• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
TeamLiquid Liquipedia LiquidDota LiquidLegends
EDT 14:44
CEST 20:44
KST 03:44
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
WTL 2022 Summer - Week 2 Recap & Week 3 Preview8Rogue wins 4th GSL Code S Championship53Road to CCL S4: A World without Drafts1WTL 2022 Summer - Week 1 Recap & Week 2 Preview11Code S Season 1 Finals: Creator vs Rogue Preview32
Community News
DHM Valencia: Regionals Group Draw10Elazer Joins Team Liquid42[BSL15] Asia Championship - 16 - 22 May on Trovo3ESL Open #122: ByuN, Clem, Cure win1[BSL15] RO16 Groups, Maps, Schedule and more!9
StarCraft 2
General
DHM Valencia: Regionals Group Draw Elazer Joins Team Liquid Rogue wins 4th GSL Code S Championship What balance / design changes do you want to see? Why you should boycott the GSL
Tourneys
[GdA] Noob Tournament (Bronze to 3.8k) GdA-Night Tournament Good Game Cup 23 - Astrea, DRG, Nice, ByuN ITaX Super Series#79 - Cure, Solar, Creator & soO Afreeca World 94!
Strategy
What is the math on 17 nexus vs 20 nexus? Calling out PiG and Winter [G] PvZ: Nexus First into Dark Templar Drop [G] PvZ Cheese: +1 Zealot Dance Party
Custom Maps
[M] (2) Altitude StarLance | Extension Mod – Multiplayer LotV
External Content
Mutation # 317 Price of Progress Mutation # 316 Fright nigh Mutation # 315 Chilling Adaptation Mutation # 314 Wheel of Misfortune:Cradle of Death
Brood War
General
BW General Discussion Some StarCraft Player Rankings Statistics New SC documentary [ASL13] Finals Preview: Ascension $300/month StarCraft Hack
Tourneys
The Casual Games of the Week Thread Asia Championship forecast [BSL15] Asia Championship - 16 - 22 May on Trovo [BSL15] RO16 Groups, Maps, Schedule and more!
Strategy
Add 1 medic per base vs storm drops TvT: Wraiths or Battlecruisers? Why recall is not used on tanks? TvP Rush vs Best and vulture harassment.
Other Games
Heroes of the Storm
HotS: WP and Funny Moments Road to CCL S4: A World without Drafts Road to CCL S4: Meeting the New Rosters META Madness 6: Where Heroes are Made
General Games
Total War: Warhammer III Path of Exile The XBox Thread Diablo 2 thread Ouya: New gaming console
TL Mafia
TL Mafia Community Thread Chezinu streak(s) Mafia
Hearthstone
Introduce yourself!
LoL General
LoL Tournaments
LoL Strategy
Community
General
The Chinese Conundrum Coronavirus and You Russo-Ukrainian War Thread European Politico-economics QA Mega-thread [R] Free Nice Looking Website Templates
Fan Clubs
The Creator Fan Club Zest Fan Club The Moon Fan Club
Media & Entertainment
Movie Discussion! Series you have seen recently... [Manga] One Piece [TV] HBO Game of Thrones Korean Music Discussion
Sports
2021 - 2022 Football Thread 2021 NFL/CFB Season McBoner: A hockey love story NBA General Discussion Formula 1 Discussion
Tech Support
The Ultimate Mouse Thread Simple Questions Simple Answers Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread
TL Community
The Automated Ban List
Blogs
my maps
NicknameLucifer
Getting Back to it..!.20 years…
FuDDx
Computer tinkering and …
Starlightsun
Age
AmericanUmlaut
Is Team Liquid a light blue …
aisight
PCT Highlights: Lakes & Northe…
Tak3r
Mapmaking notes #4
depressed1
International Associatio…
Arghmyliver
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 1354 users

Beta Readers?

Blogs > blade55555
Post a Reply
blade55555
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
United States17419 Posts
Last Edited: 2016-03-28 06:58:09
March 28 2016 03:31 GMT
#1
Hi everyone. My last Blog I posted was about me finishing the first draft of my book. Well I have done a couple edits and now I need some Beta readers.

I still have more fleshing out to do detail wise, grammar mistakes in there, but I mainly need some feedback on the pacing, is it to fast? to slow? Does it make no sense? Scenes that you think are pointless, etc.

Anyone who is up for this please either reply below or PM me directly. For anyone interested I have a description of what the book is about.

At the moment it's 119613 words, so it's a lot.


Galactic Conflicts: First Contact description
+ Show Spoiler +
In the outer edges of known space, the communications have been cut off without warning. There was a brief transmission of trouble and then nothing. The Alliance has tasked the Orlion Academy to investigate what is going on as scout ships have been going missing.

The Orlion Academy sends two groups to investigate what is going on. Master Yulara was sent to the planet Verroc six months ago due to a feeling something bad was going to happen and has now lost contact. On the Planet Sarus two members have lost contact and reported missing. Master Drass and the knight Kurvara have been reported as missing, possibly dead.


That's a brief description of the book. I imagine anyone who does read it will see certain influences for sure on some ideas .

Also if anyone knows where I can get an editor please let me know! I am not rich, but I will pay to have this done, along with a Book cover if anyone knows any artists interested in that.

My goal is to have this book completely done by June, but we'll see! Thanks for all those who are interested ^_^.

*****
When I think of something else, something will go here
Walnuts
Profile Joined March 2012
United States770 Posts
March 28 2016 05:28 GMT
#2
So... Is this set in the Star Wars universe or not?

If it's not, you should probably not use the name Anakin; the master/apprentice stuff can be a nice homage but naming one of your characters something that familiar will just make people stop thinking about your story and start think about Star Wars.

I would read, but have no time with school right now. Sorry.
Gandalf on balance: "It's always darkest before the dawn"
blade55555
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
United States17419 Posts
Last Edited: 2016-03-28 06:40:56
March 28 2016 05:37 GMT
#3
Hm yeah I have thought about that issue with the name. I just have always liked that name, but I may or may not change it. Definitely things I have thought about, the joys .

To answer your questions though no it's not in the star wars universe. There are a couple similarities, but for the most part not really. There's magic like shooting fire/lightning or manipulating the elements, etc. More of a "realism" in the sense that it takes a lot of energy to do that, getting shot will be just as deadly as someone who chooses not to use magic (It's a hard thing to learn, everyone is capable).

I should probably come up with a better description, as that probably doesn't do a good enough job explaining it .
When I think of something else, something will go here
Qwyn
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States2776 Posts
March 28 2016 06:47 GMT
#4
Definitely change it ahah, that name might as well be copyrighted.
"Think of the hysteria following the realization that they consciously consume babies and raise the dead people from their graves" - N0
blade55555
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
United States17419 Posts
March 28 2016 06:58 GMT
#5
I edited the description so we can get away from the name, I still have names to change/etc and don't want the focus to be on that .
When I think of something else, something will go here
_fool
Profile Joined February 2011
Netherlands628 Posts
March 28 2016 10:55 GMT
#6
Sounds cool. PM'd you.
"A good science fiction story should be able to predict not the automobile but the traffic jam" - Frederick Pohl
Tufas
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
Austria2216 Posts
Last Edited: 2016-03-30 19:56:47
March 30 2016 19:54 GMT
#7
Hey I would like to read it, but I may not be what you are looking for.
The description already made me pause and I had to rewrite it ...

ORIGINAL
In the outer edges of known space, the communications have been cut off without warning. There was a brief transmission of trouble and then nothing. The Alliance has tasked the Orlion Academy to investigate what is going on as scout ships have been going missing.

The Orlion Academy sends two groups to investigate what is going on. Master Yulara was sent to the planet Verroc six months ago due to a feeling something bad was going to happen and has now lost contact. On the Planet Sarus two members have lost contact and reported missing. Master Drass and the knight Kurvara have been reported as missing, possibly dead.



rough first draft - but it really needs to be changed .. I may have gone over the top though.


MY FIRST VERSION
Abrupt silence succeeds warnings of rising turmoil on the fringe of the galaxy and disappearing scout ships compel the Alliance to petition Orlion Academy with investigating the ever rising irregularities.

Harrowing premonitions already drove Master Yulara to depart for Verroc half a year ago but has since lost contact.
Two groups are sent to investigate and as Master Drass and Knight Kurava are reported missing and possiby dead on Sarus,
things take a turn for the worse...




★★★★★ "Best book I ever read !" - Tufas , book connoisseur




If you still want to "work" with me, give me a pm

edit: You asked for help with pacing, I failed at reading ....
Where is my ACE flair
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
Next event in 5h 46m
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
mouzHeroMarine 1306
SC2ShoWTimE 347
IndyStarCraft 205
Naniwa 150
ZombieGrub120
Kas 113
SKillous 103
JuggernautJason79
aXVindicta 25
StarCraft: Brood War
Mini 481
firebathero 439
firebathero (twitch) 191
Dewaltoss 102
Counter-Strike: Global Offensive
fl0m4555
pashabiceps1752
x6flipin1528
Super Smash Bros
ArmadaUGS345
Other Games
Liquid`RaSZi3852
ceh93435
Grubby1025
MaximusBlack318
RotterdaM276
Hui .183
mouzStarbuck16
Organizations
Counter-Strike: Global Offensive
PGL123962
Other Games
B2W.Neo869
Counter-Strike: Global Offensive
ESL CS:GO721
StarCraft 2
OGamingTV SC2 131
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
[ Show 18 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• MindelVK 27
• Vindicta 25
• waffensctv2
• Migwel
• aXEnki
• Poblha
• intothetv
• Gussbus
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• Alpha X_
• LaughNgamez Trovo
• Laughngamez YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
• blackmanpl 30
• sscaitournament5
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• AfreecaTV YouTube
Upcoming Events
Deathfate Pro Team League
5h 46m
ESL Pro Tour
14h 16m
ESL Pro Tour
17h 16m
ESL Pro Tour
20h 16m
ESL Pro Tour
1d 1h
PSISTORM Gaming Misc
1d 4h
Deathfate Pro Team League
1d 5h
ESL Pro Tour
1d 14h
ITaX Super Series
1d 16h
Cure vs Solar
Creator vs soO
ESL Pro Tour
1d 17h
[ Show More ]
ESL Pro Tour
1d 20h
ESL Pro Tour
2 days
OSC
2 days
ESL Pro Tour
2 days
ESL Pro Tour
2 days
ESL Pro Tour
2 days
ESL Pro Tour
3 days
PSISTORM Gaming Misc
3 days
ESL Pro Tour
3 days
ESL Pro Tour
3 days
ESL Pro Tour
3 days
ESL Pro Tour
4 days
ESL Pro Tour
4 days
ESL Pro Tour
4 days
ESL Pro Tour
4 days
ESL Pro Tour
4 days
PSISTORM Gaming Misc
5 days
ESL Pro Tour
5 days
ESL Pro Tour
5 days
ESL Pro Tour
6 days
ESL Pro Tour
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Focus Battle 5 : Fengzi&JeDi vs nOOB
2022 GSL S1: Code S
Heroes Rise: Contender Series 3
BLAST Spr. Showdown AME

Ongoing

RCG 2021
CWCL Season 4
Deathfate Pro Team League
HoneyCai Friendlies Season4
FS Mania
CSCL: Masked Kings
CSL season 5 Late Spring Cup
BSL Season 15 LA
WTL 2022 Summer
Championship of Russia 2022
Community Clash League S4
Masters Clash Champ. 2022
ESL Challenger League S41 NA
ESL Challenger League S41 EU
ESL Challenger League S41 APAC
Pinnacle Cup IV
PGL Major Antwerp 2022

Upcoming

BSL Season 15
BSL Season 15 EU
BSL Season 15 NA
DH Masters Atlanta
StarCraft II: NationWars 7
2022 GSL S2: Code S
DHM Valencia: CN
DHM Valencia: NA
DHM Valencia: EU
DHM Valencia: LA
DHM Valencia: OC
DHM Valencia: TW
IEM Cologne 2022
ESL Challenger Valencia 2022
EPL Conference Season 16
BLAST Premier Spring Finals
Pinnacle Cup Championship
ESL Impact League S1 Finals
IEM Dallas 2022
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2022 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.