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There aren’t many people who can catch every second of AGDQ’s incredible speedrunning lineup, as few (and I mean very few) have the time or energy to watch every moment of every run of the 168-hour extravaganza. Since I spent an obscene portion of last week following this incredible event, I saw a few runs that went above and beyond the incredible standards set by the Games Done Quick events. After much deliberation and enjoyment, I present the N3rd Dimension’s AGDQ 2015 Awards.
The Masochism Award for Game-Inflicted Agony - Town with No Name by Brossentia - http://twitch.tv/gamesdonequick/b/608502697?t=5h19m50s
One of AGDQ’s signature segments is “Awful Games Done Quick,” a mid-marathon showcase of truly terrible games that, for some reason, runner still take the time to perfect. One might guess that a game like Superman 64 would take the top honors in this category, but that legendary pile of trash is Game of the Year compared to some of the selections shown during the other “AGDQ.” This year’s standout garbage was an ancient Amiga cowboy game called Town With No Name, a game one might generously categorize as a point-and-click adventure. It would be more accurate to describe it as a nonsensical, revolting, digital-fuck-you to all gamers, but it’s bottom-of-the-barrel nature makes this “speedrun” highly entertaining. Honestly, I’m just glad that someone took the bullet of playing this game so that the rest of us understand how lucky we really are.
Honorable Mention - Sneak King by Kefka14 - http://twitch.tv/gamesdonequick/b/608502697?t=6h36m10s
Only Town With No Name’s utter atrociousness prevents Sneak King from earning this award. A 2006 Burger King licensed game for the Xbox and Xbox 360, Sneak King doesn’t even get the “made in 1992” excuse to cover for its creepy weirdness. You play as the Burger King himself and perform his traditional monarchical duties of sneaking up behind unsuspecting citizens and presenting various Burger King products. No, I’m not making that up. Though its bevy of bugs and degenerate premise go a long way towards making it into the cesspool that it is, it's the slowly creeping feeling of menace that makes this game the kind of hilarious that makes you laugh through your horror. Stick with this run until Kefka14 shows you “first-person mode,” and you’ll see exactly what I mean.
Honorable Mention 2: All Karaoke Moments by Everyone (Unfortunately)
It's not a game, but it's still worthy of this awkward honor. As magnificent as the AGDQ streamers are for their skills and willingness to participate in this exhausting event, there are still times when I need to mute them. Those times are the karaoke times. From Wario Land 4’s Japanese disaster to Kingdom Hearts 2’s Disney interludes to the infamous “DUDUDUDUDUDU CREW,” AGDQ’s karaoke is always the worst. And also the best.
The Moneyball Award for The Least Intended Way to Play the Game - "Pokemon Plays Twitch” by TASbot - http://twitch.tv/gamesdonequick/b/607265831?t=37m
The first two Pokemon games bore many unintended consequences. I’m certain that no one at Game Freak anticipated the game’s colossal reception, its obsessive fan base (many of whom fall considerably outside the game’s target demographic), or its increasingly-complex competitive scene. However, I’m sure that the least intended use of Pokemon Red was displaying the always-awful, meme-filled Twitch chat within the actual game. If this sounds strange and impossible to you, don’t worry, because it sounded strange and impossible to everyone until it happened. This may not have been the standard speedrunning feat of a dedicated player breaking a game through practice, memorization, and glitch abuse, but it was borne of the efforts of programmers clever enough to use Pokemon itself as their programming language. Awesome.
Honorable Mention: Final Fantasy VII Any % by puwexil - http://twitch.tv/gamesdonequick/b/609289541?t=14h02m35s
The most ridiculous run performed at AGDQ by actual gamers (rather than our new robot overlords) was a Final Fantasy VII run. Having seen a few Final Fantasy runs in the past, I was hyped to watch as puwexil destroyed one of my first introductions to video games. However, I was shocked when I saw that the first two hours of the run were nearly identical to what I played through over and over as a child. With an hour left on the clock, I had no idea how the game could possibly be completed. Then, they broke my brain, as promised. The final hour of this run was unbelievable: an epic series of bugs that did hilarious things to this classic title. Even if you skip most of it and start when the party leaves Midgar (around two hours in), you should absolutely check out this insane deconstruction of the beloved JRPG.
Honorable Mention 2: Pokemon Blue Any % by werster - http://twitch.tv/gamesdonequick/b/608876773?t=9h23m50s
Of course, you don’t need to create a Twitch chat reader to glitch through a Pokemon speedrun. While I’ve seen less-than-one-minute completions of this game before, Werster’s mostly-annual Gen 1 Pokemon speedrun was particularly excellent this year: just long enough to be captivating and easily short enough for copious WTFs. The bug explanations are fast and furious during this 20~ minute run, so listen closely to see how this magic trick works.
The 18 Charisma Award for Best Commentary in a Speedrun - Vanquish One-Handed % by halfcoordinated - http://twitch.tv/gamesdonequick/b/609289541?t=6h20m
Vanquish is an incredibly silly game. The kind of silly that only Japan’s own Platinum Games can produce. Its premise is silly (Russian terrorist robots vs. a mech-suit-wearing ex-football star in the future), its mechanics are silly (SO MUCH SLIDING), and its guns are silly (HERE’S A SHOTGUN. YOU DON’T HAVE TO LOAD IT). There are only three ways to make this game more ridiculous: 1) speedrun it, 2) play it one-handed, and 3) commentate it with halfcoordinated and Vulajin. At AGDQ 2015, they did all three. This “One-Handed %” run is chock-ful with wry and witty humor that perfectly complements the overly-serious-yet-completely-ridiculous third-person shooter. Make sure to stay until the very end for a very special piece of art of two very special Vanquish characters.
Honorable Mention: I Wanna Be The Boshy 100% by witwix - http://twitch.tv/gamesdonequick/b/607794022?t=7h44m
The precision-platformer/agony-simulator I wanna be the Boshy is a game that’s so stupidly hard and so stupidly programmed that it's always one of the most amusing runs of the event. The game’s premier runner, witwix, turns the game’s humor up to 11 with his consistent dry commentary. Both self-deprecating and Boshy-deprecating, witwix’s run is one that will keep you giggling throughout,ab and not just because of RANDOM GIANT SPIDERS. I could listen to him tell me how stupid I wanna be the Boshy is for far longer than the length of this ludicrous 100% run.
The Don’t Blink, Blink And You’re Dead Award for Best Speedrunning Race - Ninja Gaiden Relay Race by Dxtr, jimmypoopins, crak_atak, ohon, gusmancini, and infestedniche - http://twitch.tv/gamesdonequick/b/608502697?t=9h41m05s
One of the highlights of AGDQ 2014 was the Super Metroid race, but those great runs highlighted a lot of problems that plague speedrunning races. As talented as the individual runners were, the race was difficult to watch, difficult to hype, and difficult to explain. While AGDQ 2015 included many races, only one overcame these problems and became one of the best speedrunning races I've ever seen. That race was the Ninja Gaiden relay. The most essential element of this incredible race was a crack pair of commentators who quickly, accurately, and excitedly conveyed both the challenging aspects of each run and the stakes of every trick and glitch. The race's format was also ingenious: three separate games completed in sequence, each with new sets of tricks to explain and new players’ expertise to employ. Keeping the race well below an hour kept it fresh and exciting because there was far less time to get bored of the run. Finally, this race was neck-and-neck and nail-biting all the way up to its satisfying and exciting finale. I know that AGDQ will do speedrunning races in the future, so I hope they copy this one as best they can.
The WHAT HAVE YOU DONE Award for Spectacular Developer Commentary - Battleblock Theater by MechaRichter and PJ - http://twitch.tv/gamesdonequick/b/607482883?t=7h22m50s
After watching speedrunners utterly destroy wonderful games for hours, there’s little that’s more amusing than witnessing the games’ own developers experience those runs themselves. There’s nothing quite like getting explanations about a great game’s creation while simultaneously hearing those same people exclaim loudly about how they can’t believe what just happened. With AGDQ gaining popularity by the year, viewers and runners get more and more opportunities to enjoy these extremely fun moments. This year, the most entertaining developer commentary came from members of the wonderfully innovative studio The Behemoth during the run of their most recent game, Battleblock Theater. MechaRichter and PJ put on enough of a show on their own to warrant watching this hilarious playthrough of this hilarious game, but Dan and Will from The Behemoth made the experience even better with their frequent jibes at the runners, exclamations at the speedrunning tricks, and amusing stories about the game's inner machinations. Even at over two-and-a-half hours, this run is well worth a watch by any speedrun fan.
Honorable Mention: Shovel Knight by Capndrake - http://twitch.tv/gamesdonequick/b/608177424?t=12h42m50s
Though it wasn't the comedic epic that Battleblock Theater was, this year's Shovel Knight run combined a phenomenal game, a great speedrun, and a group of awed developers into a single charming package. The developers from Yacht Club Games (Sean, Shane, Dave, and Nick[?]) were a fun crew with whom to watch the speedrun, especially when they provided commentary on upcoming patches for the game, internal names for the enemy critters, and impressed compliments for the runner's design-defying accomplishments. Plus, you get to listen to Shovel Knight's amazing soundtrack for most of the run, so what's not to love?
The "Nerf Pls" Award for Making It Look EZPZ - Dark Souls 2 Current Patch Any % by Oginam - http://twitch.tv/gamesdonequick/b/609289541?t=11h59m45s
The Dark Souls franchise is beloved for its exceedingly challenging difficulty, a difficulty which makes easy, breezy speedruns of the game even more impressive than usual. That's why I had to give an award to Oginam's nearly flawless run of Dark Souls 2. While Dark Souls 2 is allegedly not as tough as its predecessor, the game still packs a wallop, so watching Oginam make every encounter look like a Legend of Zelda boss was incredibly impressive. On top of that, the memorization required to effortlessly traverse a world as large and opaque as Dark Souls' is breathtaking. Games as exploration-heavy and trial-ridden as this one exponentially increase the wow-factor of a speedrun for me because I know that every pixel conquered in such a game requires more sweat and tears than its less-exacting peers. I mean, can you beat Dark Souls 2 with about three deaths and no saves? I sure as hell can't.
Honorable Mention: Ocarina of Time 100% by ZFG - http://twitch.tv/gamesdonequick/b/609289541?t=19h33m05s
Ocarina of Time is a staple of GDQ events, so it can be tough for the N64 classic to stand out when compared to other runs. However, ZFG's 100% Ocarina of Time run is a masterpiece of glitches, optimization, recollection, and sheer tenacity. Anyone who's watched an AGDQ event has seen an Ocarina speedrun, but there are very few runs that demand the unflagging concentration and discipline of the runner for over four hours. I can't think of a better send-off for an AGDQ event than a run that's a wonderful marathon in its own right.
The Power Overwhelming Award for Most Incredible Runs You’ve Ever Seen - TIE
After watching the two most amazing runs of AGDQ 2015, I couldn’t choose just one. These two runs represent the very best of what AGDQ has to offer and made 2015 an amazing year to tune in to this outstanding event.
Ocarina of Time Blindfold% by Runnerguy2489 - http://twitch.tv/gamesdonequick/b/609289541?t=19h33m05s
I thought I'd seen the craziest gaming feat ever during AGDQ 2014's blindfolded Punch Out!! run, a run that drove its audience to explosions of excitement over and over again. I was wrong. The only way to top that hype-soaked run was with another blindfolded run, one that was equally demanding, but far more methodical, clever, and inspiring. That run was Runnerguy's blindfolded Ocarina of Time Child Dungeons run. This donation incentive run cost $75,000, but it grabbed the attention of donors and spectators alike from the moment it showed up on the tracker. My own curiosity was clearly matched by many because the expensive run was easily funded. When time finally came, Runnerguy showed thousands of viewers a true speedrunning masterpiece. At any other time, Runnerguy's playthrough would seem sloppy and poorly executed, but the logic and planning behind every step of this run, each one precisely calculated to make it possible to speedrun without the need for eyes, was absolutely phenomenal. Runnerguy also provided excellent commentary the whole time, detailing exactly how he discovered each and every part of his epic achievement. To top it all off, the story of why he took the blindfolded challenge in the first place is an inspiring testament to the kind and generous spirit that makes AGDQ the wonderful event that it is. If you like games or gamers at all, watch this run.
Tetris: The Grand Master Exhibition by Qlex, KevinDDR, kitaru, and colourthief - http://twitch.tv/gamesdonequick/b/608177424?t=11h02m45s
Maybe you think Tetris is lame. Maybe you think Tetris is a game for the elderly or the casual. Maybe you even think that Tetris could never be legendary. If AGDQ 2015 taught me anything, it's that YOU. WOULD. BE. WRONG. Even with my limited scope of the true meaning of Tetris, I had to wonder what would be in store for the viewers during an exhibition segment with the intriguing title of Tetris: The Grand Master. I never expected to bear witness to some of the most intense gaming I have ever seen. The insane difficulty of the Tetris: The Grand Master series is impossible to describe. You have to see it for yourself. Each and every challenge raises the bar, and by the time the last run is concluded, your mouth will be agape at the speed, precision, spacial memory, and artistry of the four Tetris runners. Runners who humbly claim that they are not nearly the best in the world. Even if I were to believe such claims (and it's impossible to do so after seeing their incredible runs), the Tetris: The Grand Master exhibition would still be one of the best performances at a GDQ event. Ever.
Watch these runs, enjoy them, and then do what I'm doing.
Get hyped for SGDQ.
This post about this wonderful gaming event and a lot more stuff can be found at the N3rd Dimension.
Watching some of the ones I missed live now, starting with ninja gaiden.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/G222uok.png)
