Psychology, intended as its original meaning, the study of the connection of the soul and the body;

Dealing with your own Life, what is it all about;

Living the fullest potential of yourself, while respecting others in the process;
The way i am experiencing the world today is different from 10 years ago. It is neither better, nor worse. Just it feels more like i am myself; being yourself has been the biggest challenge for me. But also my biggest objective. For this i have pulled myself out of my comfort zone many times during these years.
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Now being yourself, is what we all are when we are born into this world. If the world would be only made of ourselves, we would keep being that without a problem. With other people and society around, our core being puts on protections and develops believe systems that are not our own. The enemy in such a way is not only those who we perceive alarmingly, but also our own friends and family, colleagues, dates. The cause for them pushing a believe system on us may also be done with good intensions.
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We are all human after all
Understanding why those belief systems are part of us now, challenging them, removing or giving them back and living out our own true belief systems.
Removing fears and phobias, creating a healthy balance between the mind, the heart and the stomach. Surrounding yourself and putting yourself in an environment where it is easier to fully blossom.
All these things can take a lifetime to change, years, or even seconds at times. They are conditioned by what is your real motivation, what survival strategies are persisting today, how much you perceiver to your inner goals.
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Surviving is not living
Surviving is a loop into which you get stuck when you are not able to image any other possibility; whether we believe it or not, we always have a choice, but due to our own believe system, our past, our remote past and people who influence our lives, we could be unable to image any other thing. Anything is possible if we can image it to be so. The result will mostly likely be something different than we imagined it to be. But the very process of imagining it has moved us forward and out of the surviving loop.
When you are living your life, you are accepting what comes your way, whenever it is healthy and or profitable for you and those you care for around you. You are satisfying your deepest needs at the level you can right now. It doesn' t feel good. It is good.

Feeling is not thinking
Understanding can come from a book, a memory, an experience, a dream. Feeling something is not thinking about it. Its just acknowledging its presence. Knowing it is there right now. Then understanding of why it is there. The finding a way to go throught with the feeling until there is acceptance or release, or both. And then, after the acceptance, there should be thinking of how we got into a position that we are feeling that feeling.
This occurs naturally when we are laughing and having a good time.
When we are having a bad time on the other hand, we seek a quick fix to numb the feeling and not deal with it right now.

Being right now
There are no good or bad people. Life is not about being happy every single moment of your existance. There is no single human being that is perfect in every way. What you create in your mind, in your actions and in your body makes who you are and what world you are living in. The more you are being in the moment, the more you are acting, thinking, being clearly and reasonably. When we are being rude, we get some kind of response. When we are being kind, we get some kind of response.
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Blaming and forgiving, and the 'i m sorry trick'
Its natural to blame and forgive. At the end of the day, if we are still there in that position, whether doing or receiving things that we percieve as wrong and unhealthy for the mind and body, we are doing so because we percieve that its worth it, that there is some other element involved that is worth the taking or giving damage part. It can be self defense mechanism from the past, that now is causing more damage than it is really helping, but our deeper self does not understand that things have changed and we are in a different position now. I' m sorry by itself means i' m sorry.

I' m sorry, it won' t happen again. Why does it happen again then?
When a person is saying this phrase, most likely they have not changed.
There may be a period, and then it happens all over again. And they give you a reason and an excuse why it happened.
This is what is resonating in the brain of the person, but what you are not being told: i am sorry, but this is the way i cope with this, i don t want it to be like this but i am not willing to put in the hard work to change myself, so i hope you will accept that i just will do this less often and hopefully you will learn to cope with it.

Changing
Determination. Motivation. Possibilities. Consistency. Understanding.
I' m sorry, i would like to hear and listen what was your experience on the matter. Pause . I' m working on myself and trying my best to understand the reasons, the dinamics and what brings me to doing that. this is the first step.

These are two general situations. Every person is different and all the dynamics involved are different. It could be that they are not wrong, but we are not willing to accept that personality trait of theirs. It could be that they are wrong. It could be many many different things all intertwined, like it often is.

Bottom line, it is not your choice to make. It is theirs and theirs alone, no matter how much you care, worry for them and or yourself. This works the other way around too. No one can make you change. It is your choice and yours alone, whatever is the thing about yourself you decide or not to change.

Fight, flight or freeze
These are the 3 reactions you have in front of a situation like this. Whatever the reaction, the real reaction is coming back to that or not. Are you going back no matter what? This means that the dynamic involved has something to do with your belief system, not theirs.
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Personally i believe that everybody has the potential to be fully themselves. I also believe that not everyone is interested in doing so. Its a life choice. It involves sacrifices, failing, doing your best and getting in the game. Yours is going to be different. Everybody's liFe is different. Even two people with the same problem react differently, cause experience, past, and core being are different. For me personally it has always been worth it at the end of the day.

End of part 1

JimmyJRaynor

Canada12847 Posts

August 27 2016 18:45 GMT

this book helped my a lot.
[image loading]

unfortunately, many north american politicians pander to interest groups that want their particular group to have zero accountability.

good luck this year.

pebble444

Italy2053 Posts

August 27 2016 20:30 GMT

On August 28 2016 03:45 JimmyJRaynor wrote:
this book helped my a lot.
[image loading]

unfortunately, many north american politicians pander to interest groups that want their particular group to have zero accountability.

good luck this year.

Thanks; i will order it online; thats another aspect, taking responsibility over our own actions; we think we know best and our the judges of other peoples life; and that what we are doing is the best for everyone; i guess knowing these things earlier does not make it life itself. Thats for us to live.

CosmicSpiral

United States10791 Posts

August 27 2016 23:47 GMT

I think self-esteem is somewhat overrated as a marker for psychological health. Surely there's some merit in the negation of self emphasized in Eastern philosophies?

JimmyJRaynor

Canada12847 Posts

August 28 2016 03:17 GMT

Excessive and inappropriate self-absorption is symptomatic of poor self-esteem, not high self-esteem. If there is something we are confident about, we do not obsess about it – we get on with living.

pebble444

Italy2053 Posts

August 28 2016 12:03 GMT

On August 28 2016 08:47 CosmicSpiral wrote:
I think self-esteem is somewhat overrated as a marker for psychological health. Surely there's some merit in the negation of self emphasized in Eastern philosophies?

I don t understand what is your point? Please elaborate. What i get from this is that by living more self-lessly we are living in a more harmonious way with ourselves. This is easier said than done. It takes time and effort to have the discipline to be self-less, it doesn t happen overnight. But if proper effort is put in this way, it gives the results and they show

pebble444

Italy2053 Posts

August 28 2016 12:10 GMT

On August 28 2016 12:17 JimmyJRaynor wrote:
Excessive and inappropriate self-absorption is symptomatic of poor self-esteem, not high self-esteem. If there is something we are confident about, we do not obsess about it – we get on with living.

When you are going throught things you have to be self-absorbed to some degree. My struglle is being myself, and living in or throught the past does not help that at all. Too much self absortion. Living and doing things while being self absorbed is a very powerfull combination. On the other hand, ging on without opening, cleaning and healing old wounds and moving on, is counter productive. Chances are that these things will come out at a later stage in our lives. But this is a personal choice.
Still, a balance beetwen getting on with things and reflecting is the best combination to be doing. Again, theory differs from practice. Putting time and effort with consistency is the way to go about this.

JimmyJRaynor

Canada12847 Posts

August 28 2016 21:19 GMT

fully healing from wounds and/or trauma is important. after the healing is done continued "excavation" is counter productive.

for example, a girl i know was molested by her grandfather healed from it; many of her friends who have their own personal agenda want her to run around with the victim label plastered on her forehead and constantly talk about it non-stop.

pebble444

Italy2053 Posts

August 28 2016 22:00 GMT

On August 29 2016 06:19 JimmyJRaynor wrote:
fully healing from wounds and/or trauma is important. after the healing is done continued "excavation" is counter productive.

for example, a girl i know was molested by her grandfather healed from it; many of her friends who have their own personal agenda want her to run around with the victim label plastered on her forehead and constantly talk about it non-stop.

The first phrase is really important to me right now. It means a lot to me. Thank you;

In the case of this girl, what they are doing with their agenda is re-traumatizing; unless she feels the need to bring it up, and in that case working with a therapist would be better, or at least talking and exchanging with friends in a private 1on1 enviroment, they should know better and respect her friends boundories. But people to deal with other peoples problems instead of their own. Its more easy to handle, sure. If someone is insisting chances are that the person insisting has a similar trauma of their own. Or they hate the grandfather for this or another reason. Without that person speaking up as to what is her real problem, it is impossible to pin-point the the actual problem; these that i mentioned are just imaginary scenarios.