- 8 years elementary school
- 4 years high school
- 2 years sitting around/studying for college entry exams
- 4 years of college
- 3 years working
- 1 year mandatory military service
I'm nearing the end of the last year I mentioned above. I'm thinking about where to go from here. It seems I was always obligated to do what I did until today. Finally in my life, in a couple months, I will be free to do whatever I want, steer my life wherever I wish.
When you feel you don't have much choice, you also feel you are not much responsible. You are just doing whatever you have to. Yes you can do it better or worse (study harder in college), but that often doesn't matter much.
Now I will be free but I will be responsible too. What should I do to not feel my life wasted when I get older? Should I chase my dreams now that I have better means and maturity to realize them?
My dreams became less attractive as I see the truth about them. I always thought I'd be a scientist because I like to learn how things work and how I can improve them. But the endless hours of grinding to please your thesis supervisor, writing reports that have to be in certain format even certain font size, being almost forced to research a subject you are not interested in.. doesnt feel worth my hard earned freedom.
Sure I can go back to 9-6 work. It is sometimes fun but often the most effective life waster.
I'm planning not doing anything for a while and just think. I will probably get bored and depressed then eventually go back to work 
|
you must have read much about what makes "success" in the world right?
i myself stopped at the start of step 4 in order to pursue something different. if i were to expand on that, it was to do something i thought would teach responsibility and bring me to an ultimate goal (have a family).
i believe to not feel your life wasted is just the opposite: to feel fulfillment and cause for what you end up doing.
there's empty time when you're likely thinking about what you're doing while you must perform something menial, but i think even that can be packed with useful action.
the old adage goes somewhat like, if you reach for the stars, you will at least come up closer to doing it. you'll be somewhere even if your idea was slightly unrealistic.
similarly, if you don't let yourself idle, you're thinking about habits and what you make of your time.
you will still let yourself be lazy sometimes or use time to relax and empty yourself, but other times you have a second approach to maximizing on what you can do and i feel this is a strong approach when you're not sure what road to take.
that itself is fulfillment to me; that i did my best and continue to think about doing better somehow.
it eventually becomes a background process for what you actually end up doing when you need your full concentration.
i don't really click with the idea of being bored, because there's always something to be done or discovered even in tiny personalized bits.
but really, we're just doing things that bring us further away from our fears, like being alone/haggard/with unrespect for example.
wish you luck an excitement.
|
EPT
