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On November 22 2014 07:44 SetGuitarsToKill wrote: If go see a doctor and he/she says meds are the answer, I'm willing to try them, but I dont want them to be the first thing I try.
If you go see a doctor and she/he only suggests meds, get a prescription, then go straight to a clinical psychologist, emphasis on clinical, and see what they have to say. Odds are extremely good that they will give you a more comprehensive and effective treatment plan than a Primary Care Physician or a psychiatrist.
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you should probably just kill yourself
or at least leave TL
User was warned for this post
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Keep your head up dude. Time helps. I went through the same sort of thing for a while. I agree with lichter, try seeking help. It's a good step to finding a solution.
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On November 22 2014 08:26 Dodgin wrote: you should probably just kill yourself
or at least leave TL Would certainly be easier, wouldn't it? Sorry if these sorts of posts are annoying, that's part of why I want to stop doing them
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hmm, i know where you are. i've suffered from severe depression for about 15 years. things got a lot worse when a good friend of mine drown himself while we were swimming. now i've been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and suicidal depression. the state of my life has gone far downhill: i had a good scholarship/fellowship to receive a PhD and had all but completed a masters degree; now, four years later neither are complete and i've survived a few near-death experiences. i also don't have enough money to do what i'd like.
i guess what i'd tell you, speaking from experience, is that it's not too difficult to define the chief causes of depression. probably some of it stems from genetics or a sort of genetic predisposition. other elements are social. most memes assume a state of mental health and a healthy level of pride in oneself. you are certainly not the only person competing with himself to achieve a new low. in spite of youthful accomplishments that don't seem important, depressed people often disagree with cultural artifacts and feel out of place or isolated.
seeking treatment is good, if you can convince yourself that something will come of it then it might be possible. SSRI treatment works well for improving one's mood and is cheap and effective. set reasonable goals like i'd like to move to colorado, smoke weed and meditate for the rest of my life. then hope to win the lottery. clinical psychologists talk a lot about social factors, finding venues and modes of interaction. most of the time i just want to quit visiting my psychologist though because nothing is less affirming to my self loathing than his unwillingness to legitimize it.
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How old are you and how long have you felt this way? I can totally relate, except I no longer hate myself or anyone/thing. 10 years ago I thought about suicide pretty much on a daily basis, but eventually found ways to improve my life - without seeking help from others. I've pretty much accepted to embrace my insanity and fallen "off the grid", so my advice probably is not what you're looking for.
Stay strong!
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speaking from personal experience:
stop treating your depression as evidence that there's something wrong with you; instead treat it for what it is: an illness.
if someone said "i have cancer", "i have the flu", "i have a condition", that person wouldn't start blaming himself/herself for it that person would go see a doctor and get treatment
would you tell that someone that they should be ashamed of taking medication if they had a physical illness? would you tell that someone that they should try and just get over it? would you tell that someone that there is something wrong with them for having a physical illness?
don't over think it and don't try and look for excuses to hate yourself: you're sick, nothing more, nothing less. that's it.
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On November 22 2014 08:00 felisconcolori wrote:Show nested quote +On November 22 2014 07:44 SetGuitarsToKill wrote: If go see a doctor and he/she says meds are the answer, I'm willing to try them, but I dont want them to be the first thing I try. Sometimes you need the meds to get back to a certain point. But I don't think meds alone are a proper course of treatment the majority of the time. + Show Spoiler +This is not medical advice, just an opinion.
Talking helps a bit, but didn't help much in my case because I already knew everything they could say to me, and I said that to myself already. Still helps a bit hearing it trough someone else's mouth.
But what really helped me were the meds. God that helped so quickly and soon I was happy like almost never before. It had its nasty side-effects (disorientation, made me stupid/zombie), but boy did it help. Imo, in my case, the most important thing is that they got my thought process/chemicals back in the right place (along with my efforts to he more happy/positive, but it's easy to do so because of the meds). After a while I got used to it, and it became a habit thinking in a positive way. Now I have no depression and I know I will never have it again unless I let it happen (or want it), I can feel what would lead me to it, and I know I can stop it from happening. To me, depression is like a habit/addiction.
I stopped taking the meds without consulting my doctor (still not sure if that was a good or bad idea; the doctors would say it's a very bad idea), because of the side-effects, as I had to use my brain because I'm studying physics. I first tried reducing the dosage and skipping a day or two and found it's ok. Then stopped completely and it was fine. GG depression/anxiety disorder/fucked up sleeping schedule.
I also had skin problems on my face, and that sucks a lot (other people don't even have an idea how much), especially with self-confidence. I couldn't even go out or look people in the eyes, and that makes the depression even worse, being home or feeling like that. Now it's ok, keeps getting back just a bit here and there, but it's nothing to worry about, and doesn't show much even if it does (and it goes away quickly).
Before I went to the doctor, I was thinking that I had to go, but could never make that move (hell, I avoid any doctors I can lol, because most are retarded and don't listen). I was lucky that I got forced to do it by some non-directly-related circumstances. You going on your own is awesome. It's actually not that hard once you do it.
Once I went trough all that, I found out some close and not so close friends had similar problems. There's many more people having problems with it than it seems, so don't worry, you're not the only one, and it does get better.
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