EPTIt has been a while since I blogged here. I encourage you to read my past blogs - I cringe even looking at them but so many recognizable members of the TL community commented and talked on them that I feel they must stay up.
TL;DR current life situation
Senior in College
Music Education Major
Not unattractive, Not super attractive(this is important later)
4.5k in dota, Good at sc2(can play brutal coop and do brutal campaign without using save, don't have the time to ladder), lichess 1600 classical
Currently following chess, dota, sc2
Just got out of a 2 year relationship(end of freshman year start end of junior year end) with a girl. Worked over the summer in a different state and had fun, am sufficiently over her - I broke up with her anyhow so there's no feeling of abandonment or not being good enough that I could have.
Career wise, I will leave where I am at college and probably go teach for five years for the loan forgiveness you are given. I thought I was going to college debt free(my mom told people in front of me that my college was paid for by both of my parents) but it turned out that only my dad paid his side and my mom made a deal with my oldest brother that she never told me about where I would have 20k in student loan debt....so...yeah. Sucks but those emotions have been dealt with: the net result is that I must work fullytime for five years because the US gov will basically make me debt free(and my income will solve any extra few thousand)
To girl or not to girl
Girls require a lot of time. Most don't want to be living onaholes, so they normally are looking for dating so that they can "connect emotionally", feel valued, be respected, and get banged in a classy way.
Believe me, I am capable of providing that. I don't think I want to. I just want someone to come over and sleep with me, eat a meal, leave and let me do my stuff that I gotta do(work or leisure). I may not even mind a social engagement once a week. Those boundaries seem about impossible in college - I recognize this relationship could and probably does exist for someone somewhere.
So, what do I end up doing(that relates to girls in some way)?
Currently I am calorie counting and eating 1700 calories a day just so I don't have a stomach(I'm used to eating what I want, unfortunately it gives me a bit of a gut so I decided to cut that). I also hit the gym doing powerlifts 5x5 three times a week...the main goal being that being healthy and attractive has benefits in dealing with other people and overall longevity, the side goal being that I have those urges that make me want a girl and I know my physical appearance will help with that. I also am attempting nofap because I am socially better when I don't fap....just kind of a noticeable thing that I've established over two years of testing. Never really succeeding at nofap for more than 7 days there but gotta build up the mindset.
The main problem is that ALL my actions/characteristics point towards getting a girl in the next 5 years
-Steady job in one location
-Healthy, fit, somewhat muscular
-Horny
-Single, somewhat attractive
I guess I idolize that period after college where you have your job figured out, no loans or massive monthly payments that mean you MUST work for as much money as possible, and the possibility of directing some of your free time towards hobbies that could turn into lifetime careers(like making music, singing art songs, playing dota or sc2 professionally, being a chess GM).
Girls will ruin this for me. Some of my limited time now will go them and deflect from my hobbies and musical growth, and in the future I doubt I'll find a girl who wants a relationship with static amounts of commitment(like perma-dating) and kids are lights out for my priorities - I would focus on my kids until they are 18 and raise them well.
So uh TL, you hole in the wall of the internet, what do you think I should do? Ignore girls and just work on myself until age 30? Date around and just be really good at establishing boundaries and avoiding long term commitment?
