• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 21:24
CEST 03:24
KST 10:24
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
RSL Season 1 - Final Week6[ASL19] Finals Recap: Standing Tall12HomeStory Cup 27 - Info & Preview18Classic wins Code S Season 2 (2025)16Code S RO4 & Finals Preview: herO, Rogue, Classic, GuMiho0
Community News
Esports World Cup 2025 - Brackets Revealed10Weekly Cups (July 7-13): Classic continues to roll4Team TLMC #5 - Submission extension3Firefly given lifetime ban by ESIC following match-fixing investigation17$25,000 Streamerzone StarCraft Pro Series announced7
StarCraft 2
General
RSL Revival patreon money discussion thread Who will win EWC 2025? The GOAT ranking of GOAT rankings Weekly Cups (July 7-13): Classic continues to roll Esports World Cup 2025 - Brackets Revealed
Tourneys
FEL Cracov 2025 (July 27) - $8000 live event RSL: Revival, a new crowdfunded tournament series $5,100+ SEL Season 2 Championship (SC: Evo) WardiTV Mondays Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament
Strategy
How did i lose this ZvP, whats the proper response Simple Questions Simple Answers
Custom Maps
External Content
Mutation # 482 Wheel of Misfortune Mutation # 481 Fear and Lava Mutation # 480 Moths to the Flame Mutation # 479 Worn Out Welcome
Brood War
General
Flash Announces (and Retracts) Hiatus From ASL BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/ BW General Discussion Starcraft in widescreen A cwal.gg Extension - Easily keep track of anyone
Tourneys
[Megathread] Daily Proleagues Cosmonarchy Pro Showmatches CSL Xiamen International Invitational [BSL20] Non-Korean Championship 4x BSL + 4x China
Strategy
Simple Questions, Simple Answers I am doing this better than progamers do.
Other Games
General Games
Nintendo Switch Thread Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Path of Exile CCLP - Command & Conquer League Project The PlayStation 5
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
TL Mafia Community Thread Vanilla Mini Mafia
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread Russo-Ukrainian War Thread Stop Killing Games - European Citizens Initiative Summer Games Done Quick 2025! Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine
Fan Clubs
SKT1 Classic Fan Club! Maru Fan Club
Media & Entertainment
[Manga] One Piece Movie Discussion! Anime Discussion Thread [\m/] Heavy Metal Thread
Sports
Formula 1 Discussion TeamLiquid Health and Fitness Initiative For 2023 2024 - 2025 Football Thread NBA General Discussion NHL Playoffs 2024
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread
TL Community
The Automated Ban List
Blogs
Men Take Risks, Women Win Ga…
TrAiDoS
momentary artworks from des…
tankgirl
from making sc maps to makin…
Husyelt
StarCraft improvement
iopq
Trip to the Zoo
micronesia
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 735 users

Tales from the Borderline: Ride the Wave

Blogs > plasmidghost
Post a Reply
plasmidghost
Profile Blog Joined April 2011
Belgium16168 Posts
October 10 2020 01:10 GMT
#1
Preface:

This blog series will document my struggles with borderline personality disorder, among other mental health issues, as I start a new therapy style that's been shown to help significantly (dialectical behavioral therapy). I said that I would be leaving this site a while back in the midst of a particularly nasty BPD episode and felt too awkward to return for a while.

Anyway, on to the content (graphic suicide is discussed, so content warning for that):

A typical BPD episode for me looks like this. Sometimes, it's over quickly. Sometimes, it lasts for weeks.

"Hey sweetheart, how are you feeling?"

"Not that good."

Not that good? What's wrong with them? Did something happen? Did I... did I do something wrong? I must have done something wrong. Why else would they be upset? Quickly, quickly, what did I do today? What did I say today? Or was it yesterday? Think, Kasio, think. If you don't resolve this, you're going to lose them. Wouldn't be the first time you lost someone.

Wait, what am I thinking? Surely there's something else happening with them. Maybe stress at work? Maybe someone else said something that upset them? Yeah, that's probably it.

But what if it isn't? What if it actually was my fault? Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.

I can just ask them if it involved me.

But what if it goes wrong and upsets them? What if they're sick of me making it about myself? Just back away from them and let it resolve itself.

But if it's my fault, then what? I can't bear to lose them. How do I fix this? What if... what if I can't fix this? What if this is the straw that breaks the camel's back? Oh shit... it is, isn't it. It's finally happening. They're going to leave me. I just know it. They're tired of dealing with me and my stupid fucking BPD.

What's the point of even being romantically involved with anyone? Or even being friends with anyone? Why am I like this? What the fuck kind of trauma did I go through as a kid to have this hell on earth be my every waking moment? Was I just born this fucked up? Why... why... why do I even bother? It's the same shit every fucking day.

"Aren't you tired of the pain, Kasio? Aren't you tired of dealing with this?

Those pills on the nightstand look awfully tempting, Kasio.

Take them.

Just take them.

One.

By.

One.

You know you want to.

Don't want to choke to death, now do we? If you're going to die, at least let it be relatively painless.

Or should it be painful? After all, you do deserve pain for subjecting the people in your life to your unstable mental health. Your family. Your friends. Your co-workers. You partners. Think about what you've put them through. If you were more stable, who knows how great your life would be?

But you're not.

Now, those pills. Do something right for once in your life and stop hurting those around you."

Well, if I am going to die, then I should at least find out what caused their pain.

"Are you upset because of something I did?"

"What? No. It was just a shitty day at work."

Huh. What do you know. Guess I bought myself some time on this planet, at least until this happens again.

****
Yugoslavia will always live on in my heart
Serimek
Profile Joined August 2011
France2274 Posts
October 12 2020 14:47 GMT
#2
I wish you the best. And the best is definitely not to take pills.
SC2 is the best game to watch and was the best to play before I grew old and slow...
Hollow
Profile Blog Joined July 2005
Canada2180 Posts
Last Edited: 2020-10-19 23:22:05
October 19 2020 23:21 GMT
#3
Here's one of the most self-aware borderline I've ever seen. I've learned a lot from her videos.

https://www.youtube.com/user/ajmahari/featured


I think the sad truth is that for BPD, DBT will be very limited in its ability to heal you if you are in a romantic or pursing them. AJ Mahari credits her remission from BPD to celibacy, as do many others. Good luck with therapy!
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
PiGosaur Monday
00:00
#40
CranKy Ducklings166
EnkiAlexander 60
davetesta29
rockletztv 19
Liquipedia
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
Nina 184
RuFF_SC2 103
Livibee 84
CosmosSc2 59
StarCraft: Brood War
Leta 494
MaD[AoV]35
Icarus 5
Dota 2
NeuroSwarm121
League of Legends
Cuddl3bear2
Counter-Strike
Coldzera 216
Super Smash Bros
hungrybox436
Mew2King131
AZ_Axe68
Other Games
summit1g13604
shahzam857
Day[9].tv830
ViBE242
C9.Mang0200
Maynarde144
Trikslyr71
Organizations
Other Games
gamesdonequick3186
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
sctven
[ Show 15 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• Berry_CruncH138
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• sooper7s
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Migwel
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
StarCraft: Brood War
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
• BSLYoutube
League of Legends
• Doublelift4137
• TFBlade745
Other Games
• Scarra1180
• Day9tv830
Upcoming Events
uThermal 2v2 Circuit
14h 36m
Replay Cast
22h 36m
The PondCast
1d 8h
OSC
1d 11h
WardiTV European League
1d 14h
Replay Cast
1d 22h
Epic.LAN
2 days
CranKy Ducklings
3 days
Epic.LAN
3 days
CSO Contender
3 days
[ Show More ]
BSL20 Non-Korean Champi…
3 days
Bonyth vs Sziky
Dewalt vs Hawk
Hawk vs QiaoGege
Sziky vs Dewalt
Mihu vs Bonyth
Zhanhun vs QiaoGege
QiaoGege vs Fengzi
Sparkling Tuna Cup
4 days
Online Event
4 days
BSL20 Non-Korean Champi…
4 days
Bonyth vs Zhanhun
Dewalt vs Mihu
Hawk vs Sziky
Sziky vs QiaoGege
Mihu vs Hawk
Zhanhun vs Dewalt
Fengzi vs Bonyth
Esports World Cup
6 days
ByuN vs Astrea
Lambo vs HeRoMaRinE
Clem vs TBD
Solar vs Zoun
SHIN vs Reynor
Maru vs TriGGeR
herO vs Lancer
Cure vs ShoWTimE
Liquipedia Results

Completed

CSL 17: 2025 SUMMER
RSL Revival: Season 1
Murky Cup #2

Ongoing

JPL Season 2
BSL 2v2 Season 3
Copa Latinoamericana 4
Jiahua Invitational
BSL20 Non-Korean Championship
Championship of Russia 2025
FISSURE Playground #1
BLAST.tv Austin Major 2025
ESL Impact League Season 7
IEM Dallas 2025
PGL Astana 2025
Asian Champions League '25
BLAST Rivals Spring 2025
MESA Nomadic Masters

Upcoming

CSL Xiamen Invitational
CSL Xiamen Invitational: ShowMatche
2025 ACS Season 2
CSLPRO Last Chance 2025
CSLPRO Chat StarLAN 3
BSL Season 21
K-Championship
RSL Revival: Season 2
SEL Season 2 Championship
uThermal 2v2 Main Event
FEL Cracov 2025
Esports World Cup 2025
Underdog Cup #2
ESL Pro League S22
StarSeries Fall 2025
FISSURE Playground #2
BLAST Open Fall 2025
BLAST Open Fall Qual
Esports World Cup 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall Qual
IEM Cologne 2025
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2025 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.