You can't chage your face, you cant' change your height, you sometimes can't change how much your are inclined to involve in physical activites, you can't change how stupid you are. Can you change your stress and anxiety level? Can you really change your mindset about things, what if you are sick, what if others have been sick their whole life, even with therapy, even with medication? What happens when you live the best days of your life and you still feel miserable? That's when you realise, you'll be forever miserable and lonely, there is no changing that.
Then there is the dire realisation that something must change, and that something is you. So there is no "accept yourself" and "look for people who will accept you", because no one has accepted you as you were. That's when you have to part with yourself, what a sad realisation. You have never lived with somebody else than yourself, and yes you hate that person, but you got no one else, and now you have to give up on that person too? It's not a better you, it's just not you at all. While most people can be themselves or became a better self, you have to change completely, you are a complete failure, you've failed at being someone good and interesting, you are trash, you must be put aside. You read about three types of approach online, "bettering", accepting yourself and changing yourself. I think we can all agree on which one is the saddest. Through the years I've got a tad bitter at people living happily with their flawsful self, as some of my friend (or what I like to call my friends, a bunch of online stranger I talk to really) "not everyone hate themselves", that's true, and that's a weird thinking process to engage in, to think that some people are happy with being flawed. How can they live life without nurtuting some self hatred is beyong me. But I learnt that kind of stuff on the regular, when I was diagnosed depressed I learnt that many, perfectly common occurence to me, are completely wrong and that no sane person have these thoughts. Self hating is one of them. The next challenge in my life is exercising, but I have already some negative think about the whole ordeal, first I was fit and nothing was different, so why would it be different afterward? Secondly, some things will never change and people will always look down on me, no matter how fit I am. Third, it's just too damn hard, I have no discipline, no self control, and I'm lazy, that's me, that's the not accepting yourself part, I can't be myself because myself is a failure.
So is the next challenge to exercise, or to completely kill myself to be reborn at something else (metaphorically of course, not actually killing myself, that will come later in life, after many more failures and grief)?
I live too much based on what people expect of me, and what they think of me, of course you shouldn't take that into account, but how do this? How do you ignore the way people treat you, you have to be self conscious a little, I'm too much, but that's me, a whole lots of something, or barely nothing at all, almost all or nothing, always for the bad stuff...
Once again, I can't accept myself anymore, and there is no better version, I have to change, how when and to become what in the end, those are the questions, and I can't think of any positive outcome, I've come to like my self, as much as I hate it, I don't want to leave myself behind... leaving an abusive relationship is hard, harder when it's with yourself.
Because ultimately even though we're all on the same board, every person is their own King. It's important to empathize, it's important to be conscious of other people and be sociable.
But in your life, you're the most important piece on the field. Despite what others can do, how numerous they are, or how more useful they may seem, all of that Doesn't fucking matter. Because it is your life, and your life has the most value to yourself.
Fuck the pawns fuck the bishops fuck the rooks fuck the knights fuck the queen there's only one king
I think you should try to reframe how you look at intelligence and self discipline. Rather than seeing them as fixed qualities that make up your "self", recognize that they are things that fluctuate for everyone. I thought your poetry blog was an example of discipline... I can barely force myself to write poems even when I want to. Instead of trying to look at the end result of your working out, try to focus on the act of self discipline itself. It doesn't matter how infinitely fit you get or if people still look down on you (not in your control), what matters is choosing to do the work even though it is difficult. And you will feel better for exercising, it is just a fact... maybe you won't feel spectacular, but it will be better at least over time.
Anyway I can relate to self hatred and feeling hopeless. Try to be kind to yourself and keep looking for the small things that can make you happy.
I read your post earlier today and have been thinking about it in the afternoon and evening, wondering what I could say that would have any impact on you. Your words are familiar to me and yet diverge in many points. I can hear my own personality in your words and yet it has a different character. I'm a person who feels like he has gotten past depression, but I'm also still sad most of the time most days, so I don't quite have the right to tell you it's just an attitude problem or it's just temporary. When I let it all percolate in my mind, this is what feels most pertinent:
You're not broken because you're sad. You're not broken because you don't have a partner or you don't have many if any friends. You're not broken if you have trouble bonding with people, or if you eat badly, or if you masturbate too much or if you have trouble trusting people. There are lots of kind, intelligent, good people who have all these problems and others. Some of self-hate is just having a conscience. Another part of it is recognizing how important it is to be valued by others to get what you want, and having a mental tick that makes you jump to the conclusion everything bad that happens to you is your own fault or something intrinsic about you.
Life is suffering. But there is room for improvement, and you can find better strategies for opening yourself up to happiness and for dealing with sadness in a more healthy way. You don't have to stop being true to yourself to do this, or to pretend to be someone else. It is good to realise that even people who seem to have a lot of things you want have their sadness as well, and the things that make their lives difficult. That's what I mean by you're not broken because you're unhappy.
You're smart enough to think of any number of strategies to try to help yourself. You're clearly a deep thinking, still waters run deep sort of person. So I don't necessarily want to list off all the different ways we can try to improve our mood and outlook. The only one I want to point out is don't isolate yourself if you can help it. If even people like us, hopelessly awkward nerds on the internet, end up being drawn toward forums and making internet friends and playing social games, there is no denying that part of human happiness is engaging with other people. And I will point out that when you talk with people in person and hear them smile and laugh, you're way less likely to feel suspicious of whether they really like you or not.
For me, the negative thoughts about myself stopped when I met someone I really got along with in person. If you're like me, you will meet 100s of people you don't really connect with at all before you meet one who seems to get you. And it is depressing going through all those people, but once you meet one person who likes you, it becomes a lot harder to think "no one likes me" forever after, even after life circumstances make you go your separate ways. So you know... Don't be so sure everything is forever. Sometimes you just have to roll the dice enough to get the result you want. Sometimes the changes you want are just gradual.
On June 18 2018 02:58 CHEONSOYUN wrote: Because ultimately even though we're all on the same board, every person is their own King. It's important to empathize, it's important to be conscious of other people and be sociable.
But in your life, you're the most important piece on the field. Despite what others can do, how numerous they are, or how more useful they may seem, all of that Doesn't fucking matter. Because it is your life, and your life has the most value to yourself.
Fuck the pawns fuck the bishops fuck the rooks fuck the knights fuck the queen there's only one king
Hi, so sorry you can't see it right now.. but you are wrong!
You can change your face, your weight, size of your nose d ck or ego.. WITH help, you can change absolutely anything full disclosure, you can change everything but that feeling, sorry.
That feeling is yours to produce or not, and only your unconscious yet constant desire to be happy rather than sad will make a difference.
That feeling may leave you a bit but possibly it will never. That said you can be happier, you can be happy as never before.
The ins and outs getting to that is solely hope enough to try getting there.. no?
And.. ....surprise! .. trying to get there is the whole goal, not the finish line.. the sheer will to be someone else, someone you would like is hard to maintain but you don't need to be a hero every second of every day of your life...
Good luck, have fun! If you ever feel the wheels coming off, just drop me a line and i'll show you the funny and try and get you back on the road more properly (forums can only go so far) <3
On June 21 2018 06:41 fluidrone wrote: size of your nose d ck or ego.. WITH help, you can change absolutely anything
Noses a lot of people who get "nose jobs" or plastic surgery to fundamentally alter the shape of their nose end up with respiratory tract issues later on in life. the nose is cartilage that continues to slowly grow throughout your entire life. The entire breathing apparatus is one cohesive unit. Alter the nose and nothing else and you upset the intricate balance of your respiratory system. Oxygen is more critical than water, food or sex. 5 minutes without oxygen and you're dead. Decrease oxygen supply by even 25% and you're in a diminished position
ever check out the noses of the best athletes? most if not all have huge noses and it allows them to bring a tonne of oxygen very quickly. on some "hollywood" level maybe that huge nose looks ugly... but damn.. it gets the job done when it comes to inhaling huge amounts of oxygen.
Height Full Disclosure: i'm 6'1". the taller you are the better the chance of developing blood clots. Tall people have worse orthopaedic injuries than short people. Tall people do not live as long as short people.
Physical Power very powerful men have low endurance. what you gain in power.. you lose in endurance. Fast twitch muscles burn out fast. Slow twitch muscles can go on and on and on.
Balance.. Balance.. Balance every physical attribute a human possesses is a "give and take". what you gain in 1 area you lose in another area.
so quit whining dude.. and get off your ass and get the most out of the unique mix of genetics you've been gifted.
EPT
