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I inherited a mediocre personality from my parents.
Both my parents have very low self-esteem, are extremely unmotivated, and lazy. I don't think they've done anything that can be considered "outside the comfort zone" ever since I was born.
About my mother:
My mother had to leave my house 12 years ago because she borrowed money from everyone she knew, then gave it to some mysterious person, claiming she was "scammed". She is such a shy person that she never even called my dad by any name or pronoun. Her sentences are usually like: Take this to the second floor (instead of: Can you take this to the second floor?), or “will do it later” (instead of: I will do it later). It sounds a bit less cringy in English, but in my language it’s just painful to hear. And she barely took part in raising me. It was mostly my grandma who cooked for our family and fed me. She was just working a low-paying job for my aunt until she had to leave.
After 12 years, she's still like that. Living with a massive amount of debt, hiding in her sister's house, doing some low-paying job.
About my father:
My father is a bit better, but still a big loser. We've been living in poverty our whole life, but I don't think I've seen him worked more than four hours a day once. And when he's not working, he just watches TV or does something unproductive. He got even worse after my mom left (instead of pushing himself to support his two children). Almost every time we needed a large amount of money, he resorted to borrowing it from his rich brother. The day when he asked me to beg for money from my cousin to buy a motorbike was possibly the most embarrassing day of my life so far.
About me:
During my whole FOUR years of middle school, I didn't talk to anyone at school. NO ONE. That was some insane dedication to not opening my mouth. It got a little better after that, but the speed of my improvement was too slow. There were some memorable events that happened during the nine years of high school and university, but I could have done A LOT more. I mean, I still have never had a girlfriend, nor kissed anyone, even though many women have been interested in me because of my good looks (the only positive thing I inherited from my parents). I also have no one I can consider a "close friend".
After graduating from university, I worked a few jobs, most of which didn’t pay well. My current job, which I really like, doesn’t pay too well either. Also, my company is in serious danger because of COVID. Now at 30 years old, I only have 1000 dollars in my bank account. I’m probably the least successful of all the people I’ve gone to school with. The reason is quite simple: instead of spending my free time on things that advance my career, I just played video games and surfed the Internet pointlessly. And although playing video games has brought lots of joy and memorable moments to my life, in the end it didn’t amount to anything worthy. I could be the best Mortal Kombat player in my city and it still wouldn’t mean a thing.
I don't think I have "depression" or "autism" or any mental disease though. I'm just extremely shy, unmotivated, and socially inept. In other words, I don't love myself enough to do beneficial things to myself, or to express sincere care for others.
19 years ago, my little brother was born. Sadly, he's only slightly less "introverted" than me. He has a few friends, thanks to being born in the age of the Internet, but that's it. He still behaves very awkwardly around people, and waste time on video games and V-Tubers. When I thought about how similar he is to my past self, chills went down my spine.
I know it's possible to change my life around, but where to start? every time I had a boost of motivation, it only lasted a few hours. Then I go back to playing video games and wasting time on things that have very little value. I have a huge list of things I want to do, but every day it’s a miracle if I finish all my tasks at work on time. Then whatever time I have left is spent on video games or just a long fap session.
Actually, after writing all this out, I’m feeling full of energy and did some productive shit today. Not sure how long this will last though…
  
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It sounds like you have a lot of underlying shit from your childhood that you carry around. Have you tried seeing a psychiatrist to talk about that? I don't know but it sounds like that stuff could easily cause some of the things that you see as failings in yourself (lack of motivation, shyness etc.).
Also, you managed to get to university and take a degree even though you're from a poor family. That sounds like you have something to build from. Hang in there!
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I have a huge list of things I want to do, but every day it’s a miracle if I finish all my tasks at work on time
This line make me wonder, is it your productivity is low or there are too many work that you can't finish on time, or you are distracted from work by other things? I think that's the 1st thing you can work on, improving work always help, and you can do it daily. A satisfying working time will make you feel better, at least to me. Also that's one way to advance your career, by improving your current work.
And being curious about this list of things you want to do, what's your target in that list?
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Well, I can give a bunch of examples of people, both men and women, born in worse families than yours and in worse times as well. Yet they didn't seem to whine and to accuse this and that, but improved their minds and went on to do spectacular things.
Who were such people, you might ask. For a male, let's name Epictetus, one of the brightest philosophers. Ah, also Publilius Syrus, the Roman slave whose wit, they say, was on par with Marcus Cicero.
For the ladies, let's name Marie Curie, grew up in extreme poverty, an orphan at 10 years, lived in turbulent times, yet went on to become a symbol and most illustrious scientist. Oh, also Hurrem Sultan or Roxolana. A slave that did something unheard of in the Ottoman empire. She became the legal of wife of the sultan and sultans weren't supposed to have wives. Anyway, she profoundly reshaped an entire empire with Suleyman The magnificent.
So, I'd say, look in your pants and if someone hasn't clipped your balls, better start reasoning what to do, what's hampering you from becoming your best version. Your discontent is proof enough you want change, but discontent alone won't get you anywhere, you need sounds reasoning and even more sounds actions.
If I'm too harsh - that's my intention, I wish you well indeed so no rough feelings. 
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- can't blame your parents for being lazy.
- delete the video games, restrict your youtube access with unhook youtube extension. if you can't do these things, watch shia labeouf's motivational speech, and FUCKING DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!4
- read both parts: https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html
- get a girlfriend. this will motivate you to do better. search for simplepickup videos on how to.
- be a yes man. like in that dumb movie.
- if you have a list of things you want to do, thats a good start! just go one by one.
- if you lose motivation, remember the critical entrance from the wait but why post part 2.
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I know it's possible to change my life around, but where to start? every time I had a boost of motivation, it only lasted a few hours. Then I go back to playing video games and wasting time on things that have very little value. I have a huge list of things I want to do, but every day it’s a miracle if I finish all my tasks at work on time. Then whatever time I have left is spent on video games or just a long fap session.
100% know what you mean here man. I envy the people who have energy and motivation to do what they want to do, be it for work or for pleasure. Everyone I know is wholesome as shit while I just sit at home too tired to do anything besides video games and porn.
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dude, stop blaming your parents for what you are not doing NOW.
You are an adult now, just do what u have to do and become a fucking man for once in your life, i dont feel pity for people in your position, cuz i was there and i know that u wanna hear "uhh, poor boy, i will hug you" but until u get rid of that weak beta male mentality u're fucked.
So get up, do what MUST be done (aka work) , then do what u WANT to do (aka have fun) and stop CRYING like a fucking 12 year old about your parents being shitty. Excuses are lame, blaming other people is lame, blaming your parents is even more lame.
Life is just like gaming, u wanna be gosu at life? , then no excuses and fucking DO IT!
don't know how to talk to people?
Learn how to
don't know how to finish your work?
Finish the DAMN WORK
Lack of energy?
exercise
do not over complicate things thinking too much, just DO THE SHIT THAT MUST BE DONE! then u can HAVE FUN or fap or w/e.
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On July 27 2021 06:38 zimp wrote:
- can't blame your parents for being lazy.
- delete the video games, restrict your youtube access with unhook youtube extension. if you can't do these things, watch shia labeouf's motivational speech, and FUCKING DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!4
- get a girlfriend. this will motivate you to do better. search for simplepickup videos on how to.
- be a yes man. like in that dumb movie.
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Yes, lets listen all to Shia LeBouf, the one true savior!
Yes, pick up girls and lie to them to win their affection. Dont be yourself.
Yes, always yes. Do you wanna be left out of gay chicken?
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On July 27 2021 17:09 XenOsky wrote:
dude, stop blaming your parents for what you are not doing NOW.
You are an adult now, just do what u have to do and become a fucking man for once in your life, i dont feel pity for people in your position, cuz i was there and i know that u wanna hear "uhh, poor boy, i will hug you" but until u get rid of that weak beta male mentality u're fucked.
So get up, do what MUST be done (aka work) , then do what u WANT to do (aka have fun) and stop CRYING like a fucking 12 year old about your parents being shitty. Excuses are lame, blaming other people is lame, blaming your parents is even more lame.
Life is just like gaming, u wanna be gosu at life? , then no excuses and fucking DO IT!
don't know how to talk to people?
Learn how to
don't know how to finish your work?
Finish the DAMN WORK
Lack of energy?
exercise
do not over complicate things thinking too much, just DO THE SHIT THAT MUST BE DONE! then u can HAVE FUN or fap or w/e.
+1.
I sort of resonate with OP on a few of these points. You just need to remember no one is perfect and that included your parents, they were probably going through similar mental struggles as you are now.
ur 30 bro, i know you could be in a much better situation with better parents but such is life i mean theres a lot of kids that started in great positions and then fucked it off super bad.. you are the only one that determines your success.
you have to get in a headspace where you know you are not tied to those personality traits and feelings. just be whoever you want to be. they can still be your parents that doesn't mean you have to end up like them.
remember a bunch of people are struggling just like you so never beat yourself up just try to move on and be smarter next time.
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Run, start with 5km a day.
Do not eat junk food.
Spend less time looking at a screen.
Consider other hobbies, that do not involve looking at a screen.
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On July 25 2021 22:01 Garnet wrote:
I don't think I have "depression" or "autism" or any mental disease though.
You sound like you have autism if you didn't speak once all through middle school lol
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do your best in everything.
start with the basic as human, maximize each aspect of your daily routine in a good way, how many hours are you sleeping? is your food healthy? sports? studying/read something ? are you the best worker at job? how can you improve yourself? at the end of the day do you feel that it was really good day?
daily objectives, to do list, remove bad habits day by day, if you try this consciously probably you will success.
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EPT
