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Hello ol' faithful TL....Some of you may have read my old blogs. The one of most relevance here is this blog http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/446907-ive-returned-a-new-person .
So I am going to make this short and sweet, I have a lot of shit on my mind and I do not feel comfortable in my own skin lately, I am a really open / honest person so I just say exactly what I think / feel always, I am only saying this so you can keep an open mind reading on...
So for the last 7 months I have been working doing tech support, really MEH type of job, ya know? Having country people calling bitching at you all the time about there internet / tv / tablets / phone / computers / ect...It can be really stressful, I always joked around about calling tech support untill I am on the opposite end of things, funny how life is.
The job itself is really laid back, and when I am not on a call helping someone, I am usually playing NES / SNES games(Who would ever complain about getting paid to play video games?). So I enjoy the job, we have fun, it's not a dream job it is a job, better than nothing at the moment.
In comes the problem...
So basically to make a long story short, I got busted selling weed, was homeless afterwards in Pittsburgh, PA for 6 months due to circumstances afterwards, anyways I ended up moving back to South Carolina, bum fuck egypt, middle of no where.
My father is about 80 years old or so, I miss him, A LOT, too the point where I don't really sleep much anymore, I hide all of the true feelings / emotions behind smoking weed / drinking ( not a lot but I do drink some beers , smoke a lot though ) , I am living now with my mom , sister, and her husband, I am thankful that I have this place to live but now things are changing...
Before my father had a bad stroke, and was in a state of comatose for 6 months, then came out of it, and has been recovering ever since, he was living with his X Wife before I moved back to SC, him and her got into it because she doesn't like him going out and having a drink every now and then, but he just likes to go out to socialize really, to get out of the house, see people, he is an artist after all.
So she gave him an ultimatum, either you go to assisted living ( Old folks home ? ) ,or you move out, so my father moved out on his own, the problem is he needs constant supervision (Food, meds, general help) because after his stroke, he suffered from his ability to speak / form sentences / words properly. I can understand him though very well despite that, better than most anyone else i've seen trying to talk to him.
I am completely spit and lost imbetween my mother / sister and going back to my father, my mom and her husband are trying to tell me not to go back to Pittsburgh because I'd end up back in jail, but I have no intention of getting back into selling weed, I learned my lesson on that, It is more about being able to be with my father, being not in the middle of fucking no where (I am now in Prosperity, SC, AKA BUM FUCK EGYPT, NO Internet or anything available....Only MiFi hotspots...it is like Hell on earth... ) , and because I obviously psychologically want familiarity, and it would be much easier to find girls in the city than in the middle of no where, especially since I don't even have my license...didn't really need one in the city...
So I am torn between family, I feel my heart keep telling me to go back to my father, and my head keeps telling me to stay, And then my head tells me to go, and my heart tells me to stay.....I AM LOST and I really don't know what to do, any advice would be really appreciated.
....I feel like I have to eventually just do what the fuck I want to, and stop worrying so much about what others think all the time, I am too empathetic always, I never really think about what I want myself, but then when I do , I feel selfish.
EDIT : I just want to add that I think that there is a conspiracy going on with the SC2 "Dream Map Pool" and Sonic / OGN's partnership, do you realize how many people are going to want to go back to BW after playing all these shitty old maps? I'm about to fire up some BW again, haven't played a game in awhile, BW always helps heal things T_T
  
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what are you going to be living off if you move and quit your shitty tech support job ?
what kind of artist your father is ?
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On December 02 2014 18:24 Boonbag wrote:
what are you going to be living off if you move and quit your shitty tech support job ?
what kind of artist your father is ?
I can get a job pretty easily i'm sure once I got there, and it isn't really a "shitty" job, it is just not a "dream" job, as I stated. smart ass.
My father paints pictures, a lot of them are on TV shows like friends, king of queens, and other shows.
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On December 02 2014 18:31 GGzerG wrote:Show nested quote +On December 02 2014 18:24 Boonbag wrote:
what are you going to be living off if you move and quit your shitty tech support job ?
what kind of artist your father is ? I can get a job pretty easily i'm sure once I got there, and it isn't really a "shitty" job, it is just not a "dream" job, as I stated. smart ass. My father paints pictures, a lot of them are on TV shows like friends, king of queens, and other shows.
that's pretty awesome man
is he still working since the stroke ?
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He is still painting pictures yes.
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any website where you can see some ?
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you should get involed in that if anything
be his assistant idk !
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My gut feeling reading you is that you should go to your father. I think you may end up regretting it later if you don't do it.
But I don't really know, sorry man :/
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nobody can tell you what to do. You should do what u think is best at the moment.
Reading some Nietzsche may help, i know that it helped me, when i needed advice.
gagman.
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hey long time no see tele! hit me up when ur playing BW again!
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I like his art man, I would buy some of it if I wasn't a student, especially since it's affordable.
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On December 03 2014 00:51 ZenithM wrote:
My gut feeling reading you is that you should go to your father. I think you may end up regretting it later if you don't do it.
But I don't really know, sorry man :/
I agree with this. Spend time with him while you can if that's where you heart is. Never know how much time we'll have with the people will love, and it sounds like he could use your help.
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If you can secure a job before you go out there I would say do it since time seems limited
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Thanks for the responses guys, I appreciate the advice.
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You just invited everyone on TL to email your dad this blog :/
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On December 03 2014 09:08 batsnacks wrote:You just invited everyone on TL to email your dad this blog :/
Not everyone would think like such a douche bag I hope, he doesn't really check his own email anymore anyway...
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I live in pittsburgh atm. You're welcome to crash on my couch for a while if you need a place to stay.
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On December 03 2014 10:56 DocM wrote:
I live in pittsburgh atm. You're welcome to crash on my couch for a while if you need a place to stay.
Very nice of you man, is this the same DocM from BW?
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Nah, i'm not even remotely internet famous.
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On December 03 2014 09:08 batsnacks wrote:You just invited everyone on TL to email your dad this blog :/
dude everyone here isn't 15 years old that's crazy if you can't even link a website besides theres nothing wrong written in this blog
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Definitely go hang out with your dad, 80 is getting up there in age. I'm already feeling the time pressure with my own dad as he just turned 60, but of course I am going to the city to do my own things for a while. How old is the family you are staying with? If your mom is of comparable age / life expectancy, then I would say still go, because you have already had some time with your mom.
I find it helps if I think about it by asking myself questions:
"Would I regret not doing this?" and the "5 Why?s" are really helpful. For an example - if you want to know why something is the way it is, especially psychologically or personally, you simply ask yourself why, and when you arrive at a truthful answer, ask why again - it sometimes takes 5 questions (5 whys) to arrive at the real bare bones truth. Then you have a lot of information you can use to either change the situation or make a good decision based on your behaviors, attitudes, beliefs, etc.
gl, hf
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I just read your other blog and this one, and I'd say make sure you secure a job 100% before you move back. And stay away from all the drugs and booze. Go live with your/or near your dad, he's getting old and a person with a stroke needs some support. My friend's dad had one a couple years ago (hes like late 60s), and really the only thing that seems to make him happy is seeing faces he recognizes.
PS- I dig your dad's art, I see all the recent stuff and descriptions of the stuff he did on shows, but are there any pics of some of that stuff?
Also, the next job you get that has a lot of downtime during work that you can get away with. Use it to improve your quality of life rather than just filling it with games, reading forums, watching videos etc. I did this for a couple of years when I was living on my own and when I ultimately was hit with some setbacks, I had nothing to fall back onto.
You should be studying something/doing work on something. Doesn't necessarily have to be college, but maybe even trade school related, or some sort of class you can take/find locally that gives you a side job or something. For example, when I worked at a cellphone store with a lot of downtime I was looking into this online paid question answering stuff called KGB. It paid pretty shit, but working while I'm working is really just a bonus imho. So either something like that or buying/selling on ebay or whatever would be a much better use of your time in that case. Just take advantage of the fact you have some income to invest in yourself to make more opportunities for yourself and not stagnate at some shitty job.
(As a side note, my friend who got me that job used to sell weed out of the store. So just make the most of the time. Don't sell weed though.)
Also, outline a plan. Or a short list of attainable goals. Something like:
Save 2k buy a used car asap.
After car, save up money for renting a room or apt and 6 months rent then do that.
Always keep 1500$ in the bank for necessities in case something fucks up. In a real pinch you can live off that for a long while.
etc.
Always tell people you're broke.
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On December 04 2014 15:48 MarlieChurphy wrote:
I just read your other blog and this one, and I'd say make sure you secure a job 100% before you move back. And stay away from all the drugs and booze. Go live with your/or near your dad, he's getting old and a person with a stroke needs some support. My friend's dad had one a couple years ago (hes like late 60s), and really the only thing that seems to make him happy is seeing faces he recognizes.
PS- I dig your dad's art, I see all the recent stuff and descriptions of the stuff he did on shows, but are there any pics of some of that stuff?
Also, the next job you get that has a lot of downtime during work that you can get away with. Use it to improve your quality of life rather than just filling it with games, reading forums, watching videos etc. I did this for a couple of years when I was living on my own and when I ultimately was hit with some setbacks, I had nothing to fall back onto.
You should be studying something/doing work on something. Doesn't necessarily have to be college, but maybe even trade school related, or some sort of class you can take/find locally that gives you a side job or something. For example, when I worked at a cellphone store with a lot of downtime I was looking into this online paid question answering stuff called KGB. It paid pretty shit, but working while I'm working is really just a bonus imho. So either something like that or buying/selling on ebay or whatever would be a much better use of your time in that case. Just take advantage of the fact you have some income to invest in yourself to make more opportunities for yourself and not stagnate at some shitty job.
(As a side note, my friend who got me that job used to sell weed out of the store. So just make the most of the time. Don't sell weed though.)
Also, outline a plan. Or a short list of attainable goals. Something like:
Save 2k buy a used car asap.
After car, save up money for renting a room or apt and 6 months rent then do that.
Always keep 1500$ in the bank for necessities in case something fucks up. In a real pinch you can live off that for a long while.
etc.
Always tell people you're broke.
Thanks.
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EPT
