EPTIt's June 4th, and you know what that means!! June the fourth be with you! I hated TLJ!!! It was the worstest one in the huge whole frigging universal multiverse. So excited for the Bobba Fett movie though, as he is my flavorite character ever in any movie. Don't beliee me? Here is my list of top ten chars in movie cinema sin historical history:
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1. bobba Fett (STAR WARS)
2. max (CATS DON'T DANCE)
3. Hunch (ROCK-A-DOODLE)
4. Bernie (WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S)
5. Andy (MAN ON THE MOON)
6. Michael Moore (BOWLING FOR SICKOBINE)
7. Italian Shop Keeper (GIRL INTERRUPTED)
8. Fox (ANTICHRIST)
9. Shrek (SHREK 3)
10. Nezir (TAKEN)
Lettuce talk about Zerg, which isn't technically a race. It's an ethnicity. When playing Zerg, players attempt to cougulate the loss of drones through prophylactic expansionism, which denies the thematic initiative of interpositional/hyperoffensive paradigms for "swarm" races in RTS games. This failure of realization of thematic initiative makes playing Zerg extrinsically backwards. Consider that Terran begins each match with a cost-value of 600 (400 Command Center + 200 SCV), Protoss begins each match with a cost-value of 600 (400 Nexus + 200 Probe), whereas Zerg starts with a cost value of only 600 (300 Hatchery + 200 Drone + 100 Overlord), which contradicts Zerg's internal teleological initiatives.
So what's the solution here?
Let's go back to the discussion about cost-values, which appear to be equality-oriented from a purely linear perspective, but from a supply-value, Terran has 10 supply for 1 cc, Protoss has 10 supply for 1 nexus, and Zerg has 9 supply for 1 hatchery (for a value of 1) and 1 overlord (for a value of 8), which means Zerg's 600-mineral cost-value initiation yields a 10% deficit compared to their counterparts.
Now imagine if...
Zerg started with 2 Overlord + 1 and one half hatcheries + 4 broodlings (take drones out of the game) = 600 minerals, 8 supply value
Protoss started with a Nexus and 6 probes = 700 cost-value
Terran started with a Command Center, (but it can't float, because that allows Terran to use their initial CC for scouting purposes) + 6 SCVs = 700 cost-value
The dynamic offensive philosophy behind the Overlord would change it to not producing supply, but landing and producing a small amount of creep around the area where it lands. When Ultralisks run up a ramp, they should be able to launch themselves into the air from the strength of their legs, allowing them to latch onto air units and tear them apart in mid-air. I told this to my cousin, now he can't even think straight. The imperative of the phenomenalist sacrificialism utilized by Zerg could remain as a tactical gambit, but Zerglings should be unlocked by the Evolution chamber (thematic defensive ability) and the Spawning Pool should give upgrades that allow Overlords to spawn broodlings (transmutational expressionism) which means the Queen is relegated to a role where it can burrow underground and fire some kind of disintegration laser right into the middle of the opponent's goddamn base.
This could really mess up the current meta... which is why I've only proposed modest changes to be tested, then the major shit will be added on incrementally, like Lurkers being able to morph to a third form when Zerg reaches Hive that allows them teleport when they have less than 10 health.
The overarching dilemma for Zerg is that drones are sacrificed forever when they die and become structures. This is a zugzwangesque macroeconomic crutch. The intrinsic finality of drone sacrifice violates the first rule of Zerg Philosophy, Universal Dynamic Thematic Inflation. When we delve into Zerg theory, we can infer that Zerg really should have three stages of Spire: Great Spire, Greater Spire, and Greatest Spire, where the mutalisk can become a guardian or devourer, and then a guardian can become an abhorrentalisk or a malevolenisk, and the devourer can morph into the desecrator, or into the deflowerer.
Now consider how Zerg starting with 1 and 1/2 hatcheries would change the game: if we graph the growth of Terran, Protoss, and Zerg on equal bases under the current system, we run into a conundrum: Zerg drones must inevitably be expunged from their fold, and are limited by larvae, whereas Protoss and Terran delimiting exponential deterrent to their own inflation. To nullify the paradigm of the Zerg y-slope decline in favor of teching, this gaping hole must be filled by a huge solution, and that solution will come.
Currently, the real controversy in StarCraft is that Zerglings' utility comes from their ability to supplement the utility of drones 100% efficiency. STARCRAFT IS BROKEN AND I DEMAND GRANT DAVIES FIX THIS NOW.
I've decided to smoke a bunch of
The new race is called "Teal Protoss", which is like regular Protoss, only teal. Here are the units I came up with:
Ground Units
Flame tank
Nautilus
Heavenly Crescent
Hyper Tank
Stalker
Vanquisher
Advanced Vanquisher
Hydraroach
Laser Cannon
Laser Helicopter
Commissar
Hell-Opener
Silencer
Krogoth
Rancor
Flamethrower Tank
Ice Tank
Zeus
Mystic
Psychic Tank
Snake
Dolphin
Triceratops
Phalanx
Mobile Force-field
Guardian
Air Units
F-22
Ice Plane
Flying Zealot
Fathership
Missile Helicopter
Flame Helicopter
Brothership
Cousinship
Second-Cousin-Twice-Removedship
Weather Balloon
Orbital Satellite
Transport Helicopter
Forger
Laser Plane
Gun Plane
Medium Bomber
Slightly-Less-Than-Medium Bomber
Magic Carpet Rider
Sorcerer
"The Bear"
Heavy Gunboat
Torpedo Bomber
Vamp
Psychic Energy Rocket (it is a guided rocket that explodes and unleashes a psychic blast)
Buildings
Flame bunker
Gun tower
Runway
Control Tower
Cortium Silo
Meat Processing Factory
Flame tower
Barracks
Laser Cannon
Stationary Artillery
Hurricane
Propaganda Sign (boosts morale)
Psychic Garden
Coal Power Plant
Gold Mine
Stock Exchange
Marketplace
Temple
Xel'Naga Flame Tower
Observatory
Airport
Luxury Hotel
Telephone Booth
