Since then I came a long way. I think I’m a happier person then I was and I came to terms with who I am and what it means for me. A lot has happened and I’m glad I made it through. While I wouldn’t say I had depression since my blog posts, I was coming out of it not long before I wrote the blogs. It was period for me to form a sense of self I believe. Like many other schizoids, I struggled with depression for most of my life. It probably started when I was in 7th or 8th grade or so which was when the differences between me and my friends started to become apparent. So that’s like 10 years of constant depression and the various things that come with it. It was the first period in my life where things didn’t get in the way of finding who I am.
My family issues more or less have been resolved. I told my parents about me having SPD and they brushed it off and didn’t acknowledge it. So nothing new. They didn’t even ask a question about it or anything. After that, I steeled myself to stop trying with them and move on. Things won’t change or be any different. There’s only so many times you can hope for something and have nothing happen. I’ve been slowly getting more and more distant with them and it’s at the point where it’s only idle chit chat between us.
I actually got a girlfriend now surprisingly. After finding myself, I decided to get back in contact with an ex that I dated twice before. Once I wasn’t so muddle headed, I found my thoughts going back to her and how it could’ve been if I wasn’t closed off and distant. We celebrated our 3 year anniversary back in October and I still don’t know how she isn’t bored with me yet. It was hard being open with her at the beginning, but she was willing to be patient with me until I got to a point where I was comfortable sharing things and such. It’s probably the only reason I’ve been with her so long.
Lately I’ve been gaming and working for the family business while I learn Linux. I want to eventually become a systems admin. I figured that any job won’t ever excite me or anything, so I might as well do something I’m good at. So I’ve been self studying in my spare time which hasn’t been a lot since my last several months at work have been busy. The winters are quiet so I’ll have time to focus. I’ve been putting off going to the doctor to see if I really have ADHD. The symptoms have always been there just always had trouble admitting that I need help. Not sure what it is, but I’ve always wanted to ignore getting help for my problems if that wasn’t already evident.
A little side note, just wanted to say thanks for 12k blog views. I totally forgot about my blog posts here until I logged in and saw I had a private message. A girl sent me a PM back August and since I usually lurk while not being logged in, I never saw it. She told me that her boyfriend was diagnosed with SPD a couple days earlier. She was looking up information on it and didn’t find much apart from the standard DSM and ICD standard info on it. She told me she found my blogs on here in google and it helped her find ways to connect with her boyfriend since there’s not much personal information out there about it. I just thought it was cool that my blogs I wrote 4 years ago could help someone out. I was surprised to find that they’re not far behind Wikipedia and Mayoclinic for some searches about SPD.
Who knows, maybe it won’t be another 4 years until my next post.