|
I missed all of Blizzcon this year. I didn’t catch one second of the games. I managed to watch jjakji get demolished by San the week before, but when Blizzcon week came, I was nowhere to be found. Someone messaged me inviting me to watch the games with some people in town, but instead I chose to miss it all. With hindsight I’m pretty pissed about that.
See a little over a month ago, a few days before my wife and my seventh wedding anniversary, she decided to ‘come clean’ and fess up that she has been cheating on me for the past three years (give or take) with a couple of guys. I’m a pretty smart guy (at least I think so), but I honestly had no idea. I had had suspicions in the past, but every time I got suspicious, I did something to try and validate her stories. They always checked out. Eventually I decided I was just being a paranoid lunatic and that I needed to trust my wife. Turns out I should have listened more closely to that gut of mine. Although, in fairness to myself, she is a damn good liar and sneak. Even now knowing what I should be looking for, I can find no evidence.
After the confession, I took off. I left town and took a vacation to try and get my act together. My life was devastated. I didn’t sleep. I barely ate and went on what is commonly referred to as the Infidelity Diet dropping fifteen pounds pretty quick. I wallowed in pain and despair. I was ready to give up.
I eventually had to come back home. At least I had the comfort of knowing that the house was free of any adultery since my wife had moved out a while back (for reasons that are oh so clear now but were confusing at the time). But being home was no comfort. I would turn on the TV and watch something, but I wasn’t watching. I didn’t see anything. I just wallowed. I tried to watch some SC2 games but I didn’t really watch – I just sat with my head in my hands. Days felt so long and time seemed to drag on forever. Being an emotional wreck and getting 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night is a downward spiral – and I was going face first down that spiral fast.
Eventually something had to break. I had to talk to my wife – and talk we did. We agreed to try and work on things as scary as that was. She told me how much she loved me, blah blah blah and I lapped it up like a fool with no self-respect wanting to believe in any glimmer of hope. And so we started working on things (or at least I started working on things) – at least for a couple weeks and then the divorce talk started. That was too much too soon for me. It was a second tonne of feces-laden bricks dumped on my already bruised body. In the face of impending divorce I did what every sucker does – barter and fight. I listened to all the excuses from my wife. I listened to how sorry she was. I listened to a giant pile of what sounded to me like reasons on why I wasn’t good enough. I wracked my brain coming up with every reason why I was a bad husband and apologizing for that and promising that our marriage would be better because I would make it better. I listened and accepted it, all the while everything inside of me just died a thousand deaths.
And so when Blizzcon rolled around and the tournament I had been looking forward to for the whole year was finally here, my passion for SC2 and everything else was dead. Instead, I was off chasing after my wife thinking somehow it would make a difference. We spent the weekend together just hanging out trying to rebuild a friendship and trust.
But of course this doesn’t end well for the marriage because it takes two people to make it work. Like most cheaters (I am coming to learn), there is a moment of remorse in confession/discovery and a desire to get back what you are losing in the marriage (that sweet sweet feeling of knowing that there is someone out there who will chase after you no matter what). But once you string along the other person for a while, it becomes boring again. And it becomes really painful to have to deal with what a crappy person you are. And what better way to get back to that awesome place of getting lauded with affirmation and praise than to kick the poor sucker when he is down with gentle talk of the possibility of divorce with a constant tiny sliver of hope. Just gentle enough and with just enough hope that he doesn’t flip out in anger and chase you away but instead holds on even tighter.
For the past two months I’ve been a sucker. Chasing something that isn’t worth being chased. Redoubling my efforts to fix my marriage and giving up all my hobbies and pass-times in the process. I’ve been strung along like a sad puppy who no matter how many times he gets kicked in the face, just keeps following his owner because he doesn’t know better.
Well, a few days ago things changed for me. Somehow my self-respect switch finally got flipped on. I’m finished putting up with other people’s garbage that they try and dump on me and then make me feel guilty about. I’m finished being treated like someone who got what they deserved. I’m finished making excuses for people and trying to explain away how they treat me as if it wasn’t their fault. I’m finished giving up everything I love for people who give nothing in return.
+ Show Spoiler +I'm a little bitter today, if that isn't obvious. But don’t get me wrong… I still want my marriage to work – but it isn’t up to me I’m not going to grovel and beg to get it back. Instead if she is interested in ‘trying’ again there are going to be some serious ground rules and concessions made by her before I’m willing to do anything. I’m not tolerating any more crap.
It’s time to focus on making sure that I am a better person out of all of this and that I can hold my head up high proud of who I am. Also, it’s time to try and rebuild my passions that I let die.
Sooo.. awkward transition after a giant wall of venting.... Two months out of SC2 and I feel a bit lost trying to find my way back in again… So how was Blizzcon? Did I miss anything good? 
|
Well first off: I'm so sorry to hear that man. That fucking sucks and I hope you continue to feel better and better in the future. I'm all ears if you need a random ass person to talk to about it.
As for your question: Blizzcon was pretty cool, a lot of bullshit downtime and server issues kind of spoiled the whole thing though. 1+ downtime at what is supposed to be the beacon of SC2 hope is embarrassing to say the least. But the games themselves were overall pretty good, a good number of upsets to keep it interesting and a finals no one predicted!
|
United States23455 Posts
jake <3
I'm so sorry to hear all of that and I truly hope things get better for you. You know I'm here mate. And yeah you missed something good at Blizzcon.
+ Show Spoiler +LEE SEUNG HYUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN <3
|
shit dude. i hope you can get back to what you enjoy doing.
IMO if you only watch one series from blizzcon, look for taeja vs life. probably the best i saw from the tournament.
|
Keep strong Jake ♥
LIFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
|
I think in these times it's important to find someone you trust. Go home to family or sit down with a friend.
|
Dude! Sorry to hear about your woes. Life's too short to spend with someone that doesn't care about you.
|
Canada8157 Posts
Holy fucking shit man, sorry to hear about this. I'm still here for a chat if you ever need it
And if you wanna hang out any time, I'm around, we can talk about all the SC2 and other stuff you want
sorry again man 
|
She waited for an anniversary to tell you?
Witch.
|
United Kingdom10443 Posts
Sorry to hear about your troubles man, but you are doing the right thing. Don't change yourself completely and grovel after the other person.
Be yourself , you sound like a good guy, Follow your passions, make time for your wife, obviously, but don't be wrapped around her finger.
|
Man, that sucks.
I'm glad you managed to find the self respect to say "You know, I'm not letting you do whatever any more".
It'll be tough and it'll suck, but as with Blizzcon, Life will find a way.
|
On November 20 2014 15:18 Gamegene wrote:
She waited for an anniversary to tell you?
Witch.
|
Thanks everyone for the kind words! If there is one thing I have realized in all this is it is that often times people who I have never met are so kind. So much kinder than the person who made vows to me, that is for sure.
On November 20 2014 06:43 SetGuitarsToKill wrote:
Well first off: I'm so sorry to hear that man. That fucking sucks and I hope you continue to feel better and better in the future. I'm all ears if you need a random ass person to talk to about it.
Thanks man! That means a lot. I really appreciate the sympathy and empathetic ear!
On November 20 2014 06:50 Darkhorse wrote:jake <3 I'm so sorry to hear all of that and I truly hope things get better for you. You know I'm here mate. And yeah you missed something good at Blizzcon. + Show Spoiler +LEE SEUNG HYUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN <3
darkhorse! <3 I missed the LRSL Blizzcon thing while I was away and it made me miss the fun we had with the last LRSL drinking and hanging out on skype casting games, and watching shellshock cannon rush non-existing bases. Hopefully we can revive some of that
On November 20 2014 09:53 Jer99 wrote:Holy fucking shit man, sorry to hear about this. I'm still here for a chat if you ever need it And if you wanna hang out any time, I'm around, we can talk about all the SC2 and other stuff you want sorry again man
Thanks Jer! I should take you up on that offer. I need to get out and do something fun. I'll text you and we can figure out something. thanks man!
|
Yikes!
Having recently had my 1st year anniversarry that's a scary read. I think what you're going through would probably tear me apart and scatter me to the winds. I'm glad you're starting to peice yourself back together again
Having depression turns you off all your interests, even self preservation like basic animal needs such as sleep and food (even SC2! *gasp!*). Science has shown that it can even effect the bodies ability to detect contrasts in colour, so you litterally see the world in greyer tones. If you can consciously go through the motions and take good care of yourself with respect to sleep food and excercise things will go a lot better.
Everyone has faults, some people even have major faults, but this fualt wasn't your fualt.
|
On November 20 2014 22:30 turtles wrote:Yikes! Having recently had my 1st year anniversarry that's a scary read. I think what you're going through would probably tear me apart and scatter me to the winds. I'm glad you're starting to peice yourself back together again
To be honest, I thought this was going to destroy me too - but at some point when we are really down and out I think we are able to discover that we are so much tougher than we give ourselves credit for.
Everyone has faults, some people even have major faults, but this fualt wasn't your fualt.
Thanks for that reminder. I've written something down very similar and read it every day to remind myself of that.
|
United Kingdom31935 Posts
Holy shit, I was wondering where you werr all this time D: fuck man my condolences. Don't let this get you down though! You seem like a pretty cool guy in lrs!
|
TLADT24920 Posts
That's a pretty rough story though I think you made the right call this time. Your dignity is important especially considering who was doing what. Either way, hang in there and keep fighting! I doubt SCII will ever run away if you ever need another small break lol (and neither will BW *hint*) Best of luck!
|
United States23455 Posts
On November 21 2014 08:16 GumBa wrote:
Holy shit, I was wondering where you werr all this time D: fuck man my condolences. Don't let this get you down though! You seem like a pretty cool guy in lrs!
Speaking of people who disappeared
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
