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The Calm Before the Storm

Blogs > Zealously
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Zealously
Profile Blog Joined October 2011
East Gorteau22261 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-11-18 01:39:13
November 18 2014 01:37 GMT
#1
Explaining competitive instinct to someone that does not have one is as difficult as explaining a color to a blind person. Throughout my competitive career (11 years long next week), I have always to some extent been defined by a desire to improve and to win rather than having fun. This isn't to say that fun doesn't interest me - anyone who knows you will tell you that I love having fun even in the most unsuitable situations - but I definitely have a drive fuelled by the competition (both the victories and the agonizing defeats) more so than just the simple joy of participation.

In a little more than 24 hours, I'll swim my first race at this year's short course national championship. I will do so after a year of character-defining tragedies and personal achievements. I don't talk about it much for fear of burdening others with my problems, but this year has at different points been both the most horrible and chaotic time in my life and the first time I've fekt like I've accomplished something meaningful and palpable. This place has helped me in many ways, by providing an outlet for my writing and my emotions, for offering a place for me to talk to people I wouldn't otherwise have met or known about things we all love, and for giving me a chance to pay that back by burying myself in absurd loads of work. Frustrating, fun, nauseating, exciting.

But on the note of competition, it's hard to explain why I would willingly sign up for the full gauntlet of the most demanding races in swimming after months of periodically debilitating spinal issues and therefore sub-par training. It doesn't make much sense to be excited at the prospect of performing no better than I've deserved, far below what I want, but that is still so. There's a quiet and profound sense of excitement, of expectation, that fuels me. This will be my first national championship swam with no expectations placed upon me and no requirements set rather than my self-imposed law of always doing everything that can be done.

Paradoxically, the void of expectation tells me that I could not have been given a better opportunity. If I crash and burn then I will have lost, undoubtedly, but I will not be hounded by disappointment or haunted by broken dreams. There are no demands, no set criteria I have to meet. This gives me freedom, the perfect stage for surpassing reasonable boundaries. Obstacles - be they the death of a friend or a challenge within sport - are things to be overcome. Steps to climb on the infinite stairway that life can feel like, a constant struggle upwards. I have faced these challenges head-on all year, and what better time to do it again than now?




On a more emotional note, thank you. If you read this or have read anything else I've written this year, if you've said a kind word, id you've offered advice, if you've cheered loudly alongside me, thank you.

Zeyna, this is for you.

****
AdministratorBreak the chains
SetGuitarsToKill
Profile Blog Joined December 2013
Canada28396 Posts
November 18 2014 01:55 GMT
#2
All I can say is Good Luck dude! Just do your best, that's all anyone can ask for. I hope you far excede your expecations.
Community News"As long as you have a warp prism you can't be bad at harassment" - Maru | @SetGuitars2Kill
Danglars
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
United States12133 Posts
November 18 2014 02:03 GMT
#3
Best of luck! Challenge brings out the raw animal in us competitive spirit types. Keep finding them.
Great armies come from happy zealots, and happy zealots come from California!
TL+ Member
BigFan
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
TLADT24920 Posts
November 18 2014 02:28 GMT
#4
Good writing. As mentioned, this is what freedom is and this is when you can excel. With no boundaries for you due to the various reasons you listed, going further than your own expectations will bring much joy. Best of luck!
Former BW EiC"Watch Bakemonogatari or I will kill you." -Toad, April 18th, 2017
lichter
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
November 18 2014 02:35 GMT
#5
dont drown pls
AdministratorYOU MUST HEED MY INSTRUCTIONS TAKE OFF YOUR THIIIINGS
Just_a_Moth
Profile Joined March 2012
Canada1948 Posts
November 18 2014 02:55 GMT
#6
On November 18 2014 11:35 lichter wrote:
dont drown pls

I think that one of the requirements for this sort of competition is to be able to swim. So, he should be okay.
[UoN]Sentinel
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
United States11320 Posts
November 18 2014 02:56 GMT
#7
Best of luck!
Нас зовет дух отцов, память старых бойцов, дух Москвы и твердыня Полтавы
shiroiusagi
Profile Blog Joined September 2011
SoCal, USA3955 Posts
November 18 2014 02:59 GMT
#8
Good luck Zeal!
Graphics@shiroiusagi_ | shiroiusagi.net
Kronen
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
United States732 Posts
November 18 2014 03:00 GMT
#9
Good luck dude!!! There's no competition but against yourself, constantly improving your own boundaries. I loved reading your blog and will keep my eye out for future entries. Keep up the good work!!
JamesT
Profile Blog Joined October 2014
United States681 Posts
November 18 2014 03:43 GMT
#10
As a fellow swimmer myself, I wish upon you the best of luck.
How are you doing today?
TelecoM
Profile Blog Joined January 2010
United States10668 Posts
November 18 2014 03:49 GMT
#11
Nice writeup, hope it goes well ! Swarm forest swim!
AKA: TelecoM[WHITE] Protoss fighting
Liquid`Nazgul
Profile Blog Joined September 2002
22427 Posts
November 18 2014 04:06 GMT
#12
Best of luck
Administrator
WinterWoes
Profile Joined July 2012
Australia450 Posts
November 18 2014 04:48 GMT
#13
Good luck!
Moderator
Krystal
Profile Joined April 2012
New Zealand67 Posts
November 18 2014 05:59 GMT
#14
This blog is fantastic... But it is even better if you read it while listening to 'Eye of the Tiger,' just saying...
"There are two things in life: Things I understand and Things Wizards must have done."
CosmicSpiral
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States15275 Posts
November 18 2014 06:02 GMT
#15
Kick some ass for us.
WriterWovon man nicht sprechen kann, darüber muß man schweigen.
OtherWorld
Profile Blog Joined October 2013
France17333 Posts
November 18 2014 06:39 GMT
#16
Good luck (:
Used Sigs - New Sigs - Cheap Sigs - Buy the Best Cheap Sig near You at www.cheapsigforsale.com
peanuts
Profile Blog Joined May 2012
United States1225 Posts
November 18 2014 06:54 GMT
#17
Already messaged you to tell you, but good luck! You can do this man. We're all pulling for ya. :D
Writer"My greatest skill is my enjoyment of the game" - Grubby | @TL_Peanuts
TheEmulator
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
28087 Posts
November 18 2014 07:05 GMT
#18
As an ex-college level athlete as well I can understand your competitive nature

GL with your race. Hopefully you are happy with your performance!

Administrator
The_Templar
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
your Country52797 Posts
November 18 2014 07:35 GMT
#19
Good luck Zealously!
Moderatorshe/her
TL+ Member
Olli
Profile Blog Joined February 2012
Austria24417 Posts
November 18 2014 07:53 GMT
#20
I'll be disappointed if you don't give a shoutout to TL in your victory speech
Administrator"Declaring anything a disaster because aLive popped up out of nowhere is just downright silly."
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