EPTI just found this yesterday, while my connection got killed again due to my traffic limit, and at 1:30 AM too. It’s funny how even though I don’t really recall the writing process, I still wouldn’t have changed a single word. It’s rather unfunny though that my life is still the same and that this indefinite, almost sad feeling is still there.
Not saying I’m emo, just aware of my emotional state. Well, maybe that’s a definition for being emo, but if so, then be it.
Alas, without further ado, the original text:
All and nothing.
It is close to 3 AM. Classes start in a few hours, yet I can’t seem to find any sleep. Instead I’m wasting my time, again, like on already too many previous occasions before.
I am wondering, why is it that we tend to think of everything as in dire need of improval?
Right now I’m sitting here, not having to worry about a thing aside from not falling asleep during class tomorrow. And yet I find myself in a kind of light depression, a state many of you know too, I am sure. I don’t have any financial issues, my studies are going OK, and my social life has improved greatly during the last 4 months. I’m not quite a Strafe yet, but I leave it to the reader whether that is something you’d want to achieve anyway.
So why feel sad?
The suppressed feeling of lacking accomplishment?
Sexual desperation?
The fact that I have to write this offline because my traffic limit caused my connection to being temporarily closed yet again?
I wouldn’t know why one should be supposed to feel sad.
Maybe I’m pathetic, maybe I’m just crazy, but I think it is really a human problem, not something that’s wrong with me.
A friend of mine once told me that one of my mental experiments disturbed her a lot, although she did mistake what I said.
Every time I feel like this, I try to remind myself that there are people in this world, and not even that far away, that have to face way more severe problems every single day in their lives.
Single moms with 3 jobs, people with terminal illnesses, the poor, you name it.
I think 95% of humanity, from my perspective, should have the right to complain before I do so.
Now comes the clue: My friend mistook what I said and made it into “Every time I feel down, I think of someone who’s really fucked and I feel better that way”.
That sounds like the same, but it is different: I’m not trying to boost the perception of my life by putting it into context, but I try to get myself to stop bitching about those little things that don’t mean a thing.
One of the most astonishing things on earth though, is that people whose lives are totally fucked up don’t seem to mind at all.
You don’t see those people complain, why is that?
As I see it that’s because they realized that if you want something changed, then get your act together and stop bitching. Tears and cries get you nowhere. That’s an attitude right there.
But maybe I should stop here, tune in later for more random, point- and meaningless insight on how the world works.
So much for that.
A little addendum though: My views on life, the world, and various other things change constantly these past months. I find myself wondering about the most weird things and I really like those stream-of-consciousness moments. I try to find the time and have those on purpose from time to time, but mostly they just come when they feel like. There are some things that are hard to force, I guess.
If you fee like it, share similar writings or make up a post like that for the rest of us to read in the comments, I promise to read them.
Next time: Random, arhythmical midnight poetry. Stay tuned!
I was just surprised to be honest
