EPT
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/ujsJQS5.png)
- It could be great
- Because I tried hard and it's only polite, damnit
- What, like you've got something better to do?
- Reading this could save your life
- You're pretty much invested at this point
- This isn't the worst listicle ever written
- You gain a sense of accomplishment
This listicle could be really interesting, and at this point, you have no evidence whatsoever to the contrary. For all you know, this could be the best thing you've ever read. There could be life-changing stuff in here. The key to your wildest dreams, and far beyond!
I wrote it, so I already know it's none of things. In fact, it's pointless garbage. But you don't know that! I could be lying about the garbage. I am completely untrustworthy, after all. Only one way to find out!
I came up with seven different things! Seven! Do you have any idea how many things that is? It's like three times as many as two things, and then some. I also had to get the formatting right and make sure all the words were spelled corectly. I'm not very good with computers, so this took me pretty much two years of constant focus. I stopped showing up to work so I lost my job, and I think my dog is dead. The least you could do is show some politeness and read this thing.
Let's be honest here, it's not like you were right in the middle of curing mega-AIDS or defusing a rapidly ticking time bomb. (If you were, then you may want to consider taking a priority management course.)
No, you probably would have used this time to click on some other thread and reply 'LOL' to some other guy's post while barely even smirking, or you would have read about SwagLurker69's reasons for supporting Bernie Sanders. I somehow doubt that the universe will weep over these lost opportunities.
Maybe reading this listicle will make you leave your house two minutes later than you normally would have, thus making you miss a speeding truck that would have cartoonishly flattened you into a pancake on your way to school. Or it could set into motion a chain of events that will prevent the birth of Radioactive Ultra Hitler in 30 years. It's called the Butterfly Effect, my friends.
Of course, by the same reasoning, reading this listicle could also totally kill you, and everyone you love. Point is, you don't know, so just go with it.
You're at number five already. Like you're not going to read the last two? Give me a break. That would be like sitting down with a nice bowl of delicious M&M's®, eating them all until only two are left and then just putting the bowl away. You know who does that?
You could be reading way worse listicles. There's this one, for example, and this one over here. Christ, and this one. Clearly, you could be doing worse right now. This piece right here isn't quite the Rolex of listicles, but it's easily a solid lower-mid-range Casio.
I would totally compile a listicle of terrible listicles, if not for the fact that I would have to read BuzzFeed, which is the most powerful carcinogenic known to man.
Congratulations, you did a thing today! You made it to the end of this listicle! Many people thought you couldn't do it (too many to name here, really), but you went ahead and showed them wrong. Great job! When you are on your deathbed, many, many weeks from now, you will look back on this day and smile in contentment, because you know you pulled through. Well done.
- What's next?
At this point, you can go back to the top and read this listicle all over again, but that would be kind of crazy. You uh... you should probably go do something else instead.
