EPT#1 Everything is wrong
Everything is wrong with LotV. Some stuff I like, and I feel like the game is going where I personally want it to go for my own intents and purposes, but it's definitely not there yet. I remain optimistic about this expansion because I want it to be a wild, run-away success that will attract millions of players and viewers from around the world. The reason for this is that I believe I have gotten onboard the e-sports train early enough so that I can become good and get a sponsorship and be a progamer. I think this is a reasonable goal because anything is possible, amirite?
Terran metagame
Everything is broken about the Terran metagame at this very moment, especially against Zerg and Protoss. Also, TvT is unbearable to watch. I feel like Blizzard has nerfed everything I'm familiar with and has buffed everything I hate. They nerfed other things that I hated, but then buffed other things and now there are new things to hate upon. I feel like I should win more, but people who are generally intellectually inferior to me, and who probably have not invested nearly as much time as myself into the game, are beating me. The solution to this seems obvious, since I play 10 hours a day. You see, the players I lose to only do one build over and over again. I do like four builds. Four is greater than one, and therefore, I am much smarter and more cunning than my opponents, who are unable to fathom the strategic depth of the game that I possess. I therefore should never lose to such pedestrians, and their things that I dislike should be nerfed. Not heavily, of course, because I want Zerg and Protoss players to be onboard with this idea, and proposing the heavy nerfs that I really want would ultimately push them away from my line of thinking. I genuinely think that by getting people to agree with me on this forum, that it will somehow influence Blizzard Inc., to order their developers to change the game in my favour.
Zerg metagame
Everything is broken about the Zerg metagame at this very moment, especially against Terran and Protoss. Also, ZvZ is unbearable to watch. I feel like Blizzard has nerfed everything I'm familiar with and has buffed everything I hate. After playing many, many games (probably more than most people, but I won't say more than the people reading here, as I want to convey that I am humble and am a person you can trust) I feel as though my opponents can win during the early game, mid game, and even late game. No matter how hard I macro, I feel behind. I have won many games, but those are only because I did some very homoerotic cheese builds, which I can describe with words that are derogatory to the LGBT community, and those who must deal with the weight of intellectual disabilities. That being said, you may ask: "Why not keep doing such cheeses and win games?" and the answer is very simple. If I believe I am macroing really hard, I believe that the amount of macro I am doing should prevail and I want to play macro games and not cheese games because macro is better than cheese.
Protoss makes me feel ill, as if I have some sort of stomach infection
I quite often lose to Protoss, and this makes me ireful. If I am to make the leap from Silver league to Gold, this trend of Protoss victory over me must end, and quickly. But first, I need to say that everything is broken about the Protoss metagame at this very moment, especially against Zerg and Protoss. Also, PvP is unbearable to watch. I feel like Blizzard has nerfed everything I'm familiar with and has buffed everything I hate. This has caused me so much emotional distress that my psychiatrist has upped my dosage of medical marijuana from 3 medical marijuana tablets per day to 4 medical marijuana tablets per day, and I've read studies that show that going up to 5 medical marijuana tablets can be fatal. Despite the adverse risk to my life and health, I continue to play SC2, and become filled with wrath and hatred at the conclusion of every match. Why I do this, I cannot say.
I will, on occasion, play Protoss, despite my feelings of pure malignant disdain for this imaginary fictional race of aliens, and the real-life people who choose to select this faction for usage in multiplayer interactions. Again, I believe this can easily be remedied by creating a blog that becomes so popular that it incites others to follow my lead and force Blizzard Entertainment Inc. to be persuaded to my point of view. But I digress. I want to explain what happens when I play Protoss. I win many games as Protoss, but instead of feeling satisfaction or happiness because of my many victories, I begin to dislike myself in a very profound way. I do not macro very hard in the games I play as Protoss, and yet win without very much macroing. I instead plan and execute strategies that I believe should be compared, metaphorically, to the excrement of a non-castrated male species of taurus. The more I play and win with Protoss, the more angry with myself I become. This is a paradox of sorts, because I believe I should win, but definitely not with Protoss. This also seems counter-intuitive to logic, as I should not be angry with myself, but rather, with Blizzard Entertainment Inc., but I reserve judgement for them, because I want them to like me and to be persuaded to see things from my point of view.
The game needs more/less macro
I love macro, more than life itself at times. However, LotV should be focusing on making players do more macro, so that the skill cap of the game will be higher, allowing me to finally display my talent as a great macro-er. However, I also want the game to have less macro at the same time. Does that seem crazy? I hope it does. I have a crazy dream, which is that SC2 will have billions, perhaps trillions of fans around the world. The only way to make this possible is to lower the skill ceiling so that the game will be more noob-friendly, and get more noobs into the game, so that I will seem better by comparison. Do you think if all the skaters were Tony Hawk, that the real Tony Hawk would be able to get a record deal with Dr. Dre? I don't think so!
Conclusion
This is the conclusion of the blog. The point of this conclusion is to sum up all the things I have said so far. Those things are: Terran metagame needs changed. Protoss metagame needs change. Zerg metagame needs changing. The game needs more macro. The game needs less macro. I also would like to jokingly say (in jest) that if these things are done by Blizzard Entertainment Inc., that I will no longer begin to imagine, in my anger, the hyperbole-based action of performing sexual acts on David Kim with tools that are normally used to do road-side emergency maintenance when a tire loses its air due to a puncture, or something of that nature, and needs to be temporarily replaced. Fank you.
