I inherited a mediocre personality from my parents.
Both my parents have very low self-esteem, are extremely unmotivated, and lazy. I don't think they've done anything that can be considered "outside the comfort zone" ever since I was born.
About my mother:
My mother had to leave my house 12 years ago because she borrowed money from everyone she knew, then gave it to some mysterious person, claiming she was "scammed". She is such a shy person that she never even called my dad by any name or pronoun. Her sentences are usually like: Take this to the second floor (instead of: Can you take this to the second floor?), or “will do it later” (instead of: I will do it later). It sounds a bit less cringy in English, but in my language it’s just painful to hear. And she barely took part in raising me. It was mostly my grandma who cooked for our family and fed me. She was just working a low-paying job for my aunt until she had to leave.
After 12 years, she's still like that. Living with a massive amount of debt, hiding in her sister's house, doing some low-paying job.
About my father:
My father is a bit better, but still a big loser. We've been living in poverty our whole life, but I don't think I've seen him worked more than four hours a day once. And when he's not working, he just watches TV or does something unproductive. He got even worse after my mom left (instead of pushing himself to support his two children). Almost every time we needed a large amount of money, he resorted to borrowing it from his rich brother. The day when he asked me to beg for money from my cousin to buy a motorbike was possibly the most embarrassing day of my life so far.
During my whole FOUR years of middle school, I didn't talk to anyone at school. NO ONE. That was some insane dedication to not opening my mouth. It got a little better after that, but the speed of my improvement was too slow. There were some memorable events that happened during the nine years of high school and university, but I could have done A LOT more. I mean, I still have never had a girlfriend, nor kissed anyone, even though many women have been interested in me because of my good looks (the only positive thing I inherited from my parents). I also have no one I can consider a "close friend".
After graduating from university, I worked a few jobs, most of which didn’t pay well. My current job, which I really like, doesn’t pay too well either. Also, my company is in serious danger because of COVID. Now at 30 years old, I only have 1000 dollars in my bank account. I’m probably the least successful of all the people I’ve gone to school with. The reason is quite simple: instead of spending my free time on things that advance my career, I just played video games and surfed the Internet pointlessly. And although playing video games has brought lots of joy and memorable moments to my life, in the end it didn’t amount to anything worthy. I could be the best Mortal Kombat player in my city and it still wouldn’t mean a thing.
I don't think I have "depression" or "autism" or any mental disease though. I'm just extremely shy, unmotivated, and socially inept. In other words, I don't love myself enough to do beneficial things to myself, or to express sincere care for others.
19 years ago, my little brother was born. Sadly, he's only slightly less "introverted" than me. He has a few friends, thanks to being born in the age of the Internet, but that's it. He still behaves very awkwardly around people, and waste time on video games and V-Tubers. When I thought about how similar he is to my past self, chills went down my spine.
I know it's possible to change my life around, but where to start? every time I had a boost of motivation, it only lasted a few hours. Then I go back to playing video games and wasting time on things that have very little value. I have a huge list of things I want to do, but every day it’s a miracle if I finish all my tasks at work on time. Then whatever time I have left is spent on video games or just a long fap session.
Actually, after writing all this out, I’m feeling full of energy and did some productive shit today. Not sure how long this will last though…