• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EST 14:32
CET 20:32
KST 04:32
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
[ASL22] Finals Preview: Sweet Victory!12[ASL22] Ro4 Preview: Mirror Mirror6[ASL22] Ro8 Preview: Within Reach5[ASL22] Ro8 Preview: In A Tizzy11[ASL22] Ro16 Preview: Holy Diver5
Community News
Weekly Cups (Oct 26 - Nov 1): MaxPax, herO, Solar win0Weekly Cups (October 19-25): Clem triples first in 5.0.175Evil Geniuses - shutting down23ISSL (IntoTheTV x SOOP SC2 League): Premier7Weekly Cups (October 12-18): 5.0.17 era begins1
StarCraft 2
General
Username Change Request - Toxickej Kapr No more SC2 streamers on team liquid? [D] Hacker peak in sc2 ? Liquibets sc2 season 30 Evil Geniuses - shutting down
Tourneys
Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament WardiTV Mondays ISSL (IntoTheTV x SOOP SC2 League): Premier Stellar Fest TWO the Moon (Dec 16-20) RSL goes to London! 2026 Offline Finals Nov 21-22
Strategy
[H] ZvP Mid-Late Game: Stalkers Collossi HT
Custom Maps
Starcraft 2 Advance [D] the control group Simple Questions/Answers [G] How to playtest arcade maps
External Content
Mutation # 550 Graveyard Shift The PondCast: SC2 News & Results Mutation # 549 Endless Sparkles Mutation # 548 Shining Bright
Brood War
General
BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/ Sagi.gg Launcher Released Top Players of October 2026 (EBPD Rankings) BW General Discussion Rollback Netcode in Brood War
Tourneys
[Megathread] Daily Proleagues KCM Race Survival 2026 Season 4 [Mixed-Gender CK] Rush+4 vs Best+4 [BSL23] RO24 Group F - Sunday 21:00 CET
Strategy
50,000-Word Terran Builds Memo 2026-10-22 Cliff Jump Revisited (1 in a 1000 strategy) Simple Questions, Simple Answers
Other Games
General Games
Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Nintendo Switch Thread Deus Ex 3!? Mobile Legends: Bang Bang Armies of Exigo - YesYes?
Dota 2
Dota 2 Champions League Season 3 Begins April 25!
League of Legends
[TL LoL EUW IHs] Teemo shall perish
Heroes of the Storm
Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug
TL Mafia
TL Mafia Community Thread
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread Canadian Politics Mega-thread Russo-Ukrainian War Thread Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine The Chess Thread
Fan Clubs
Fan Club Resource Thread Reynor Fan Club The Flash Fan Club
Media & Entertainment
Anime Discussion Thread Movie Discussion! [Manga] One Piece
Sports
Football (Soccer) Thread TeamLiquid Health and Fitness Initiative For 2023 MLB/Baseball 2023
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread
TL Community
Recent Gifted Posts
Blogs
Why I built Repalyzer (1.1.…
BlueStar
Innovate or Game Over?
TrAiDoS
ShieldBattery on Mac
Kraekkling
[ASL22] Ro4 Day1 Ticket Giv…
bITt.mAN
Can Bots Beat Pros?? Starcr…
namkraft
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 10082 users

Beta Readers?

Blogs > blade55555
Post a Reply
blade55555
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
United States17423 Posts
Last Edited: 2016-03-28 06:58:09
March 28 2016 03:31 GMT
#1
Hi everyone. My last Blog I posted was about me finishing the first draft of my book. Well I have done a couple edits and now I need some Beta readers.

I still have more fleshing out to do detail wise, grammar mistakes in there, but I mainly need some feedback on the pacing, is it to fast? to slow? Does it make no sense? Scenes that you think are pointless, etc.

Anyone who is up for this please either reply below or PM me directly. For anyone interested I have a description of what the book is about.

At the moment it's 119613 words, so it's a lot.


Galactic Conflicts: First Contact description
+ Show Spoiler +
In the outer edges of known space, the communications have been cut off without warning. There was a brief transmission of trouble and then nothing. The Alliance has tasked the Orlion Academy to investigate what is going on as scout ships have been going missing.

The Orlion Academy sends two groups to investigate what is going on. Master Yulara was sent to the planet Verroc six months ago due to a feeling something bad was going to happen and has now lost contact. On the Planet Sarus two members have lost contact and reported missing. Master Drass and the knight Kurvara have been reported as missing, possibly dead.


That's a brief description of the book. I imagine anyone who does read it will see certain influences for sure on some ideas .

Also if anyone knows where I can get an editor please let me know! I am not rich, but I will pay to have this done, along with a Book cover if anyone knows any artists interested in that.

My goal is to have this book completely done by June, but we'll see! Thanks for all those who are interested ^_^.

*****
When I think of something else, something will go here
Walnuts
Profile Joined March 2012
United States770 Posts
March 28 2016 05:28 GMT
#2
So... Is this set in the Star Wars universe or not?

If it's not, you should probably not use the name Anakin; the master/apprentice stuff can be a nice homage but naming one of your characters something that familiar will just make people stop thinking about your story and start think about Star Wars.

I would read, but have no time with school right now. Sorry.
Gandalf on balance: "It's always darkest before the dawn"
blade55555
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
United States17423 Posts
Last Edited: 2016-03-28 06:40:56
March 28 2016 05:37 GMT
#3
Hm yeah I have thought about that issue with the name. I just have always liked that name, but I may or may not change it. Definitely things I have thought about, the joys .

To answer your questions though no it's not in the star wars universe. There are a couple similarities, but for the most part not really. There's magic like shooting fire/lightning or manipulating the elements, etc. More of a "realism" in the sense that it takes a lot of energy to do that, getting shot will be just as deadly as someone who chooses not to use magic (It's a hard thing to learn, everyone is capable).

I should probably come up with a better description, as that probably doesn't do a good enough job explaining it .
When I think of something else, something will go here
Qwyn
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States2781 Posts
March 28 2016 06:47 GMT
#4
Definitely change it ahah, that name might as well be copyrighted.
"Think of the hysteria following the realization that they consciously consume babies and raise the dead people from their graves" - N0
blade55555
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
United States17423 Posts
March 28 2016 06:58 GMT
#5
I edited the description so we can get away from the name, I still have names to change/etc and don't want the focus to be on that .
When I think of something else, something will go here
_fool
Profile Joined February 2011
Netherlands686 Posts
March 28 2016 10:55 GMT
#6
Sounds cool. PM'd you.
"News is to the mind what sugar is to the body"
Tufas
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
Austria2259 Posts
Last Edited: 2016-03-30 19:56:47
March 30 2016 19:54 GMT
#7
Hey I would like to read it, but I may not be what you are looking for.
The description already made me pause and I had to rewrite it ...

ORIGINAL
In the outer edges of known space, the communications have been cut off without warning. There was a brief transmission of trouble and then nothing. The Alliance has tasked the Orlion Academy to investigate what is going on as scout ships have been going missing.

The Orlion Academy sends two groups to investigate what is going on. Master Yulara was sent to the planet Verroc six months ago due to a feeling something bad was going to happen and has now lost contact. On the Planet Sarus two members have lost contact and reported missing. Master Drass and the knight Kurvara have been reported as missing, possibly dead.



rough first draft - but it really needs to be changed .. I may have gone over the top though.


MY FIRST VERSION
Abrupt silence succeeds warnings of rising turmoil on the fringe of the galaxy and disappearing scout ships compel the Alliance to petition Orlion Academy with investigating the ever rising irregularities.

Harrowing premonitions already drove Master Yulara to depart for Verroc half a year ago but has since lost contact.
Two groups are sent to investigate and as Master Drass and Knight Kurava are reported missing and possiby dead on Sarus,
things take a turn for the worse...




★★★★★ "Best book I ever read !" - Tufas , book connoisseur




If you still want to "work" with me, give me a pm

edit: You asked for help with pacing, I failed at reading ....
Where is my ACE flair
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
Next event in 3h 28m
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
mouzHeroMarine 541
MindelVK 17
EnDerr 7
StarCraft: Brood War
Mini 471
Dewaltoss 137
actioN 114
firebathero 89
Zeus 52
Bale 29
Aegong 25
Sharp 22
Dota 2
qojqva3185
Counter-Strike
pashabiceps1507
Heroes of the Storm
Liquid`Hasu347
Other Games
tarik_tv5885
Grubby2173
FrodaN866
ceh9649
Liquid`RaSZi485
ODPixel211
monkeys_forever195
byalli191
Fuzer 164
PiGStarcraft134
ArmadaUGS125
C9.Mang0125
XaKoH 120
syndereN116
KnowMe108
Pyrionflax88
QueenE78
420jenkins76
Mew2King60
Trikslyr54
NeuroSwarm53
UpATreeSC46
Railgan19
JuggernautJason18
capcasts17
Organizations
Counter-Strike
PGL173
[ Show 19 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• StrangeGG 62
• Adnapsc2 13
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• Laughngamez YouTube
• Migwel
StarCraft: Brood War
• 80smullet 8
• Pr0nogo 1
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
League of Legends
• Nemesis1849
• Jankos1443
• TFBlade711
Other Games
• imaqtpie825
• Shiphtur556
• WagamamaTV242
Upcoming Events
OSC
3h 28m
IntoTheTV X SOOP
1d 15h
Reynor vs Solar
ByuN vs SHIN
Clem vs MaxPax
herO vs Rogue
IPSL
1d 21h
WorsT vs nOmaD
Dewalt vs andersOn
AI Arena Tournament
1d 23h
IntoTheTV X SOOP
2 days
IPSL
2 days
Azhi_Dahaki vs ggnore13
Double vs WIZARD
Replay Cast
3 days
Replay Cast
4 days
Sparkling Tuna Cup
4 days
WardiTV Invitational
4 days
YoungYakov vs Lambo
SHIN vs TBD
Percival vs Shameless
Solar vs TBD
[ Show More ]
PiGosaur Cup
5 days
The PondCast
6 days
KCM Race Survival
6 days
WardiTV Invitational
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Proleague 2026-11-04
Blizzard Classic Cup 2026
HCC Season 3

Ongoing

Acropolis #5
KCM Race Survival 2026 Season 4
International ShieldBattery League
BSL Season 23
IPSL Winter 2026-27
Calamity Cup Div. A Season 8
IEM Beijing 2026
PGL Masters Bucharest 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 5
1win Private Club #2
Thunderpick World Champ. '26
ESL Pro League Season 24
Stake Ranked Episode 4
1win Private Club #1
Logitech G Play Connect 2026
SL StarSeries Fall 2026
FISSURE Playground #3
BLAST Open Fall 2026
Esports World Cup 2026

Upcoming

1xBet Invitational
SC4ALL II: Brood War
BSL 23: Non-Korean Championship
HSC XXX
Stellar Fest 2: Lunar Cup
SC4ALL II: StarCraft II
Kung Fu Cup 2026 Grand Finals
RSL Offline Finals
Underdog Cup 2026 Div 2-3
PGL Bucharest 2027
BLAST Bounty Winter 2027
eXTREMESLAND 2026
PGL Major Singapore 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 6
BLAST Rivals Fall 2026
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2026 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.