their footing and fall into the baby crops, they would be lucky to escape with their lives and even so, they'd spend the rest of their days with that icky sour baby stench all over them. - Our King
![[image loading]](http://img512.imageshack.us/img512/2425/saddamoc8.jpg)
Our noble king, Jassim Ali the First. I know, I know, he looks very familiar. This is because he was one of Saddam Hussein's many impersonators. Saddam often used doubles for fear of being assassinated, and to handle every day Iraqi affairs so he could take some more time out to relax and torture dissidents.
When our previous king (the much esteemed monarch Ronald McDonald) died in a tragic hamburger accident in 1987, a worthy successor to the throne had to be chosen. Eyes quickly turned to Iraq, where Jassim Ali was doing an impressive job instilling the fear of death in Iraqi citizens and eradicating ethnic minorities and majorities alike. King Jassim gladly took the offer, as he felt Saddam was "cramping his style" and being a "bleeding heart pussy liberal". In his twenty-year reign, he successfully abolished healthcare, erected the Baby Fields and made Thursday "Kebab Day". - The Walloon Region
![[image loading]](http://img27.imageshack.us/img27/7243/walloon.jpg)
The Southern half of Belgium. Not much is known about this arid and desolate wasteland. Its inhabitants, a gnome-like creed, reportedly speak a mangled type of French dialect and regularly roam the borders in search of sustenance. Although notoriously lazy, they have often shown aggressiveness towards perpetrators. Tourist outings to this region are therefore only possible per helicopter so as to keep a safe distance from these beasts, and hunting rifles may be rented for a nominal fee, should one wish to see these wretched creatures bleed.
As nothing can be grown on the infertile soil, all attempts to civilize the region have long since been abandoned. - Waffles, Chocolate and French Fries
![[image loading]](http://img27.imageshack.us/img27/842/belgianfoods.jpg)
Not really a sight to see, but definitely a luxury every tourist should spoil oneself with. After centuries of dedicated mass training, the Belgians have mastered the art of crafting these fine foods
Upon query, every Belgian is bound by law to produce any of these three tangible orgasms, so that any stranger may know the utter culinary dominance of Belgium.
It is said that combining these three elements into a single dish would provide instant enlightenment to anyone who would ingest it, but the concoction has proven to be far too instable thus far and has obliterated several of our smaller cities. It is sure, however, that some day we will be able to sustain this trinity and become the most powerful force the universe has ever seen. - vGl-CoW, the #1 Poster
![[image loading]](http://img48.imageshack.us/img48/9748/vglcowpp0.jpg)
It's me! TL.net denizens (or any forums users, for that matter) should definitely put me high up on their to-do list, as I am the nec plus ultra of posting. Masses flock to my house daily to catch a glimpse of me, sitting behind my computer, posting on the Internet. It has been rumored that all those who touch me, gain my posting powers for the duration of a forthnight. Other than that, I'm just a really cool guy who likes to have fun, party and take long walks on the crushed remains of my vanquished enemies.
Well, this concludes my tiny, tiny little guide to this tiny, tiny little country. I hope I was able to sway the minds of those who consider Belgium an unholy hive of paedophilism and corruption (because there's really not that much corruption going on).
Thanks again to Hawk for the idea, ~*~CatCh yOo On TeH FliP SiDe~*~.
p:p.Those lazy bastards keep stealing our money and our votes 
![[image loading]](http://img411.imageshack.us/img411/3424/walloondv5.jpg)
